Pepa y yo

I wrote this entry for my blog, but given it's LHDP-related, I felt the need to share it. Excuse the pictures of me - it's what it has, having privileges with the Boss :)

This is one of the many random posts I write, but I really wanted to put it in words. I was walking down Byres Road to the Kelvin Hall, and this subject popped in my head behind the Kelvingrove Museum. And I walked all the way home thinking about it, and what to say, so I guess I gave it a lot of thought.

I also want to say that I know Pepa is a fictional character. But it is the character itself the one that sticks to me, and not gorgeous Laura Sánchez. So apart from a thing or two, this is all going to be based on personality aspects.


When I first saw PepSi, I was immediately drawn to Pepa. Like a moth to a flame. I thought she was the one who sold the character better, the one that looked properly gay, and therefore the one I fell for at the very beginning. I have to say, very straight women, or women who look very straight are not my type at all. There are so many hotties in this world that I would never put my eyes on just because they look so straight to me that I wouldn't even think of it. It's physical, I can't help it. That's why I never considered Silvia until much later. When I realised I was a Pepa.

Lately, my world has been crumbling to pieces and, even though I was only a Pepa for certain things, it is true that I am developing some features, as some sort of reaction to the problems, as a survival mechanism, that draw me even closer to the character. I am just going to list them, and illustrate them with some examples.

1. Pepa's biggest love story began when she was 18. She fell in love with a straight woman, and converted her. I did the exact same, even tho I did not run away for my parents for 8 years. My most important relationship to date happened when I was 18.

2. Pepa moved to Madrid to be with the woman she loved. I moved to Brighton to follow the woman I loved. I should add, we both ended brokenhearted.

3. Pepa is drawn to people because she is social and always open. I am always surrounded by my friends, and they are my most valuable treasure. Still, I get to meet new people very often and I socialise with random strangers.

4. Pepa's girl-counter is allegedly at #40. It is likely that by the time I'm 30, my girl-counter would be around that number too. There's a map on Dr. Piper's refrigerator that illustrates that.  (Piper's note: It's true, a diagram of Beke's complicated love life is on my refrigerator door, delicately held by a single magnet)


5. Pepa's first reaction to something that's against what she wants is an angry face, a storm out and a solution to the problem following the "por mis santos cojones" rule. Me, ditto.

6. In pick up artist mood, Pepa is unstoppable. With some obvious physical handicaps, I am difficult to stop as well.


7. Badassness. All the way.


8. Vests.


9. The want-a-piece-of-me look.


10. The commitment to one's family and friends above everything else in the world.


And some randoms.

11. The thousand watt smile. I know it's a sin to even compare it, but I've been told.


12. We both own a Cookie that is probably being tracked down by the CNI.



Leaving so soon - Keane

Laura Sánchez in Fórmula TV

How are you facing the new season?

It is going to be a new season with loads of action, revenge, and new threads. Pepa is going to be very crazy.

Did you know that last season was going to end the way it did?

No, we knew Marian was leaving the show, but I never imagined that it was going to be like that, it was painful... Because the script was painful. And painful personally as well, Juan [Don Lorenzo] and I were really affected by the fact that that last sequence was the last one we ever shot with Marian. Because you know sometimes you shoot the end and then the beginning, but no, our last day of work was her death, and we had such a load of tension and feelings that were released and helped the characters.

Was it hard to shoot Silvia’s death scene?

Two whole days on our knees. You can ask Juan, we didn’t know how to stand anymore. It was really hot, it was July and they were really hard. The blood was getting dry on our hands so we had to get them wet all the time, it was really hard. Both days were really hard for that sequence.

What did you feel when you saw the episode?

I cried. A lot. In my house when I watched it. I knew the script by heart and I had seen parts of the episode here but anyway I cried. But I think I cried because I knew I was not gonna work with those “deceased” colleagues.

Are you aware of the repercussions of your love story on the Internet?

Yeah, we know it, we know it, and we get new information every day about new websites created to resurrect my wife, and well, we’re really aware of it and they are taking notes “up there” [meaning the producers and writers].

What would you say to the PepSi fans?

That they’re doing a great job and that I think maybe they can reap the fruits of their efforts.

That means that...

That means that... In the first episode you will see Silvia already, even if in flashbacks, and in my memories, and she’s going to be really present, especially in Pepa’s head... That is going to be Pepa’s plot for the new season.

So Pepa is not going to fall in love again, for now...

No, she doesn’t fall in love again. She’s thirsty for revenge, really.

What’s going to be Pepa’s situation in the new season?

Well, she’s gonna go completely crazy – if she was already crazy when she first came here, you can just imagine now. She’s going to have a foul mouth, the writers have pulled that off and... Geez! She lives with Paco, sleeps in Sara’s old room, and has a good relationship with Aitor, he has become her confidant, her accomplice in her crazy hooligan moments... She has a really good professional relationship with the new forensics, even if she doesn’t accept him at the very beginning, and a real love/hate story with my new sister-in-law [Commander Salgado?]... But she’s still really crazy and full of action, and violent.

How’s Pepa’s return to the precinct going to be?

I can tell you that when the new season starts, Pepa is not working as a cop. She asked for a six month leave after what happened. In those six months she has done unthinkable things... But now she’s coming back to the precinct, standing up to the new Inspector, and putting everything and everyone in their place.

With so many changes, don’t you feel as if you were in a different show?

No, no, it’s not a new show. It’s a show with new incentives – it’s really nice and refreshing working with new people, with young people. I knew Goya [Toledo, aka Reyes] already, but I didn’t know any of the boys, and it’s really good fun. It’s nice how they just arrived a month and a half ago but it was as if they were not new, as if they had been working with us for a while longer, and they get the same jokes. You so have to come one day when we’re shooting... But well, this is the season where we have been scolded the most because I don’t know why but we’re always laughing, the stupid laughter every single day... And they have scolded me and they had never done that before!

What do you like the most in the series, drama or comedy?

From the acting point of view, I prefer drama and action. As a viewer, I love comedy, and the absurd humour of Paco, Mariano and Don Lorenzo – that’s what I really like about the show.

Do you see any other Spanish TV shows?

Oh yeah, I watch Doctor Mateo, Sin tetas no hay paraíso, even if it clashed... Aída as well, when it starts again. I watch many Spanish shows.

What character from any other shows would you like to be?

I would have loved to be Paz, from Aída. I love her. Melanie is awesome.

Marian in Arucitys

By Dr. Bekelauer
Picspam and additional snark by Dr. Piper

Translator's introduction:  Okay, this is a show that has been on forever. In many different channels and times, but I remember being in high school and watching Arucitys right after lunch because my parents loved it. The showman, Alfons Arús, a former comedian, conducts the interviews and moderates the debates, which are normally heated up by his wife Vicky (the lady with short dark hair on his left). It is funny as hell and the interview with Marian and Bart has really hilarious moments. This also provokes a lack of format and drastic topic changes – just in case you wonder “Where the hell did that come from?”

Vicky: Hey Marian, what happened to your hair?
MA: Huh, I cut it a bit. It’s all right, it grows back and then I cut it again and like this forever.
Arús: If not you can just get extensions, like Doña Letizia [the princess].

MA: Well, not a problem.

Arús explains how Mi primera vez was created and the website stories.

MA: Yeah, and they explain a lot of stuff!

Arús and Bart joke about whether Americans’ and Spaniards’ first time could be the same.

Arús: How many stories you tell per play?
MA: Well, between sentences, monologues, scenes, sketches... There are many characters.
Bart: Many characters and many stories

Arús complains that only the boys in the play undress but girls don’t take off even their necklaces.

See her swollen right cheek

MA [Seeing the video of the play that they’re showing on screen]: Look that was the back tooth day! It got swollen... I had a gumboil. It’s true. I woke up in Barcelona and the next day... Well, sorry, I was just remembering the day.
Arús: Is the gumboil gone now?
MA: Nah, it’s still there.
Arús: Really? What are you taking?
MA: I’m on antibiotics.
Arús: Huh, I don’t think antibiotics and theatre are compatible, are they?

The mechanism of the play is that people in the audience are given a card where they write their first time, so some of the stories are told in real time.

MA: Yeah, some people take their card and put it there [takes hand to her chest] and say “Oh, don’t want anyone to see that” or at some point we’re in a rush, we have to select them and we browse thru them as soon as we get them and some people go “Don’t read it!”. Many people just don’t want the person right beside them to know it’s them.
Arús: But it implies some exhibitionism!
MA: Well, it’s actually anonymous, so if you haven’t let the person next to you read it, that person doesn’t really need to know you wrote it. 

Bart: They end up finding out.
Arús: You just blush.
MA: But some groups just applaud or cheer when it’s theirs.
Arús: They said that some people that went to see the play were a bit uncomfortable at the beginning but ended up cracking up laughing. People tend to take precautions when seeing the play?
MA: Yes. Many people get there and refuse to laugh [Translator's admiration: I adore MA’s expression there!].

Arús: Really?
MA: Yeah, and you see them looking like... [crosses arms], but end up laughing. I saw that the other day. In the first row, there was this lady looking like “No, no, I’m not gonna laugh”... then it was like she couldn’t keep it inside and ended up all loose... 

Arús: But then, Marian, why do they go to the theatre?
MA: Humm, I don’t know.

They talk about ways of explaining the stories.

MA: There is a great variety.
Arús: You always end up talking about two Murcianas [Translator's note: Women from Murcia, remember?!]. Two Murcianas and a can of Coke. What happened to these ladies?
MA: Well, these ladies tell, not only how was their first time, which is already included in the story,... they tell how they went to a TV show to explain a method of contraception that one of them used, which is a little peculiar. And well, what happened and how they explain it...
Arús: And the method of contraception is Coke?
MA: Yes.
Arús: But Coke, you mean the bottle or...?
MA: No, the important element is gas [Translator's note: She puts a Murcian accent. TOO FUNNY]
Monica: So you can use lemonade or Fanta too then?
MA: Of course.
Arús: “Gas is contraceptive”.
MA: No, it isn’t, it isn’t! We say that it’s not... One of the ladies thought it was, but the other...
Vicky: We guess that depending on the age of the person telling the story, the whole thing changes a lot?
MA: Yeah.
Arús: ...Because the older generations had more trouble to do it, the times were different.

MA: Yes, sure. I’ve been finding out stuff while reading all these stories, and chatting with people and everything. Suddenly, the other day, we were chatting with a sexologist and I said something like “The concept of ‘my first time’ is just an excuse and you find yourself with tons of funny stories”. And the lady sexologist said “No no, it’s very important and many people have a trauma and it’s something that gets stuck in your head and doesn’t let you think of anything else”.
Arús: Yeah, it’s true we never remember the second or the third time.
MA: Of course.
Arús: But we all remember the first.
MA: Exactly.

Vicky: Do you guys remember it? Or you have forgotten after reading so many first times?
MA: Well, after that many times that we have been asked the same question during the promotion of the play... yeah, we do.
Vicky: You “have to” remember it then?
MA: The question is always the same.
Vicky: And what’s the answer?
MA: The answer, you know what? It’s been so many times and you know, you end up saying “That’s it, the story is other people’s stories, written in the website”. If we had wanted to tell our first time, we would have written our own stories in the website.
Vicky: Haha, is it not written?
MA: No, it’s not. Mine is not written in it. His [pointing at Bart]... I don’t know.

Arús asks about copyrights. We have a lot of problems with that in Spain, so that’s why they joke about it. Then he asks about the not-so-funny first time stories, specially the one of a man who asked his sister to sleep with him so as not to die a virgin.

MA: We don’t know if it’s true, but the story is there, and they left it in the show. It was there when we got the script.

Then they talk about the staging. And then about the difference between Americans and Spaniards. Bart says Spaniards have a bigger sense of humour.

MA: Yeah, but it is also because we find it funny. It’s like everything we know, we can relate to it and we find it funnier.

Arús then shows two opinion polls about sex from two different newspapers. They say 82% of Spaniards complain that their sex could be “much better” and that 1 in 3 women fake orgasms. So then Vicky and Arús joke about it. There are 3 women on the set, so out of the 3 of them, one fakes. Vicky says she doesn’t fake and then points to Marian and goes “She is the actress”. Marian only laughs.

Bart: That is very sad.
MA: Look, the lady sexologist said that yesterday, damn it, I can’t remember her name, but she said very interesting things. She said that “nothing happens” when everything is normal, but when something is not normal then there is a problem. And one could say “oh, your first time, what a stupid thing”, and it’s a stupid thing if everything went all right and it was natural and all but if not, there is a lot of people who get traumas.

Then they talk about faking the first time and faking in general. Arús says faking is actually a time saver. Arús then asks if being a famous TV character helps to bring people to the play, because Bart is also on TV, in Física o Química, another Antena 3 production.

Arús: Well, that’s fine with Marian, cause she doesn’t watch TV! Don’t you watch Física o Química, Marian?
MA: I don’t watch Física y Química, sorry Física o Química, no…
Arús: You didn’t even watch Los Hombres de Paco!
MA: I didn’t watch… well, sometimes I did watch it! No, yeah... I watched it some random times. For example, with Al salir de clase they always asked me... I never watched it because I was shooting it! They showed it at lunch time, I could tape it but I didn’t have a... [Translator's comment: VHS? You didn’t own a VHS?]
Vicky: We have a doubt... The season finale of Los Hombres de Paco... that final song. Who the hell came up with it?
MA: The Mexican song?
Vicky: The Mexican song.
MA: What do you mean with “Who the hell came up with it?”
Vicky: It just doesn’t go with the moment!!
MA: But it’s not my fault!
Arús: We’re not saying it’s your fault, we’re asking who came up with the idea.
MA: It’s a very nice song, but I don’t know why they chose that one.
Arús &Vicky (start singing): Probablemente ya...
Monica: Right in the middle of the slaughter!
Arús: We’re big fans of Los Hombres de Paco. [...] So then you don’t know how the series are gonna follow now? Now that you’re dead.
MA: Well, but maybe there are surprises...
Vicky: You’re not dead?
Arús: You’re not dead!!?
MA: I am dead! I am dead! I swear!
Arús: Marian Aguilera slash Silvia, are you dead or not?
MA: I am dead.
Arús: Okay.
Vicky: You are definitely dead?
Monica: This is starting to look like Lost! The dead come alive!
MA: Nah.

Then he asks Bart about his series, which we absolutely do not care about.

Arús: And with Marian we have enjoyed priceless scenes... I myself confess to be a fan of Los hombres de Paco because of your kissing scenes. Don’t know what to say!
MA: Wouldn’t have guessed it!
Arús: Was it hard to shoot these lesbian scenes?
MA: Nope.
Bart: Well, with Laura Sánchez... what can you say!
Monica: I think you guys wish you were one of the two!
Bart: Laura is from Huelva, like me.
MA: The truth is it was really cool that she joined the show.
Arús: Really?
MA: Yeah, for everything. She’s a very nice and cheerful girl, and with this strong lively character.
Arús: And is it true what other actors from LHDP said that the atmosphere was awesome both in the set and outside?
MA: Yeah, we have a good relationship. They always say “we have a good group atmosphere” but it’s actually hard to have a bad atmosphere, there has to be someone to break it... but normally all casts have a good relationship, we’re all normal people.
Arús: They also commented they organised soccer games and everything.
MA: Yeah, that’s true. I never went to any of them but...
Arús: Not even as a cheerleader?
MA: No. But it’s true, normally we all have a good relationship. You spend many hours together.
Arús: Marian does not remember this, but her first job was with me. Because in La casa por la ventana, Lloll Beltrán was Paco Moran’s wife, and they were the Perifer family. And they had a kid, the Perifer boy. The Perifer boy had a girlfriend, and now that I’m saying this, she remembers it – the Perifer boy’s girlfriend was Marian Aguilera. But you were really young. You might have been 8 or so! [Translator's comment: This must be a very old show because I can’t even recall it]
MA: Very, very young.
Arús: So ever since you were a kid, you knew you wanted to be an actor, and your parents knew that too.
MA: Yes, in that moment I guess.
Arús: It changed later?
MA: No, but you know, at that age, you change your mind so many times, and you make so many decisions, and take many roads... And I ended up here.

Arús asks Bart about his story, which, again, we absolutely do not care about.

Vicky: And you are a candidate to the Fotogramas de Plata, no?
Arús: We should congratulate you, you are one of the three finalists. Can you see yourself with the Fotogramas [Translator's note: meaning if she thinks she’ll win it]?
MA: It’s an award where people vote for, pretty much like everything, what a dufus I am.
Arús: Well no, sometimes they just take the name out of a hat.
MA: Well I think they [feminine] are really into it, and I have many female fans because of the Pepa and Silvia story, and I know how it is... Even friends of mine, they love coming to the set, they’re also coming to the theatre, I know there are groups on the internet... There are many of them [feminine]. Well then, maybe thanks to them, I can get the Fotogramas de Plata. It would be really nice.
Arús: You can put it on top of your fridge. Looks really nice.

And in the end they talk about the timetables of the play.

MA: And we have an extra one on Saturdays at six thirty. Or at six. I don’t know. People should come around quarter to six, and if the play is at six thirty, they should have a beer in the cafeteria.

Marian In Catalan

Translation, notes, and smart-ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer

Drool-worthy pictures by Dr. Piper

Blond lady introduces Bart Santana and Marian Aguilera. She first offers to start off with a test. They need to choose an envelope.

MA: Red!

The envelop contains the text “Miquel’s senses”. Miquel, the guy, comes in and asks them if they’re ready. Miquel jokes that they might not even premiere the play if they’re in the show cause anything can happen. Miquel asks them if their senses are fine.

MA: They’re horrible... Horrible... Because I have no sense of smell.

Miquel says that poor Marian woke up with a sore throat but that she’s working and doing the promotion for the play anyway and that they will forgive her if she misses due to her runny nose. He’s going to test their sense of touch and taste. Miquel blindfolds Bart and asks them if they get blindfolded often. Marian says yes. [Really?] So Miquel hands them the items which they have to identify.

 MA: Underwear? Or a pair of shorts?

Second object - Bow and arrow.

MA: Yeah, a bow and some arrows. No, it’s not a whip, it’s a bow.

Then Miquel asks if Cupid has treated them right in life. Bart says he’s a fucker.

MA: I am very happy. [with Cupid]

Miquel is about to give them the third object when he says “Marian take your hands off your pockets, we’re on TV”. He spoons some to Marian to taste. Piper's snark: Bastard!

MA: It’s chocolate natillas. [Spanish dessert]

Miquel asks if they use these objects very often. Marian does not answer [Haha!] Then they show a video of the press junket with the cast of the play and some very famous Catalan reporters and journalists. Piper's comment: They had the press junket at a sex shop? Really?

Blondie: Maybe the hardest part is the foreplay?
MA: The show has everything.
BS: Everything.
MA: It’s 40.000 stories, so...
BS: Lots of characters, real stories... people are going to be able to feel their story on stage.

Blondie interrupts to show another video. This time it is the “Surprise appetizer”. Mariona Tena, I have no clue who she is, recommends small olives as appetizer. [Random, I know]

After the commercial break, people start texting their first time stories and they show them on real time.  Blondie reads “I’d like to think more about my last time than the first”. More texts messages.

MA: Kids grow up too fast these days.
Blondie: When they ask you about your first time, what do you say?
MA: I never reply.
BS: Mine was so fast I don’t even remember it.

So Blondie says that by the end of the show, they’ll have to answer to a question by the audience “When was the last time that...?”  Bart does a little bit of history of Mi Primera Vez and how they have organized it.

Blondie: So people are gonna feel their story on stage? They might ask for copyright rights.
MA: Well, people wrote their stories on the website so they could share them. People really want to explain things about their own lives, and yeah, many people wrote their stories. People really want to share and explain.

Blondie says they’ve done what they do in the play – they handed little postcards so people could share their stories. And she’s offering them to read out loud some experiences from the TV set team.

MA: My first time was on a class trip to the country side. We used to go there all the time. One night, among all the students who just couldn’t sleep... well, you can guess. 

They talk about the decorations and set up of the play. Then they read another story.

MA: I almost can’t remember it. It was many years ago, very romantic, with my now wife. I don’t think I did it so wrong.

Then they show a video of their first time on TV. Marian speaks very little, and most of her scenes are from Ventdelplà, a long Catalan series, still on air I think. She’s trying to write a book about a convicted man, so she goes everywhere with her voice recorder trying to get interviews.

How Cute!

And then the final test, the “Audience test”.

Blondie: When was the last time Marian fell in love?
MA: Hummm... two years ago.
Blondie: When was the last time you said “This is the last time”?
MA: I’ve said it, but I can’t remember now. I’ve said it many times
Blondie: When was the last time you told a lie?
MA: Can’t remember it.

Piper's deep thought: She fell in love 2 years ago? Huh?  But she's been with Himbo for over 10 years! Two years ago... that'd be 2008... when... yes... PEPA CAME ALONG!

Blondie asks Bart when the last time he got a fine was. MA intervenes.

MA: Bart, they should ask me your questions.
Blondie: Really? When was the last time you got a fine, Marian?
MA: Like a week ago.
Blondie: Why?
MA: I don’t know. Something. Might have parked where I shouldn’t.

Blondie asks Bart when the last time he made a big mistake was, but since the word in Catalan for it is “pota” and that’s the vulgar way in Spanish to say “to puke”, he starts saying that he vomited on stage a couple of months ago. They realise he just got the question wrong (Bart is not a native Catalan speaker) and laugh.

Blondie: When was the last time you said “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”?
MA: Bffff... I said that many times. But I just can’t remember the last one! So I say it now, “Sorry, sorry, sorry!”.

And it’s over. Short but intense.

And if you want to watch the interview again... and again... and again...