Marian in Arucitys

By Dr. Bekelauer
Picspam and additional snark by Dr. Piper

Translator's introduction:  Okay, this is a show that has been on forever. In many different channels and times, but I remember being in high school and watching Arucitys right after lunch because my parents loved it. The showman, Alfons Arús, a former comedian, conducts the interviews and moderates the debates, which are normally heated up by his wife Vicky (the lady with short dark hair on his left). It is funny as hell and the interview with Marian and Bart has really hilarious moments. This also provokes a lack of format and drastic topic changes – just in case you wonder “Where the hell did that come from?”

Vicky: Hey Marian, what happened to your hair?
MA: Huh, I cut it a bit. It’s all right, it grows back and then I cut it again and like this forever.
Arús: If not you can just get extensions, like Doña Letizia [the princess].

MA: Well, not a problem.

Arús explains how Mi primera vez was created and the website stories.

MA: Yeah, and they explain a lot of stuff!

Arús and Bart joke about whether Americans’ and Spaniards’ first time could be the same.

Arús: How many stories you tell per play?
MA: Well, between sentences, monologues, scenes, sketches... There are many characters.
Bart: Many characters and many stories

Arús complains that only the boys in the play undress but girls don’t take off even their necklaces.

See her swollen right cheek

MA [Seeing the video of the play that they’re showing on screen]: Look that was the back tooth day! It got swollen... I had a gumboil. It’s true. I woke up in Barcelona and the next day... Well, sorry, I was just remembering the day.
Arús: Is the gumboil gone now?
MA: Nah, it’s still there.
Arús: Really? What are you taking?
MA: I’m on antibiotics.
Arús: Huh, I don’t think antibiotics and theatre are compatible, are they?

The mechanism of the play is that people in the audience are given a card where they write their first time, so some of the stories are told in real time.

MA: Yeah, some people take their card and put it there [takes hand to her chest] and say “Oh, don’t want anyone to see that” or at some point we’re in a rush, we have to select them and we browse thru them as soon as we get them and some people go “Don’t read it!”. Many people just don’t want the person right beside them to know it’s them.
Arús: But it implies some exhibitionism!
MA: Well, it’s actually anonymous, so if you haven’t let the person next to you read it, that person doesn’t really need to know you wrote it. 

Bart: They end up finding out.
Arús: You just blush.
MA: But some groups just applaud or cheer when it’s theirs.
Arús: They said that some people that went to see the play were a bit uncomfortable at the beginning but ended up cracking up laughing. People tend to take precautions when seeing the play?
MA: Yes. Many people get there and refuse to laugh [Translator's admiration: I adore MA’s expression there!].

Arús: Really?
MA: Yeah, and you see them looking like... [crosses arms], but end up laughing. I saw that the other day. In the first row, there was this lady looking like “No, no, I’m not gonna laugh”... then it was like she couldn’t keep it inside and ended up all loose... 

Arús: But then, Marian, why do they go to the theatre?
MA: Humm, I don’t know.

They talk about ways of explaining the stories.

MA: There is a great variety.
Arús: You always end up talking about two Murcianas [Translator's note: Women from Murcia, remember?!]. Two Murcianas and a can of Coke. What happened to these ladies?
MA: Well, these ladies tell, not only how was their first time, which is already included in the story,... they tell how they went to a TV show to explain a method of contraception that one of them used, which is a little peculiar. And well, what happened and how they explain it...
Arús: And the method of contraception is Coke?
MA: Yes.
Arús: But Coke, you mean the bottle or...?
MA: No, the important element is gas [Translator's note: She puts a Murcian accent. TOO FUNNY]
Monica: So you can use lemonade or Fanta too then?
MA: Of course.
Arús: “Gas is contraceptive”.
MA: No, it isn’t, it isn’t! We say that it’s not... One of the ladies thought it was, but the other...
Vicky: We guess that depending on the age of the person telling the story, the whole thing changes a lot?
MA: Yeah.
Arús: ...Because the older generations had more trouble to do it, the times were different.

MA: Yes, sure. I’ve been finding out stuff while reading all these stories, and chatting with people and everything. Suddenly, the other day, we were chatting with a sexologist and I said something like “The concept of ‘my first time’ is just an excuse and you find yourself with tons of funny stories”. And the lady sexologist said “No no, it’s very important and many people have a trauma and it’s something that gets stuck in your head and doesn’t let you think of anything else”.
Arús: Yeah, it’s true we never remember the second or the third time.
MA: Of course.
Arús: But we all remember the first.
MA: Exactly.

Vicky: Do you guys remember it? Or you have forgotten after reading so many first times?
MA: Well, after that many times that we have been asked the same question during the promotion of the play... yeah, we do.
Vicky: You “have to” remember it then?
MA: The question is always the same.
Vicky: And what’s the answer?
MA: The answer, you know what? It’s been so many times and you know, you end up saying “That’s it, the story is other people’s stories, written in the website”. If we had wanted to tell our first time, we would have written our own stories in the website.
Vicky: Haha, is it not written?
MA: No, it’s not. Mine is not written in it. His [pointing at Bart]... I don’t know.

Arús asks about copyrights. We have a lot of problems with that in Spain, so that’s why they joke about it. Then he asks about the not-so-funny first time stories, specially the one of a man who asked his sister to sleep with him so as not to die a virgin.

MA: We don’t know if it’s true, but the story is there, and they left it in the show. It was there when we got the script.

Then they talk about the staging. And then about the difference between Americans and Spaniards. Bart says Spaniards have a bigger sense of humour.

MA: Yeah, but it is also because we find it funny. It’s like everything we know, we can relate to it and we find it funnier.

Arús then shows two opinion polls about sex from two different newspapers. They say 82% of Spaniards complain that their sex could be “much better” and that 1 in 3 women fake orgasms. So then Vicky and Arús joke about it. There are 3 women on the set, so out of the 3 of them, one fakes. Vicky says she doesn’t fake and then points to Marian and goes “She is the actress”. Marian only laughs.

Bart: That is very sad.
MA: Look, the lady sexologist said that yesterday, damn it, I can’t remember her name, but she said very interesting things. She said that “nothing happens” when everything is normal, but when something is not normal then there is a problem. And one could say “oh, your first time, what a stupid thing”, and it’s a stupid thing if everything went all right and it was natural and all but if not, there is a lot of people who get traumas.

Then they talk about faking the first time and faking in general. Arús says faking is actually a time saver. Arús then asks if being a famous TV character helps to bring people to the play, because Bart is also on TV, in Física o Química, another Antena 3 production.

Arús: Well, that’s fine with Marian, cause she doesn’t watch TV! Don’t you watch Física o Química, Marian?
MA: I don’t watch Física y Química, sorry Física o Química, no…
Arús: You didn’t even watch Los Hombres de Paco!
MA: I didn’t watch… well, sometimes I did watch it! No, yeah... I watched it some random times. For example, with Al salir de clase they always asked me... I never watched it because I was shooting it! They showed it at lunch time, I could tape it but I didn’t have a... [Translator's comment: VHS? You didn’t own a VHS?]
Vicky: We have a doubt... The season finale of Los Hombres de Paco... that final song. Who the hell came up with it?
MA: The Mexican song?
Vicky: The Mexican song.
MA: What do you mean with “Who the hell came up with it?”
Vicky: It just doesn’t go with the moment!!
MA: But it’s not my fault!
Arús: We’re not saying it’s your fault, we’re asking who came up with the idea.
MA: It’s a very nice song, but I don’t know why they chose that one.
Arús &Vicky (start singing): Probablemente ya...
Monica: Right in the middle of the slaughter!
Arús: We’re big fans of Los Hombres de Paco. [...] So then you don’t know how the series are gonna follow now? Now that you’re dead.
MA: Well, but maybe there are surprises...
Vicky: You’re not dead?
Arús: You’re not dead!!?
MA: I am dead! I am dead! I swear!
Arús: Marian Aguilera slash Silvia, are you dead or not?
MA: I am dead.
Arús: Okay.
Vicky: You are definitely dead?
Monica: This is starting to look like Lost! The dead come alive!
MA: Nah.

Then he asks Bart about his series, which we absolutely do not care about.

Arús: And with Marian we have enjoyed priceless scenes... I myself confess to be a fan of Los hombres de Paco because of your kissing scenes. Don’t know what to say!
MA: Wouldn’t have guessed it!
Arús: Was it hard to shoot these lesbian scenes?
MA: Nope.
Bart: Well, with Laura Sánchez... what can you say!
Monica: I think you guys wish you were one of the two!
Bart: Laura is from Huelva, like me.
MA: The truth is it was really cool that she joined the show.
Arús: Really?
MA: Yeah, for everything. She’s a very nice and cheerful girl, and with this strong lively character.
Arús: And is it true what other actors from LHDP said that the atmosphere was awesome both in the set and outside?
MA: Yeah, we have a good relationship. They always say “we have a good group atmosphere” but it’s actually hard to have a bad atmosphere, there has to be someone to break it... but normally all casts have a good relationship, we’re all normal people.
Arús: They also commented they organised soccer games and everything.
MA: Yeah, that’s true. I never went to any of them but...
Arús: Not even as a cheerleader?
MA: No. But it’s true, normally we all have a good relationship. You spend many hours together.
Arús: Marian does not remember this, but her first job was with me. Because in La casa por la ventana, Lloll Beltrán was Paco Moran’s wife, and they were the Perifer family. And they had a kid, the Perifer boy. The Perifer boy had a girlfriend, and now that I’m saying this, she remembers it – the Perifer boy’s girlfriend was Marian Aguilera. But you were really young. You might have been 8 or so! [Translator's comment: This must be a very old show because I can’t even recall it]
MA: Very, very young.
Arús: So ever since you were a kid, you knew you wanted to be an actor, and your parents knew that too.
MA: Yes, in that moment I guess.
Arús: It changed later?
MA: No, but you know, at that age, you change your mind so many times, and you make so many decisions, and take many roads... And I ended up here.

Arús asks Bart about his story, which, again, we absolutely do not care about.

Vicky: And you are a candidate to the Fotogramas de Plata, no?
Arús: We should congratulate you, you are one of the three finalists. Can you see yourself with the Fotogramas [Translator's note: meaning if she thinks she’ll win it]?
MA: It’s an award where people vote for, pretty much like everything, what a dufus I am.
Arús: Well no, sometimes they just take the name out of a hat.
MA: Well I think they [feminine] are really into it, and I have many female fans because of the Pepa and Silvia story, and I know how it is... Even friends of mine, they love coming to the set, they’re also coming to the theatre, I know there are groups on the internet... There are many of them [feminine]. Well then, maybe thanks to them, I can get the Fotogramas de Plata. It would be really nice.
Arús: You can put it on top of your fridge. Looks really nice.

And in the end they talk about the timetables of the play.

MA: And we have an extra one on Saturdays at six thirty. Or at six. I don’t know. People should come around quarter to six, and if the play is at six thirty, they should have a beer in the cafeteria.