Marian In Catalan

Translation, notes, and smart-ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer

Drool-worthy pictures by Dr. Piper

Blond lady introduces Bart Santana and Marian Aguilera. She first offers to start off with a test. They need to choose an envelope.

MA: Red!

The envelop contains the text “Miquel’s senses”. Miquel, the guy, comes in and asks them if they’re ready. Miquel jokes that they might not even premiere the play if they’re in the show cause anything can happen. Miquel asks them if their senses are fine.

MA: They’re horrible... Horrible... Because I have no sense of smell.

Miquel says that poor Marian woke up with a sore throat but that she’s working and doing the promotion for the play anyway and that they will forgive her if she misses due to her runny nose. He’s going to test their sense of touch and taste. Miquel blindfolds Bart and asks them if they get blindfolded often. Marian says yes. [Really?] So Miquel hands them the items which they have to identify.

 MA: Underwear? Or a pair of shorts?

Second object - Bow and arrow.

MA: Yeah, a bow and some arrows. No, it’s not a whip, it’s a bow.

Then Miquel asks if Cupid has treated them right in life. Bart says he’s a fucker.

MA: I am very happy. [with Cupid]

Miquel is about to give them the third object when he says “Marian take your hands off your pockets, we’re on TV”. He spoons some to Marian to taste. Piper's snark: Bastard!

MA: It’s chocolate natillas. [Spanish dessert]

Miquel asks if they use these objects very often. Marian does not answer [Haha!] Then they show a video of the press junket with the cast of the play and some very famous Catalan reporters and journalists. Piper's comment: They had the press junket at a sex shop? Really?

Blondie: Maybe the hardest part is the foreplay?
MA: The show has everything.
BS: Everything.
MA: It’s 40.000 stories, so...
BS: Lots of characters, real stories... people are going to be able to feel their story on stage.

Blondie interrupts to show another video. This time it is the “Surprise appetizer”. Mariona Tena, I have no clue who she is, recommends small olives as appetizer. [Random, I know]

After the commercial break, people start texting their first time stories and they show them on real time.  Blondie reads “I’d like to think more about my last time than the first”. More texts messages.

MA: Kids grow up too fast these days.
Blondie: When they ask you about your first time, what do you say?
MA: I never reply.
BS: Mine was so fast I don’t even remember it.

So Blondie says that by the end of the show, they’ll have to answer to a question by the audience “When was the last time that...?”  Bart does a little bit of history of Mi Primera Vez and how they have organized it.

Blondie: So people are gonna feel their story on stage? They might ask for copyright rights.
MA: Well, people wrote their stories on the website so they could share them. People really want to explain things about their own lives, and yeah, many people wrote their stories. People really want to share and explain.

Blondie says they’ve done what they do in the play – they handed little postcards so people could share their stories. And she’s offering them to read out loud some experiences from the TV set team.

MA: My first time was on a class trip to the country side. We used to go there all the time. One night, among all the students who just couldn’t sleep... well, you can guess. 

They talk about the decorations and set up of the play. Then they read another story.

MA: I almost can’t remember it. It was many years ago, very romantic, with my now wife. I don’t think I did it so wrong.

Then they show a video of their first time on TV. Marian speaks very little, and most of her scenes are from Ventdelplà, a long Catalan series, still on air I think. She’s trying to write a book about a convicted man, so she goes everywhere with her voice recorder trying to get interviews.

How Cute!

And then the final test, the “Audience test”.

Blondie: When was the last time Marian fell in love?
MA: Hummm... two years ago.
Blondie: When was the last time you said “This is the last time”?
MA: I’ve said it, but I can’t remember now. I’ve said it many times
Blondie: When was the last time you told a lie?
MA: Can’t remember it.

Piper's deep thought: She fell in love 2 years ago? Huh?  But she's been with Himbo for over 10 years! Two years ago... that'd be 2008... when... yes... PEPA CAME ALONG!

Blondie asks Bart when the last time he got a fine was. MA intervenes.

MA: Bart, they should ask me your questions.
Blondie: Really? When was the last time you got a fine, Marian?
MA: Like a week ago.
Blondie: Why?
MA: I don’t know. Something. Might have parked where I shouldn’t.

Blondie asks Bart when the last time he made a big mistake was, but since the word in Catalan for it is “pota” and that’s the vulgar way in Spanish to say “to puke”, he starts saying that he vomited on stage a couple of months ago. They realise he just got the question wrong (Bart is not a native Catalan speaker) and laugh.

Blondie: When was the last time you said “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”?
MA: Bffff... I said that many times. But I just can’t remember the last one! So I say it now, “Sorry, sorry, sorry!”.

And it’s over. Short but intense.

And if you want to watch the interview again... and again... and again...