9x06 Una Noche Espeluznante - Recap

Episode 110 - Una Noche Espeluznante (A Bloodcurdling Night)
By Dr. Bekelauer

In an interview, Benjamín Vicuña has admitted that this episode is a tribute to the The Blair Witch Project. So we know it’s a rip off. It seems a bit of a waste to just use 4 actors and not interact with the precinct or other sets, but this is what the writers wanted. We are happy though, that Povedilla is back – it's not the same without him.

Premise: Paco has lost his mind. He really does think now that he’s the Chosen One and that he is going to save the world from evil, even though no one believes him. His conversation with Silvia has definitely pushed him over the edge. He is going to the country house / summer school that changed Amadeo’s life forever.

Paco has asked Povedilla to go with him on a secret mission. They are talking about it in the frisking parking garage, Paco thanks Pove for being with him in this moment in which no one really trusts him. The brats Lis and Dani are coming with them, Povedilla hugs them and say he’s happy they’re there. Really? As what, Vampire bait?

They get in the car and drive. They bring a big ass, professional-grade video camera because they intend to film the whole experience. Paco wants to talk to anyone who could solve the enigma, but the country house is abandoned. Apparently, when Amadeo was there, the common room was set on fire and he was the only kid to survive. That is so horror film -like.

They arrive at their destination and before they are to proceed, Paco gives them communion and makes them wear chunky wood crucifix necklaces, then blesses them with Holy Water. Really all that necessary? He is acting like a priest! The brats look at him with a “What the hell?” face, so Paco gets annoyed and walks away. Povedilla chases after him and finds a big black scary Rottweiler at the door (see The Omen). They walk into the country house and they find blood.  Lis removes the cross necklace and puts it in her pocket, while Dani took off his and left it on the ledge.

Lis and Dani are commiserating about their miserable lives and Dani confesses that his parents are dead. Inside, Pove and Paco find a fresh dead lamb, meaning they’re not alone. They find the room where the boys were burned alive. Outside, Lis is peeing in the woods when she screams, and Dani runs after her. And they both get killed.  No, we're not that lucky.  When P&P look for them, they find the video camera on the ground and they watch what Dani has filmed so far.  They realize that the brats have gone deep into the woods.

Dani's now a professional videographer?

Pove and Paco look for them and find a little cabin where they see a guy with a knife, and Dani. They storm in ready to kill Psycho but it turns out he is the groundskeeper trying to help Dani with his wound. The groundskeeper tells them the story: apparently the kids were locked in the room by a nun, and when the fire started, they couldn’t get out because the nun lost the key. Then, after the accident, the nun hang herself. The groundskeeper tells them that people say that the school is haunted.  You think?

They go back to the school building.  Paco opens a door and sees a dead, hanging nun. (Very La Monja, or The Nun, a Spanish horror film starring... ta-dah! Manu Fullola, the actor who plays the cannibal).Then he reopens the door and there’s nothing there. He’s going mental. He’s taken a hammer from the groundkeeper’s cottage and he’s smashing the floor under Amadeo’s bed open. Flashes of his conversation with the mother – she found Amadeo’s secret box of stuff under his bed, so Paco guesses he will find some stuff there too. But no.

Dani prepares an Ouija board. Who the hell plays Ouija in a haunted house anyway? He says that he did that every day when he was a kid cause he was trying to talk to his parents. Yeah, right.  Paco confides to Pove about his sexy ghost visitor from last episode.

Paco: Do you know why I’m here? Because Silvia told me to. I talked to her yesterday. With a ghost, product of my damn imagination. Because I have no one to talk to. No one to tell what I believe, what I’m after. Because maybe I’m fucking crazy. I’m crazy.
Povedilla: I believe you. I really believe in you. And if you say that Satan is here, I believe you. And if you say that you want us to stay here to catch demons, aliens and the whole army from hell, I’m staying with you. I’m staying with you.

Povedilla’s film of the crazy dog has disappeared. Dani and Lis are working on their Ouija skills. Paco finds where Amadeo would pray to Satan, it’s like some sort of altar. They dig out a cookie box (that’s so typical of Satan worshipers!). They find a dissected animal and some 8mm home movies. They also find a letter which contains the same phrase written on the walls of the house of the first victim, and it’s signed “Amadeo and Damián” (This is where my twin theory comes alive!!).  Damián, as in The Omen's Damien?  And the rip-offs keep on coming...

They start watching the 8mm - Amadeo is being filmed by another kid. Lis and Dani are in what appears to be the school's abandoned library, looking for information on Damián. Dani tells her that Aitor will fall in love with her if he keeps staring at her. Dani gives her some lessons on how not to fall for the wrong guy. They find some info about Damián, but at that same moment, Dani’s wound reopens and he dies.  No, he only faints, sissy boy.  That's what you get for taking off your wooden cross necklace!

Paco and Pove watch the home movie – Damián makes Amadeo kill an animal. Povedilla is scared shitless and starts going mental and reproaches Paco for earlier saying that Satan exists but the ghost of the nun and the rottweiler don’t.

Povedilla: Inspector, let’s go home! We’re all gonna die here, like in the movies!! We even have a blonde girl in the group!! [I’m guessing blondes attract Satan more than brunettes?].

Povedilla then breaks down and yells that he’s a coward, and tells the whole story about faking the limp. Paco comforts him. Povedilla goes to get the car. Dani is bleeding out big time but Paco is really obsessed with finding out about Damián. Povedilla overcomes his fear, but then he realises that there’s someone in the attic.

Lis stands up to Paco and tells him to fuck off, that it is his own fault that they’re there. Lis leaves, and then Paco leaves as well. Some sort of strange earthquake happens. Paco sees the nun again... but TA-DAH, it’s Amadeo’s mother, who then starts talking to him!!!! Holy crap!! So he understands that he shouldn’t have left Dani on his own (because remember, the nun left the kids in the room and they got barbequed). There is no sign of Povedilla either. So then Paco starts recording his version of the events. He runs into the chapel (yeah, now it’s when you have to start praying!!). He knows that Satan is coming for him, so yeah, he starts praying. It turns out not to be Satan but Povedilla who’s coming for him.

Lis is with Dani in a bathroom. Dani starts declaring his love again. And Lis confesses to be a piece of shit, which we already know. She says she’s jealous of her own mother [No wonder!].

Pove and Paco find a girl hanging from her wrists in the attic, but still alive. She wears the same nightgown as Linda Blair from The Exorcist. Someone starts walking up the stairs. The attic is an altar of evil really, loads of cheeky potions and stuff. Paco tells Pove to leave with the girl. Paco is going to face Satan. Paco changes his gun for holy water – that’s like the most intelligent weapon anybody has ever pulled. He takes out the book and starts praying. So Satan walks in. Or Amadeo. Or whoever looks like him. And attempts to bite Paco and gives him a hickey.  No, not really.  But he got bitten and he's going to join the Cullen Family soon.

Next morning Paco wakes up. I think he had some bad burritos and dreamt the whole thing about the talking hanging nun and hanging girl. Then he watches more home movies - that Damián dude is creepy! He was the one who burned the kids. And ta-dah, REVELATION! Damián is Amadeo’s exact twin, and now they’re gonna become “one”. I knew it all along!!

Next week!
Aitor is going to kill the dude for Pepa... while Pepa is all around the precinct SCREWING DEKER! Seriously!!! Let’s just wait and see, but I ain’t happy.

Piper's Commentary
It seems the writers went on a binge at this site, cherry-picked scenes from different films, translated them into Spanish, et voilà, this freaking episode.  The Translator couldn't seat through the whole episode because it was too creepy.  I fast-forwarded through it because it was creepy.  This whole season has become CREEPY.  And ATPP® thought that this whole retooling was brilliant?  From bumbling cops to this?

I really think Paco has gone insane and this is all happening in his head.  Why? Because the devil is arrogant, very arrogant - wasn't his arrogance the reason why he was evicted from Heaven to begin with?  Why would he appear to a bumbling cop like Paco?  His arrogance would suggest that he would appear to someone important, maybe Obama or King Juan Carlos or Putin - someone BIG.  Wasn't it said that pride is the worst of the 7 deadly sins? Jesus, on the other hand, chose to be born in a manger - the abject HUMILITY of which humbles all of us.  And the contrast between the 2 cannot be clearer, like, uhhmmm... Heaven and hell?

And as a Catholic, I'm not sure if I should be insulted by all the inaccurate references to Catholic traditions.  Like distributing communion outside of Church - how could Paco simply give it like a piece of gum? Catholics believe that the communion is the actual body of Christ.  So if you're not Catholic, you don't receive it.  Also, only Extraordinary Ministers can distribute communion, as specified in the document Immensae Caritatis. I doubt Paco was nominated by his Parish Priest (does he even go to church?) much less commissioned by the local Bishop since he's not exactly Mother Teresa. 

Ah, Catholic education... it scars one for life.  In a good way.

So whatever this final season brings, que sera sera.  Just give us PepSi, or Pep, or Si, or any combination thereof.  That'll be enough for us.