Silvialogy 4x04 - 100th Post!

LHDP 4x04

By Dr. Pied Piper
(with translations and smart ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer)

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post)

Paco is overwhelmed with his life: Mariano and Lola, the precinct (since he's acting comisario), the Salazar case - among others. His shrink has been very patient, but one too many phone calls and he's fast approaching pest status. After a particularly violent nightmare where he finds Lola in bed with Mariano whom he ends up shooting, he called for a "meeting" among the 3 of them (remember, Mariano lives next door).  At the kitchen table, he gives them their freedom but Lola vehemently professes that she never loved Mariano and she only loves her husband, and they end up hugging and kissing.  Mariano is heartbroken and silently walks away. Paco visits Lucas and Pove in jail: Pove wants to go home and Lucas takes this jailhouse visit as a good opportunity to tell Paco that Sara broke up with him. **Barf!!!** Curtis is back at work. Montoya is drunk and unshaven and interrupts the daily briefing.  Silvia comes in to tell Paco that the Interpol wants an update on the undercover jail mission and they have already called 6 times. There's just something so sexy about the way Silvia says "interpol". *swoon*

She also asks if Mariano is coming to work that day - which he isn't after being handed his mutilated heart on a silver platter.  He is already in consultation with Dr. Lobotomy to drill into his brain so he can forget Lola.

Silvia asks Gonzalo what's going on, because he obviously hasn't seen a razor or a shower, for that matter.

Silvia: “Is there something wrong, Gonzalo?”

Gonzalo: “What? With me? No, not at all, I’m fabulous…” [Translator's Reaction: LOL!]

As Silvia turns around, Rita is there with Sabina.  Silvia immediately tenses up.

Rita: Inspector, can I have a minute, please? I wanted to apologise for what I said the other day [Translator's snide remark: It's about time!]. I was very nervous about the baby, and I lost it. I said very nasty things.
Silvia: It’s all right. But how could you even think that I wanted to steal your baby?

Rita: I know, I know. It was the maternal instinct, and since my maternal instinct is from Murcia [Translator's Note: People from Murcia are notorious for being quite rude and thick – Rita is the best example; she’s lovely, but not especially bright. It’s a hilarious line, btw]… it’s a bit coarse. That was it.

Rita: And, you know what? Sabinica asked me if you would like to be her Godmother at her baptism.
Silvia: Really?
Rita: Yes.
Silvia: I would love to be her Godmother, Rita.
Rita: Thanks very much, thank you.

Rita and Silvia seal the deal with a kiss.  On the cheeks. Silvia's phone rings and she excuses herself to take the call.

Mariano is already signing the consent to undergo the brain procedure.  Povedilla is panicking in jail and wants to go home.  Lucas wants him to break his (Lucas) arm so he can go to the infirmary where DL is. Montoya is still hammered, unshaven, and sleeping on his desk.  When Portillo comes around, the Pacos pretend that they're having a celebration for Curtis' return to justify Montoya's slushiness - he's supposed to give his statement to Portillo that day.  Lucas and DL fight in the infirmary because Lucas accuses DL of wallowing in self-pity and not defending himself against his accusers.  With Lucas on DL duty, Salazar becomes Pove's new cellmate. Huh??? He and one of Pove's rapists want to test his hacking skills (which are non-existent).  To prepare Montoya for his statement, the Pacos give him a cold shower, ply him with black coffee, and get him a new suit.  Rita volunteers to give the first statement to buy Montoya some time; she hands Paco the baby.  Silvia comes in to update Paco on Pove's situation.

Silvia: Paco!

Paco: What?
Silvia: Paco! Povedilla called, he was very nervous. He said he managed to establish a contact with Salazar, but that he asked him to pass a test: he’s got to hack all security codes of the Jefatura Superior de Policía [Translator's note: the bigger bosses, the central, pretty much], tonight.
Paco: Fuck… Tonight? Well, we need to bring Povedilla here asap to prepare the mission, all right, Silvia?
Silvia: Okay. (Silvia looks at Sabinica adoringly)

Aitor (with Carlota) and Pignoise Boy are playing foosball at Cachis when Sara comes in.  Aitor is being an ass (with good reason!) and asks Sara why she's there.  Uhm, her mother owns the place, dickhead! Verbal duel between the 2 which then becomes a foosball match.  Pove is sprung up from jail and is at the comisaria to get his hacking crash course. Silvia and IT lady are there to help him.

Silvia: Here we are. Look, she is the head of the Unidad de Delitos Informáticos de la Central [Translator's Note: The IT experts in the police]

IT Lady: Nice to meet you.
Silvia: Everything’s gonna be all right, you’ll see. Everything is under control.
Pove: No, excuse me, Inspector, that is not right. You have nothing under control. Nothing.
Silvia: You only need to digit several access codes that she’s gonna give you…

Pove: What the hell, what codes? Inspector, please, what are you saying? I can barely use Word, Excel and Minesweeper, and only user level… I have no idea… I know nothing about routes, or keys, or encrypting… no, no idea…

IT Lady: Calm down, take it easy. It’s a fake. We have created a URM
Pove: Oh, she created a URM [with irony]
IT Lady: A User (?) Remote Monitorisation [Translator's smart ass comment: oh, that is very helpful, thanks], that you can access easily. You only need to memorize seven steps. Let’s see. Step one, you log on the computer. There will be RC4 trojan. Tell him you have developed it yourself. Step two, log on as an administrator. Step three, click on the icon Jefatura. Step four, enter the directory Jefatura, folder number 4. It’s called Dirección General de Seguridad. Step 5, you press Alt + F7 + V and then Enter [Translator's snide remark: Oh yeah, nerdy lady, it’s so easy. Pove’s fuck’s-sake face is evident and he starts having flashbacks]. Did you hear me? Alt + F7 + V and then Enter. Then the Trojan will be in the system

[Pove flashbacks]

Pove: ENOUGH! Enough, it’s over… I’m not doing this. By step 6, this guy has burnt me alive.
Silvia: Calm down, Povedilla.

Pove: Do you see me nervous, Inspectora? [Translator's sarcasm: No, not at all, Pove, you look very chilled out] Maybe I’m nervous cause that man has a thing for bonfires… Maybe that’s why I’m nervous… Maybe I’m nervous because that dude has already burnt a man alive in there… Maybe I’m nervous cause he walks about all day with a fucking lighter in his hand… Maybe that’s why I’m nervous, Inspector!
Silvia: But that man is being watched constantly, Povedilla.
Pove: But… what do you know about prison? What? That dude walks about wherever the fuck he wants. That dude… burns people alive. That dude changes his cell like he changes his underpants – and in his fucking cell he has a laptop with a GPS connection. And that’s what that dude does in jail.
Silvia: You are the only one who can do this, Povedilla. We cannot infiltrate another hacker in jail.
Pove: Well that’s a pity. It’s a pity, Inspector. Because I’m not going back in there, I swear I don’t. You can call the Ministry of Interior, the State Secretary and you can kick me out of the force. But I swear to God I am not coming back in.

The foosball "tournament" between Aitor and Sara is underway at Cachis.  Sara ends up winning, but she tells Aitor not to feel bad because she's been playing since she was 8 years old.  Mariano is in his office pondering his incoming lobotomy.  Rita is in the interrogation room with Portillo, giving her non-statement (basically, she was just chatting him up), but doing her best to buy time for Montoya to sober up.  The Interpol guys decided to show up because Paco hasn't been taking their calls.  Paco goes to see Montoya in the locker room, who confesses that he is an alcoholic.  Silvia comes in to tell him they have a problem with Pove.  All the while, Paco is holding Sabinica while he dashes from one part of the precinct to another, for maximum comedic effect.  (Piper's misguided righteousness: Shame on you, Globomedia!  That baby is NOT a prop!)

Silvia: Is there anything wrong?

Paco: No, nothing. Everything’s fine. What?
Silvia: Paco, we have a very serious problem with Povedilla. And Lola. She’s waiting for you in the office, she’s out of her mind and she doesn’t want to tell me what’s wrong.
Paco: Lola?

[Outside the locker room]

Paco: In which office? Your father’s?
Silvia: Yes.
Smith: Inspector, Inspector, Inspector…
Paco: Wait, hold on, two minutes, please…

With the interpol guys on his trail, Paco goes to see Lola who is worried about DL, takes a call from Lucas to tell him about his fight with DL at the jail's infirmary, and finds Mariano making notes and tapes to help him remember after he gets his lobotomy.  And all the while, Sabinica is such a good baby... not fussing or crying or anything.  If there's such a category as  Best TV Baby @ the Goyas, Sabinica would have won it, pampers down.

Silvia: You have to talk to Povedilla NOW. We GOT a problem.

Paco: A problem, yeah.
Silvia: And a very serious one.
Paco: A very serious problem, yeah. Stop recording right now, Mariano, and don’t move from here until I’m back, all right? Okay, please, Mariano, please.

[Interpol guys stop them]

DeGaulle: Can we start the meeting, sil vu plait?
Paco: Yes, yes, sí me plé [Translater's reaction: Pretend French - TOO funny!]. But you’re gonna have to excuse me for a second *sniffs… poo?*… A quick minute.

[Montoya stops him]

Curtis: Boss!
Paco: What?
Montoya: I’m ready to give my statement.
Paco: Good, are you sure? Really? And what the hell is that? [notices a label hanging from Montoya’s blazer] Take this off, man! Let’s see, your breath [Translator's note: Montoya opens his mouth, all stinking of gin, I guess]. Blugh, God, the baby. Victoline [gives him a pill].
Montoya: Paco, I’m probably not done making mistakes, but if I fall, I will rise up again.
Paco: Come on, let’s go.
Curtis: C’mon, boss!
Silvia: [chasing them, coming from the other side of the stairs] But Paco, Povedilla is here! [Translator's reaction: Hahaha very funny!]

Rita succeeds in buying time for Montoya who comes into the Interrogation room sober and decently dressed.

Paco: Mr Portillo, we have Inspector Montoya here, ready to give his statement.
Portillo: It’s okay, let him in.
Montoya: Inspector.
Rita: Thanks.
Silvia: Paco, come on, Povedilla, for God’s sake…
Paco: Silvia, just a minute.

Paco hands the baby back to Rita and continues his trek all around the comisaria with Silvia in tow.  Along the way, he meets many different characters.  Not really, just the interpol guys.

Smith: INTERIM CAPTAIN!!!! [Translator's note: I have my doubts here, because I’ve seen a lot of comisario written around, but that it’s for civil uses –a ‘comisario’ is either a captain or a superintendent]

Paco: Erhmmmm… Mister Smith, Monsieur DeGaulle… three minutes,…. Two, two… One… Come on…
Smith: I DEMAND an immediate urgent meeting with your superiors, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

He finally gets to Povedilla. 

Paco: Fuck the Englishman’s temper… What’s wrong, Povedilla? What’s wrong?

Pove: I don’t want to go back to jail, Inspector, that’s the matter. I am not going back in. That’s full of crazy bastards, people who don’t give a shit about anything, who wouldn’t mind kicking you to death or burn you alive in your bed, and I’m not going back in.
Paco: Let’s see, Povedilla. I understand your apprehension, and I understand who difficult this mission is, but you’re in a prison, it’s all under control, and that place is safer than it seems.
Pove: Safer than it seems? Can you two leave for a second, please?

[Pove tells Paco he’s been raped in prison. They both cry]

The Interpol guys barge into the room demanding an audience with Paco.

Smith: Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve been chasing you for two days now. I demand an immediate update on the mission.
Paco: There is no mission, it’s been cancelled. From now on, any investigation on the Salazar case is suspended.
Smith: Who? Who ordered that?
Paco: I did. I ordered that. It’s over. Full stop.

At Cachis, Sara is still trying to loop in Aitor but he brings Carlota with him, to show her that he's over her.  FOR NOW.  And then I really don't care what they say, so I fast- forwarded.  Back at the comisaria, Rita comes to talk to Paco about Pove.

Rita: Inspector [noises, back chat]. Give me a second. Excuse me. I know I may not be the best to ask you to explain anything to me, but I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you cancelled Jose Luís’s undercover mission, I don’t know, you don’t trust him?

Paco: No. No, yes, I mean, it’s not that. It’s not that I don’t trust him. He is just not ready for it. Not yet, Rita.

Rita: But he’s been working his socks off here for two years. He’s given it all in every mission. Do you not remember when he was stuck in the coffin with the Chinese dude? Don’t you remember? And when he was buried? And when he got the boob job? [Translator's snide remark: seriously, Pove, you have the most surrealistic CV in the whole Spanish Police force!] I don’t know, but I haven’t heard him complain about anything, or having second thoughts about being a policeman. How can you say he’s not ready?

Paco: Rita, stop it. Povedilla is not ready, and he cannot handle this mission. Full stop, all right?

Curtis: How can you say full stop? Can you not see that he’s been through tons of things that none of us would ever have the balls to do ourselves? I am responsible for this unit. I’m telling you, Inspector Miranda, that we’re not talking about a simple pawn. No, we’re talking about a professional, we are talking about a Señor Policía [Translator's note: A total professional], boss.
Rita: Come on, Inspector, let him show you. Because Jose Luís at first looks very weak, but then he is very brave, deep inside of him, he’s very brave. And I think he deserves an opportunity like everybody else. And furthermore, Sabinica knows it. I tell her every night that her dad is in jail but that when he’s out, he’s gonna be a hero [Translator's note: "Se va a coronar" – often used by Paco and Mariano. Literally means to crown yourself, which would roughly mean to do something right and with style. Very LHDP] [talking to Sabina] Yeah, you know that, mommy tells you, doesn’t she? Yeah? He’s gonna be the best, you know.
Paco: I’m sorry, Rita. It just can’t happen, sorry.
Pove: Inspector. I want to go on. I want you to reconsider your decision.
Paco: Povedilla, no.
Pove: Yes, Inspector, yes. Erhhhh, we have already contacted him, I have an hour to memorize what the expert tells me, and I really want to do it. To pick myself up from the floor and do it. If I don’t do it, no one’s gonna do it for me, and you know that. Inspector, trust me, all right?

Sara and Aitor are talking at Cachis.  Sara tells him that Lucas is the love of her life; Aitor listens teary-eyed. What is it with mother-daughter smacking their admirers in this episode?  Carlota smacks Sara back by telling her that she doesn't like Sara for her brother. At the comisaria, Paco acquiesces and allows Pove to assume his undercover mission.  Tender moment between Pove, Rita, and Sabinica.

Silvia: Jose Luís, so then we go through the steps again, we only have an hour.

Pove: Just a second.
Silvia: I’m sorry, you have to go back in. Sorry, Rita.

Montoya is giving his statement and relieving the day that Ruth died. DL, at the jail infirmary with Lucas, is also having flashbacks, so he calls a nurse, writes his involvement in the Uriarte case and basically declares that he is ready to defend himself, as Lucas proudly looks on.  The Interpol guys finally get their audience with Paco, but Lola comes in to give Paco the good news (about DL's jailhouse conversion), and they do a happy dance.  Mariano is missing and Lola and Paco want to look for him, then Montoya comes in and hugs Paco because his meeting with Portillo was a success.  De Gaulle and Smith realize that Paco won't have time for them that day.  After the Spaniards left, the 2 interpol guys look at each other and sigh, resigned - "España".  In jail, Pove "passes the test" so Salazar wants to take him.  His homies start a fire to induce chaos and facilitate their escape.

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What else can I add?  Silvia rocks in this episode.  Paco is Paco - despite himself, he always wants to do the right thing.  This is one of the better LHDP episodes, because it is actually funny and it perfectly and seemlessly segues from drama to comedy and vice versa.  Overall, I still wouldn't want these bumbling cops to protect me or patrol my neighborhood, but I would gladly attend their party and hang out with them, because they have each other's back.

Marian Aguilera, Los Hombres de Paco, Silvia Castro