Showing posts with label Silvialogy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Silvialogy. Show all posts

Silvialogy 2x02

LHDP 2x02

Before Deker, before Damian, before ATPP® lost his 2 remaining brain cells...

Remember when LHDP was sweet and funny?  And remember when Silvia, with all her quirks and insecurities, lit up our computer screens and TVs?  This is one of those episodes, and it's nice to be reminded why we are still here, keeping the faith. 

This lecture only focuses on the Silvia scenes because we really don't care what was happening to the rest of the episode. 


At Los Cachis (yes, that place, which was once the hub of the show and not run over by shameless product tie-ins and extremely annoying newbies), Silvia was looking at a bridal magazine and planning her wedding to Marquez.
Silvia: I’m telling you it’s easier to coordinate a mission with the Blue Beret, the GEOs [SWAT] and the Guardia Civil than to organize my wedding. So much stress!
Lola: But I said that I was helping you, that I’m really excited about it. Look at this bouquet, for example. It’s so beautiful.
Rita: Yeah but look at that one.

Over at one of the tables, Quique and Curtis are talking to Pove about his sex life and his lack of expertise.  
Quique: And you, Povedilla? When are you gonna walk down the aisle with your girlfriend from Palencia?
Povedilla: We’re not in a hurry, we’ve been going out for only seven years
(Translator's juvenile reaction: LOL!!!)
Curtis: But, well, at least she already let you try her? (I know it sounds creepy, but Curtis’ line is too)
Povedilla: That is a personal, intimate thing, and I don’t like to talk about it.
Quique: So the answer is no.
Curtis: So, til your wedding day, nothing at all, right? She didn’t even let you touch her a boob, Povedilla (The tetilla-Povedilla rhyme makes it funnier)
Povedilla: She did let me touch her breasts. And we have indeed had sexual intercourse. Of course, safe and very caring sexual intercourse. And respectful.
Curtis: So with all due respects, how is she in bed?
Quique: Is she the kind that yells the hell out of her so they can hear her even in the cathedral (of Palencia)?
Povedilla: She’s more discreet. Rather silent.
Quique: Of course, given she’s from Palencia, she enjoys but on the inside (Again, not much sense from Quique either), doesn’t she?
Curtis: Uy, uy, uy, uy… I think you don’t satisfy her. When a woman is silent, what does she do? She breathes through her nose. And if she breathes thru her nose, she’s not having any pleasure. She’s not having an orgasm. And I'm not the only one saying this, it’s scientifically proven!

Lucas walk in and looks at what Silvia is reading before he sits with the Junk Patrol.
Lucas: Hi!
Curtis: Let’s ask the master!
Lucas (to Lola): I think a thistle bouquet would make her look gorgeous. (Thistles have negative connotations – plus it’s a colloquial synonym for an ugly person, “un cardo”)
Curtis: Lucas.
Lucas: What?
Curtis: Come sit down here. Our friend Povedilla has a big sex problem. It turns out his girlfriend has silent orgasms and he doesn’t know if they are orgasms or just tiny pleasure, or she's only getting tickled.
Povedilla: I don’t consider it to be a huge problem. Just a tiny doubt, that’s it.
Lucas: I think that, silent or not, one knows when a chick is enjoying it. Because one knows, I think.
Curtis: Well, yeah, but there are some that fake so artistically that they could be the next Lola Flores!
Lucas: I don’t know what to tell you, Curtis. Let’s see, if that had ever happened to me, if it ever happened to me, I think I would have noticed it, man!

Silvia overhears this and has to have a dig at Lucas.
Silvia: He says he would have noticed it! Poor you!
Lucas: Poor me? One knows when a chick is enjoying, you know, you can feel it, you know when she’s faking it. Fuck, you have her right there on your face, she’s breathing on you.

Silvia starts moaning and faking orgasm.

Silvia: Does that sound familiar?

Of course we know this is a homage to Meg Ryan's orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally and ATPP® has been shamelessly ripping off other shows even before Season 9.  But this is a justifiable rip-off and par for the course for Silvia. 


Also, Lola's face is priceless.

We miss you, Lola!!!!!!

Silvia is at the lab listening to her voicemail - it's Marquez counting the seconds to their wedding.  *Barf*  Lucas and Mariano walk in.
Silvia: What are you doing here?
Lucas: Nothing.
Mariano: I was already leaving.

Lucas: Nothing, just here.
Silvia: Well, the kids are coming now, I’m going to show them around.
Lucas: Really?
Silvia: May I?
Lucas: Sure, this is your place. You’re gonna show them around. What else are you gonna show them? How to fake orgasms, maybe?
Silvia: I guess it’s not nice, no? For a machito ibérico… to know that a woman he’s been with faked her orgasms.
Lucas: Well, if it was true… But well, you don’t think I bought it, do you?
Silvia: No, not at all… Aw, you’re so cute when you have doubts about yourself!
Lucas: You’re so cute some times as well, you know? How was it, wait, a couple of days ago? “If we die, I want you to know that I love you”…
Silvia: And you bought that one? Nothing, things that are said in the heat of the moment.
Lucas: You sure?
Silvia: We were about to die.
Mariano (ushering in Silvia's tour group): They’re here

Later that night, the Familia is at Lola's and Paco's, along with Lucas and Mariano. Lucas is still miffed that he was not the sex machine that he thought he was.
Paco: For God’s sake, what do you want? For me to be complimenting all women in the force?
Lola: No, but something nice: “How beautiful you look today”, “You look good on a uniform”…
Silvia: Hi!
Lola: Hi everyone. You heard? She's getting married again!
Don Lorenzo: Let’s see if you’re luckier with this wedding, daughter, because you have such a history…
Silvia: Dad, I would have to marry Pocholo for it to be worse!! (Pocholo is a famous weird dude in Spanish TV, always high on hard drugs, aggressive and with a very particular way of doing things – he’s very controversial just the way he is, but furthermore, he’s quite rich and he’s General Franco’s grandson. A character!)
Lucas: Don’t let anyone fool you, Don Lorenzo. Some things are not the way they seem.
Don Lorenzo: Excuse me?
Silvia: Don’t listen to him.
Lucas: Don’t try to pretend, Silvia. One begins faking orgasms and ends up faking weddings, christenings and funerals. Hummm, this looks so yummy…
Don Lorenzo: Of course, daughter, you had to marry the scum of the brigade.
Wisely, Silvia and DL ignore Lucas being an ass. It doesn't mean Silvia is not miffed or anything.

Nice 'tache, DL!!!

Paco and Lucas are at Los Cachis talking about something we absolutely do not care about.  Silvia comes in and approaches them.  Told you, she's still very pissed.
Lucas: Well, now all we have to do is find a way for them not to find out that the tapes are missing.
Paco: Watch out.
Lucas: What? What happens?
Silvia: And you, why the hell did you have to bring up the fake-orgasms thing in front of my father? Such a fucking big mouth you have!
Lucas: Let’s see, Silvia, what’s bothering you really? The fact that your father finds out that you fake orgasms, or the fact that you are faking your wedding?
Silvia: You’re such an idiot! You idiot!
Lucas (ironically): Guapa!

Later on, Lucas is all mopey and teary-eyed about something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Silvia. But Silvia sees him and of course, she's all caring.
Silvia: Lucas, are you all right?
Lucas: Yes, I’m fine.
Silvia: What’s wrong?
Lucas: Nothing. I’m leaving, I’m moving out. Nothing, just my stuff.
Silvia: Hey, I didn’t know you felt like that. Pff, I’m so sorry I have been so harsh with you these days. 
Lucas: And I’m sorry you married the worst man. And that you had to fake orgasms.
Silvia: Well, I didn’t fake them all.
Lucas: You didn’t? I think I can figure out which ones you faked.
Silvia: You do?
Lucas: Yep, I think I know which ones.
Silvia: Okay, let’s see if you get them right.
Lucas: In Cádiz? For example, in that tiny hotel? On the window sill, with the lighthouse in the view… and we tore the curtains all yelling?
Silvia: No, maybe I didn’t fake that one.
Lucas: You didn’t’? And… on the plane? With the turbulence, in the toilet of the plane, where we also broke the thingy for the napkins, that stuff?
Silvia: Neither that one. 
Lucas: No that one?
Silvia: And neither the one at Marta’s party.
Lucas: Not that one?.
Silvia: Not that one.
Lucas: On top of all the coats, with that mobile phone ringing.
Silvia: You were wearing the green shirt I gave you, remember?
Lucas: Yes.
Silvia: That day you told me you loved me.
Lucas: That day I asked you to marry me.
And they kissed, and of course, after talking about the best fucks they've ever had, they want to relive it.  So they end up in bed.  Wow, Silvia and Lucas are members of the Mile High Club!!!


Piper's commentary:
Yes, ATPP® fucked up the show, we just don't know yet how much.  And just when we are on the verge of taking a plane to Spain (oooh, that rhymes!) to personally kick his cojones, this is one of the episodes that can make us put the passport back into the dresser.

If you ever need to get a glimpse of the depth of Silvia and Lucas' love for each other, just watch this one. And I'm not talking about romantic love; they really DID love and care for each other in their own way.  They just couldn't be together.  Some people are really better off as friends and it doesn't discount their love any less.  So when Lucas showed up at the wedding from hell, we understand why. 

Licas came home not only because his adulterous wife needed to be slapped repeatedly, but because he really wanted to be there for Silvia.  He really wanted to see her happy, and he really was happy for her.  When Lucas walked in, the first word he uttered was "Pelirroja", and I don't know about you, but for me, that was a magical moment.  Because these 2, whose relationship was DOA even before the show began, have come a long way.  Lucas came home to see Silvia, finally happy, finally free from the past.  (Yeah, yeah, too bad she died shortly after)


So enjoy the quirkiness that was LHDP, drool at the loveliness that was Silvia.  If you feel like throwing a soda can at your computer screen after watching the clusterfuck the show has become, watch this episode, watch a few earlier episodes.  You might just fall in love all over again.

Special Lecture: Silvialogy 1x03

LHDP 1x03
La Mentira (The Lie)

By Drs. Pied Piper and Bekelauer

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post. The screencaps are purely blog candy and may or may not correspond to the narrative)

In lieu of my first girl kiss lecture, I'm posting this episode where Silvia's character made its maiden LHDP appearance. Trust me, this is much more interesting than that story. We didn't really bother with the rest of the story lines, so shoot us.  Also, Sivia looks gorgeous in red.
 

Everyone is in the briefing room wearing their formal police blues. Don Lorenzo is at the podium. Lucas and Mariano are snickering like little girls.
DL: We are very proud to finally inaugurate our own scientific unit, with one of the most modern equipments in ballistics, DNA testing and autopsies, which will allow us to be much more efficient in fighting…
Lucas: Let’s see who’s the cocksucker they send us.
Don Lorenzo: This unit will be run by Inspector Silvia Castro León
Lucas: Fuck’s sake!

The heavens parted and out walks Her Hotness wearing her oversized uniform. She throws The Look at Lucas, kinda like saying, "I'm here, so suck it".


Later on, the Pacos are mingling when in walks Silvia. We see the dynamics between her and Lucas.
Mariano: Laugh…
Paco: Congratulations, Silvia.
Silvia: Thanks, Paco.
Paco: I had no idea.
Silvia: I wanted it to be a surprise. [Turns to give Mariano a hug] What’s up, Mariano?
Mariano: Hello.
Silvia: How you doing?
Mariano: Well, you can see.
Silvia: Yeah, I see. [Turns to face Lucas]  Hi Lucas.
Lucas: Hi Silvia.

Paco wants to give the 2 exes some space so he nudges a very dense Mariano.
Paco: Mariano, are you hungry?
Mariano: No…
Paco: Mariano…
Mariano: Oh, fuck, yeah, I’m starving… Let’s go.
Silvia: How you doing?
Lucas: Fine, fine, fine, I’m doing fine. You?
Silvia: Brilliant. After the divorce everything went better. Much, much better.
Lucas: Of course, it couldn’t get any worse. But you know, you get divorced and that’s what happens: you lose the house, the coffeemaker, the sofa… But you know what they say, freedom is expensive.
Silvia: For me, the expensive thing was the therapy to get over it.
Lucas: Sure. And you’re still… in our… in the house?
Silvia: Yes, I’m still in the house. I burned down the bed and bought a new one, but I’m still there.
Lucas: It’s a pity eh? It was a very comfy bed.
Silvia: For a fact. You and your little friend loved it.
Lucas: Well, thanks to my little friend something interesting happened on that bed.
Quique: Excuse me, Doctor Castro, we just got a call. They found a dead man, there’s something weird about it…
Silvia: Okay, I'm going to change and… we’re gonna get started.

Is it I, or is Lucas a little bitter about the divorce? Remember, he got a jillion pesetas from his father when he got married, so he's not exactly broke. Asswipe!

Silvia's oversized vest

Silvia's first case as Medical Examiner is conveniently located in the same complex where Lola, Paco, and Bernarda live.
Silvia: Who found the body?
Quique: His son. He saw his dad had not opened the newsstand. He came to the house and found him… stiff.
Silvia: Are you all right, Gallardo?
Quique: Yes, it’s just psoriasis, I get ulcers and eczema and I’m allergic to antihistamine drugs… Doctor, the raised periscope [he’s referring to the corpse’s erect penis], is it normal?
Silvia: Yeah, it happens sometimes. It’s normal.

The nosy neighbors arrive to see what's going on. Wait, those nosy neighbors are actually Lola, Concha, and Bernarda.
Lola: Hey, sister… Silvia. Tss, Silvia. What happened? Did he die or they killed him?
Silvia: It doesn’t really look like they killed him. I think he had a heart attack after having sexual intercourse. His heart could not take it and he did not make it.
Lola: Have you seen Lucas?
Silvia: Yes, I’ll tell you later.

Nice to have your sister's flat next to the crime scene so you can always drop by.
Sara: Silvia!
Silvia: Hi!
Sara: Hey, what are you doing here? The whole family together! Did they take away the stiff? Hey, what was it? A murder?
Silvia: Hey, you’re far too interested! Well, it could be a negligent homicide or an accident. But the thing is that there was somebody else in the house, and that might imply a charge of non-assistance to a person in danger.
Sara: I’m sure you’ll find out, you’re the best.
Silvia: Of course.
Lola: Go and get your aunt a coffee.
Sara: Okay. Hey… what about your boyfriend? When are we gonna meet him?
Silvia: When are we gonna meet yours?

After Sara leaves, Lola proceeds to give her sister the 3rd degree.
Lola: So… How was your day?
Silvia: Fine.
Lola: How was it with Lucas?
Silvia: With Lucas, fine. As usual.
Lola: So, not fine. It’s just… Who the hell would think of going to work to the same precinct as him? You’re putting your head in the lion’s mouth, Silvia. You’ll see.
Silvia: Look, Lola, I’ve been in therapy for a year, and I’m telling you that I couldn’t care less about Lucas’ life [Translator's note: Literally “resbalar” means “to slip” – kinda like “Lucas’ life slips through me”, literally]. Yeah, even if he’s with someone, because he is, isn’t he? [Translator's comment: This is the same tone and question she uses with Pepa when they broke up!!]
Sara (with cup of coffee): No!

[phone rings]

Silvia: Hello? Dad? But are they all right? Cool, I’ll be right there.
Lola: Hey, did something happen to Paco?
Silvia: They have been assaulted, but they’re fine. I’ll call you when I’m there. Don’t you worry, Lola!

Silvia and Gonzalo are at the accident scene with Paco, Lucas, and Mariano. Actually, it wasn't an accident as much as the 3 of them beating each other up over what to do with the bars of cocaine they confiscated.
Silvia: Are you all right?
Paco: Yes, yes we are.
Silvia: Have they examined you?
Mariano: Who? [Translator's note: This plays with the double meaning of the verb “reconocer”, that can be either “to examine (a patient)” or “to recognize (a corpse, a murderer, etc)”]
Silvia: The nurse.
Lucas: We’re pure dead fucking brilliant [Translator's reaction: I couldn’t help it haha!]. Thanks for asking.
Paco: It’s just… everything happened so fast, you know? And violently, violently…
Silvia: Well, with the amount of bullet shells around it’s a miracle you’re still alive.
Lucas: So we are.
Montoya: Go get a patrol car and go get some rest. We’ll go through it tomorrow.
Lucas: Okay.
Paco: Okay, okay.

They come home to Lola's and Paco's for dinner. Silvia's new boyfriend, Márquez, is also there to meet the family.
Lola: For the love of God, what the hell happened to you? I was worried the whole afternoon. Are you all right, honey? Does it hurt, sweetie?
Paco: No, it doesn’t hurt, honey. Only if I wink at you, babe.
Lola: Eh, eh, eh… this is Márquez. Silvia’s boyfriend.
Márquez: Hi!
Paco: Hello.
Lola: Eh, Paco, Paco, Paco.
Márquez: Hi Paco, nice to meet you.
Lola: Mariano… and Lucas.
Márquez: Oh, hi, so you’re the famous Lucas. I’ve heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you.
Silvia's dagger look

The dinner scene is hoot.
Lucas: Well, enjoy while you still can, cause your time is running out. She prohibited me to drink beer in the house six months after we got married. And three months later, she prohibited me to cut my nails sitting on the couch [Translator's smart ass comment: For fuck’s sake, Lucas, cutting your nails outside the bathroom? Dirty, piggy boy!!!]
Márquez: Well, I don’t really care about that because I don’t drink at all. Maybe just a glass of white wine at weddings. You know, honey?
Lola: And what do you do?
Márquez: Toothpicks. I make toothpicks. It’s a family business. Yes, my grandfather started it and now I’m running it. [Translator's note: This will earn him the name “palillero”, which means “toothpick maker” pretty much, but that has a derogatory sense, as it sounds awfully like “pajillero”, which literally means “wanker” or "jerkoff". It is also derogatory because they use it to highlight that he’s got a ridiculous job – making toothpicks does sound ridiculous]
Lucas: Toothpicks? Interesting. Hey, I’ve always had a doubt: which ones are better, the round ones or the flat ones? [Translator's comment: I don’t know how it works in the rest of the world, but these are the two kinds of toothpicks you can get in Spain.  Piper's comment to Translator's comment: We don't use toothpick, we use dental floss.  Easier on your gums]
Silvia [in her head]: Fucking bastard!
Márquez: Well, there’s not one opinion about it, that’s the truth. But I don’t want to annoy you with it.
Everyone: No, no, no.
Lucas: Go ahead.
Silvia: No, honey, we don’t want to hear a dissertation about the toothpick world, babe.
Lucas: I prefer them flat, hands down.
Silvia [in her head]: Son of a bitch!!
Márquez: Well yes and no. If you want me, I’ll tell you. And if I annoy you, just tell me.
Don Lorenzo [in his head]: Serious and with his own business. Finally, let’s see if she settles down [Translator's note: Funny because the Spanish expression “sentar la cabeza” literally means “to sit down one’s head”]. Toothpicks are as useful as anything else.
Mariano [in his head]: My God, the cocaine hanging there in the closet and the captain here chatting away about toothpicks, fuck… If we get away with this one I’ll walk the Camino de Santiago in my flip flops.
Márquez: With oak wood or pine… But I don’t want to annoy you, seriously. Well, do you know how we earn our living, us the toothpick businessmen?
Lola: No.
Silvia [in her head]: Fuck, no, the “paluegos” joke… [Translator's note: “Paluego” does not exist. It’s a contraction of “para luego” meaning “for later”]
Márquez: From the paluegos… From the bits of food left in between your teeth and you leave for later [Translator's joke is lost in translation note: Insert “paluego” here]. No, now seriously, we’re trying to expand the business and get new products on stock. We’re thinking of making toothpicks from different sizes, from M to XL.
Mamá Concha [in her head]: This dude is dumber than my late husband. [Piper's note: "Late husband"???!!!! Unless she had another husband, Paco's father did not die until the following season? Enough for continuity.]
Sara [in her head]: How could Silvia exchange him for Lucas? Well, better for me… If I’m 15 and he’s 33, when I’m 18 he’ll be 36, it’s only twice my age…
Lucas: Hey, have you not thought of making toothpicks for lefties?
Márquez: Ha, good one, Lucas, good one. You almost got me there… You jackass!

After dinner, Lola and Mama Concha are cleaning up while Silvia is hanging around, all pissed at Lucas.
Silvia: Yes, sure, now I’m sure that Lucas wants to open a toothpick factory, fuck it! No, Lola, no! He was winding him up, he was laughing of him in my face!
Lola: Grudge, again, Silvia? Look, you either control your grudge or the grudge controls you. No, Silvia, no, you are obsessed with the thing. Lucas has been very nice and Márquez… well, he just got stuck with the toothpick thing. Even though I think he’s very charming…
Silvia: Well he is very charming indeed, why do you think I’m with him? [Piper's comment: Because you needed rebound boy?]  Because he takes care of me, he worries about me, and he loves me, and those are things Lucas doesn’t have a fucking clue about. The only thing he knows how to do is to fuck about and inflict pain, he’s a fucking bastard.
Lola: Hey, if you’re gonna start getting paranoid, we call it quits.
Silvia: Paranoid? Me?
Lola: Yes, you, the paranoid. You start thinking about things and get obsessed with them and you get stuck. You know, you lost your mind and can’t find it anymore. And that’s because you’re consumed by the doubt of the woman you saw in Lucas’ shower. Let’s see when you get over that.
Silvia: I am already over that, just so you know!
Lola: If you go ahead with this comecome [Translator's note: Here meaning “paranoia” or “obsession”] you’re not gonna be able to rebuild your life and you’re not gonna let anyone live.
Silvia: I have no comecome.
Lola: Ah, there’s no comecome? There’s no comecome? Let’s check it out... Get off. You’ll see. Get off! Sister, stop it or I’ll be very mad! Tss. [Gets Silvia’s purse and takes out a small evidence plastic bag]. I see how you’re over it, eh? You are dead divine, sister, better than ever!
Concha: And that… What’s that?
Lola: This… This is the evidence my sister here found in her husband’s adultery scene. A hair and an earring nut.
Concha: I’d say your shrink is swindling you.
Lola: So then, why haven’t you throw this away? Eh, why?
Silvia: Because I don’t ever want to forget that Lucas fucked up my marriage.
Lola: And wasn’t it already fucked up? Have you thought about it, sister?

[Silvia's phone rings]

Silvia: Hello? Are you sure? Yeah, something does not fit, that for sure. Yeah, all evidences show that.

Silvia goes outside to take the call. Bernarda is at the crime scene trying to break into the aparment because she was having sex with dead guy when he croaked. She thinks Silvia was going to arrest her. Awesome scene.
Bernarda [in her head]: That’s it, they already figured it out. And now she catches me here, with my hands in the cookie jar, in the crime scene.
Silvia: Yeah, I guessed there was something wrong from the very beginning. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell them.
Bernarda [in her head]: They know, they know it was me who fucking killed him [Translator's note: Literally. “killed him by sex exhaustion”… “polvo” means “a fuck”] and showed no mercy. Life sentence for homicide.
Silvia (still talking on the phone): Okay, okay.
Bernarda [in her head]: And she’s gonna read me my rights. I’m sleeping in jail tonight. God, I just hope they let me take an extra pair of knickers.
Silvia: See you, Bernarda.

Silvia goes back to the comisaria.
Paco: Hello? Tell me, Silvia.
Silvia: I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin your dinner but they have revised the evidence and there are things that just don’t match, so I didn’t want it to get you by surprise. They’re gonna start an investigation.
Paco: Very well Very well. Because they always have to get to the heart of the problem. Good evening, Silvia. [Turns to Lucas and Mariano] We’re suspected. Suspected.

The following day, the 3 stooges arrive at the comisaria and see Silvia in Don Lorenzo's office. With a lie detector machine.
Lucas: Mariano, I’m gonna make you a tourniquet. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,… the lie detector. They’re gonna plug us to the fucking polygraph.
Mariano: Fuck’s sake, the lie detector. Shit, shit, I can’t lie, you can easily see it, I’m sure I'll get a palpitation and the machine starts beeping. Pipipipipi.
Paco: Come on, Mariano, fuck!

Silvia must be awfully gifted - she's even qualified to do lie detection!
Silvia: Mariano, are you always this sweaty?
Mariano: Yes, I am. I sweat a lot. I always sweat a lot. Not for anything in particular, I just sweat a lot. It’s natural, because I am this way. I sweat a lot, that’s why I’m sweating now.
Silvia: Have you ever been related to drug dealers?
Paco: Yes, I mean no, it depends. It depends on what you consider “to be related to”. If you take that as, for example, getting their fingerprints or handcuffing them or passing them some toilet tissue [Translator's reaction: Hahaha!!], then no. Or maybe yes. Or not, it depends.
Silvia: Did you inform anyone of the route you were gonna take?
Lucas: No.
Silvia: Have you ever been related to drug dealers?
Lucas: Never.
Silvia: Do you suspect of any of your colleagues?
Lucas: Of course not.
Silvia: Don’t you think they can betray you?
Lucas: No.
Silvia: Have you ever betrayed anyone?
Lucas: Never.
Silvia: That does not include me, cause you did cheat on me.
Lucas: What’s that about?
Silvia: That’s about me adjusting the detector. So don’t be pricksucker and answer. Did you cheat on me?
Lucas (hesitating): Yes.
Silvia: What’s wrong…? Did you cheat on me?
Lucas: Fuck, yes, I did cheat on you!
Silvia: You are lying to me! You did not cheat on me!
Lucas: For the love of God, tia, who the hell do you think you are? What kind of crap is this?

Silvia goes to Los Cachis to tell Lola all about the lie detector session with Lucas.
Bernarda: Silvia, hi! How you doing? Well, we’ll deal with that later, okay?
Lola: Yes. What can I get you, honey?
Silvia: Do you know that pig never cheated on me?
Lola: Ah, he didn’t?
Silvia: I’ve plugged him to the lie detector! And I caught him! He didn’t cheat on me with another woman!
Lola: Oh well, then, that’s better, isn’t it?
Silvia: Better? Do you not get it? He lied to me telling me he had cheated on me and that is a bigger lie!
Lola: But there’s something wrong about all this. Let’s see, didn’t you say you saw a woman in the shower?
Silvia: Yes!
Lola: And the hair? The earring nut?
Silvia: Yeah, but the lie detector does not lie. I don’t know who was in the shower, but he didn’t cheat on me with her.
Lola: Well, then he didn’t cheat on you with the girl in the shower, end of story.
Silvia: Don’t you get what’s going on, Lola? That shitty coward… I thought I had left him, but now it turns out he left me!!
Lola: But, why do you care?
Silvia: Well, I care, I care, how couldn’t I care? It’s the story of my life. It’s MY life.
Lola: But let’s see, your life now, isn’t Márquez? Or not? Because you love Márquez, don’t you?
Silvia: Of course I love Márquez, of course I do. This is nonsense! Sorry, I don’t know why I got so worked up. Maybe it’s my period or something [Translator's comment: Haha the universal excuse!]. Do you have a paracetamol?
Lola: Not here, but Sara is upstairs.

Silvia goes to see Sara in her room to ask for some headache pill.
Sara: Well, I had a box of paracetamol around. I’m sure granny took it, she is quite an addict. She’s into preventive medicine: she takes half a box every morning, just in case.
[On Sara's computer screen: Man, I’m crazy about him, but I have to keep it a secret because if my parents find out, they’d kill me… He’s gorgeous and HAS A SUPER HOT TATTOOED ASS!]
Silvia: A forbidden relationship?
Sara: What?
Silvia: He’s got a super hot tattooed ass… How do you know he has a tattoo on his ass? Aren’t you going a little too fast with Mister Mysterious?
Sara: You must not read other people’s emails…
Silvia: Okay. You know I’m a little nosy, blame it on my job [Translator's note: “deformación profesional” is an expression to say that someone is one way or another because he/she’s got that from the job he/she does, noting some sort of obsession with it. It’s a word game with “Formación Profesional”, which is the alternative education for those who don’t want to go to university. “Deformación” is “distortion/deformation”]. Does he really have a tattoo on his ass? Do you know Lucas also has one?
Sara: Really? I didn’t know that. Well, stop it, okay?
Silvia: Okay, I’ll stop. Aw, I love those earrings, they’re so nice, eh?
Sara: Yeah, but I can’t wear them anymore because I lost the nut. Well, let me check if the pills are in the kitchen.

While Sara was out getting her drugs, Silvia takes out the earring nuts she found in the bathroom and thought it belonged to Lucas' paramour - and compared it to the earrings on Sara's desk.
Silvia [in her head]: No, it’s not possible, it’s just a nut. There are millions of nuts in the world. No, Silvia, don’t start.
Sara: They were in the kitchen.
Silvia: Thanks. I gotta go, I leave you with your emails.
Sara: Okay.
Silvia: Sara? Nothing. It was a stupid thing, sorry. Bye.
Sara: Bye.

Sometime later, Silvia is back at the crime scene and Las Mujeres de Lola are trying to get the scoop on dead Viagra guy.
Silvia: You really are nosy, eh? You really can’t hold it, can you?
Lola: Well you are used to this kind of stuff but it’s not common to us… Tell us, please.
Silvia: It’s nothing really, the judge ordered to re-seal the crime scene because the autopsy revealed new evidence. Hey, is Sara home?
Lola: Eh, yes, she is.
Silvia: And did she find out about Lucas?
Lola: Yeah, she found out. New good evidence or new bad evidence?
Silvia: Post-mortem injuries. A breastbone fissure. The judge thinks that the corpse could have been used in some sort of ritual.
Bernarda is mortified since she might have caused the injury - in the throes of passion, she didn't know dead guy was already, well, dead.


Silvia visits Lucas in the jail cell. I forgot what he was in for, but it was in connection to the drug bust.
Silvia: Wow. I hope you’re getting comfy here, Lucas. Maybe from now on you have to get used to sleeping behind bars.
Lucas: You’re really enjoying all this, are you not, Silvia?
Silvia: Me? Not really. It’s not nice to see how a person you have loved has turned into a corrupt cop and a drug dealer. You had many flaws, Lucas, but at least you were honest.
Lucas: I don’t know what kind of movie you just made yourself up, but I’ve done nothing wrong.
Silvia: And these bullet cases, do they not look familiar? No? Well they look familiar to me. They look suspiciously just like the ones from the gun I gave you in our first and only anniversary. In that waste ground I only found these bullet cases, and the ones from your police-issued weapons. Nobody assaulted you, Lucas. You either tell me what happened, or you get used to these bars. You and your friends. Are you going to tell me?
Lucas: I’m going to tell you what happened exactly. The day of the press conference, your dad caught me talking about you, and he decided we were to move the cocaine from point A to point B. […] I’m not going to tell you where the cocaine is, to protect my colleagues. Do you believe me?
Silvia: Why wouldn’t I believe you? You never lie, do you?
Lucas: No…
Silvia: No. Like you did when you told me you had slept with somebody else.
Lucas: Fuck… Don’t start with that, Silvia.
Silvia: Don’t start with that, Silvia? You made me believe you had cheated on me so I would break up with you. You’re a coward, Lucas. We could have given it another chance. Everything would have been different. Tell me what happened that night. I saw a woman in the shower, who was she? I want to know who she was. Are you not going to tell me?
Lucas: No.
Silvia: No… so nothing, then. Mariano, Paco and you have a foot in jail. And maybe I could help you out.
Lucas: Are you blackmailing me?
Silvia: If want to call it that…
Lucas: Are you going to screw over Paco and Mariano’s life because I don’t tell you a fucking story?
Silvia: Lucas, I only want to know why you threw away our relationship.
Lucas: Why don’t you move on already? You have rebuilt your life, you have a de-puta-madre boyfriend. Fuck’s sake, chica, take it easy and enjoy.
Silvia: Do you really think Márquez is de-puta-madre?
Lucas: Yes, I think he’s a nice guy, with good manners, responsible, charming… Everything I’m not. And I think he can give you what I didn’t. Because I think you already deserve it, Silvia.
Silvia: That was nice.
Lucas: It came out without thinking.

They were about to kiss... when Sara comes in.
Sara: Sorry, I only came to bring you this. Well, I’m off.
Silvia: No, don’t go. Hey, are you meeting the mysterious boy?
Sara: Yes, he’s waiting for me.
Silvia: Do you know she’s got a boyfriend? And he must be a nasty piece of work, because he even has a tattoo, what do you think?
Lucas: What do you think? I think she’s too young to have a boyfriend.
Silvia: No, look, she’s already a little woman, are you not? See when you introduce him to us.
Sara: I’m meeting him this afternoon, if you want I’ll introduce you then. I’m off.
Silvia (turning back to Lucas): You sure you have nothing to tell me?
Lucas: Look, Silvia, do whatever you have to do.

Later on, Don Lorenzo tells them that they are exonerated.
Don Lorenzo: What is this?
Silvia: The ballistics dossier. The bullet cases found in the waste ground match one of the firearms that we confiscated from the drug dealers. That confirms Paco, Lucas and Mariano’s version of the story. The dealers assaulted them and they stole the cocaine they were transporting. Well, and these are the polygraph results and Lucas’ second drug test, both negative. For me, this case is closed.
Don Lorenzo: Hold that. Give it to internal affairs. You, what the hell are you doing there? I want an exhaustive report on what just happened, understood? So now clear off from my office! Out!
Paco: Thanks, thanks very much Don Lorenzo. I’m going to interrogate the motherfuckers and…
Don Lorenzo: Clear off, you goose! What the hell was I thinking by bringing these clumsy bastards to my precinct? I’m on my nerves, I’m losing my hair, I got dandruff… What’s the name of that shampoo we had at home, daughter? Go get it for me, please…

Lucas sees Silvia walking down the steps. He comes to thank her.
Lucas: Ehmm… Thanks.
Silvia: For what?
Lucas: About the bullets, and the bullet cases… Thanks for that.
Silvia: Are you suggesting I manipulate evidence from a case?
Lucas: No, not at all. But if I can do anything for you…
Silvia: Well, now you should mention it… First, I need your gun so I can put it with the guns we confiscated from the dealers…
Lucas: And second?
Silvia: Who was she? I need to know.
Lucas: I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, I would have already told you, but it’s not my secret.

In a flashback scene, we see that Sara was actually the woman in the shower. She came to Lucas when she had a fight with her father. Silvia lets herself into their apartment and sees a sleeping Lucas.
Silvia: Lucas… Lucas, I’m sorry. I have been thinking. I think we can give ourselves a second chance. Please.
Silvia heard the water and realized Lucas was not alone.  She went to the bathroom and saw a female silhoutte in the shower.  She ran out before Lucas could say anything


To throw Silvia off her scent, Sara "hires" Coque, Bernarda's son, to play her boyfriend. I was hoping for guilt as the driving factor, but we all know that Sara is a sociopath.
Sara: Look, this is Silvia, the one I’ve told you so much about. And this is Coque, my boyfriend.
Lola: Your what?
Sara: Wait in the lounge, I’ll be right there.
Coque: I’ll be waiting for you, little pussy [Translator's comment: Yes, I thought the same. You don’t call your fake girlfriend “little pussy” in front of her mother unless you want to die a slow painful death]. See you there, oldies.
Lola: But what,… but… but… That kinky is your boyfriend? I’m going to talk to your father. Get off my way, you’re going to regret this, young lady
Sara: I told you my parents were not going to like him.
Silvia: I think he is fine, he’s handsome and he’s your age. I was worrying about you.
Sara: Why?
Silvia: It’s nothing, I’m a bit of a paranoid. Let’s go talk to him.

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Piper's commentary:
Now that the new season is upon us, we would like to take the time to remember Silvia, and to remind ourselves of how much she meant to the show.  In this episode, we learn several important things about her that would help us later on navigate the uncharted waters of PepSiLand:
  • Silvia and Lucas were married, and it didn't end well.  In retrospect, we now know how much Pepa meant to her, for her to give marriage one more try.  She was burned pretty badly, mostly by her own demons and insecurities, and by her sociopath of a niece (aided and abetted by Lucas, of course).  And to trust enough that this time, things would be different, simply shows how much she loved Pepa, and how much Pepa helped her to live and love again.
  • And Silvia loved Sara unconditionally.  Very much.  Sara was the least deserving person in the world, especially after she broke her aunt's marriage.  But in the end, it is especially poignant that Silvia took the bullet meant for Sara.  Because once again, Sara's sociopathic romance problems got in the way of Silvia's happiness. Silvia loved Sara until death, and most importantly, she gave up her life so Sara could live happily ever after with Lucas (or break somebody else's marriage).
  • Lola had Silvia's number.  She knew her little sister very well, and the bond between them was as strong as anything.  Probably because they lost their mother early, and with a cop for a father, they had to rely on each other to face the world.  Lola was the mother Silvia needed, Silvia tried her best to mother DL, and Sara was the unfortunate recipient of all these displaced familial affections.
  • Silvia was always awesome at her work. But she's even more awesome when you have her in your corner.  She would lie, cheat, and steal for you, like she did for Lucas.  But she did not give her loyalty blindly - somehow, she always knew where the right side of the law was, even if the lines were as gray as anything.  Her uncanny sense of justice and fairness carried her through the moral clusterfuck of San Antonio.
  • LHDP was funny once. And it was sweet.  It might have been morally confused and a cesspool of human frailties, but it was funny.  And sweet.
And because Pepa loved Silvia as much as she did, I think we owe it to her to watch this upcoming season.  It will be painful, and our hearts will shatter again, but as Silvia's sexy ghost said, we only have to know where to look. For me, these early episodes have helped me tremendously to understand why she died when she did.  In real life, it would have been alright, it would have been acceptable.  But this is not real life.  They could have done better.

So once again, fuck you, Alex TinyPenis Pina.
 
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