9x09 LHdP 66.6: The Rip-off - "Toke a Big Spliff of Some Good Senismillia"

Ep. 113: Novicia a la fuga (Runaway novice)

Rip-off: Paranormal Activity
Summary: A young woman believes that she is being haunted by a ghost, but a psychic reveals that she's really being haunted by a demon who feeds off of negative energy. The psychic advises the woman and her boyfriend not to taunt the demon and to consult a demonologist. Her boyfriend believes he can solve the problem himself, so he sets up a video camera in their bedroom to record any paranormal activity that might occur while they sleep. The activity starts of benign, but gradually escalates and becomes more dangerous as the boyfriend fails to heed the psychic's advice and taunts the demon throughout the film.

LHdP spin: Paco has brought the novice he discovered in Amadeo's school back to his house. Along with Don Lorenzo, Mariano, Pove and Dr. Felix, they decided to monitor her while she sleeps by setting up a camera in Paco's bedroom. During the novice's slumber, they hear her making odd, incoherent noises that suggest paranormal activity.

Epic fail: Aside from the same old "this rip-off fails because the premise of the show is not about paranormal activity," the other reason why this rip-off fails IMO is that it fails to fit into the actual "66.6" storyline itself. Paco et. al. don't need confirmation that this girl is possessed - they saw it for themselves at the precinct during last week's The Exorcist rip-off (take 2). I saw no reason for the novice to be at Paco's or for them monitoring her while she slept. They learned nothing new and never had the opportunity to learn anything new, because Paco proceeded to take her away, so it didn't further the plot in any way. The end result - Paco helping her escape - could've occurred at the precinct without the need for this rip-off.

Theme: Mind control
Summary: Mind control is a process in which one person subverts another's sense of control over their mind, emotions and behavior, usually to the detriment of the person being controlled. There are many different forms of mind control, but the most common form is psychological. Examples of mind control in pop culture include the use of "the Force" by the Jedi in Star Wars to influence weaker-minded individuals, Professor Xavier's ability to read and control the minds of others in The X-Men, and The Master's ability to control weak-minded individuals with a form of hypnosis in Doctor Who.

LHdP use: While running away with the novice, Paco begins to experience paralysis in his hands and legs. Eventually, his entire body becomes paralyzed to the point where he can no longer operate the car, and the novice has to pull the brake in order to prevent them from crashing. Once the car stops, Paco can see another car pull up behind him and a figure emerge, but he still can't move. The figure eventually reveals himself to Paco, and it turns out to be Damián Jr. (aka Satan), who kidnaps the novice while Paco is forced to sit there helplessly before passing out.

Analysis: I'm not sure if Paco's paralysis is the result of Satan's general ability to control his mind (you know, one of his powers as evil incarnate) or whether his power comes from whatever "link" he and Paco might share like I mentioned in the last rip-off lecture. Either way, Paco's paralysis and state of helplessness is a clear message from Satan to Paco that he can't do anything to stop Satan from carrying out his evil plans. Either that or it's Alex Pina's message to Paco Tous (and viewers) that he (we) can't do anything to stop this train wreck that is S9. I'm just playin'. Kinda.

Theme: Crucifixion
Summary: Crucifixion was used by many ancient civilizations, including the Greeks, Persians and Romans, as a form of execution. The purpose behind crucifying someone was generally twofold: (a) it provided a slow and painful death while publicly humiliating and dishonoring the person being crucified and (b) it served as a message to others to submit to the rules/laws of those in power. Although the cross that a person was crucified on took different shapes, such as the X-shaped cross that St. Andrew was supposedly crucified on, most people associate crucifixions with the T-shaped cross that Jesus is believed to have been crucified on. Thus, the crucifix - the image of Christ crucified on a cross - is a very important religious symbol among Catholics and Orthodox.

LHdP use: After Don Lorenzo, Pepa and Dr. Felix find Paco (alone and without the novice), Mariano informs them that a group of teens have gathered at one of the spots that form a point on the pentagram on Paco's map of the city. Upon arriving at the location, nothing seems Satanic or out of place (other than the teens who seem to be Satan worshipers). Dr. Felix notices blood leaking from Paco's car and, upon examination, Paco discovers the body of the novice tied underneath with her arms outstretched so that her body forms the shape of a cross.

Analysis: Judging from the novice's bloodied and mutilated corpse under Paco's car, I think it's safe to assume that she died while being dragged underneath it from one location to the next. Thus, her death was a slow and painful one - a really fucked up, modern day version of crucifixion if you will. Additionally, it served as another message from Satan to Paco that he can't be stopped - that if he wants someone to die, they will.

Theme: The Bat-signal
Summary: The Bat-signal is associated with comic book hero Batman and consists of a symbol of a bat attached to a searchlight, which projects a larger bat symbol into the sky. While it is generally used by the Gotham City Police as a distress signal to contact Batman whenever his help is needed, in both the films and comics, it has been altered a few times as a message to Batman from his enemies.


Theme: Elephants
Summary: Some African tribes believe that elephants are the closest animals to God, because of their size, and if an elephant was spotted nearby, it was a sign that rain would follow. One myth explains why an elephant trumpets when it senses danger: Whenever God and Satan battle, it takes the form of lightning (God) and thunder (Satan) on Earth. During one particular battle, the rain cooled, but the thunder remained. Since God could not physically appear (as lightning) without the rain, He sent an elephant to battle on His behalf with its trumpeting, and eventually the thunder ceased. There are also two known associations with elephants depending on their mood. A peaceful elephant is a symbol of strength and gentility, while a mad elephant symbolizes violence, brutality and rage.

LHdP use: Shortly after Paco discovers the dead body of the novice underneath his car, a spotlight appears next to it and subsequently flashes the image of an elephant onto the ground.

Analysis: As Dr. Piper pointed out, the use of an "elephant-signal" doesn't appear to make much sense, although it could be an elaborate way to challenge to Paco to a game of chess like our wise Founder suggests. However, it could simply be a way of calling out Paco in general. If elephants are a symbol of peace, strength and gentility (things associated with "good"), and if one believes that they are the closest animals to God, then perhaps the symbol was Satan's version of throwing the gauntlet. Much like Batman's enemies would use the Bat-signal (or alter it) to call out Batman, maybe this is Satan's way of calling out God by telling him, "Send the best guy you've got to do battle with me." Apparently that guy is Paco, which worries me a lot. I'd rather take my chances with someone else, like Pepa or Don Lorenzo. Not that I don't like Paco, but he relies too much on his hanky, which doesn't do much to reassure me that he can handle himself alone with Satan. Then again, if the elephant is interpreted as being an angry one, it might've been Satan telling Paco, "I'm here!" , because it would represent violence, rage, etc. (things associated with "evil"). Either way, it's a message that challenges/dares Paco to try and stop him.

Theme: Seven virtues
Summary: The seven virtues are a list of virtues that are direct opposites to the seven deadly sins. They consist of humility, kindness, temperance, chastity, patience, charity, and diligence.

LHdP use: Thus far, the victims involved in the "66.6" storyline have included a philanthropist, an army psychologist who served as a negotiator, Father Sistiaga, and a novice. The philanthropist represented charity, the negotiator represented temperance, Father Sistiaga represented humility, and the novice represented chastity.

Analysis: I figured it was about time that we took a look at the overall plot we've been involuntarily sucked into. As I mentioned in the very first rip-off lecture, the entire "66.6" storyline seems like an inverted rip-off of Se7en, where the victims are chosen because they represent examples of the seven virtues instead of the seven deadly sins. But in actually thinking about each victim (and the circumstances surrounding their deaths) this entire clusterfuck actually started to make sense to me.

The first victim - the philanthropist (charity) - was killed and his body was placed in a way that resembled the image of a person who represents justice. Thus, the hombres believed that the judge visiting the precinct was the intended second victim. In actuality, the second victim was the negotiator, whom they later discovered was the epitome of soberness (temperance). Her autopsy revealed that she was forced to take communion prior to her death, and the host given to her was supplied to Father Sistiaga's church. This led the hombres to believe that Father Sistiaga was the killer, when really, he was the third victim (of humility, which is associated with reverence, a term often associated with priests). The phone in Father Sistiaga's body led to Paco discovering that Amadeo has a connection to his past. In turn, this led Paco to believe that he should learn more about Amadeo's past, which led him to the school, where he learned about Damián Jr. and discovered the novice (chastity) - the subsequent fourth victim. When she was eventually killed, the elephant signal appeared to Paco and the hombres, so perhaps it really is a clue to the next victim (like Drs. Piper and Beke also suggested). If an elephant is a symbol of peace, the next victim could be someone who represents the virtue of patience.

So, we've got four episodes left and and three more potential victims to complete the seven virtues, which would theoretically mean that there will be one victim per ep. culminating in a battle between Paco and Satan in the series finale. It could also mean that Paco represents one of the seven virtues and the final obstacle in Satan's plan to unleash evil/chaos into the world, which is also a nice set up for a final battle.

Here's the thing though. As much as all of this kind of makes sense to me now, I still don't care. At face value, I have to admit that it all sounds intriguing. Then again, so did Se7en, and again, the difference between the movie and this rip-off is that Se7en didn't need to rely on Satan or paranormal activity to be a success. It was about a psychotic guy with a warped sense of reality who believed he was doing God's work. I think this whole storyline might've been more successful if it were about some whack job who thinks he's doing the devil's work by killing virtuous people. Alex Pina would get the mystery thriller he so desperately wanted while still staying true to the DNA of his show: honest yet bumbling cops who solve crimes. Real crimes (a serial killer), not paranormal-related crimes (Satan). And maybe if he stuck to the format he built his show on, it might've been renewed for a 10th season. Maybe not, because the declining ratings might have more to do with the absence of beloved characters than the storyline itself, but I think that if he had just left out the Satanic bullshit and given us a straight up reverse-Se7en rip-off, he would've had a fighting chance. And at least that way he could've used S10 to finally figure out a useful role for the newbies.

Feel free to add any other rip-off you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on lyrics from the song "Smoke Two Joints" by Sublime

9x09 Novicia A La Fuga - Complete Recap

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9x08 LHdP 66.6: The Rip-off - "Killing in the Name Of"

This episode, while entertaining, was filled with recycled rip-offs that Alex Pina & Co. already used this season. So this lecture should be short and sweet. Hopefully. I'm going to re-summarize the rip-offs for you and then we can analyze how they've developed in the show since we last talked about them.

Ep. 112: El ABC del Satanísmo (The ABCs of Satanism)

Rip-off: The Exorcist
Summary: A single mother begins to notice dramatic changes in her 12 year-old daughter's behavior, which she initially attributes to her recent divorce. These changes include the exhibition of supernatural powers, such as levitation and supernatural strength, as well as a demonic male voice. Doctors remain skeptical about her condition until several paranormal events occur in the house, leading them to believe that the girl might be demonically possessed (or at least that she believes she's possessed). Two priests are brought in to exorcise the demon from the girl.


LHdP spin: The girl that Paco and Pove rescued at the abandoned school in Ep. 110 turns out to be a novice (aka. a nun-in-training). Throughout the episode, she displays behavior indicating that she's possessed by Satan, such as prophetic abilities, slipping occasionally into a demonic male voice, and having the typical "possessed black eyes". Deker remains skeptical that the girl is possessed or that their case involves paranormal activity until the novice starts sharing personal knowledge about his life.

Epic fail: This time Alex Pina & Co. have taken The Exorcist rip-off to the next level by creating a scenario that's almost an exact duplicate of the film. You have Deker, the skeptical doctor, and a young woman who clearly displays signs of being possessed. All we need is to resurrect Father Sistiaga so that he can die again when he tries to exorcise Satan from the girl's body. And, as Drs. Piper and Beke pointed out in their recap of this episode, some of the dialogue was taken directly from the film. What this tells me is that Alex Pina & Co. have gotten so lazy that they can't even be original in their dialogue. And, IMO, if you find yourself creating characters that are nearly exact duplicates of their rip-off counterparts and stealing the dialogue from those rip-offs, it's a clear sign that you shouldn't do the rip-off to begin with.

Rip-off: Harry Potter films
Summary: Harry Potter is an orphan who discovers at the age of 11 that he is a wizard. He is famous in the wizarding world, because when the evil Lord Voldemort attempted to kill an infant Harry, the spell rebounded and seemingly killed the dark lord himself. While Harry learns about magic at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Voldemort is planning his return to power. In the fourth film, The Goblet of Fire, Harry's blood is used in a potion to help restore Lord Voldemort to a new body. In the fifth film, The Order of the Phoenix, a prophecy reveals that Harry or Voldemort will kill the other. It also establishes that Harry and Voldemort share a telepathic connection.

LhdP spin: We learn that eight years ago, Paco and Mariano assisted in the rescue of victims involved in a multiple car crash. We also learn that Damián Sr. was one of the injured victims in that crash and that Paco is a universal blood donor, implying that Paco's blood saved Damián Sr.

Epic fail: Not only is Paco the "Chosen One" like Harry, now he's bonded to Damián Sr. like Harry is bonded to Voldemort - by blood. And given that Damián Sr. and Damián Jr. are evil personified, I'm guessing that in the end Paco or Damián Jr. will kill the other. We can even say that the novice's possessed state of being is similar to when the memory of teen Tom Riddle (aka. Lord Voldemort) possessed young Ginny Weasley's soul in The Chamber of Secrets. I guess that makes Don Lorenzo Dumbledore and Mariano Ron Weasley. And Pove might be Hermione. Actually, Pove kind of reminded me of Harry at the beginning of this episode with his scarf and glasses, but I digress. All we need for this rip-off to be complete is a telepathic connection between Paco and Damián Sr. and/or Damián Jr. The main reason why this rip-off continues to fail is because, aside from the fact that the film series is way better than this show and Paco and the hombres can't beat a bunch of charming kids with British accents, the last time I checked, LHdP wasn't about wizards or demons. On a completely unrelated note, I don't really read the HP books - that's what the movies are for - so do me a favor and don't spoil the last two films for me if you comment on this below, vale?

Rip-off: Nikita (film) and La Femme Nikita (TV series)
Summary: In the original French film, Nikita is a drug addict who kills a police officer during a botched robbery. She is sentenced to life in prison but "recruited" by the French intelligence agency and trained to be an assassin. The television series follows a similar premise, where Nikita is recruited to become an operative for Section One, a top secret counterterrorist organization. In both versions, Nikita's only choices are to comply or be killed. However, unlike the film, in the television series Nikita is not a drug addict, nor had she killed anyone prior to her recruitment into Section. She was framed, but Section believes that she is a killer and thus, that is the reason why they recruited her. Throughout the series, Nikita struggles to balance her role as an operative with her sense of morality.

LHdP spin: Mariana Salgado is a Commander in the CNI, Spain's intelligence agency. She blackmails Pepa (and later Aitor) into doing the CNI's dirty work, but you can tell that she doesn't like having to do so, possibly because she's romantically involved with Pepa's brother, Paco. When Pepa and Aitor save and protect the scientist that Aitor was supposed to kill, Salgado reveals that the orders to execute him came from people above her. When Pepa tells her to do her own dirty work, Salgado does so by killing the scientist herself and extracting a chip from his dead body.

Epic win: It's no secret that I like this rip-off, but the developments in this episode have made me love it. As I've stated before, Pepa's character is very similar to Nikita's character, but I've come to believe that she's not the only Nikita in this rip-off. We don't know much about Salgado's background or how she got recruited by the CNI. All we do know is that she's been with them for quite some time. Salgado's guilty expressions in the past two episodes, especially her reactions to reading Pepa's letter to Paco shows her reservations about what she's forcing Pepa to do. She seems vulnerable in those moments, like she's struggling with herself because of her love for Paco. I think Alex Pina & Co. did a nice job in contrasting the compassionate, moral side of her as a person with the emotionless, unforgiving side of her as a CNI agent. And thus, I believe that Salgado is also Nikita, but a seasoned Nikita. Pepa is a newly recruited Nikita - one who wants to hold onto her humanity and is therefore resistant to complying with the CNI by telling them, "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me." Salgado represents Nikita from the latter part of the series - she's resigned herself to the fact that she's under the CNI's control and, while she might not like or want to do the jobs they assign her, she does it anyway. She's the cautionary tale, if you will, of what Pepa might become and it makes the entire storyline intriguing. It's still a rip-off, but by showing Salgado as an example of what Pepa could become, Alex Pina & Co. have injected some originality into it, and by doing do they have created a rip-off that actually succeeds.

Feel free to add any other rip-off you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on lyrics from the song "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine

9x08 El ABC del Satanismo - Complete Recap

Episode 112 - El ABC del Satanismo (The ABC of Satanism)

By Dr. Bekelauer
Picspam and additional snark by Piper

Deker is doing the introductory speech. He is explaining, point by point, the real story of the Satanic plot line, with forensic exactitude.  There is some sort of a 3-person committee listening.

Deker Narration: And here I am, wearing the same tie I wore to my family’s funeral, five years ago. And I don’t know whether to A) try to convince the Ministry of Interior deputy secretary that the facts we’re dealing with are not paranormal, when I don’t believe in it myself anymore; B) leave the room to fight the first case of possession and exorcism ever to occur in this precinct, or C) go undercover to Tarragona to find the three nuclear warheads that the government is hiding from the nation, when the only thing I want to do is get out of here and kiss the first woman who has left me completely fascinated and defenceless since disgrace tore my life.

And there you are: the ABC of Deker.  The End.  Nah, just kidding.

Reyes: Deker? Are you all right?
Deker: Yes. Let’s begin.

LHDP Intro

Povedilla knocks on Paco’s house all worked up and points a gun at DL, asking him to say the Lord’s Prayer. Mariano hears the ruckus and comes out of his flat. Seeing him, Pove asks him to say the prayer as well.  Pove argues that whoever is possessed would not be able to say the Lord’s Prayer and he just needs to check. But DL is total ace and smacks him on the back of his neck and makes him drop his gun. HAHA! DL scolds him with some proper vintage insults and Pove says “Oh, then it’s you for sure, DL”. Pove is afraid that he has rescued the girl hanging from 2 episodes ago, who happens to be a novice, but inadvertently sent Paco to hell instead.

Piper's Vocation Lesson:  There are several steps before one can become a nun.  First is postulancy; this is where a person (i.e., postulant) petitions to become a member of a religious community.  She may live in a convent or in a community with nuns, but is not really a full-pledged member.  The postulancy usually lasts a year.  The second step is novitiate; this is a period of training and education often overseen by a Novice Mistress.  Different religious communities have different time requirements, although novitiate usually lasts 2 years.  After a novice has been deemed ready, she professes her 1st (temporary) vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  Some orders tact in an extra 4th vow: Vow of stability for the Benedictines, hospitality for the Little Sisters of the Poor.  Now that the novice is a nun, she begins her ministry or take further education, but, per Canon Law, must make her final vows between 3 to 6 years or leave the order.  Once a religious has made final vows, it is much more difficult to leave - there's usually period of exclaustration before dispensation from Rome is given. 

Reyes is in DL’s office when Salgado walks in, telling her they are in trouble for interfering with a CNI mission. Reyes says nonchalantly that they went there following a tip related to the satanic case and the mission went off course. Reyes is total hotness and looking down at Salgado, who’s not giving in. Salgado is using the non-formal pronouns, indicating total disrespect for an inferior officer – but she’s taller than you, you moron!

Aitor is with the scientist guy in the shooting gallery.

Aitor: Look, we really risked a lot last night arresting the CNI. We had to release them this morning, so right now they’re going to be looking for you. I’m offering you personal security, a safe house... until we find out who the fuck is behind this mission. Until the danger is over, that is.
Scientist guy: Are you gonna force me to stay?
Aitor: No, we can’t. You’re not arrested.

Pepa is outside with Deker, who's removing the hidden wires / mics hidden in the dude's clothes.

Pepa: Deker, I think that...
Deker: Shhhh...! When the search for microphones is over, conspiracies, ornamental cubes with nuclear warheads, satanic fugitives, and undercover missions... I’m not trying to say I don’t like illegality, I love illegality... just that when this is all over, I would love to show you my collection of postcards. (Translator’s reaction: HAHAHA!!) Huh?
Pepa: You have a collection of postcards?! I’d love to see them... but I’m a lesbian, Deker. (Translator & Piper: What sort of an answer is that? You can’t see his postcards cause you’re gay? Or maybe all gay people are prohibited from looking at postcards?)
Deker: I know.

Aitor: There’s nothing to do. We have to let this dude go. I’m telling him they’re going to shoot him, and he still wants to leave. He doesn’t trust us, he’s scared shitless.
Pepa: Look, Aitor, he’s our fucking insurance. If this guy disappears, it’s going to be you and me getting shot in a fucking alley.
Deker: He’s not the insurance, per se, but the information he possesses. You have to get him give a statement, codify the declaration, put it in a safety deposit box, and send it to a notary, so it can go public in case one of you two dies (Translator's note: Is it me or is ATPP going to kill Pepa in the season finale? Because hearing it from Deker sounds... really scary.)

Salgado is trying to offer Reyes the possibility of protecting Aitor if she tells her where the scientific dude is. Since Reyes is not collaborating, Salgado and the CNI dude are going to search the precinct. So Reyes phones Aitor.

Aitor: Talk to me.
Reyes: Aitor, Salgado is in the precinct, she’s going downstairs.
Aitor: Pepa, Pepa...

...I hear silent whisper

And I know you're close

I watch your shadow linger

And I feel your ghost...

Salgado walks in the shooting room and sees Aitor, Deker, and Pepa doing some target practice.

Deker: The room is booked until 10. You can sign up for the next hour or go to the target practice El Pichón [Translator doesn't think that’s a real place].

Scientist dude is hiding in a box or something.  Salgado stares at Pepa, Aitor, and Deker, knowing scientific guy is somewhere but she doesn't know where, then proceeds to leave because she knows she's lost this round.  Pekaitor 1, CNI 0.  She bumps into Reyes, they exchange loaded looks, Reyes smirks, then Salgado leaves in a huff.

Reyes proceeds to talk to Deker while Pepa and Aitor help out scientist guy from his hiding place.

Reyes: Deker, come with me. We have an hour until the Interior deputy secretary and the Chief of Police arrive. Yesterday’s arrest has gone out and they are wondering why a local precinct looking for Satanic cannibals ends up interfering with a CNI mission . They want to get us out of the case. We have an hour to explain to them and show them that there’s nothing out of the ordinary in the investigation.
Deker: Yeah, look, don’t know if you care or not but I have in my hands the recording of a document of national security regarding nuclear warheads...
Reyes: You’re going to come with me, you’re going put on the smartest suit you have, and you’re going to explain to the Ministry people the A, B, and C. No levitations, no ectoplasms, no paranormal bullshit. Because otherwise we’re going to have to explain to the Captain why the FUCK they want to get us out of the case!!

Reyes storms out.

Deker: It’s all good. While I help decipher the ABC of Satanism, my assistant can help you. My dear Watson.
Win-E: At your orders, Doctor.
Deker: He is the apex of security. He is like a suitcase, but with a gun.

Aitor goes to comfort Reyes, who tells him that she’s not going to let him go to jail. Deker sees all the snogging and wishes he was snogging Pepa (this is not said, but we know that’s what he’s thinking).

Nice cleavage, Pepa!

At the lab, Mariano, DL, Curtis, Pove, and Rita are with the novice, who is still looking off but acting normal nevertheless. Everybody tries to comfort her but Pove is rather worked up. DL tells them that they have to go find the man who raped Mama Cannibal, aka Satan’s father. DL tries to interrogate the nun, but she can’t remember much, just flashes of Satan’s father (but they don’t know that).

Deker and Reyes start analyzing the case with their forensics theories. This is a good summary for whoever hasn’t watched the show this season but can’t be arsed going through seven episodes of pure Satanic crap and a super hot top class agent. They get to the part of the painting with blood on the ceiling.

Reyes: What about this?
Deker: It reminds me of a night I spent with a girl, looking at the stars. But it didn’t work out.
Reyes: I thought you were more interested in lesbians. And I, for now, am not one. ("For now" being the operative phrase)
Deker: Come on, Inspector, one can’t tell the difference in the darkness.

They keep working on their theories. Thirty-four minutes to go. 

What a MILF!

Aitor and Pepa brought scientist guy to Aitor and Mariano’s flat.

Scientist Guy: The project went ahead in Germany. On 15th November 1995, we took a direct flight from Oslo to Frankfurt, to examine the plutonium coming from the ex-Soviet republic of Uzbekistan.
Aitor: Right.
SG: Can I go to the toilet?
Aitor: Sure. Over there.
Pepa: Win-E, this information is vital, you have to protect it. Our lives depend on it.
Win-E: It’s saved in my memory slots. Nobody can access it without the password.
Pepa: I know, but it might happen that someone will try to steal it from you, at any cost. Win-E, you get what I’m trying to say?
Win-E: Should I save all the data or delete the inaccurate information?
Aitor: What?
Win-E: “On 15th November 1995, we took a direct flight from Oslo to Frankfurt, to examine the plutonium coming from the ex-Soviet republic of Uzbekistan.” Oslo airport was closed from the 14th to the 15th Nov 1995, due to a snow storm. In addition, Mr Nieto [the scientist] does not appear in the passenger list of any flights scheduled that week.

Pepa: He’s lying to us, he’s totally lying to us, Aitor!
Aitor: I don’t know, Pepa, I don’t know. Maybe he got the dates confused .
Pepa: Yeah, maybe he got confused with some dates and now he just made up the flights, come on, for fuck’s sake!
Aitor: You don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust us. What the fuck do you want to do? The guy wants to fuck off, what do we do?

Pepa’s got the crazy lesbian solution to everything – a nice blow on the back of the head to knock SG out for a while.  Poor dude doesn't know what hit him.

Aitor: Fuck’s sake, Pepa! Win-E, don’t record this, man, don’t record this. Delete it, come on. Blows with gun butts... no!
Pepa: Don’t record kidnappings either.
Win-E: Yes, agents. At your orders.

You know Win-E is recording something else...

The weird nun-wannabe tells DL that she was in the trunk of a car for three days. Satan has soaked her legs in blood and an animal licked them, and other sorts of Satanic stuff we don’t care about. Mariano walks in with information about Damián Sr. Eight years ago, he was in a multiple car crash, and Paco and Mariano were there helping out to rescue and assist the victims. Paco happens to be a universal donor, so you join the dots. Yes, you are right, Satan’s father has Paco’s blood in his system. Then the nun-wannabe tells DL he’s going to receive a phone call and of course he does. She’s already possessed, I think. It’s the Guardia Civil, somebody found Paco’s phone at the coach station.

This scene is just Deker and Reyes but they talk about Pepa – plus it’s HILARIOUS.

Deker: We are already like a pretty family. You’re wearing trousers and I’m bringing you lunch.
Reyes: Thanks, but I’m not hungry.
Deker: Ack, well. I forgot that when people are in love, they lose their appetite. Because you are, huh?
Reyes: How have you come to that conclusion?
Deker: A) Agent Carrasco is a sex symbol here in San Antonio, B) no one risks his job organising a fake undercover mission if it’s not out of love, and C) I just saw you in the coffee room. Unless there’s a strong wind in that room, there were more than words there.
Reyes: It must have been the wind then, because just the other day I saw you with Agent Miranda, and you weren’t really talking either. Why are you so cold, Deker? Why do you speak with so much sarcasm? The only time I saw you being a bit more human was yesterday.
Deker: I must have been pretending.
Reyes: No, someone who has lost his family five years ago does not pretend. You are simply scared of affection. And if Agent Miranda can take you out of there, ten points for Agent Miranda.
Deker: I would have to improve my cunnilingus a lot.  (Translator's juvenile reaction: BWAHAHAHA!)

Then they talk about the second victim.

At Paco’s, Salgado is trying to relax. I don’t know what the point of that scene is – I kinda got the feeling she was about to touch herself though! HAHA! (Perv? Who? Me? Nah!)

Pepa, who is next door, has effectively kidnapped the guy.

Pepa: We are the only thing standing between you and a fucking CNI bullet. So just give me a reason to get myself off the middle and hand them a fucking liar like you. I’m gonna give you just a chance. You’re going to tell me the whole story. Again. But I want it in reverse. You start with the end, and finish with the beginning. If you forget something or you skip a step, you lose.

Povedilla is with Linda Blair, who shows him the inscriptions on her legs and wants them to do el chiki chiki. EWWW. DL walks in and wants to check the novice's ink.

Reyes and Deker are still analyzing the mysteries of the Satanic plot.  Deker pulls out news clips about incredible feats done by ordinary people during extraordinary circumstances, like the mother who lifted 8 tons of crap to save her kid, or a 5-year old who survived 2 floors of debris.  Humans are capable of inhuman accomplishments.

At the house, science guy is not coming out great.

SG: I don’t know, maybe we didn’t leave Oslo, or... Copenhagen, I don’t know, at that time we flew almost every other day. But I must have it written down, let me check it. I swear I wasn’t lying to you.
Aitor: Would you please take it easy? Look, you’re pointing your gun at a guy and you have no fucking clue whether he’s innocent or not! What are you gonna do? Tell me... You gonna kill him there, on Mariano’s rug? What’s this about? Kidnappings or assassinations, again?
Win-E: I shouldn’t record this either, right?

In Paco’s bedroom, Salgado finds Pepa’s goodbye letter to Paco and starts reading it.

Pepa: This is about nightmares. And about not only having to carry the guilt of killing El Gordo, but that every night before I go to sleep, I close my eyes... and I see him (i.e., El Gordo), and not my pelirroja. And ever since then, every day, when I wake up, I feel worse than the day before. That’s what this is about. And it’s about the fact that I am beyond salvation, that’s why I need to save you, that’s why I need this fucker to tell me why the CNI wants to kill him, because I have to stand against my sister-in-law to see if I can save my best friend’s ass. That’s what it's all about.

 
Salgado breaks down crying after reading Pepa’s goodbye note.

Pepa and Aitor are having a girl talk because they're BFFs.

Aitor: I’m going out with Reyes.
Pepa: Is that true?
Aitor: Yeah. Given we’re now best friends, I might start telling you my private things.
Pepa: Right. I hooked up with Deker.
Aitor: You fucking kidding me? What are you telling me, are you going back in the closet?
Pepa: Oy! No, but sometimes it’s easier to hook up with a guy.
Aitor: That for sure.
Pepa: Nah. Plus I am not ready to hook up with a girl yet.

Salgado locates Pepa’s phone using GPS.

Win-E: GPS system found. The phone model LG KP500 it’s been tracked.

DL checks the novice’s marks from her leg up to her bare ass. What were they inking on her?  A fucking novel? Paco shows up. He is apparently fine. When he tells Pove and DL what happened, the novice repeats the same words as spoken by the devil. Bit possessed, huh?

Deker concludes there’s no supernatural case. It was about time somebody said that in this show, seriously.

Salgado is being picked up by her CNI mate and they’re about to break into Mariano’s.

The possessed novice is out of control. Pove, who was the lucky recipient of her blood puke earlier, looks like the day Sabinica was born, his face all covered in blood.

Pepa: Let’s see Win-E, have you saved everything?
Win-E: I have activated protocol A-36 for classified information. And I have deleted your personal affairs.
Aitor: If anything should happen, if we get shot, you send that video to all mobile phones in the precinct: Castro, Miranda, everyone...
Pepa: Win-E, can you do that?
Win-E: Of course.
Pepa: Good. Send the video to newspapers, to courts... they might want to come and destroy you.
Aitor: Let’s see, in 20 minutes we can be in Barajas. We get you a ticket to the fucking South Pole and you don’t show up around here for the rest of your life, right?
SG: Yeah.
Aitor: Pepa, get the car keys.

Knock on the door.

CNI dude: CNI! Open the door!
Pepa: I’m not gonna let you take him.
Salgado: I’m sorry, Pepa, but I don’t think you’re in a position to negotiate. Search the house, go see if there’s anybody else here. Go check if there’s anybody else!

At the lab, possessed girl is going all mad. Paco asks her where Satan is. And she answers “In Hell...” then turns to DL and says “...with your daughter, that bitch”. Excuse me? First she rips off a line from The Exorcist and then she calls Silvia a bitch? Give me a hammer and I will finish her off, thanks. 

Mariano, Rita, and Curtis arrive at the geriatric residence where Damián Sr. stays. It’s clear, as we can see, that this is the dude who is possessing the crazy novice, as we keep having back and forth scenes of him and her interacting.

Salgado: I didn’t want this to end up like this.
Pepa: And how the fuck did you want this to end, Marina? What did you think? That I was gonna shoot an innocent guy in the head and then sleep well at night? Eh?
Aitor: Pepa, drop your gun.
Pepa: Did you know this guy was innocent? Did you know?!
Aitor: Pepa, drop your gun! Lower it, fuck, lower it.
Salgado: It’s not I who gives the orders, Pepa. There are people over me, in charge of national security, and they are the ones give the orders.
Pepa: Sure, and what do you do? You execute them? No, you send somebody else to do the dirty work. Your sister-in-law, for example, or whoever has made a fucking mistake and has only her life to offer. That’s good enough for you. Her life or her friends’ lives. But you know what, Marina, you have a problem. We have saved this man’s formal statement in a very safe place...

CNI is looking in Aitor’s room but finds nothing. Win-E is hiding in the closet among Aitor’s clothes.

Win-E: That was close.
Pepa:... and if I die, or Aitor dies, you and your fucking Centro Nacional de Inteligencia are going to hell.
Aitor: Pepa... Pepa!
Pepa (gives Salgado her magnum): Shoot. Shoot me, fuck’s sake!

At the lab, Deker finds the explanation to the problem: everyone has been hypnotized. Paco is raging saying she’s possessed by Satan and that everything can be explained just because Satan exists and he is behind all that. Suspenseful intermittent scenes between Mariano's flat and the lab.

Pepa: Shoot him, come on, kill him. Do your fucking job.

Pepa still wearing her wedding ring

Mariano realises that Damián Sr. is indeed Satan’s father. So then we have established that Damián Jr. is Satan. Good. Deker injects muscle relaxant to the novice, who seems to calm down, and yells that there’s nothing paranormal about the case. But then Satan’s dad has another card to play, possessing the novice again and pretending to be Deker’s dead daughter. Deker succumbs to that and comes close to the novice, showing her his bare neck (You don’t do that when a hungry cannibal family is possessing a girl, do you??). So of course she grabs a chunky bite of him.

Pepa: Kill him, and then go and tell your boyfriend.

So Salgado shoots the man.

Salgado: Get out, get out!!

Salgado takes her gun and shoots outside and fakes a shooting rather than an execution, then takes a knife and cuts open the guy’s arm to remove what looks like a SIM card – you killed him cause you needed a new number? Nah, surely it is some GPS tracking device, or a microfilm, or something.

Better fake blood than prior seasons...

And the final scene is the same as the first one.

Deker: And here I am, wearing the same tie I wore to my family’s funeral, five years ago. And I don’t know whether to A) try to convince the Ministry of Interior deputy secretary that the facts we’re dealing with are not paranormal, when I don’t believe in it myself anymore; B) leave the room to fight the first case of possession and exorcism ever to occur in this precinct, or C) go undercover to Tarragona to find the three nuclear warheads that the government is hiding from the nation, when the only thing I want to do is get out of here and kiss the first woman who has left me completely fascinated and defenceless since disgrace tore my life.

NEXT WEEK!

Everybody seems to be smoking pot, very vintage LHDP. Fair enough, because Pepa hits on Reyes, telling her, in the sexiest of ways “I prefer them with sensual lips and high heels” – and the best part is that Reyes seems to be playing along! And Reyes and Lis seem to be hugging a lot too – threesome anyone?

But then we also have the CNI plot, in which Salgado is trying to incriminate Pepa in the assassination of the scientist guy. Can’t wait to watch it!

Piper's commentary:

Best things about this episode:

• Pepa with a gun
• Win-E who's better than all the newbies, and
• NO NEWBIES!!!

Deker seems to be falling in love with Pepa, which is setting him up for a heartache. Because Pepa can only be tamed by Silvia.  At this point, I think Pepa is simply existing, saving what she could, correcting the wrongs, and simply counting the days until cancellation she's with Silvia once more.  Deker was a fudge brownie, a tub of ice cream, a facial... manicure and pedicure - something to comfort Pepa and nothing more. 

And what can I say about Salgado?  I really, really liked her when she gave Pove his medal.  She was a picture of bureaucratic hotness, like a naughty librarian who doesn't know yet that she's naughty. And now here she is, another victim of the ATPP™ Character Assassination Department. Because only they could take this hot bureaucratic librarian quadriculada and turn her into a hormonal, love-crazed putty with extremely evil tendencies. 

And of course this clusterfuck of a season will not be complete without an Exorcist rip-off!  I mean, isn't it the motherload of all creepy satanic movies, from whence appeared other creepy satanic rip-offs like The Omen, Exorcism of Emily Rose, etc.?  If Deker and Reyes are already trying to find empirical, logical explanations for this case, I'd leave it up to them and cease and desist my speculations.  Why? My IQ drops 20 points each time I try to explain this season which I can only assume is ATPP™ 's leviathan fuck you to all of LHDP's remaining loyal viewers.