9x06 LHdP 66.6: The Rip-off - "I Think I'd Better Run, Run, Run"

Ep. 110: Una noche espeluznante (A bloodcurdling night)

I need to preface this lecture by saying that as much fun as it sounded to watch 3 white kids being stalked in the forest, I never saw The Blair Witch Project or any of the other rip-offs in this lecture. In fact, I rarely watch horror films at all. Why? First of all, horror films make me laugh due to their predictability. Don't get me wrong, there are creepy moments for sure, but those are usually outweighed by the fact that I get a kick out of watching the characters stumble into the most obvious death traps. Secondly, I can't watch it in a theatre full of people who are screaming their heads off - while it adds to the hilarity somewhat, it's also annoying. Finally, by the time I am ready to watch the film, none of my friends want to watch it because they've already been scarred for life. My point is, since I've never seen these films, you'll have to forgive me if my summaries are a bit off.

Rip-off: The Blair Witch Project
Summary: Three student filmmakers travel to the Black Hills of Maryland to film a documentary about a local legend known as the Blair Witch. During their investigation, they go missing and are never found. However, the footage from their journey is discovered a year after their disappearance and is the only record of what happened to them in the woods. The film is notorious for its documentary style of filming, which gives the viewer a first-person perspective of the events as they unfold.


LHdP spin: Paco, Pove, Dani and Lis travel to the countryside to investigate the origins behind Amadeo's transformation from a young boy to Satan incarnate. They bring a video camera to record their investigation. Throughout this episode, viewers get a first-person perspective of the events through the documentary style of filming used.

Epic fail: I am going to keep saying this until it sinks into Alex Pina's head: LHdP is not a sci-fi/fantasy/horror show! If you're going to do a horror film rip-off (a) your show better be a horror/thriller show and (b) someone better die. Neither one of those things happened in this episode. It also makes no sense as to why Paco decided to bring a video camera to film the whole experience, given that this was a "secret mission" off the books. By filming their experience in case he's right, he's basically confessing to engaging in an unauthorized assignment. Remember what happened the last time he did that? He ended up starting a war with the Italian mafia and Silvia got shot and died on her wedding day. All of that aside, it just made no sense. They're cops, not filmmakers. They're investigating, not making a documentary. The use of the video camera was absolutely pointless except to create a scarier environment for an episode that doesn't belong on this show to begin with.

Rip-off: The Omen
Summary: When an American diplomat's son is born stillborn, he secretly adopts a newborn whose mother died in childbirth. He and his wife raise the child - Damien - as their own. Over the years, numerous accidents occur that seem to be connected to Damien. The diplomat discovers that Damien is actually the offspring of Satan and destined to become the Antichrist. He spends the remainder of the film coming to grips with this news as well as trying to prevent Damien from fulfilling his dark destiny. One notable part of the film is the use of Rottweilers, which attack the protagonist and are later used to protect Damien.

LHdP spin: Throughout this episode, Pove keeps seeing a Rottweiler who "haunts" him. Also, Paco discovers footage which shows a young Amadeo being forced to kill a small animal by a mysterious person who is filming everything. Towards the end of the episode, we learn that the mysterious filmmaker is Damián, Amadeo's twin brother.

Epic fail: Despite the literal rip-off in the choice of Damián's name, this rip-off isn't a complete failure when you take in context of the "66.6" storyline. Given that Amadeo seems to be Satan incarnate, finding out his origins seems to be the logical choice in learning how to defeat him. Paco learned that Damián helped mold Amadeo into the person he was and that perhaps Damián is his real enemy. It also explains some of the other mysteries, like how the cameras in the precinct got messed up, how Amadeo's body disappeared, and how Amadeo appeared on the street camera after his death. It wasn't really Amadeo, but Damián. Probably. That being said, this rip-off still fails because, again, the whole storyline is a failure in my opinion. Also, their use of the Rottweiler was pointless other than to drive in the point that Pove is a fearful guy who needs to overcome those fears. But this is something that we already knew. It's been an established part of Pove's character from Day 1. We didn't need a seemingly imaginary dog to tell us this, so the inclusion of the Rottweiler was completely pointless.

Rip-off: La Monja (The Nun)
Summary: Sister Ursula is an insane nun, who terrorizes students at her school. During one attack, she is killed by several students in self-defense, and her body is dumped into a nearby lake that has been blessed with holy water by the priests. Years later, Sister Ursula's spirit is released, and she seeks revenge on the students who killed her.

LHdP spin: Amadeo's mother told Paco there was a fire at Amadeo's school and he was the only survivor. When Paco arrives at the school, he meets the groundskeeper who confirms this story. The groundskeeper adds that one of the nuns had locked all of the children into a room. When the fire started, she couldn't find the key to release the students, and they all died. As a result, the nun hung herself. Paco later sees a dead nun who hung herself but believes it to be another figment of his imagination. He sees the dead nun again, and this time she looks like Amadeo's mother. This causes Paco to remember his prior conversation with Amadeo's mother at the precinct, and makes him realize that he should not have left Lis and Dani (the kids) alone.

Epic fail: Granted, I'm nitpicking here again. The nun hasn't come back to terrorize anyone, and we're not even sure if the image of Amadeo's mom is real or a figment from the crazy section of Paco's brain. Nevertheless, I found no point to her appearance. Sure, her appearance made Paco realize that he shouldn't have left Lis and Dani alone, but I realized that on my own without the help a dead nun. How? It's called common sense. So, like everything else in this episode, the use of Amadeo's mother as a nun was pointless.

Feel free to add any other rip-offs you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Run Run Run" by Phoenix

9x06 Una Noche Espeluznante - Recap

Episode 110 - Una Noche Espeluznante (A Bloodcurdling Night)
By Dr. Bekelauer

In an interview, Benjamín Vicuña has admitted that this episode is a tribute to the The Blair Witch Project. So we know it’s a rip off. It seems a bit of a waste to just use 4 actors and not interact with the precinct or other sets, but this is what the writers wanted. We are happy though, that Povedilla is back – it's not the same without him.

Premise: Paco has lost his mind. He really does think now that he’s the Chosen One and that he is going to save the world from evil, even though no one believes him. His conversation with Silvia has definitely pushed him over the edge. He is going to the country house / summer school that changed Amadeo’s life forever.

Paco has asked Povedilla to go with him on a secret mission. They are talking about it in the frisking parking garage, Paco thanks Pove for being with him in this moment in which no one really trusts him. The brats Lis and Dani are coming with them, Povedilla hugs them and say he’s happy they’re there. Really? As what, Vampire bait?

They get in the car and drive. They bring a big ass, professional-grade video camera because they intend to film the whole experience. Paco wants to talk to anyone who could solve the enigma, but the country house is abandoned. Apparently, when Amadeo was there, the common room was set on fire and he was the only kid to survive. That is so horror film -like.

They arrive at their destination and before they are to proceed, Paco gives them communion and makes them wear chunky wood crucifix necklaces, then blesses them with Holy Water. Really all that necessary? He is acting like a priest! The brats look at him with a “What the hell?” face, so Paco gets annoyed and walks away. Povedilla chases after him and finds a big black scary Rottweiler at the door (see The Omen). They walk into the country house and they find blood.  Lis removes the cross necklace and puts it in her pocket, while Dani took off his and left it on the ledge.

Lis and Dani are commiserating about their miserable lives and Dani confesses that his parents are dead. Inside, Pove and Paco find a fresh dead lamb, meaning they’re not alone. They find the room where the boys were burned alive. Outside, Lis is peeing in the woods when she screams, and Dani runs after her. And they both get killed.  No, we're not that lucky.  When P&P look for them, they find the video camera on the ground and they watch what Dani has filmed so far.  They realize that the brats have gone deep into the woods.

Dani's now a professional videographer?

Pove and Paco look for them and find a little cabin where they see a guy with a knife, and Dani. They storm in ready to kill Psycho but it turns out he is the groundskeeper trying to help Dani with his wound. The groundskeeper tells them the story: apparently the kids were locked in the room by a nun, and when the fire started, they couldn’t get out because the nun lost the key. Then, after the accident, the nun hang herself. The groundskeeper tells them that people say that the school is haunted.  You think?

They go back to the school building.  Paco opens a door and sees a dead, hanging nun. (Very La Monja, or The Nun, a Spanish horror film starring... ta-dah! Manu Fullola, the actor who plays the cannibal).Then he reopens the door and there’s nothing there. He’s going mental. He’s taken a hammer from the groundkeeper’s cottage and he’s smashing the floor under Amadeo’s bed open. Flashes of his conversation with the mother – she found Amadeo’s secret box of stuff under his bed, so Paco guesses he will find some stuff there too. But no.

Dani prepares an Ouija board. Who the hell plays Ouija in a haunted house anyway? He says that he did that every day when he was a kid cause he was trying to talk to his parents. Yeah, right.  Paco confides to Pove about his sexy ghost visitor from last episode.

Paco: Do you know why I’m here? Because Silvia told me to. I talked to her yesterday. With a ghost, product of my damn imagination. Because I have no one to talk to. No one to tell what I believe, what I’m after. Because maybe I’m fucking crazy. I’m crazy.
Povedilla: I believe you. I really believe in you. And if you say that Satan is here, I believe you. And if you say that you want us to stay here to catch demons, aliens and the whole army from hell, I’m staying with you. I’m staying with you.

Povedilla’s film of the crazy dog has disappeared. Dani and Lis are working on their Ouija skills. Paco finds where Amadeo would pray to Satan, it’s like some sort of altar. They dig out a cookie box (that’s so typical of Satan worshipers!). They find a dissected animal and some 8mm home movies. They also find a letter which contains the same phrase written on the walls of the house of the first victim, and it’s signed “Amadeo and Damián” (This is where my twin theory comes alive!!).  Damián, as in The Omen's Damien?  And the rip-offs keep on coming...

They start watching the 8mm - Amadeo is being filmed by another kid. Lis and Dani are in what appears to be the school's abandoned library, looking for information on Damián. Dani tells her that Aitor will fall in love with her if he keeps staring at her. Dani gives her some lessons on how not to fall for the wrong guy. They find some info about Damián, but at that same moment, Dani’s wound reopens and he dies.  No, he only faints, sissy boy.  That's what you get for taking off your wooden cross necklace!

Paco and Pove watch the home movie – Damián makes Amadeo kill an animal. Povedilla is scared shitless and starts going mental and reproaches Paco for earlier saying that Satan exists but the ghost of the nun and the rottweiler don’t.

Povedilla: Inspector, let’s go home! We’re all gonna die here, like in the movies!! We even have a blonde girl in the group!! [I’m guessing blondes attract Satan more than brunettes?].

Povedilla then breaks down and yells that he’s a coward, and tells the whole story about faking the limp. Paco comforts him. Povedilla goes to get the car. Dani is bleeding out big time but Paco is really obsessed with finding out about Damián. Povedilla overcomes his fear, but then he realises that there’s someone in the attic.

Lis stands up to Paco and tells him to fuck off, that it is his own fault that they’re there. Lis leaves, and then Paco leaves as well. Some sort of strange earthquake happens. Paco sees the nun again... but TA-DAH, it’s Amadeo’s mother, who then starts talking to him!!!! Holy crap!! So he understands that he shouldn’t have left Dani on his own (because remember, the nun left the kids in the room and they got barbequed). There is no sign of Povedilla either. So then Paco starts recording his version of the events. He runs into the chapel (yeah, now it’s when you have to start praying!!). He knows that Satan is coming for him, so yeah, he starts praying. It turns out not to be Satan but Povedilla who’s coming for him.

Lis is with Dani in a bathroom. Dani starts declaring his love again. And Lis confesses to be a piece of shit, which we already know. She says she’s jealous of her own mother [No wonder!].

Pove and Paco find a girl hanging from her wrists in the attic, but still alive. She wears the same nightgown as Linda Blair from The Exorcist. Someone starts walking up the stairs. The attic is an altar of evil really, loads of cheeky potions and stuff. Paco tells Pove to leave with the girl. Paco is going to face Satan. Paco changes his gun for holy water – that’s like the most intelligent weapon anybody has ever pulled. He takes out the book and starts praying. So Satan walks in. Or Amadeo. Or whoever looks like him. And attempts to bite Paco and gives him a hickey.  No, not really.  But he got bitten and he's going to join the Cullen Family soon.

Next morning Paco wakes up. I think he had some bad burritos and dreamt the whole thing about the talking hanging nun and hanging girl. Then he watches more home movies - that Damián dude is creepy! He was the one who burned the kids. And ta-dah, REVELATION! Damián is Amadeo’s exact twin, and now they’re gonna become “one”. I knew it all along!!

Next week!
Aitor is going to kill the dude for Pepa... while Pepa is all around the precinct SCREWING DEKER! Seriously!!! Let’s just wait and see, but I ain’t happy.

Piper's Commentary
It seems the writers went on a binge at this site, cherry-picked scenes from different films, translated them into Spanish, et voilà, this freaking episode.  The Translator couldn't seat through the whole episode because it was too creepy.  I fast-forwarded through it because it was creepy.  This whole season has become CREEPY.  And ATPP® thought that this whole retooling was brilliant?  From bumbling cops to this?

I really think Paco has gone insane and this is all happening in his head.  Why? Because the devil is arrogant, very arrogant - wasn't his arrogance the reason why he was evicted from Heaven to begin with?  Why would he appear to a bumbling cop like Paco?  His arrogance would suggest that he would appear to someone important, maybe Obama or King Juan Carlos or Putin - someone BIG.  Wasn't it said that pride is the worst of the 7 deadly sins? Jesus, on the other hand, chose to be born in a manger - the abject HUMILITY of which humbles all of us.  And the contrast between the 2 cannot be clearer, like, uhhmmm... Heaven and hell?

And as a Catholic, I'm not sure if I should be insulted by all the inaccurate references to Catholic traditions.  Like distributing communion outside of Church - how could Paco simply give it like a piece of gum? Catholics believe that the communion is the actual body of Christ.  So if you're not Catholic, you don't receive it.  Also, only Extraordinary Ministers can distribute communion, as specified in the document Immensae Caritatis. I doubt Paco was nominated by his Parish Priest (does he even go to church?) much less commissioned by the local Bishop since he's not exactly Mother Teresa. 

Ah, Catholic education... it scars one for life.  In a good way.

So whatever this final season brings, que sera sera.  Just give us PepSi, or Pep, or Si, or any combination thereof.  That'll be enough for us.

"Je Me Perds"

Pepa's past is somewhat of a mystery to us. No one even knew Paco had a sister until Lola uttered her name in Ep. 57. What we have learned about Pepa's past is that she was a fearless, wild child who ran away from home when she was 18, she became a cop when she fell in love with a Sub-Inspector, and prior to her relationship with Silvia, she had roughly 52 sexual partners.

What does all of this mean? Personally, I think it means that prior to her return to San Antonio, Pepa was even more of a loose cannon than the person we saw in S6-S8. As many people, including myself, have mentioned, Silvia changed Pepa's life for the better. And not just because she was the love of Pepa's life, but because of the role she played in her life. Silvia was a calming presence amidst Pepa's chaotic lifestyle, the one person who could restrain some of the craziness within Pepa. She quelled Pepa's fears, such that the idea of "(kissing) on the same couch for the rest of (her) life (and) sharing a mortgage...(and) choosing a school or a place to retire" no longer scared Pepa. Instead, it filled her with "the adrenaline rush of a roller coaster speeding down an incline"; it filled her with "real joy". And that's why Silvia's death has had such a profound effect on Pepa. When Silvia died, everything Pepa held dear, everything she valued, the person she loved most in the world was ripped away from her.

Many of you keep saying that the Pepa of S9 is not the Pepa we know, and, to a point, I agree. In Ep. 105, Pepa was acting on pure hatred. She turned her pain and hate into a weapon and unleashed the rage within her when she shot El G point blank in the head. Since then, she's been acting like everything is normal, putting on a smile whenever she's around Paco, Aitor, Don Lorenzo or anyone else. But behind all of her smiles and her laughs, she's still hurting. This is not the Pepa we knew, but perhaps it is the Pepa that existed before Silvia came back into her life, albeit a more extreme version of it. If a pre-Silvia Pepa was reckless, I suspect it was because she lived like she had nothing to lose. A post-Silvia Pepa probably feels the same way, but even more so given how much she's actually lost.


And this is why I think Pina & Co's La Femme Nikita rip-off is a perfect fit for Pepa. She's the perfect hybrid of Michael and Nikita - the two title characters of LFN. When Michael first joined Section, he wasn't the cold, emotionless man that Nikita meets years later. Michael became that way after the apparent death of his wife Simone, a fellow Section operative. He completely shut down when he thought she was dead, and it wasn't until Nikita showed up that he started to open up and feel again.

To me, Pepa is experiencing what Michael went through. Silvia got Pepa to open up, to feel, to love. With Silvia, Pepa laughed. She smiled more. She joked around by making Top 5 Fantasy lists and pointing unloaded guns at her friends. With Silvia gone, Pepa probably feels broken, powerless and tortured by what she couldn't do on that fateful day, what she can't change. She's shutting down. She doesn't want to love or be helped - she doesn't want to feel anything, because it hurts too much.

All of these emotions that Pepa feels and, more importantly, the ones she doesn't feel any longer, become more prevalent when you throw in the fact that she's being blackmailed by the CNI, and that's where her similarity to Nikita come in. Pepa's trying to hold onto the little part of her that remains - the little control over her life that she feels she has left, which is being threatened by the CNI. And deep down I think Pepa wants someone to help her, which is why she's relying on Aitor. Granted, I wish she'd rely on someone else (maybe Curtis, who would actually make a good Walter to her Nikita), but the point is that Pepa is looking for a way to hold onto who she was. But with all of the pain and darkness she's surrounded in, she just doesn't know how.

Yes, this is not the Pepa we've seen in seasons past, but perhaps that's the point. Pepa was never going to be the same when Silvia died. She's trying. She's trying to breathe, trying to feel something other than powerless, but at the moment she's simply...lost.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Je Me Perds" by Jena Lee

9x05 LHDP 66.6: The Rip-off - "Bitter Sweet Symphony"

Ep. 109: Una llamadita inquietante (A creepy little call)

Rip-off: The Dark Knight











Summary: Caped crusader Batman, along with the help of Lt. Jim Gordon and DA Harvey Dent, try to rid the streets of Gotham City from criminals and crime organizations. Their goal is hindered by the appearance of the mysterious, sadistic criminal mastermind known simply as "the Joker". During one scene in the film, the Joker is captured and asks for permission to make his one phone call. Meanwhile, a criminal is throw in jail and complains about a pain inside of him that "the boss" promised he would make go away. When the Joker is finally allowed to make his phone call, we see that the receiving phone is a mobile located within the criminal's body and connected to something else (a bomb). As the police begin to examine it, it explodes, killing them and allowing the Joker to escape.

LHdP spin: During the autopsy of Father Sistaga, Don Lorenzo and Deker hear a phone ringing but do not know where it is coming from. Eventually, they discover that a mobile has been planted within Father Sistaga's body. WIN-E does a scan of the body and reports that, thankfully, there are no explosives in the corpse. After Deker removes the phone, it receives mysterious calls from Paco and Paco's house, which lead the Pacos to learn that Amadeo, the cannibal (and possibly Satan incarnate) has been in contact with Paco in the past.

Epic fail: Normally, I would say something witty here, like "I'm sad that there was no bomb attached to the mobile". However, I've grown to love DL, so I'm glad there was no bomb, because I don't want to see anymore characters that I actually like dying. I also have to admit that this rip-off wasn't a complete failure, because it actually furthered the "66.6" storyline by showing that Amadeo and Paco have a shared past that Paco didn't know about. It lends credence to the theory that Paco may be "the Chosen One", and that the events occurring now are the result of events that happened in the past. That being said, this rip-off still fails on some level, because the entire "66.6" storyline fails IMO given how unrealistic it is in relation to the "DNA" of the show.

Rip-off: Ghost
Summary: When Sam Wheat is murdered during a botched robbery, he finds himself trapped on Earth as a ghost. He spends his days hanging around his girlfriend Molly, and although she can't hear or see him, she does occasionally sense his presence. The only person who can hear Sam is Oda Mae Brown, a medium who, until Sam shows up, doesn't realize that her powers are real. Sam discovers that his murder was not an accident and, with Oda Mae's help, tries to warn and protect Molly from an impending threat related to his death.

LHdP spin: Silvia's ghost appears to Paco and helps him make some sense of the investigation involving Amadeo. He is the only person who can hear or see her. In one of the final scenes of the episode, Silvia is talking to Paco about her love for Pepa while standing next to an unknowing Pepa. Although Pepa can't see or hear Silvia, she can sense her presence, and she does "feel" her for a second, when one of Silvia's tears falls onto Pepa's finger.

Epic win: The number one reason why this rip-off is an epic win is simple: Marian Aguilera. If anyone can bring "life" to a ghost it's her. Marian provides just enough presence with her rationality and logical way of thinking to make Paco (and the audience) believe that Silvia is really there. However, she also provides the right amount of restraint - through her laid-back movements of sitting on the table barefoot and leaning in the corner with her arms folded - to make us believe that Silvia's a ghost by showing a more relaxed side of Silvia, like she's at peace. Additionally, we got to see trademark Marian Aguilera "acting without words" (which is kinda like Tyra's "smiling with your eyes" or "smeyesing"), like when Silvia closed her eyes as DL walked past her or when she was looking at Pepa but not speaking. Again, it makes us believe Silvia's a ghost who misses her loved ones - she wants to touch them and be near them, but she can't.

The second reason why this rip-off succeeds is the other half of PepSi: Laura Sánchez. Laura often talks about how much she's learned from her colleagues, and in the PepSi scene of this episode, you can certainly see how much she's learned from working with Marian Aguilera. Laura has no speaking parts in the scene, but the little smirks on her face, the way she turns her head, and the look in her eyes speak volumes about how Pepa feels/reacts to Silvia's presence. This scene works so well because they needed to play off each other with the right amount of chemistry to make it believable, and Laura's movements in relation to Marian's is subtle enough for the audience to believe that while Pepa can't see Silvia, in some way, she can still feel her.

The third reason why this rip-off works (that's for you, Q) is that it's one of the few examples where the writers got it right. This rip-off isn't literal or over-the-top like the other ones, which is a good thing b/c Sam had to walk around in the clothes he died in and if Silvia had to spend eternity in that wedding dress, that would've been fucked up. Silvia isn't trapped on Earth (at least I don't think so, and if she is, she needs to hang around more often). She might not even be a ghost, really, but rather a figment of Paco's imagination or his subconscious talking to him in the form of Silvia (which would make sense on some level b/c if you're going to choose a character to represent logic, she's one of the few in the show to pick from). Furthermore, it's somewhat realistic, simply because we don't know whether Silvia is really a ghost or something else. Thus, it stays in line with the DNA of the show. For once. Paco hasn't suddenly become a medium. He's still a cop, but he's incredibly stressed out from this investigation. Whatever you choose to call Silvia - a ghost, a figment, or something else entirely - her appearance wasn't gratuitous or irrelevant. It actually severed a purpose: to help Paco work through his thoughts on everything that's happened to him and provide a calming and reassuring sense of presence. It also furthered the plot by helping Paco work through some of his issues. Some of you might say that all of this is my PepSi bias talking again, but really, I don't give a frak. This was an epic win in my book. It also proves, without a doubt, that everything really is better with PepSi. And Marian.

Feel free to add any other rip-offs you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Bitter Sweet Symphony" by The Verve

9X05 Una Llamadita Inquietante - Complete Recap

Una Llamadita Inquietante (A Little Creepy Call) 

With commentary by Angie005, MPep
Medical opintion by Dr. Acid Burn, MD
Additional snark by Piper

Mariano does the introductory speech. He talks about faith and how the most legendary man in medieval Spain, El Cid Campeador, managed to win a battle and liberate Valencia from the Arabs, just by riding his horse after he had been killed. DL, Reyes, and Deker are in the briefing room talking to big wigs from the Defence Department who can’t just believe the crimes due to “supernatural reasons” (They’re right, because I don’t either). Then Mariano talks about St. Joan of Arc (Translator's comment: which IMO is the first famous lesbian; Piper's comment to Translator's Comment: She also happens to share my birthday). At the same time, Paco is going completely mental, kissing a crucifix and praying. The Defence Department deputy secretary is questioning Paco’s supernatural report, but Deker defends him, and DL kicks him (Deker) out of the meeting. The deputy secretary blames them for having provoked chaos in the country. Spaniards have gone amock: old people are being thrown onto the train tracks, religious symbols are burned, supermarkets are looted, monuments are peppered with molotov cocktails... (Piper's snark: In other words, just like North Philadelphia on a Friday night. How one precinct can cause all that is beyond me... For a Catholic country, its citizens seem like an easy prey for evil)

Mariano continues his monologue: Because when one embraces faith, no one can separate him from it.  Paco is in the interrogation room and has put up all the images of the cannibal and the murders. Kinda like a creepy shrine. Then he looks at the mirror. And in the reflection, he sees Silvia.

Paco is still looking at Silvia on the mirror reflection.

Paco: Silvia, what do I have to do? Tell me, please.
Mariano walks in.
Mariano: Paco, what’s wrong, Paco? Paco, are you all right?
Paco: Hug me, hug me tight.

Mariano: That’s it. Enough.

At the precinct hall, the whole staff is going towards the meeting table. Rita and Curtis are looking funny. Reyes asks Rita about her health, and about Dani, who seems to be doing great in hospital (Translator & Piper in unison: Ha ha!]). Reyes tells all of them that Lis is her daughter. (Piper's snark: And the long tradition of nepotism at San Antonio continues...)

Paco is at the bar, having a whisky at 6pm. Mariano tries to talk some sense into him. Mariano says that he’s always going to be there for him (now I’m sort of expecting a badge-handing moment...). But Paco is reluctant to tell him what’s going on in his head. He shows him the notebook - Satan’s notebook given to him by dead priest.

Reyes tells the staff they don’t have the case anymore. DL walks in the lab, planning to scold Deker, who alread expects it, so he’s prepared. DL surprises him by asking him for a hug. Awww. Deker sheds a tear. DL says he can examine the priest’s corpse, but not cut it open.

Multi-action. The precinct needs to find more details about the priest’s death. Deker is analysing the corpse. Paco says the priest wasn’t a virtue. Asi? So what was he? A filler? He thinks there’s a second triangle. Whatever triangle it is, we know that Aitor is one of the vectors. Deker finds out the priest met the cannibal somewhere else via the stuff on the sole of his shoes. (Piper's note: Or soul of his shoes, because he's dead. Haha!) At the bar, Paco finds out where and when the dead priest met cannibal guy from some Latin text in the notebook.  The priest's shoes have stuff from the cemetery, and salt.  SALT?  Yes, the one used on the roads during winter.  And found near the traffic camera which is situated up a hill, where cannibal guy made a cameo.

Reyes gives them all homework to do. Paco refuses Mariano’s help. Deker insists on performing an autopsy. The priest has a 14 cm cut in his foot. Rita and Curtis enter the lift, and they “have to talk”.

At the AV room, Paco shows Mariano a traffic camera recording, the one used to tag speeding vehicles, in which the cannibal shows up. Paco says “Every day, I am closer to the shadows” and then the power is cut off. The entire San Antonio is blacked out.  So now we know that the priest was with cannibal guy up in the hill because he had salt on his shoes. 

Salgado is sitting on a table at Lizarrán.

Salgado: Thanks.
Redhead waitress: Do you want a tapa until the power comes back? Come on, they’re really nice.
Salgado: Thanks.
RW: You’re welcome.
Pepa: Hello, motherfucker! [¡Hija de la gran puta!] May I sit down, or should I go down on my knees? [Well, if you want to, I’m not gonna say no!!! Haha!]
Salgado: Pepa, please.
Salgado gives her a giftwrapped box
Pepa: I didn’t buy you anything.
Salgado: Today’s the day you carry out your part of the deal.

At the precinct, the black out is bringing a clusterfuck of problems. Goyo treats Lis sarcastically because he is mad that she didn’t say that Reyes was her mother. And why would she? But then Amaia says that Curtis is her uncle. Goyo is now very pissed off.

Pepa opens the box. It contains bullets.

Salgado: There are 22 bullets, they’re clean. Change of plans, you’re not going to need the Snipper anymore. They’re going to come pick you up and they will leave you a car. In the boot, there’s a can of gas – when you’re done, burn it all down. There’s a blueprint of the Insituto Niemeyer. You will enter through the service door with the card provided. From the car park use the service lift, floor 17, door 36. It’s up to you how to get through. The guy has a bodyguard who’s also his chauffer. His office is the only place where he is alone. Well, that’s everything.
Pepa: The chauffer... carries a weapon? Don’t fuck me, Marina. Does he carry a weapon or not? He’s a dead man.
Salgado: That’s not the plan.
Pepa: So I execute a bloke in floor 17 while a guy with a weapon is waiting for me downstairs? You deal the cards, but I am the one who’s playing. You show up, sister-in-law, and everything fucks up. How are you and my brother doing? You can tell me some other day.

Marina is visibly perturbed by Pepa's words. 

@ the Lab, Deker is examining the body, but there’s apparently nothing wrong with it - no obvious sign of trauma or cause of death. Win-E’s power is running low. A phone rings... it’s inside the priest’s body.  Apparently just beneath the subcutaneous tissue since the phone light is visible from the outside. That or Fr. Sistiaga had translucent skin.  Mariano is still spooked by cannibal guy on traffic monitor and says he’s going to call the SWAT, but Paco tells him that they have all the information to solve the case in the interrogation room. They argue about it.

Paco: I am continuing the priest’s job, and I’m afraid it is I who has to defeat Satan. Are you going to help me?
Mariano storms out.
Paco: I guess I’m gonna have to fight this battle on my own. [Turns to Ghost!Silvia ] But I need your help, because I don’t know how to do it.

Win-E offers to scan the victim for a possible bomb. Rita and Curtis talk at the elevator... So they have had sex!!! Or at least Rita has given Curtis a BJ – bleeeeuuuuggghhh! Too much information!!!

Paco: I would like to close my eyes and delete everything. That everything was a product of my imagination. That it was all a lie.
Silvia: What, Paco? What, the cannibal thing? The "being the chosen one" thing? Or that you’re talking to a dead woman? You’re going to go crazy if you don’t trust in what you really believe. Why are you thinking of me?
Paco: I don’t know. I guess it’s because you always knew how to find the truth. Of all of us, you were always the most practical. The scientist.
Silvia: And do you know why I knew how to do it so well, Paco? Because I went from the back to the front, and when I stumbled on something that I didn’t understand, I’d go back and then forward again. And I’d do that a hundred, a thousand times. As many times as necessary, until I found what I was obviating. Because all things have an origin.
Paco (goes to the phone): Peñuelas, leave whatever you’re doing and listen to me.

Deker finds out that the mobile phone was placed in the priest’s stomach through the big-ass incision in his foot. And how is that physically possible? Please see medical opinion at the end of this lecture. Mariano walks in and says the cannibal is alive and they have a video to show it. He also warns them about Paco losing his mind. DL goes with him to talk to Paco. 

I guess they don't need shoes in heaven

Aitor and Reyes are playing in the roof. She is talking about how she always had to be mature because of her military family. And that's her excuse for acting like a totally deranged teenager? Aitor tells her he’ll go everywhere with her, but just as her consort.  Translator's question: So, is he actually asking her to be her boyfriend? Because that’s how I apparently asked my last gf, so I’m curious.

Rita and Curtis are still in the lift. Goyo phones her to tell her that he’s going to tell Amaia how he feels. Madrid is still in chaos from the seemingly supernatural killings. Goyo goes to talk to Amaia.

DL, Mariano, and Deker go to the interrogation-turned-asylum to confront Paco. Ghost!Silvia is still hanging around.  Now, this is just a ripoff of Medium, Ghost Whisperer, Ghost, etc.  Silvia sighs and closes her eyes as her father walks by her.

DL: What does this mean?
Paco: The cannibal is alive. Resurrected. For his third time. Or fourth. I don’t know.
Mariano: Resurrected... or not, we don’t know that, Paco.

Paco: And what the hell do you think it was, Mariano? A hologram, a fucking hologram?
Silvia: Don’t lose your temper, Paco. You’re right, you have evidence... tell them what you know.
Paco: Don Lorenzo, he went for the priest, and now he’s coming for me.
Silvia: Mariano’s inscription.
Paco: When they wrote on Mariano’s back, I was the first to read the verses. It said: “You will close the circle of evil”.
DL: For God’s sake, Paco, why would he refer to you? How would he know that you were going to be the first to read it?
Silvia: Show him the notebook. 

Paco: It’s here. The priest wanted me to have it so I could fight him.
Silvia: Give him what the priest wrote to you.
Paco: It’s there. I’m the chosen one to continue his work. It’s there. In the corpse... There has to be something. In the priest’s body. An inscription. Another symbol. Did Deker find anything?
DL: Deker has nothing.
Silvia: He is lying, Paco.
Paco: Are you sure, Don Lorenzo?
DL: I’m sure.

Silvia: I know my father, he looked away, he’s hiding something.
Paco: Has Deker found something? There’s got to be something in that corpse. All of them have something, that’s his game. What does Deker have?
DL: Paco, I told you, nothing.
Paco: Why don’t you tell me?
Silvia: Paco, calm down.
Paco: Believe me. Believe me!!!
Silvia: Calm down, you’re not gonna get anything.
Paco: That’s the speed camera recording.
Silvia: Leave it, say the video has been edited.
Paco: No!! Why don’t you believe me, why don’t you believe me???
Silvia: Paco, calm down!
Paco: Why not?
Silvia: Calm down, Paco! Drop it, trust me...
Paco: SHUT UP, SILVIA!!

TOTAL EPIC FAIL!!!

Goyo goes to find Amaia to tell her how he feels, but he doesn’t find the words.

Pepa starts preparing for her mission.  Voice over of her reading a letter she wrote for Paco which she leaves in one of the drawers of her dresser.

Pepa: Paco, if something goes wrong and I never come back, when you pick up my stuff you’ll find this letter. You were right, you were always right. I killed El Gordo. On the 25th December 2009, in Genova. Whatever they say to you, Aitor has nothing to do with it. It was I who tricked him into it, I lied to him. Please, take care of him. Now I’m in a mess, on a dead-end street. They’re making me kill someone I don’t even know. Once you have processed that your sister is a murderer, I’d like to ask you one last favour. In the second drawer of my dresser you will find my old boots, the ones you always tell me to throw away. There’s 3,600 € in one of them. Take them. It’s not much, but those are your crazy sister’s savings. You’re always saying how you’d love to go to Argentina and meet the Perito Moreno. Promise me you’ll go. Take your girlfriend and indulge yourself. I love you.

First time we saw Pepa look at the mirror,
a pelirroja was behind her giving her smoldering looks

Deker extracts the phone from the priest's tummy but his laptop runs out of battery, so Win-E offers to charge it for a couple of minutes. At the roof, Reyes confesses she’s in love with Aitor. Whatever. They then go back to the precinct. It’s chaos. Lis goes to talk to Aitor and he breaks up with her. In the lift, Rita is still going on about sex, but Curtis is almost green. Turns out he had some nice Madrid cocido, and of course his body is dying for number two! This is vintage LHDP.

Goyo has prepared some pictures to show Amaia how he feels. But Amaia knows what he’s about to say, so she tells him that she is in love with Blackman. I feel so sorry for him.

Paco and DL are still arguing, but Silvia is not there anymore (Fair enough since she was told to shut up!!). Lis brings Paco the belongings of Fr. Sistiaga. DL tells him to go home and get some rest.

Win-E only finds one number that has been programmed in the phone extracted from dead priest: Paco's cell phone number. Win-E also asks Deker to be reconnected. Pepa leaves the house in disguise but can’t bring herself to kill the target so she goes to the storage unit. 

Deker asks DL why he asked for a hug. He says their nature is welcoming. Silvia is back on screen. Deker thinks Paco is crazy.  Piper's theory: I too think he's crazy and everything is taking place in his head.  I won't be surprised if he's the one doing all the murders, since that plotline has been very popular lately.  Bloody phone rings again, but nothing is showing up on the caller ID, so Deker traces the call. The caller's number appears one at a time on his super-duper computer screen... and it's the number of Paco's house phone! 

In the lift, Curtis is dying for a crap. So he uses Reyes’ bag... Now it's just gross humor which is not humorous at all. Gasping for comedy straws, ATPP?

Pepa decides to burst her knee open so she wouldn't have to go. She was about to smack it with a hammer but Aitor gets there on time.

Pepa: Aitor, I’m sorry. It didn’t have to happen this way. They played with me. They let me kill El Gordo. I did the dirty work for them and now they have me from the balls.
Aitor: How can they have you from the balls?
Pepa: They’re blackmailing me. They have ordered me to kill a man. In two hours and a half. And if not, they’re taking us both.
Aitor: Who the fuck is blackmailing you, Pepa? Pepa!
Pepa: The CNI. I don’t know what to do, Aitor. I just wanted to win some time. But it’s no use.
Aitor: You know that lately you get into too much trouble, you know that?
Pepa: And I get you into every single one.
Aitor: I’m sorry, Pepa.
And he smacks her wrist against the shelf!

Paco and Mariano get home and the house is empty. But someone has been browsing through Paco’s photo albums and ta-dah, the Satanic cannibal is in a picture of Paco and Sara on her first communion. Wait, was that the day of the plunging breast and the pot-induced wet kiss? I guess so!

Paco is browsing Satan’s notebook. Pepa walks in, her arm in a cast.

Pepa: What’s up, Paco?
Paco: What’s with the arm?
Pepa: A stupid fall. What happened at home? I saw the CSI guys coming out.
Paco: This son of a bitch was in the house.

Pepa: Don’t worry, brother. I’m sure we’ll solve it. No matter how dark you see the sky, the stars will always be above it.

Silvia, in all her ghostly hotness appears. I am sooooo loving this.

Silvia: You only need to know where to look. I showed her that. Pepa thought that you could not see the stars in the city. So I broke all the streetlamps by hitting them with stones, so we could be in the dark.
[Flashbacks from the night they were looking at the stars]

Silvia: We laid down on the car’s hood to see the sky, and that day I asked her to stay with me in San Antonio. She was gorgeous. [Silvia is trying to kiss Pepa, in a very Ghost way. Pepa is definitely feeling her] I wanted to hug her, kiss her... but I didn’t dare do so. She reached for me with her wee finger and I moved my hand away.

Silvia then touches Pepa's pinky finger, the same finger that reached for her when they were looking at the stars...

Silvia: I’ve never been so in love with anyone in my entire life. And I will always be.

Silvia is crying, a tear falls from her eye into Pepa’s finger. Pepa is like “oh my God, she is here!”. But she can’t see her, damn it!! Paco stands up, touches Pepa’s face, and he’s still looking at Silvia.

Apparently, they also have waterproof mascara in Heaven

Paco: Thanks. Thanks for being here.
Pepa and Silvia: You’re welcome.

Yeah, I know. I am crying too.

Mariano breaks the moment and comes in to tell Paco that Amadeo de Cannibal's mama is here. The mother is a complete mess, but I guess that’s expected since her son is Satan.

At the bar, Lis tells Reyes that she’s fine because she knows she will marry him.  Reyes confesses that Aitor is with her. Lis is all heartbroken and leaves. Aitor walks in and hugs Reyes. Goyo, Rita, Amaia, and Curtis are having a beer and having fun. I’m guessing Curtis already did number 2 on Reyes’ purse.

Pepa gets a phone call.

Pepa: Hello?
Salgado: Pepa, how’s your arm?
Pepa: Fine.
Salgado: I’m only calling to tell you not to worry. You’ll have another chance. Now the only thing that matters is that you heal quickly. We’re preparing a new mission. Maybe next time it will be easier for you.

Meanwhile, two CNI big fellas are taking Aitor, apparently arresting him. What a whore!

The cannibal’s mother confesses that at the age of 8, Amadeo came back from church camp being completely different. I am betting all my money on the fact that he’s got an evil twin. And ta-dah, episode is over.

For old times' sake, here's the song that was playing when they were looking at the stars: I Will Survive (NOT the Gloria Gaynor version)

Next week: Pove, Lis, Dani and Paco in a House on a Haunted Hill rip-off. Meh.

Angie, MPep's Commentary

No doubt in my mind the brief PepSi scene in Episode 109 will be forever remembered by Pepa and Silvia fans. Since July 15, 2009, it’s been 8 months and 2 days since Silvia has been in a new LHDP episode. 8 months and 2 days since Pepa and Silvia shared a scene together. And now, here they are. Fans from all over the world held their breath to not miss a word that came out of the redhead’s mouth. We prayed that Pepa would turn her head to kiss her Pelirroja’s waiting lips. Our lips quivered as we heard “I’ve never been so in love with anyone in my entire life” behind the somber instrumental music. A single tear falling from Silvia’s eyes, landing on Pepa’s slender fingers equals a memorable PepSi scene. We are reminded of the old times of Pepa and Silvia. How the simplicity of two people’s love for each other can hold even after death. That a thought - a feeling that can calm everything.

But what was the intention of the creators and writers of Los Hombres de Paco? Was it a patch work solution to the cries of the angry PepSi fans after the death of Silvia? We will never know what was going on in Alex Pina’s mind and Globomedia when they received the thousands of postcards, phone calls and whatever else for the Save Silvia campaign. To make amends for angering a part of their audience, did they feel they needed to pay homage to why we love PepSi so much? To give the fans a closure after the mess they created? Yes, Silvia is dead and now Pepa is suffering. But here is Silvia as a ghost to share a moment with Pepa. A moment that Pepa could feel her redhead as well. That was their patch work solution to give us closure. I will admit, it worked for me.

Or was it a desperate attempt to draw back the audience they lost? Take a minute to think, Alex Pina was promoting the “Wedding of the Century” and the guest appearance of Hugo Silva for Episode 104 for audience ratings. Their numbers were steadily decreasing in Season 8 and they needed then back. The numbers reflect that Alex Pina’s promotion worked! Episode 103 had 16.9% audience ratings where Episode 104 drew 27.2%, a 10.3% increase! (Figures are only approximate).

Now was Alex Pina praying that because of the success of the ending of Season 8 that Season 9 would find them at the top ratings as in their glory days? Was Episode 104 enough for fans to wait for the premiere of Season 9? After news of a whole new cast, different story directions and rumors of current cast members leaving, it was evident that LHDP was changing. This could be the factor of their mediocre ratings for the opening of Season 9. But soon ratings were dropping to the point where they reached their worst ever. So Alex took a gamble to bring back a beloved character to draw back the audience. The one thing he forgot to do, promote that fact that Silvia was going to be in Episode 109. Did anyone know she was going to be on there? All we saw was a brief glimpse of her staring at Paco at the ending credits of Episode 108? But I heard nothing after the fact, did anyone else?

Maybe it was a desperate attempt for ratings but their Marketing Department needs a slap in the head. For now it seems plausible that Silvia’s appearance and the PepSi scene was a solution to calm the PepSi fans. In a way, the Save Silvia Campaign worked. It didn’t resolve the fact that Silvia is indeed dead but they gave us Silvia for an episode.

Will we see Silvia again?

MEDICAL OPINION
by Dr. Acid Burn, MD

It's highly improbable that the phone was placed in Fr. Sistiaga's stomach through the incision in his foot. ATPP and the writers seem to be under the impression that the human skin is all loose like those footie pajamas when in fact it's closely adhered to the muscle and fascia layer underneath. You can't just make an incision and kinda slide the phone under the skin to where you want it to go. I suppose there is a way to make it easier, say if you had an older person whose skin tends to be more loosely adherent or if the guy was really fat and you starved them for a few weeks to make the skin loose enough (very Silence of the Lambs).

Even then, it would be extremely difficult to get the phone from the foot all the way to the abdomen without damaging the skin particularly with an object as large as a cellphone. If you did manage to do it though, it would be fairly obvious which path the phone took underneath the skin from the foot to the leg to the abdomen because the skin will be all floppy, loose and all bruised up if he did it fairly close to the guy's death (or worse while the guy was alive). He would have probably done this fairly close to time of death as rigor mortis will make the process even more difficult and the skin will be more pliable the closer it is to TOD. Also with all the bodily fluids involved in the whole process, the phone wouldn't be working anymore by the time it got to the abdomen (unless it was some sort of super waterproof cellphone with really long battery life).

And clearly, I have spent too much time thinking about this. I suppose I should stop picking at the medical details on this show since this is the same group of writers who thought it was believable for A DOCTOR with a gunshot wound to the liver to operate on herself.

Incidentally, the whole cell phone in the abdomen thing was such a rip off from The Dark Knight. Only the joker made it easier on himself and just made a big ole incision in the guy's abdomen and closed it up.

9x04 LHDP 66.6: The Rip-off - "I Hate Days Like This When it Rains"

Ep. 108: Los muertos no sangran (The Dead don't bleed)

Rip-off: Scared to Death
Summary: Medical examiners discover that a beautiful woman has died of fright. Literally. The rest of the film is narrated by the woman as she describes the events leading up to her death.





Rip-off: Criminal Minds
Summary: A team of criminal profilers from the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, solve crimes by analyizing the mind of the criminal in order to anticipate their next move. In the episode "Scared to Death", the team investigates a series of disappearances, which lead them to a psychiatrist who uses his patients' worst fears to kill them.





LHdP spin: During his autopsy of the third victim, Deker concludes that the victim had over 400mg of adrenaline in her system when she died, indicating a strong amount of fear. As a result, her heart exploded. In other words, she was scared to death.
Epic fail: Again, I'm kind of nitpicking here, because the victim's cause of death is minor. However, as with almost all of the other rip-offs we've seen thus far, there was no point to this one. Alex Pina & Co. mention the fact that the girl died from fear, but failed to explain what that fear was (presumably Satan, I suppose), or how that's relevant to the "66.6" storyline. One minute Deker is talking about her cause of death and the next, he and Pepa are examining and focusing on the hosts that was used during the communion the victim was forced to take. They literally were on one track, stopped, and jumped to a completely different track without ever returning to the original issue or explaining it in any way.

Rip-off: Star Wars prequel trilogy
Summary: While protecting Naboo's Queen Padmé Amidala, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi, encounter a young boy named Anakin Skywalker on the planet Tatooine. Qui-Gon believes that Anakin may be the "Chosen One" who is supposed to bring balance to the Force. The remainder of the prequel films chronicle Anakin's journey as a Jedi and his transition to the Dark Side of the Force, where he becomes Darth Vader.





Rip-off: Harry Potter films
Summary: Harry Potter is an orphan who discovers at the age of 11 that he is a wizard. He is famous in the wizarding world, because when the evil Lord Voldemort attempted to kill an infant Harry, the spell rebounded and seemingly killed the dark lord instead. While Harry learns about magic at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Voldemort is planning his return to power. Since Harry is one of the few people who have been able to survive the continuous attacks against his life, many have dubbed him "the Chosen One" and believe he will be the one to defeat the dark lord.




Rip-off: The Matrix trilogy
Summary: In a futuristic world, sentient machines have taken over humanity, using their body heat as an energy source and creating a virtual world - "the Matrix" - which the humans perceive as reality. A group of humans who have escaped form a rebellion to liberate other humans and take down the machines. Neo is one of the liberated humans, and many believe that he is "The One" - a man whom it is prophesied will have limitless control of the Matrix and use this power to bring an end to the war.

LHdP spin: Towards the end of this episode, Paco discovers a notebook in his jacket with a note from the Father Sistaga while he waits for Mariano, Goyo and Rita to open up the tomb of the cannibal, Amadeo. In the note, Father Sistaga tells Paco that Satan (Amadeo) is alive and that he must face him. He also warns Paco that should he fail, Paco is the chosen one who must defeat him. When the tomb is opened, they discover the body of Father Sistaga, fulfilling the "prophesy" so to speak that Paco is the chosen one.

Why did I choose this pic?
Because clearly you can't become "the Chosen One" unless you've taken communion.

Epic fail: I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but again, these rip-offs fail because LHdP is not a sci-fi/fantasy show. It is a show about honest yet bumbling cops who solve crimes. Is Paco going to learn how to choke someone with his mind? Is he going to learn how to cast a spell to freeze someone? Is he going to learn how to stop bullets? I doubt it. Why? Because this isn't a scif-fi show! Thus, if one were to stick with the premise of what the show is supposed to be about, there is no way in hell (pardon the pun) that Paco could be "the Chosen One" in any sense of the term. The only upside to this incredibly redonkulous storyline is that, apparently as the "Chosen One", he can see Silvia in next week's episode.

*Note: I know that the episode recap mentioned a Twilight rip-off based on Blackman's story during the monologue. However, since, thankfully, no werewolves appeared in this episode, I didn't think it was relevant enough to include it in this lecture.

Feel free to add any other rip-offs you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on lyrics from the song "Rain" by Mika