Silvialogy 4x08

LHDP 4x07

By Dr. Pied Piper
(with translations and smart ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer)

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post)

Sara is doing the opening monologue and she updates us on a lot of the characters: Paco and Lola are very happy, Mariano is back to normal, Aitor is pining for Carlota, Pove is doting on Sabinica, Montoya has finished rehab, and she's started police training.

The episode opens with the newbies at the shooting gallery. DL, who happens to be there, does an impromptu Q&A then displays his Pepa-like target shooting precision. Sara gets to shoot and she does relatively okay, to the chagrin of Paco who's watching the excited recruits. Paco asks Curtis for a favor to bring Sarita into one of their ops and try to dissuade her from her police ambitions. Aitor and Carlota are on their way to coupledom.

At the comisaria, DL is giving the briefing on the El Kaiser case.

Lucas: I know nothing! I know absolutely nothing! I’ve been an infiltrator for six months and I still know nothing! Salazar does not trust me! He hasn’t even taken me to the truck again! Nothing! I’m the fucking delivery boy!! Nothing else.
Paco: Calm down, fuck, Lucas. Maybe in between deliveries some information slips out…
Lucas: What fucking information!! Let’s see… This morning I had to take a box to a square. What fucking information am I supposed to get from that, bollocks!!
Paco: Calm down, dude.
Aitor: Why don’t we go and arrest them already?
Lucas: Exactly!

Aitor: Fuck, Salazar killed a man and broke out of prison. Do we have enough reasons to prosecute him? [Translator's note: “empapelar” is a colloquial expression meaning to prosecute/arrest. It literally means “to fill with papers” or “to wrap”]

Don Lorenzo: We have to wait, for the time being.
Lucas: [getting really worked up] Wait? Wait for what? For what? For the moment I get shot when they find out I’m a cop? Or for the moment I have to shoot a colleague?
Mariano: Lucas is right, Don Lorenzo, what the hell are we waiting for? There is no messing with that people [Translator's note: The literal phrase in Spanish is “they don’t walk about with little ladies” – I always found that hilarious as hell!] They shoot you first and ask questions later.
Silvia: It’s an unnecessary risk. We have to end this now!!
Aitor: Listen to me, Don Lorenzo, can you not see it? Can you not see that they are laughing at our fucking faces?
Don Lorenzo: Let’s see, how the hell [Translator's note: Literally, cojones] the intern tells the Captain how to run a precinct? Sit down. Well, gentlemen, listen to me. Salazar is not our objective.
Lucas: How?
Mariano: What?

Don Lorenzo: He is not the one in charge. There’s another name, some Kaiser person. The Interpol has been after him for over 5 years. They think he’s about to manage to produce fake Euros impossible to detect. (Piper's sarcasm: Impossible to detect?  Not unless they take control of the mint!  Either that or the EU needs to improve the quality of its currency!  So "impossible to detect" is simply an impossible proposition)
Lucas: You knew about that?
Paco: Me? No… I…
Don Lorenzo: If the Kaiser manages to produce this sort of Euro notes and puts billions of fake Euros in the market (Piper's snark: And how would they do that without tipping suspicions?) do you know what that would mean? There would be too much money, prices would sky rocket, and the Euro would lose all its value. All stock markets would sink, people would not be able to buy a bread stick for less than 50 Euros, shops would close down, one by one. There would be general riots, demonstrations, half of the European governments would fall, people would not be able to eat, the chaos would be unleashed [Translator's comment: It paints quite a picture and it’s not too far from reality! Tsk!] That’s why we can’t arrest them now, Salazar is not our objective. Our objective is to keep an eye on the Kaiser. The IT unit has already prepared the virus…

Povedilla: [picking up the phone] I’m not available [Translator's reaction: literally “I can’t right now”], I’m on a meeting.

Don Lorenzo: The virus has a mechanism that only gets activated when is run twice, understood? When they contact Povedilla…
Povedilla: Fuck, fuck, fuck, they called me…
Don Lorenzo: What the cojones is wrong with you, Povedilla?
Povedilla: It’s… I think… I think they have contacted me, Don Lorenzo.
Don Lorenzo: When did they contact you?
Povedilla: Right now.
Don Lorenzo: And what did they say?
Povedilla: I don’t know cause I hung up on him [Translator's reaction: huahuahuahuahua!!!]
Paco: How the cojones did you hung up, Povedilla?
Povedilla: Well, because the Captain was speaking and he was giving an important explanation and I was not just gonna start talking with… [phone rings]. Unknown number, calling…
Paco:  Pick up, pick up!!
Povedilla: Can I not speak privately? Maybe they hear the background precinct mumble…
Don Lorenzo: Shuuuut uuuup!!! Cojones!!! Pick up, Povedilla.

Povedilla: Hi, good morning, the super hacker speaking.
Kaiser: Do you have the virus?
Povedilla: Of course, of course I have it, and I have it perfect.
Kaiser: Plaza Dos de Mayo, one PM. You’ll receive further instructions.
Lucas: What, for fuck’s sake, what?
Povedilla: They said Plaza Dos de Mayo. One PM.
Don Lorenzo: Paco, Paco… We need to organize the mission. Mariano […]
Lucas: Excuse me, excuse me, Don Lorenzo. The box I delivered this morning… I delivered it to Plaza Dos de Mayo.
Don Lorenzo: What was in the box?
Lucas: I have no fucking clue.
Mariano: Fuck’s sake, man!

A little side note: Plaza Dos de Mayo is in the Fuencarral district in Madrid, not too far from where MA lives / used to live.

Povedilla shows up at the appointed time and place while Paco and Mariano, undercover as street cleaners, shadow him.  El Kaiser calls Pove, tells him to pick up a box in a corner of the square, and directs him to wear whatever is inside.  It's a dinosaur with a big red tongue costume, which looks surprisingly like my dog's Halloween costume from 2 years ago. Pove puts it on. Dumb and Dumber are in the surveillance van watching and laughing their asses off.

At Cachis, Lola is deep in reverie thinking about the newest cop wannabe in her life.

Julián: Good morning, Lola. Where do you want me to leave this?
Lola: Over there, Julián.
Julían: I brought you sobrasada ibérica [Translator's tip: It’s some sort of paté – too difficult to explain. Since it’s Ibérica I guess it contains ham]. Really mouth-watering [Translator's pervy note: Expression in Spanish means literally “to lick your fingers afterwards”… think whatever you please HAHA].
Lola: Thanks, see you later.

Silvia: Hi!... Attention, please, all units – a Castro with problems behind the bar. What’s the matter, little sister?
Lola: Everything’s the matter, Silvia. The matter is that I can’t take Sara off my head. She’s a nutter and when she starts patrolling the streets she’s gonna be on the front line and without a vest.
Silvia: Lola, but it’s what she decided, isn’t it? What do you want?
Lola: Well, I want to sleep at night, you know? Sara is cut from the same cloth as Lucas, but she is not Lucas, Silvia.

Sara gallops into Cachis holding her target sheet to show off to her mother.

Sara: So, do I have a good aim or what? What do you think?
Lola: Well, very bad! Let’s see, where do you have to aim to? To vital organs: head, chest and heart. But, what do they teach you in the police academy?
Sara: You are right, sir. It won’t happen again, sir. Next time, they won’t escape alive, sir.
Silvia: Try to talk to her. You can’t just be fake-laughing all day and encouraging her. If you don’t want her to be a policewoman, tell her.

Rest of the episode: Pove changes into the dinousaur with big red tongue costume while Quique and Curtis are laughing like dumb 12-year olds.  And then a whole crowd of people wearing the same outfit spill into the square and they lose Pove, who is met and led away by Filet Mignon.  Paco leaves Pepa a voice mail.

Sara is still trying to rebound from Lucas by flirting again with Aitor, but for once, he's smart and says that they should just start again as friends because he's now in like with Carlota. Montoya shows DL the file of Julio Olmedo who was an associate of Salazar.  Dumb and Dumber bring Sara into the surveillance van (per Paco's request), and they then leave her alone. ALONE!!!??  She sees a shadow and acts on her police instinct and draws a gun - at her MOTHER???!! Lola brings her some Burger King.  Sweet mother-daughter talk.  When Dumb and Dumber come back, they tell Sara horror stories of their surveillance missions, hoping to discourage her from pursuing a career in the force.  Knowing these two, we can probably safely assume that there are more horror stories than good ones. When the horror storytelling tactic doesn't work, they go to the lab and make Sara work on a corpse.  After initial hesitation, Sara's cop DNA kicks in and she starts flirting with the corpse. (Piper's sarcasm: How can anyone just go into the lab and dissect the cadaver without Silvia's permission?)

Allison Morris calls Lucas to meet up.  Paco and Mariano, as his backups, trail him on his way to the rendezvouz place, so he requests the last sacrament to prepare to meet his Maker.  Not really, but I would if I were he since my probability of ending up dead is pretty high when Paco and Mariano are involved. Salazar and company meet up with Lucas and they ride on fully blinged Kaiser lorry where they ask Pove to deploy the virus.  And then Allison's phone rings, she looks and tells Salazar "It's El Kaiser", dials a number, gives it to Salazar who talks to El Kaiser (!?) who instructs them to kill Pove as soon as the virus is uploaded.  Piper's confused: How can Allison be El Kaiser when she's right there while Salazar talks to the Boss?  Doesn't make sense!  In this episode, the speculation (from the Spanish board) that Pepa was El Kaiser seems to make sense.

Paco calls for backup and the worst backup group in the history of backup groups answers the call: Quique, Curtis, Aitor, Sara, and Rita. While waiting for directives from Paco, they manage to smoke themselves out of the surveillance van because Curtis accidentally pulls the pin from one of the smoke bombs.  Filet Mignon is about to shoot Pove on the head when they notice Paco's backup team scurrying to get out out of their vehicle.  Shootout ensues.  Lucas shoots Dumb and Dumber but aims for their bullet proof vests, and the Kaiser gang manages to escape.  Suffering from smoke inhalation of their own making, the Pacos go back to the comisaria with their tails between their legs.  Paco takes the brunt for the failed mission.  I would have fired Curtis (and his 'do) right there and then.

Lucas is tasked by Allison to kill Pove, so he counts to ten while Pove runs before he shoots him.  Allison wants to make sure Pove is dead and is about to pump more bullets into his skull when Lucas kisses her guerilla-style so she can be a lover and not a fighter.  At the precinct, Sara is doing the ending monologue and I don't really care what the fuck she's saying but it seems she's going to stick it out and become a cop.

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Piper's commentary:
If you ever have any doubt about how bad this show really is, search no further - this one ranks high up there. Its lame attempts at humor were simply pathetic, infuriating, and plain stupid (e.g., Curtis pulling the pin on the smoke grenade by mistake, Quique pretending to be a corpse to scare Sara.  Pove the one funny exception).  The El Kaiser threat to the economy is just so far-fetched and unrealistic.  How can a gang operating out of a tricked out truck while producing fake Euros wreck havoc on a macro scale? It is just not possible.  Market forces and economic laws are self-correcting and will not permit fake currencies to throw it off-balance.  Sure, there would be repercussions, probably a slight inflation, but definitely not to the point of widespread riots and unstable trading markets!  Case in point: how can you move large amounts of fake currencies without tipping anyone?  You cannot even launder those fake currencies because banks authenticate all hard currencies coming in.  Heck, even real money acquired illegally are not easily laundered! I know that TV shows claim artistic liberty, but this one was simply dumb. 

The bumbling cop routine is not funny anymore - not when lives are at stake. And the biggest travesty of all: SILVIA ONLY HAS FOUR LINES! Fuck you, Alex Tiny Penis Pina!!!