The death of Silvia has changed my life. It sounds dramatic but after episode 104 I was heartbroken, desperate and very lonely. How did one character alter my existence?
Like Silvia, I have been with men all my life. And like Silvia I knew something wasn’t right. I liked the men I was with. They have all been very good to me. No one ever hurt me or did something to me against my will. On a mental and physical level something was missing.
From the age of 10 I have been attracted to girls. At high school I had a huge crush on a girl, I dreamed about her every night. I secretly wished she would hold and kiss me at the prom. Of course that didn’t happen. And because I didn't give in to my desire to be with a woman, I just kept having relationships with men.
As I grew older my feelings towards women were kept under lock and key. Not giving in to my inner desire to be with a woman I kept having relationships with men.
Than I saw Silvia in a YouTube clip. I was mesmerized by her beauty. She looked so vulnerable and to see her struggle with her feelings for Pepa made me again aware of my own feelings. Silvia did everything I couldn’t do. She fell in love, she held hands, kissed in public, came out to her family, made love to a woman, and married the one person she loved unconditionally. Silvia has come a long way. Pepa was there to guide her but it was Silvia who had to make the first move. With baby steps she discovered who she truly was: a woman in love with a woman.
I know Silvia is a TV character, but to me she was an inspiration to finally face reality and admit to people close to me that I am emotionally and physically attracted to women.
Silvia is gone and thank god I’m still alive. Silvia has made me aware of two things: I know who I am and I know what I want. I am a woman worth loving and I want a Pepa.
The title is from a brilliant song by Lisa Lois, the Dutch winner of the X Factor 2009.
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10 comments:
the same story happens to me, but i dont be with men, i dont want to intend like them, or cheat on them, so i just hang around with girls, when i was at the university, i reveal my love with a girl and she's so scare make me think i'm a monster, my heart's broken and i decide to get married with a good man, but 3 month before wedding . I found out pepsi and they make me realize who i am. i'm out of wedding. And my familie's so angry and hate me so much but i don't regret. Now i meet a girl like silvia, she likes me or loves me. But she can't decide who she is now but at least she accepts me, she always hides her feelings for me with everybody but me. I don't force her, but i hope one day we can come out love, live, be happy like pepsi. It doesn't mean i'm day dreamer. I'm ready she breaks up with me. But i'm happy cuz i know who i am and be myself. Billion thanks to pepsi for changing my life
I think it takes courage to examine your life and look at the world in a new way. I appreciate you sharing this and I know there are many people who have dealt with a similar situation.
People don't realize that television, films, theatre and books can change lives and have profound effects on our personal lives. PepSi was not just there to entertain us...it gave us so much more.
Thank you, Scoopgirl, for trusting us with your story.
Well, I do want a Pepa as well. Or a Silvia...
Q18: Aww cute. Yes I agree people don't tv as much as credit as they should. Silvia and Pepa have awoken something inside of me as well but that's a different story for another time. :P Although some of the storylines in LHDP seem improbable, some hold true to the human heart. Thanks for a great lecture.
Jess: To know who you are is the key to finding yourself... Thanks for the lecture, Scoopgirl!
Your story is very personal and thank you for sharing it with us. Silvia might have been the impetus to push you over that precipice of accepting yourself. But what happens after self-acceptance? Do you live happily ever after?
I don't know the answer, but I do hope you will update your story someday with a happy ending.
Beautiful. You should so send this to Marian Aguilera...
wherever she is.
this really moved me. thanks for sharing such a personal story. this is WHY the pepsi storyline is so much more than just part of a silly spanish tv show, and why positive/realistic lesbian visibility in media is so important.
-pepsienglish
This changed my life as well.
Only for me....there was no Pepa. I was Silvia knocked over by intense feelings for p.e.p.a. and her reaction was you fucking crazy? Not even compassion or comprehesion. To this day and happened A LONG TIME AGO. I guess I was traumasized I still think that was the one, ghe one that got away, not meant to be. Whatever.
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