THE I OF WE

When you are in love, it is very hard to hide your true feelings. Little things become big things. A gesture, a look, a touch--it all becomes heightened when you are trying to hide your feelings.

Being in love means that you want to write her name on every bridge in your hometown. You see her everywhere you go. You smell her. You see her smile. Songs become love songs when they used to be just....songs.

What if you have fallen in love with a co-worker? What if you are secretly sleeping together and trying to steal time? What if one of you is at ease with being a lesbian and the other is experiencing her first lesbian love affair?

If you are Silvia Castro you are dealing with a range of emotions. Being involved with Pepa is like Dorothy stepping onto the land of Oz. Silvia knew her life only in black and white and now her world is vibrant with colors she had only imagined.

So she wants to take it slow. She wants to keep Pepa a secret. Revealing the truth will be a shock to members of her family and to her colleagues. But most of all, revealing the truth means that Silvia faces who or what she is. She is a beautiful and successful woman who has only been with men, and yet she has fallen for Pepa. Big time.

There are two scenes to discuss in this lecture. First, Pepa and Silvia are at a crime scene and Pepa shows her a photo of a house that they can borrow for the weekend.

Silvia tells Pepa that she has dinner plans with her father, but she will make up a story to get out of it and be with Pepa. It is obvious that Pepa doesn't like this solution and Silvia is quite of herself for coming up with a convincing lie. There is a significant moment in this scene when Pepa touches Silvia's face and Silvia whispers "don't touch me"--as there are people around them and no one knows about their relationship.

No me sobes

The second scene is the next day when Silvia finds Pepa at Cachis, as she is looking for Paco (by the way, this is a busy episode for Silvia. She has great scenes with Salgado and Mariano, as well). She asks Pepa if she is upset about what she had said in their previous conversation and Pepa tells Silvia that she was right--she shouldn't have touched her in public. But she doesn't like the fact that Silvia feels she has to lie in order to spend time with Pepa.

Silvia says that Pepa is free to tell anyone in her life about them, but she cannot meddle in Silvia's life. Pepa immediately tells Julian and the customers that she and Silvia are together...Silvia's face is priceless.

Pepa then tells Paco (who already knows thanks to a keyhole in his house--the infamous bathroom scene where they just stared at each other's bras and sang Chicki Chicki--and no sex happened). Not only does Pepa tell Paco, she also kisses Silvia. Silvia is fighting back a smile and doesn't seem angry by this outing, maybe just irritated. And Pepa doesn't care, she is having the time of her life.

This is exactly why Silvia loves Pepa. Pepa takes her out of her controlled enviroment. And as scary as it can be, Silvia loves the thrill of a Pepa Ride.

And the moment, the moment that made my jaw drop and then cheer this outrageous show....the moment that I asked myself why can't American TV be like this this? With a smile on her face, Silvia gives Pepa the finger and Pepa gives her a wonderful air kiss.

The title of this lecture comes from being a secret couple:

    
     What are you doing this weekend? We...I... am going to the beach.

     Where are you going for the holiday? We..I... am visiting my family.

We catch ourselves. The world doesn't know that you are part of a couple. The world doesn't know that you don't sleep alone. The world doesn't know that you long to hold her hand as you cross the street. The world doesn't know that you know how she washes her hair and that her pajamas don't match. The world doesn't know a thing. And so the we becomes an I. Just an I.

Someday you will know when you are ready. When it is safe. We all need a Pepa to nudge us and we all need a Silvia to protect us. It is a glorious moment in your life, when you can say "we". You will become part of a "we". Then you can take her hand, brush the hair from her face and point to a bridge and say "look, our names."

Dr. Booker