9x13 El Acabose de los Tiempos (The Last Straw of Time)
By Drs. Bekelauer & Piper
So here we are, the very last original LHDP episode, the end of the line. For what it's worth, this last episode was not lacking in effort from ATPP, so please sit back and enjoy this last goodbye from the folks of San Antonio.
Summary Recap
Pove pulls a joke on Curtis letting him think he slept with a prostitute on his wedding day, but it's actually not true. Curtis tells Rita anyway, right when they're about to get married. So Rita runs away, arguing that the case is more important - it's the day Junior plans to kill Paco. Deker tries to get Pepa to his island again, he even bought tickets to Lesbos in Greece to make her journey to the other side of the sexual spectrum (into Heteroville) less traumatic. How considerate! Pepa gently lets him down, and that's the end of Peker.
Mariano drugs Paco and locks him in one of the holding cells to prevent him from meeting Junior and getting killed. Then the boys go on a mission to the last spot of the pentagram, a monastery where a secret society of the Roman Catholic Curia is going to meet. Deker finds out that Junior might have drugged Sara to induce labor even though she's only 8 months along. Sara of course gives birth - it's a boy and he looks too big for a preemie. Junior kidnaps the baby to force Paco to show up for their date. I think he is utterly infatuated with The Bearded One. Pepa lets Paco out of the holding cell and they all go on a field trip. Somewhere along, Aitor confesses to Lis that he loves her. And Deker and Reyes plan to get away (since they both have just been dumped).
At the monastery, Senior tells Junior that the society is going to hand him to the authorities as a proof that Faith beats evil, and that he is no heir of the shadows or anything, and he's nothing but a Satan wannabe. Which makes the Satanic plot a big fat lie. Which makes this season simply lame. Junior feels betrayed by his own father, so he kills him. He then gets angry because Paco is late for their date so he is going to stab Sara's baby in sacrifice. Paco and the whole precinct arrive just in time to stop him. Junior stabs Paco with a giant ham-cutting knife and in return, the whole cast turns him into a human practice target. Junior is wounded and bloodied with around 8 shots hitting him everywhere, but does he die right away? NO! He hovers around. What happened to the "best shot in San Antonio"? Just when you start to wonder whether Junior is really immortal, he drops dead. LHDP drama ensues, implying that Paco dies, but he doesn’t.
One year later, DL is giving his retirement speech and Paco is appointed new Commissioner. Aitor married Lis, Reyes is with Deker, Pepa is with not-Silvia who looks hot (so good job, Pepa!), Paco has married Salgado, and Rita is pregnant and her baby-daddy Curtis got a haircut. And the end is just a funny gag of a rowing team, which is Paco's battlecry.
Complete Recap
Paco voice over: All things come to an end, even if it hurts. Even if we’re not ready, we know that everything goes, sooner or later. But if I look back, I can only say that my life has been worth it. Ever since I arrived at this precinct with nothing to lose and my father-in-law offered me a second chance, my life has changed. With my friends. Like a fucking rowing team. A group that has not been broken by crime, by family secrets or by my stupid protective stubbornness, not even by the Napolitan mafia. With all these people that became friends one day, and family the next. Even if they’re not the council list, it doesn’t matter, even if I have to write their names down with a pencil at the margin. It’s the way life is. We all have to die. And just because that motherfucker has me in his hitlist, I am not going to let it affect my life. Not on the day my friends are getting married. I will carry on with my day, and then I’ll go looking for him.
Mariano, DL, and Paco are at the precinct, arguing.
Mariano: What the hell are you saying, Paco? It’s not the rest of your life – today is The Day! And there’s only one spot left in the hexagram – the monastery of St Andrew’s.DL: Paco, according to the priest’s notebook, today is when he’s going to kill the last virtue, Hope. And the last virtue is the last person who donated blood in the accident of Guadarrama. Paco, you are that person.Paco: I will do what I have to do.Mariano: Paco, what you have to do is go in hiding. Pray to the Lord and to the National Police Forces, that’s what you have to do! You have lost your mind!Sara (from the bing bong thingy outside the interrogation room): Inspector Moreno, please stop harassing him or I will report you. (Piper: Translator means Public Address system)
Sara walks in pregnant. She is already dressed for the wedding. Hugs and kisses for and from everyone.
Paco: Maybe I’ll die today, but I am going to live every second. And even if something ends today, I know it will be the beginning of something better.
Junior goes to meet Senior and is astonished that his Papi, who's been bedridden the last 8 years, can now walk and talk. Junior says he’s going to finish off the job – he is so convinced that he is Satan! “I will reign in the darkness forever”... Aye right!
LHDP Intro
Curtis wakes up at the newbies’ apartment all hangovered and next to what seems to be a hooker. Score! Rita knocks at Paco’s and Pepa goes and opens the door... in her underwear.
Rita: Looook!Pepa: What the hell are you doing all dressed already? It’s still two hours til the wedding! (Translator: Pepa, you should get dressed too. Not that I mind you in your underwear, but it’s just weird that you’re there naked, that’s all. Well, maybe not. I don’t know. Nice lingerie btw...) You are Marilyn!Rita: It’s just I’m so nervous and I thought “go get dressed!”. Oh, I’m so lame, maybe I’m going too fast? Because with all the sex and the express wedding... Poor Curtis, he’s not going have anything brand new tonight. Unless I buy him some pyjamas... For the first time in my life I am jumping into the void...
The hooker gets dressed and tells Curtis that he needs to pay her. Then he finds a pair of X-ray films showing something... weird.
Sara walks to Laureano Vicuña and has flashbacks of Lucas and Aitor – I thought we were done with that threesome crap! However, it’s not too annoying this time. Aitor walks down to see her – Lucas seems to be in Rihad on a mission. They have a tender, awkward moment, but they are cool.
At Lizarrán, Pove, Goyo, and Dani talk about the fact that Pove has played the joke of a lifetime on Curtis, just to get back at him for all the stuff he’s had to go through all these year. Flashback of vintage Pove moments. They made him believe that he had sex with a stripper and that he’s got a miniature train up his ass. That’s... nasty. But very LHDP. Curtis shows up and is really disturbed by what he thinks happened the night before. Povedilla gets a phone call from DL to go straight to the precinct so he doesn't get to tell Curtis the truth.
The briefing room has been decorated with wedding patters and white chairs and it seems that Curtis and Rita are going to get married AT THE PRECINCT. Yes, San Antonio is like a Las Vegas chapel, the wedding venue of choice. Reyes gets a phone call and leaves. DL tells Pove and Mariano that Senior, apparently standing on this own 2 feet, has left the nursing home / residence.
Curtis walks in with his best (wo)man Pepa (who's wearing some glittery number), everybody cheers. He looks like he is about to throw his own liver up.
Someone: Long life the groom!Povedilla: If you excuse me, I need to talk to the groom.DL: Sit down, fuck’s sake. Paco is in mortal danger, huge, terrible things are happening here. Go and talk to someone from the clinic, see what they tell you. When you find out, come in and give me a report.Povedilla: How do you want me to report it? Should I text you? Or should I walk in with some rice so as not to be noticed?DL: Yeah, bring two fucking rice paellas and we invite the priest as well. (Translator's note: He says "priest" but of course he means a lay person) You moron, you’re a fucking moron!
Reyes is arguing with someone on the phone about keeping the patrols in the last corner of the hexagram, the monastery. Lis shows up and asks her what's going on – apparently, the hierarchy of the Church is not allowing the patrols in because they have summoned ranking clergymen to pray in this dark hour when Satan is coming to the world. Aye right! Reyes also tells her that Aitor has broken up with her, so Lis apologises for jeopardising their relationship. Then they agree not to get involved with any 29-year old (Translator: I thought Aitor was my age, like 24?). Lis will get the under 28’s, and Reyes the over 30’s. Which, mathematically, also makes 28- and 30-year olds out of reach for either one of them.
Reyes sees Deker in the lab so she goes in to check. He is butt naked - HAHA! He explains that he needs a hand to CSI his body because he spent 4 hours with Satan and there’s probably something in him to help them solve the mystery and save Paco. I think he is actually the only one who has an idea of what’s going on in here.
Curtis looks more and more like he is about to throw up all his intestines. Rita walks in to Lo Que No Ves. Paco takes her down the aisle. For the 2nd time in the series.
Rita: When I woke up this morning, I wondered if we were not rushing too much. But now that I see you, I feel there’s nothing else to wait for. And if I had to pick someone to trust with my life, I would pick you. I’ve know how cute you are for a long time. And I love you.
The wedding starts and Povedilla walks in with a packet of rice. How convenient. He updates DL and makes a mess – vintage Pove. Curtis needs to be honest with Rita.
Reyes and Deker are having a tender moment. In a Deker fashion, of course – he is naked and she is CSIng him. She is depressed because of the Aitor fiasco and says, “Why do we even want to start things that are predestined to fail?”. Deker summarises his (and my) point of view about life: “The most important thing is not the destination, but the trip”. Then she finds something on his back, like little needle punctures.
At the wedding, Povedilla is still being noisy, so he leaves with DL and Mariano. They find Aitor in the hallway, who tells them that Senior has his room adorned with crucifixes and other religious items and that he was a priest. It seems that Senior belongs to a secret Church society, the Witnesses of the Resurrection. Lis approaches Aitor and starts yelling at him for dumping her mother.
Curtis confesses everything to Rita in the middle of the wedding ceremony. Needless to say, she's not happy and gives a speech before she walks away, and rightly so.
Rita: Fellows, we are dealing with a police investigation that has already taken the lives of seven people. Today is a crucial day, and while we’re here, the investigation is still going on. And it’s going on because one of us is in danger, so I’m going to ask the judge if we could please go ahead with more important things, like the criminal investigation, and we can postpone the wedding. Excuse me.
DL is holding court at the ground floor of the precinct.
DL: Right, gentlemen, there is indeed a connection between the secret society of the Witnesses of the Resurrection and the series of murders that we’ve been dealing with. We have a tip that in a couple of hours, this society is going to organise a day of prayer in the next supposed scene of crime, the sixth corner of the star.Mariano: While Don Lorenzo is trying to get a warrant to enter the venue, stop the mass, and place units inside, we’re going to organise a mission in the surrounding area.Salgado: As far as I know, the CNI is also pulling some strings (Really?? Do they still want her after the whole Zebra clusterfuck?)DL: Evidently yes, but the problem is the inviolability of the temple, we’re going to need at least...Paco (interrupting): Do you know where I have the “inviolability”? (This is a question that begs a “Por mis santos cojones” reply). It’s over! No more bullshit! No CNI, no warrants, no more crap! We’ve stuck to protocol and we have nothing to show for it except seven corpses. Seven. (He goes to his office and takes out a spray bottle of chloroform... But of course it’s Paco’s best and most powerful weapon!) Let’s do what we have to do! What we know that works! Drugs and infiltration. The important thing is to be in, not out. All together. Gentlemen, who’s with me?
Pepa is the first one to step up for her brother, followed by Marina. This is vintage badge-handing moment. DL looks disgusted at first, but he is on board.
DL: Oh come on, we’re late already!Mariano: Paco, you’re the last victim, the last virtue. And the victim and the location (in the hexagram) can’t come together. You’re not going anywhere from here.Paco: I am going to go, and I’m going to be the first one there. He’s looking for me and he’s going to find me.Mariano: All right, Paco, whatever you say. (And he sprays him with chloroform) A chair, quick, he’s falling, hurry!
Salgado provides the chair and looks like she’s about to piss herself laughing at Mariano’s idea.
Deker au naturale keeps flirting with Reyes. Pepa walks in and almost bursts out laughing at the scene before her.
Pepa: Inspector... The Captain is looking for you, he’s organised a mission.Reyes: Very well, I’m off to the lab with the evidence. See you later.Pepa: Later.Deker (in a sort of asking her to leave tone): Ciao.Pepa: Now you’re trying to play hard to get? May I remind you that it’s not the first time I've seen you in “all your splendour”.
Deker: Can you hand me my clothes?Pepa: How’s it going?Deker: All right.Pepa: Any news?Deker: No, no news. Hand me my clothes, please. (Pepa teases him) That thing over there is for you.Pepa: A present? Or an invitation to re-offend?Deker: Since you said that I should survive because maybe you might want to come to my island again... Here I am: young, alive, fertile... in my best moment.Pepa: Deker, you were wrapped in Titadine yesterday, and I can’t be cool in those moments. And I might have overreacted, and maybe promised too much. Look, I told you once that what happened between us was marvelous, truly, but it’s not going to happen again.Deker: Cool.Pepa: You understand?Deker: I understand. Since I was about to die, you told me pretty things, but now that I’m alive... everything’s cool. Everything’s cool.Pepa (looks at the tickets): To Lesbos?Deker: Yeah, to make the transition less traumatic.Pepa: Pretty one.Deker: I will have to resign myself to this shit of being friends. Anyway, what was done, was done, and can’t be taken from me.He reaches to slap her in the butt, but she grabs him and twists his arm instead.Pepa (sing-songy tone): Easy with that hand! And you can look but you can’t touch.Deker: Mamita...
DL is at Confecciones Puri with Dani and Amaia. Mariano, Curtis, Pove and Goyo have set up a road block on the mainroad leading to the monastery. Pove argues with Curtis, who still thinks that he has fucked up. A car with 2 bishops (violet zucchetto), a cardinal (crimson), and a driver approaches. Curtis stops it and argues with the passengers in best LHDP vintage. Pove sprays chloroform on the cardinal... who falls on the spikes, butt first. Goyo takes care of the rest, i.e., he sprays them.
When you go to Catholic schools long enough, you get to identify these things...
Sara is lying on the sofa when Rita walks in. She tells her that she doesn’t want to get married because of what Curtis confessed. Sara defends Curtis and says that it is good to know how to forgive. She goes back to her history of “choosing”. Aitor goes to the newbies’ flat next door to talk to Lis but she doesn’t want to. Rita is heartbroken. Aitor and Lis still blame each other, and Aitor is about to confess his love when Sara screams and she sees that her water has broken.
DL is trying to justify the lack of smoothness of the mission to the newbies. Mariano orders Goyo to take the priest to hospital. Pove confesses to Curtis that the prostitute thing was all a joke and Curtis gets so worked up that he starts the car and accelerates, runs over the road block spikes, and blows their tires out.
Paco is drugged in one of the holding cells at the precinct, then wakes up. Salgado is there with him, and tells him that he can’t leave because he needs to keep on with his life. Oh, I see Pepa is there, so...
Salgado: Easy, easy Paco. Chloroform causes a terrible hangover.Paco: Did the mission start?Salgado: An hour ago. How are you? How are you, honey?Paco: Marina, I know what you’re doing, but I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to dishonour my duties because of a threat. I don’t want fear to eat me alive. I don’t want to be locked away here for that motherfucker not to go on with his prophecy. Or to close his fucking circle, or kill me. Do you understand?Salgado: Paco, listen to me, you’re not locked here because of that. You’re locked here because you have to have dinner with your daughter tonight, and you have to take your grandson to church to get him baptised in a couple of weeks. And you’re also here because you asked me to marry you last night and I told you I needed time to think about it. But now I realise that in life, sometimes, there’s no time. There’s no time. And that’s why you’re here. Because I want to say yes, I want to marry you, and live together for many years. Because if you walk out that door, we might not have time.
Pepa is standing nearby and hears everything, because, you know, it is socially acceptable in Spain to listen to other people's conversations, and she is duly touched and now all is forgiven with Salgado. Whatever.
Back in Laureano Vicuña, Sara is in labor and being helped by Aitor and Rita. Just when she is about to pop her baby out, Sara decides that this is the proper moment to beg for forgiveness after all she did to Aitor. About time! She says that when she saw him and Lucas at Silvia and Pepa's wedding, she instantly knew that she had to be with Lucas.
Povedilla, Curtis, and Mariano, now wearing the bishops' vestments, are walking to the monastery. Pove asks Curtis to hit him.
Mariano: Let’s see gentlemen, in this precinct pretty much everyone has had an affair with somebody else’s woman. Paco with Marina, me with Lola, Lucas with everyone... not to mention the dead, because Gonzalo and Silvia were also free spirits, may they rest in peace.
Curtis says he’s not going to hit him because he is brokenhearted. He tries to flag a passing car so they can hitch a ride, but the car doesn't stop, and he starts swearing and chasing it. Which is supposed to be funny because he is dressed as a bishop.
Reyes walks in the locker room and sees Deker smoking. They’re both brokenhearted. Reyes starts smoking with him. Deker suggests they could go somewhere together, and after some convincing she accepts. Someone walks in with the results from the lab. Oxytocin was present, a drug given to pregnant women to induce contractions – Deker and Reyes rightly deduce that Junior has gone after Sara.
Next thing we know, Sara is actually giving birth. Aitor and Sara have a tender moment. He says that he will never hate her because he loves her. Lis silently says, “WTF?”. He says that he also admires her for being able to choose so fast, and then he says that he also has had that “fraction of a second” in which he knew what he wanted... “in an elevator, with a girl dressed up as Santa”. Afterwards, Sara gives birth to the chunkiest preemie baby ever.
Paco is still in the holding cell. Pepa is watching him.
Paco: Pepa...
Pepa: Don’t even ask me, Paco.Paco: What would you do if that motherfucker came for you? Would you like to be sitting in a cell while your friends do their best for you?Pepa: I don’t know, Paco!Paco: Well, I know! You would go out there with your gun, with your bare chest if necessary, and you would face anything that would come, because if you didn’t, when all would be over, you would never forgive yourself not doing anything, for staying put while your colleagues defend you, or worse, die for you.Pepa: I can’t let you go, Paco, I can’t.Paco: Yes, you can, and you’re going to. Because no one better than you knows that I have to do it, no one better than you.
Mariano, Curtis, and Pove have "borrowed" the bishops' vestments and are now walking to the monastery. Curtis puts his hand in his pocket and finds a train with a note from Pove, saying that he didn’t know what to give them for a present, so he bought them two tickets for the Orient Express and that he loves them and wants them to be happy ever after. Aawww! Curtis is moved and tells Pover that he loves him too and they forgive each other. At that same moment, a lorry drives by and they stop it.
Pepa and Paco are leaving the precinct when the SWAT patrol intervenes and stop them. Salgado shows up.
Salgado: I know the Mirandas. Paco, the gun, please.Paco: At your orders, Commander.Reyes: Inspector, do you know where your daughter is?Paco: Why?Deker: We think Satan might have established contact with her and induced her into premature labour. Call her now.
Goyo arrives at Confecciones Puri and says he has abandoned the priests at the door of the ER. Mariano, Pove, and Curtis are overhearing the conversation because their mics are still on. DL says he is going to teach the newbies how to be professionals because he does not want them to end up like “that band of pilgrims”. Never a truer word spoken. Then he scolds Goyo with his “santos cojones” repertoire.
Rita phones Curtis and tells him he forgives her. Sara misses a call from Paco. Aitor and Lis flirt tenderly in front of the baby. Then the paramedic arrives and takes the baby to the ambulance. Alone! Who the fuck lets a stranger take a newborn without its mother?! Aitor picks up the phone - it's Paco who asks him if he can see the baby. He goes down to the ambulance and see that the paramedic has been killed and the baby is nowhere to be found.
Mariano, Curtis, and Povedilla get to the monastery and they enter with the other priests. Then Deker explains in a voice-over the main points of ATPP's stupid Satanic plot, a blatant rip-off of Dan Brown's Angels and Demons.
Deker: The balance of universe is ruled in pairs, divided in opposite forces of the same magnitude. This way, Good remains balanced if Evil exists. But in these times, Evil is has devalued. Nobody fears it, nobody prays. The Witnesses of the Resurrection have known this for a long time long and they have been carrying out their plan. Damián Vallejo, one of the group's key members, conceived his own "devil" by a rape that cost him 8 years of penitence in a hospital bed. They raised the Chosen One making him believe that he was really Satan and that if he managed to "kill" all six theological virtues*, he would rule over the Earth. The twin was a mishap fixed by destiny, they used him like a puppet, like they used the three thousand followers of the order all over the globe, to make it look like a Satanic plot, all with the same purpose – to extend the fear of Satan, and bring people back to Church.
Random Silvia picture from the flasbacks
The strabismus guy is the presiding priest of the secret meeting. Somebody is knocking at the door of the monastery and – ta-dah! Junior with Sara’s baby. Aitor phones DL to tell him that Satan has his great-grandson.
Senior: Hand me the baby, no more deaths. And time is not going to bring a new era.Junior: Today is the great day, father. I need to spill the blood of the virtuous on the corner of the star, to open the doors of Solomon.Senior: No door is going to open, my son. You’re not going to rule over anything, and you are not the Chosen One. There won’t be an era of shadows, nor will Evil be eternal. Come with me. You have to come with us. Your example will be the proof to show the world that prayers beat Evil. We will say that the power of the Church beats Satan. We will hand you to the authorities, so faith will be renewed. Come with me, give me the baby, please.Junior: Father, why did you abandon me?
And Junior, with an amazing karate chop, pushes Senior and kills him. Back up shows up.
Mariano: Drop the baby, drop the baby.Pepa: You here, you, over there!That’s when we see for the first time the girl that will end up hooking up with! She nods silently and follows with her.Mariano: Don Lorenzo, what shall we do?
Junior takes out a HUGE ham-cutting knife and is about to carve Sara's chunky baby. He looks like a ham anyway. (Piper scolding herself: Piper! That's a very mean thing to say about a baby!) But Paco, our hero, shows up.
Paco: SATAN!!! I am here! Were you looking for me? I am the last virtue – Hope.Mariano: No, Paco!Paco: Here I am. Leave my grandson alone. My life for his.Junior: Hope is in your blood. Do you want the boy to live?Paco: Yes.Junior: Then you will die.
Paco goes up to where Junior is, who drops the baby and then slices Paco with the ham knife. Angels and Demons soundtrack plays in the background. Well, you've already ripped the plot, why not rip the music as well? Paco falls down.
Everyone starts shooting Junior, who takes an awfully long time to drop dead. You know ATPP wants us to believe that maybe Junior really was immortal. And now he wants us to ask that age-old question: Does Paco die? We don't answer because we don't really care.
One year later... DL is giving his retirement speech to a glum audience. ATPP still wants us to think that Paco died, so he can surprise us and we'd be happy. Dumbass! You could have pulled that stunt at the beginning of this season! Silvia would be alive, we'd be really happy, and you'd still have a show.
DL: Every agent who falls in the line of duty is like an open wound that never heals. I have been a Captain for 26 years and when I look back, all I can think of are the agents, our colleagues, who lost their lives under my command. And not even success, nor medals, can compensate or ease the pain. Today I am retiring, and I would like to ask you a favour. Please, let’s take a moment of silence to remember those who were once in this precinct.They all stand and sort of cry. Very emotional.DL: Thank you. One day, I heard one of my men say that the end of everything was just the starting point of something new. And if this is like that, today, the Castro era is over in this precinct, but only to let in one of our best... the best Captain.
Paco is taken in by Mariano and Salgado in a wheelchair. Pepa’s tears make me cry. Everybody cheers, DL gives him a medal. Reyes tilts her head towards Aitor and then towards Lis like sort of saying that Lis should be sitting next to him, so she goes and they hold hands and they are wearing wedding bands. Pepa looks at the (short) not-Silvia girl and gives her a cute little head nudge. Paco gives his speech.
Paco: Thank you. No... When spending nine months in a hospital bed, you can do lots of things. First, you can see that your preemie grandson already weighs 10 kilos. Guapo! Second, and thanks to you all, you can pass the tests to be a Captain. Thanks a lot.
At this point, Pepa and Deker look at each other – with his eyes, Deker asks her about the girl sitting next to her, and Pepa gives him the thousand watt smile. The girl mumbles “Guapa!” when Pepa looks at her. They both smile. I am genuinely happy for Pepa.
Paco: And lastly, the opportunity, maybe because the world is crazy – crazy enough to allow a man like me, who was supposed to be a locksmith, to be in charge of the best precinct in the world, San Antonio. Chance, or, thank God, borne of this man’s stubbornness, Don Lorenzo’s. Without him, I don’t know, I don’t know where I’d be.Deker and Reyes hold hands – Awww!Paco: That’s why I promise you that I’m going to try to match him. And I want to thank him in front of you. I was sent to San Antonio five years ago, and I could never imagine that I would find people like you, who became my friends from the very first moment, and after five years, I know you will always be part of my family. I love you. And well, we’ve been through bad days, very bad days but also through good days, and days that have been far too much, right, Don Lorenzo? Maybe too much. And I repeat, that’s why I love you. The San Antonio precinct will always be alive.Mariano: Ole!Paco: Always. To defend the rights and freedom of the Spanish people. And you know why? You want to know why? Simply, “por mis santos cojones”.
Tears and cheers and more tears.
Goyo and Dani hug and kiss. They are so together.
Pepa kisses the (very short) not-Silvia on the forehead – so sweet in a non-sexual way.
Everyone starts kissing and hugging each other. And we can see some hugging and kissing from the past, which includes Silvia and some PepSi kisses and tender moments.
Yeah, I was crying like Pepa... for what could have been...
Paco walks into his new Captain office, sits on the chair, and tries to get used to the feeling. Somebody knocks at the door and he pretends he’s working on something. It’s DL.
Paco: Come on in.DL: Sit down. Paco, your men want to show you something.
So then we have the rowing team gag. Translator really, really thinks you all should watch it.
Mariano: Come on, gentlemen! Up! One, two! One, two! One, two! Halt! To the left! Captain Miranda, at your orders!All: Like a fucking rowing team!Mariano: Yes, sir! One, two! One, two!
And we have some of the best vintage LHDP funny and slapstick moments: falls, mistakes, drugs, kisses, hits, bitchslaps, songs, dance moves, action. But most of all, we see Pepa and Silvia, and for that fleeting moment, our throats tighten, our hearts smile, and we remember how almost-perfect it all was. Because it was, it truly was.
Piper's commentary:
For one last time,
Fuck you Alex Tiny Penis Pina!
Fuck you for your ginormous ego which made you believe that you could kill 4 characters, especially one who has engendered Silvialogists everywhere, without squandering the fans' goodwill.
Fuck you for assuming that your loyal viewers were somehow so stupid that you could change the entire genre of the show and still assume that they would simply open their mouth and say, "Ah!" to whatever you feed them.
Fuck you for trying to be profound with your pretentious Satanic plot, which Deker explained away in about 5 sentences. And an extra FU for ripping this Catholic mystery from Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, and the secret organization's allusion to Spain's very own Opus Dei. The Camerlengo in A&D wanted to slow the spread of science and used the Illuminati as a scary diversion. Senior and his posse wanted to bring people back to Church and used the devil to scare them into attendance. Either way, both stories were of misguided piety carried out by pitiful men.
Fuck you for the cop-out in explaining the seeming supernatural deeds of Junior: that there were many members worldwide to help him. Uhm, yeah? So did those members also manipulate Paco's psyche so he could play chess in his dreams? And Amadeo just knew how to perfectly impale himself against a wall hook? And what about Father Sistiaga? Was he a member of the Witnesses who simply sacrificed himself to lend credence to the story? And the phone in his legs? How did it mysteriously get there? Oh, and Ghost!Silvia? Thank you very much for that by the way, dickhead, but you didn't explain how she appeared to Paco. Was Paco simply stoned? Where were the bodies of Amadeo and novice? And Mama Amadeo? And the Blair Witch house? Hanging nuns appearing and disappearing? And Junior in Sara's communion picture? You didn't close those loops either.
Fuck you for the lazy conclusion of the CNI sub-plot. I still don't know what its purpose was. To blackmail Pepa? To destroy then salvage the Salgado character? I don't know, but that was just lazy.
Fuck you for not-Silvia's taunted underwhelming appearance. Didn't your press release say that she was going to blow the case wide open? She didn't utter one fucking word!
Fuck you for imposing Blackman on us, and plastering Amaia all over him. One goth character was enough, but two?
Fuck you for the 4 newbies who didn't do much other than to annoy the heck out of us. And for the characters whom we have learned to love but you have blown up, exiled, shortchanged, or simply sent to TV limbo: Lola, the 4 casualties of Episode 104, Bernarda, Pig Noise guy, Mama Concha, Quoque (Bernarda's son), Lucas... They were good, you know. They were The DNA of the show.
And lastly, FUCK YOU for killing Silvia. Yes, Marian wanted to leave the show. Yes, she was able to display her amazing acting and dying skills. But your smug and unapologetic demeanor afterwards just sealed your dickheadedness, so fuck you.
But THANK YOU as well, for giving us PepSi in the first place. Really, thank you.
And FUCK YOU for taking it away.
40 comments:
Jess: Thanks for the quick recap, Drs. Beke and Piper! Funny as usual...
thank you for the quick recap. It all makes more sense now and if I couldn't have Silvia and Pega, then I thought they did homage to the show as a whole which I did enjoy. The row
boat was a hoot. My heart goes out to all of you who have made this ride fascinating and fun. Take care and hope to see you around
LONG LIVE PEPSI
thank you for the QUICK translation =)
Pepa and the new girl...hmmm...I dont know...it just....not the same...
Pepa look sad in the last photo...teary eyes
It just makes me sad that they hardly mentioned Silvia the entire season.
I'm glad Pepa found happiness again, but the complete lack of grieving throughout the season really upset me.
I know Marian wanted off the show, but it still sucks. They could have been more realistic about how a widow would react.
Just the simple fact that Pepa didn't even go to her funeral or visit her grave makes me wonder what the hell they were thinking when they wrote this season.
Oh well, the ride is over.
Pepsi will live on in our memories.
Laura Sanchez has looked pretty sad throughout this entire season, and does so in these pictures as well ... I wonder if that's deliberate.
The last episode was just LAME...
If Carlsberg did losers, ATTP would be probably it!
So long suckers I won't miss you one bit!
Long Live PEPSI!
To be honest, the fact that Season 9 was SO BAD in every which way -- plots, themes, characterizations, continuity from the previous season, etc. -- is a kind of redemption for PepSi fans, because it puts us on the higher moral ground and makes it clear that WE were right about Season 8's finale, and the producers were wrong. I'm actually quite glad that it was a terrible season, and that the producers fell flat on their faces after pulling the stunt they did in Season 8's finale. It was well-deserved. And it also gives fanfic writers a cue to undo the mess created by Alex Pina and colleagues however much possible. Season 9 was so godawful that only the most mediocre fanfic wouldn't be an improvement over it.
I agree that the wrapping up of all the plot lines from this season and last was lame. Salgado confesses to numerous crimes including murder, and what gets to marry Paco. Pepa who has shown herself to be a pretty vengeful kinda gal just gets over what Salgado put her through. Pepa confesses to murder and gets a couple of vacation days because it was all knid of hard one her? Aitor behaves like a sleaze and gets the girl? At least it wasn't the hot woman. But parts of this episode did remind us of some of the fun it used to be. Not enough Silvia, she was afterall on the show almost exactly the same length of time as Montoya, and Nelson got more screen time.
Jeez everybody is hooking up! Reyes and Deker, Aitor and Lis, etc. I'm surprised DL isn't hooking up with Amaia!
Thanks PepSiU for the quick overcap - all in all, an episode that tried to have some of the classic LHDP humor but still failed overall. Too many of the characters the audience loved were gone, too many character assasinations of the beloved characters that were left had happened, replaced by a plot and newbies that the audience hardly knew or cared about. I loved the flashbacks at the end since it showed LHDP at its finest (still needed a lot more PepSi in those clips!) but that was about it.
Viva la PepSi - and fanfic! ;pp
por fin!
so the last ep... i feel as if i should say something profound... something that can contain the vast range of emotions... hmmm
Season 9...it was like watching a mouse die in a trap. you know the really brutal glue ones. yeah thats all i got.
also in this ep Laura looked muy caliente. I'm usually not a fan of the pelo rubia but... sabrosa! XD
Thanks for the translation and the recaps. What a sorry finale. What was the point of Season 9? The show ended when Silvia died. Lame, lame, lame. Pepsi forever! It was a good show, once upon a time.
As I said to Lenageek, this show should have ended at the end of Season 8. It was obvious, after the introduction of characters like Blackman, that LHdP was running out of ideas, and with Hugo Silva gone and Marian Aguilera wanting to leave, LHdP's producers should have known that all good things must come to an end, and wrapped it up in the Season 8 finale with a happy wedding. If they wanted to continue Season 9 without Marian Aguilera, they could have had both Pepa AND Silvia leave San Antonio (it's not as if Laura Sanchez was given some sort of unbelievably great role or storyline in Season 9, so I don't think she'd be missing much). Had they done that, I would say that LHdP, despite all its scriptwriting flaws, has managed to reach the status of epic. But because of the brutal and sensationalist way in which they killed Silvia, and went on to do character assassinations of Pepa and other characters, I'm afraid LHdP just missed the mark for me. Still, I agree that the relationship of Pepa and Silvia was easily the most beautiful lesbian relationship ever portrayed on television, but I think this was in spite of the writing and not because of it: most of the credit goes to Laura Sanchez and Marian Aguilera for getting it right in so many ways, even when the scriptwriting for these two characters was cliche and silly.
Anyway: cue the fanfic, please! I'm looking to create a repository of it on my LJ.
Hey Anonymous , I agree with you - I was also upset that Silvia (not to mention Montoya and the rest of the hombres) were also barely mentioned this season, if at all. And with the exception of the first episode, hardly ever showing Pepa mentioning or grieving for her pelirroja. Hm, I think I'll have to write some fanfic that will remedy that! Even though I generally don't write S9 fanfic, I've had one in my head for a while that portrays a more realistic portrayal of Pepa's grief - certainly more realistic than what we got in the S9 scripts!
If anything, S9 showed me how truly stupid or how low writers and producers of a show can go - normally, I think the cancellation of a beloved show and/or death of a character is the worst that can happen to a production but watching S9 was like watching a slow, excruciating death! No thanks! Cue the PepSi clips, por favor! ;p
For me LHDP AND PepSi ended after season 8. I have watched a few scenes of season 9 but my personal life is far more entertaining and interesting than what Alex Pina has come up with so I decided not to watch it. With all due respect not only PepSi fans but ALL the viewers of LHDP deserved a far more better closure of a wonderful and original show than what they got now.
It was a pleasure to read all the lectures, recaps, comments and looking at the beautiful and funny pictures of my favorite characters: Silvia and Pepa.
Tot ziens. Goodbye. Adios. Aufwiedersehen. Au revoir. Ciao. Palaam. Shalom. Kwaheri.
Scoopgirl
I have to say that -ok Pepa is not with Silvia- but I am really happy that she found a new sweet girl to calm her adventurus Pepa's life!!! ♥ :-) She's really cute and....too much lucky of course that she is with our Pepa! ♥ But anyway it was a very touching and happy ending....Except the Silvia's absense!............ :-(
But we all know that Pepa's eternal and immortal love is Silvia and some day they will be together forever again! Our PepSi!!! But....for now...I guess it's just great with that girl!
:-)
It's no secret how I feel about Pina and season 9.
but I did want to say thanks to Drs Beke and Piper for keeping us current with these posts.
The good news? We have 8 wonderful seasons to talk about...we can all take a walk down memory lane together.
That's the finale? You serious? Oh man..That is SUCKED!
Thanks for wonderful recap as usual to Dr.Beke and Dr.Piper..
I'm gonna miss LHDP in a way..O well..>_<
Oh..Did Pepa still wearing her wedding ring when she's with the new girl??LOL
OHHH YEEEESSSSS!!!!! She does wear it!!! I love that....It always reminds us that Silvia will always be with Pepa...even now! I guess this new girl knows about the situation and supports Pepa...I love that! :-)
What a way to end.
And I hate not-Silvia. I hate everything about that rushed, undeveloped "storyline" (not much of a storyline, considering it lasted all of five minutes and apparently wasn't even worth writing any lines for). Pepa and not-Silvia have no chemistry - it looked like Pepa was kissing her daughter on the forehead - and I hate that Pepa's still wearing her wedding ring. I don't know why they felt the need to pair Pepa off with anybody except to appease some of the PepSi fans - "See, look! She's still a lesbian, so shut up already!" And, I don't know if it's just me, but I think it's kinda tacky that Pepa would still be wearing that ring while in a relationship with someone else. Again, it's just another way to cheaply appease PepSi fans...instead of giving us any "actual" moments of Pepa remembering her dead wife, we're given this stupid visual to use to "infer" that she still remembers she ever even had a wife named Silvia...
Oh, yeah, and the Satanic (but it was really the Church) plotline? Beyond retarded.
Way to go, Pina and Co.! *round of sarcastic applause*
And, thanks once again for your work Dr. Beke and Dr. P. :-) *non-sarcastic applause*
was this the season finale or the SERIES FINALE??
Thanks for this full recap. The series finale made me depressed and sad all over again because of what could have been achieved on this show. The characters on LHdP, and their relationships, have been incredible, and LHdP has always had a winning formula and a lot of potential to be an epic, historic show. This show could have ended on a really high note, but I feel it betrayed its own formula in the Season 8 finale and throughout Season 9, and ultimately failed to realize its own potential.
I missed Silvia, Montoya, and even Kike and Nelson a lot in this last season. I had really been hoping they would explore a Pepa/Montoya BFF relationship at some point -- Aitor Luna was a hottie, and I can't believe the production fired him (then again, they even fired the very sexy Adriana Ozores -- ATTP has a terrible track record with cast retention, apparently). Had these characters been present, ATTP might have even gotten away with his ridiculous 66.6 story arc. I was not impressed by the resolution of the Satanic plotline: it was really the Church?! Come on. I am not a religious person, nor am I a big fan of the Vatican or any other religious organization, but this was so lacking in subtlety that ATTP might as well have hit us over the head with an anvil bearing some sort of anti-Catholicism inscription. Please. Putting down religion in such an unsubtle way is so 20th century, dude. The rowing gag was funny and sweet, though -- very vintage LHdP.
ATTP throwing us a bone with not-Silvia and Pepa's apparent relationship was not good enough. As Cela points out, not-Silvia looks too young for Pepa, to be honest, and you know, well, she's no Marian Aguilera.
All in all, I'm left with really bittersweet feelings about this show, not just because of the Season 8 finale and how blatantly betrayed I felt as a PepSi fan, but because of a number of gaffes that ATTP committed along the way (despite my love for LHdP's characters, I've always noticed problems with the way the female characters were often written, the implicit racism at times, and the unimpressive plots).
However, as this post says, the relationship depicted between Pepa and Silvia, minus the Season 8 finale, was sweet, romantic, and almost perfect. No other television relationship has ever portrayed love between women so realistically. Just the way the actresses portrayed how these characters looked at each other adoringly was enough to give me shivers. Kudos to Marian Aguilera and Laura Sanchez for being such consummate professionals. I left some comments on the LJ comm on Cela's thread about what this couple meant to me personally and why I was so affected by Marian and Laura's portrayal of Silvia and Pepa. I would love to see more discussion of that at PepSi U.
One more thing I'd like to see you guys discuss here (if you haven't done so already), is just how sadistically and cruelly the writers set up the PepSi fans for the Season 8 finale. In the run-up to that finale, they let us believe that PepSi were about to have a dream wedding. All the lines that Pepa and Silvia shared were so utterly misleading: for instance, Silvia telling Pepa, "With a sharpshooter like you, what could possibly happen to me?" I still cringe when I watch that scene, knowing what the writers intended to do in the Season 8 finale. What ATTP and colleagues did was pure deception.
This is NOT how you craft a tragic finale. The best example of a tragic finale I've ever seen on television is the Season 4 finale, "The Ides of March", on "Xena: Warrior Princess." If ever there was epic tragedy, that was it. Rob Tapert got that spot-on: he prepared the fans for it season-long and by the time he executed the impending doom, the audience actually felt a liberation of sorts in facing it.
By contrast what ATTP and the other LHdP producers/writers did was unprofessional to the core and had no artistic integrity (except that Marian, Laura and Juan Diego did some amazing acting in the Season 8 finale ... literally the only salvation for that episode).
Also, when I walk into a Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movie, I know what to expect: I know it's going to be dark and gory. But quite apart from the blatantly deceptive Pepa/Silvia scenes in the run-up to the Season 8 finale, LHdP had a track record of being bubbly and slapstick (if melodramatic), and the changes made to the show from the Season 8 finale onwards were totally unexpected and it's hardly surprising that LHdP's ratings dropped consistently.
TV producers need to start realizing that when they spawn fandoms that support and help sustain their series, they have a certain amount of emotional responsibility to them, and that it's in their best interests, financially, to take that responsibility seriously. In the end, ATTP's bargain was always doomed to failure. When you emotionally alienate your fanbase, you can't expect your show to survive. In some ways I feel vindicated that LHdP got cancelled, though I feel bad for the cast and crew who are obviously now out of jobs.
I look forward to continue reading discussions on this blog on these and other topics.
I just want to say thanks for all the recaps, translations and general commentary. I have enjoyed watching and reading and commenting. I do look forward to further discussions on this blog and other topics as well. All I can say is the whole season 9 sucked big time and I feel that the series ended when Silvia, Montoya , Quique and Nelson died. Kudos to all the actors that had to actually put up with season 9. I hope that they never have to work with AP again!
Dr. Piper, I have to say that I totally resonate with your rant at the end of this post. Phew! Thank YOU for having the cojones to say all that. ;-)
And just because Marian wanted to leave the show didn't mean her character had to be killed. Hugo Silva left the show and Lucas was alive and kicking (and making babies with Sara!!) until the very end, even though Hugo doesn't make an appearance. Pretty much the same thing could have been done with Pepa/Silvia as they did with Lucas/Sara, with Pepa (supposedly) visiting Silvia on weekends or something, and Marian making a guest appearance in the finale. It would not have been as satisfying as seeing Pepa/Silvia on screen for another season, but at least it would not have been traumatic.
But ATTP had to go the sensationalist route, and there's nothing better than making a beloved female character experience prolonged suffering on screen, now is there? ;-)
ok ok, all i have to say is this, i started watching these episodes with pepsi a mere 2 weeks ago, and now i'm heart broken...after seeing season 8 and that horrific scene i really wanted to see how pepa was reacting to the whole silvia thing. so i watched season 9...i tried my best to come to terms with the fact that marian aguillera wanted to leave and when writers are faced with these situations they just have to write their script to suit..this is my way of seeing it, if they broke pepa and silvia up at the end of season 8 all pepsi fans without a doubt would be expect silvia to return....killing her off might have been the only option, we need to remember it was the actresses choice to leave...and rightfully so it's her life...killing silvia off in that horrific manner i do not agree with they could have been more suttle, but who am i to say.
on to season 9 i think we need to be glad at the fact (well from the clips i saw on youtube with english subtitles) that pepa firstly killed the mother f***** who killed the love of her life, secondly you continued to wear that ring, thirdly she did break down a couple of times (seeing the id) and with paco..ohh and how can we forget the lab scene with paco pepa and silvia and the tear? you see the writer did give us some justice..yes pepa didn't go to the funeral but maybe it was impossible for her to handle it???? i'm glad i came across pepsi,and i'm glad i had the opportunity to see this love relationship develop,...once faced with death of a loved one the only option is to mourn and slowly move on...so ok blah...pepa found a new girl which i prefer had not been introduced in the last episode to piss us off further they should have left her as a single widow lesbian, but we all know life isn't perfect, and in a perfect world, marian aguillera would have stayed for JUST ONE MORE season (that still pisses me off knowing that if there was a possibility she knew it was one more season of the show why not stay and make her pepsi fans happy) well i guess we would never know the reason for leaving but it did happen, but as i was saying in a perfect situation pepsi would have had a beautiful wedding, honeymoon, and finally children..it would have been wondeful to see that, but this is what it is, and all i can honestly say is that i was hurt, pissed off that it ended in season 8...for once i would have loved a couple to go straight through, it's like no writer/actress wants to see that and that's messed up. Enough of me bitching had to get that out, but grateful to see them, sad that it ended that way
i love you Dr.P for your 'fuckyou alex pina' monologue paragraph. just love it! :D
*yeah, i'm zillion years late on this hype, but heck yes i love LHDP, especially PepSi. And heck yes, i miss this show so much*
I really hate that they killed Silvia. I just read the comments of many that they dont understand why pepa didnt mention too much silvia or why she didnt go to the funeral or cementery, i understand pepa all the people react different when someone dies, sometimes when you loose someone you love very much is too hard to talk about that person even mention or go to the cementery and really Pepa in this season become a darker pepa not the same girl we know in season 6, 7 ,8
The main thing of these of the stories is the originality and the reality too,so the thing you told about the supernatural deeds of Junior that there were many members worldwide to help,and the whole story and the pictures mainly which tells the whole story about it,so good sort of fiction and the picture is absolutely marvelous to see.
_______________________________
Dissertation
I just discovered Pepsi about a month ago. I completely fell in love with the Silvia character, Silvia's first kiss being with Pepa, probably Pepa's first lesbian kiss being with Silvia, the return after an 8 year separation, Silvia coming to terms with her feelings, the whole thing. Specifically, though, I'm pretty much hooked on PepsiEnglish episode numbers 1 through 16. I started getting turned off with the Silvia wanting a baby thing, the fist fight, the jealousy, etc. Seems like the producers could have done a hell of a lot more with these 2 characters and actresses if the writers hadn't been lazy. I agree with everyone on why-oh-why they had to kill Silvia, Montoya, Quique and Nelson. They truly did set us up. It stinks.
PepsiEnglish's "Save Silvia" campaign video blows my mind. I was amazed with the photos from the troops in Afghanistan! And people from over 50 countries asking for these characters and this relationship to be saved was moving.
Thanks to all the work put into the recaps. And, all the love and respect shown to fellow PepSi fans.
Regards.
This is my first post in a PepSi forum! Seeing that how badly I have gotten addicted to everything PepSi, I am surprised I was able to hold on to myself for so long. Two weeks of watching every episode (sometimes till 4 in the morning), re-watching all the Silvia-Pepa moments, all the music videos and reading all the analyses in the various forums and here I am today... Still raw from the experience and wondering how I can channelize all these emotions. I know it's been a less of a torture for me (lucky me) - because I could see it all at one go - never had to wait with anticipation - for that one 'yes' or one 'no' in the lives of these two wonderful women. (unlucky me!)
I am perhaps the first person from India that I have come across in some of the great forums I have checked out... Though I am in the USA for higher education since 2007, it's a pity that I came across this phenomenon only now! :( But as they say "better late than never"...
So, first of all, a huge huge thanks to everyone at the University for making this experience possible - all the Silvia episodes, all the caps and translations, all the lectures and comments. And how can I ever thank everyone that's been involved with all the 74 Silvia/Pepa videos on YouTube with the English subs. When I try to think how this on-screen pair has touched me, perhaps I get a hint of how other people have been inspired and driven into doing such crazy things... ;)
To not talk about Marian and Laura would be impossible and so vastly so that I am at a loss of words! (Uh, the paradoxes of love!)... Silvia to me is a dream woman - with all the tenderness, love and strength - someone I wish I could find. Pepa is on the other hand a perfect reality - with all the craze, spontaneity and determination - someone I wish I could become... And together they made up a world that redefined the horizons of popular fiction. Thanks to everyone that made this possible - no matter how much they faltered or fucked things up at the end, the beautiful portrayal of their relationship bears testimony to the fact that they put in a lot of honesty and the urge to let know into their brainchild. And to Marian and Laura - for their beauty and magic - I'll forever be grateful...
Whew! Enough talk! :D The rest of it, I'll let it linger in my heart and mind - to understand and put it in words will take me a long long time - so I'll stop by again I promise... :)
Gracias!
JG
where is lucas? :( why wasn't he in the episode?
Still looking for answers, what is it about PEPSI* , besides their beauty, on screen chemistry, the more often than not almost poetic screenwrting, that makes this couple one for the ages? A lonely wrapped on blankets romantic surfing the net watchng aa marathon of Pepsi clips is understandable but I think there are some secret happily married of both sexuality also watching, smiling at the 5 tops, grining at the Pepa's skill to take off Silvia's bra and getting a lttle hot at that frisking scene. O, well. Keep enjoying them!
Question: why is Pepa in uniform at the end? Never once before from 6 to 8 she put on a uniform and it is not the dress official one Silvia, Gonzalo, Paco and the rest of the inspectors wore a couple of times during the happier times, even Curtis has o this black shirt. Weird!
Why Paco spent 9 months in the hospital? Silvia' s first shot, both Curtis' shots were very life threating but they did not stay that long, Silvia discharged herself like in a week. Do they research or consult experts for anything?
Has anybody watched the publicity shots? Marian is always in the back. Agree she was a secondary character from the very beginning but at the same time because of who she was: daughter of, sister in law of, auntie of, even ex wife of, she was central to the whole enchilada.
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