9x12 Patadón y Parriba - Complete Recap

LHDP 9x12 Patadón y Parriba (Kick the ball and go long)
By Dr. Bekelauer
Additional comments by Piper

The action resumes the same night, after Curtis has asked Rita to marry him, and Deker has been kidnapped by Damián Jr.

This time, the band sings a different song. Most of the precinct is there, including the newbies, Mariano, Paco, Aitor, and DL. Everybody sees Rita and Curtis kissing. Rita says yes to the marriage proposal and walks up to the stage and gives one of those vintage LHDP speeches about how love is easy when you have the guts to live it.

Paco leaves the pub and goes home. He sees Marina leaving with a suitcase.

Salgado: Paco... Listen to me. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I understood the fact that you didn’t come visit me in the hospital. I lied to you. I used Pepa. And I jeopardised the thing I love the most just to follow orders, I’m sorry.
Paco: You are a motherfucker. You have lived in my house. You have had breakfast with my father-in-law, like one of the family. And you slept with me while you were sending my sister to kill people. I swear I have never met anyone as cold blooded and heartless, and I swear I’m never going to forget this in my fucking life. Marry me. Marry me. (WTF?)

Lis tries to hit on Aitor again, but he is mad as hell and scolds her for trying to hit on him and breaks her heart saying, well, the truth. People around him are celebrating while Aitor cries.

Scene cuts to the most unromantic proposal in the history of LHDP after Marquez proposed to Silvia in front of a "cadaver".

Paco: I know, I know what you did. I know you tried to fix it. But I know what I didn’t do, which was to be with my family, when I needed to be. It’s been like this for too long, but that’s over, honey. When everything’s over and I catch that devil, I will take you down the aisle. Because I already lost a great love, and I don’t want that happening again.
Salgado: Are you forgiving me? Are you forgiving me?
Paco: Honey, only if you knew... I drugged my father-in-law with methadone, I kidnapped him, I paid a Romanian to get him hit by a car, I have pretended to be a member of ETA and Al Qaeda, I’ve sent stupid and senseless terrorist messages, and the worst... Walt Disney... I defrosted him.
Salgado: I love you.
Paco: That’s why I understand that temporarily, one can lose his senses. But not anymore.
Pepa walks in to see them. She looks very pissed off, and with a reason.
Pepa: Hi Paco.

Deker shows up at a soccer field. There is a whole bunch of SWAT snipers ready to shoot him. He shows his badge, turns around and unbuttons his lab coat – he has a HELL OF A LOT of explosives attached to his body.

LHDP Intro

Everybody is at the precinct.

DL: I’m sorry its 4 am and I busted your party but the situation is very serious.
Reyes: Deker has showed up voluntarily in the soccer field of Manuteras. It’s one of the two spots of the pentagram that we have been watching. He’s got 15 kg of unidentified explosives attached to his body. The SWAT patrol is on its way.
Rita: That’s so embarrassing... And I’m still tipsy.
Reyes: Inspector Miranda and I were the last ones to see him. The two corpses found in the parking lot have been dead for four hours. The time frame coincides with Deker’s disappearance.
Paco: Gentlemen, this is a countdown.
DL: Carrasco, check the lab, all his moves, any blood tests sent to the Central Station. I want to know what the hell Deker was working on before he left. Carrasco, take Peñuelas.

Then assignments are given and everybody finds something to do. Pepa of course sees this as an excuse to bring a big ass gun.  Rita tells everyone not to say anything about the wedding to Povedilla.

DL: Paco, do you want me to send other people there?
Paco: No.
DL: Are you sure you want to go alone?
Paco: I saw a tower fall (i.e., from his opium dream). I played chess with the devil and I saw a tower fall. I am not the next victim, I am the last one. And I’m going to stop this.
Reyes: What's the significance of the tower, Paco?
Paco: The next virtue he wants to eliminate - fortitude.
Pepa: Cut the chat and let’s get going, I was already starting to like Deker.
DL: Good, gentlemen, let’s get to work.
Salgado: I’m going too. Work has separated us, that’s why so many horrible things have happened, that ain’t gonna happen anymore. Because we’re always going to be together.

Pepa leaves very pissed off - she doesn't want Salgado with them on their road trip. 

Rita tells DL that they can postpone the wedding, but DL says no. He convinces her to be honest with Povedilla. Then he says “Don’t say sorry for trying to be happy, you deserve it”.

Salgado is at Confecciones Puri. A SWAT agent gives Deker a walkie talkie.

Salgado: Witnesses saw Deker leave a red Citröen, but that’s all we know. Can you hear me?
Paco: Yeah, we’re in.
Salgado: The whole perimeter is contained. We have snipers aimed at all entrances. We’re combing the area, but there’s nothing suspicious. If you need me, I’ll be here.
Paco: Thanks, Marina.
SWAT guy: Inspector Miranda? We have given him a walkie talkie so you can talk.
Paco: Thanks. What happened, Deker?

Deker: I got bored of being single, and some Al Qaeda dudes offered me forty virgins for immolating myself. It’s not too bad, huh? Our Satan is running out of fireworks and he’s becoming more prosaic. I’m sorry, inspector, he didn’t give me much of a choice: walking in here or exploding in the middle of the street.
Salgado: First priority, try to take the bomb off him before deactivating it.
Paco: Don’t worry, you’ve done the right thing. And I swear I’m gonna get you out of this. Just hold on.
Deker: Guys, I gotta go, Buzz Lightyear just showed up.
TEDAX: Good morning.
Deker: Good good morning, not really.
TEDAX: Turn around, please.
Deker: So, how long are we gonna be here?
TEDAX: No more than 2 hours, for sure.

Note: TEDAX stands for Técnico Especialista en Desactivación de Artefactos Explosivos - Spain's bomb squad.

Amaia is at the shooting gallery and Blackman shows up. Of course he senses that something bad is going to happen. He tries to convince her to go home and get away from him, but she insists on staying. They kiss.

Aitor and Lis are at the lab trying to find out what Deker was doing just before he got kidnapped. Amaia and Blackman enter the precinct hall to see Goyo taking Uncle Fester to the interrogation room. He senses something bad is going to happen, but Amaia leads him away.  She's like kryptonite. 

Salgado is reading the case files.

Salgado: Paco, I’m checking the case files and there’s something I don’t understand. The shit he’s doing to Deker does not match the rest of the victims. He is playing with us.
Paco: He wants us to be here. He wants to show us something, but I don’t know what it is.
Salgado: He’s got a very systematic pattern. Do you think we’re obviating something?

Curtis and Rita are having breakfast at Lizarrán when Povedilla walks in. Rita doesn’t want to look him in the eye, but ends up telling him that she and Curtis are getting married. Povedilla is in shock, and he tells her not to marry Curtis, but to marry him instead. Drama!

Aitor and Lis update DL but they talk over each other. They know there must be some connection between the accident in which Paco donated blood to Damián Sr., and the victims, but they don’t know what it is.The TEDAX guy is still checking Deker’s bomb.  Pepa talks to him via the walkie-talkie.

Pepa: You’re not going to die, you know that?
Deker: Listen to me, precious, phase one of mourning is denial.
Pepa: No, you’re not going to die. No. I don’t want to miss that damn island. I might return there one day. Do you remember?
Deker: Every fucking day.
Pepa: Maybe you’ll end up falling in love...?
Deker: Right back at you.
Pepa: Listen, Deker, you are not, by far, a fucking virtue. So you can’t be the victim.
Deker: Yes, I am. Pepa, I am Fortitude.

Flashback to Paco's chess dream.
Junior: You only have the tower to protect the white king.
Paco: Towers are strong, robust.
Junior: Towers burn, Inspector. Towers fall.

TEDAX: Right, we have a problem. We can’t take this off you without cutting any cable. He did his best to corset you into it.
Deker: Right, so what do we do? Do you have a favourite colour?
TEDAX: There’s a secondary system that is not connected to the explosive. If we can make a hole there, maybe I could take out an arm, and then the rest of it.
Deker: We are in a soccer field. Like my fellow countryman Pellegrini says: “Kick the ball and go long” (Translator's Futbol lesson: Pellegrini is the former Real Madrid head coach, and the expression means “to be brave, to go for it"). Play.

TEDAX: I am proceeding.
Salgado: Go ahead.
TEDAX guy cuts the white cable. The countdown starts to rush from minutes into seconds.
SWAT: What’s happening? What’s going on?
Salgado: Everyone, out!! Everyone out, Paco!!
Pepa: Noooo! Take off the damn bomb!!
TEDAX: Motherfucker...
Deker: What’s going on?
TEDAX: We have 30 minutes.

Blackman is with Amaia at the newbies apartment. He looks a bit uncomfortable. He takes off his coat and folds it – he looks so sweet and antisocial. Amaia starts talking about herself.

Mariano is interrogating Uncle Fester. Amaia and Blackman keep having their connection, then he suddenly sees that something is wrong at the precinct, but Amaia tells him to stay. Kyptonite! At the interrogation room, Uncle Fester stabs one of the cops and hurts Goyo and gets his gun. But Dani storms in triumphantly to save his (boy)friend.

Probablemente ya...

Lis and Aitor have solved the mystery. Apparently, Junior is killing everyone who donated blood to his father the day of the accident. There is one unidentified donor – the fifth victim. Aitor keeps talking over Lis, so she leaves the room. The fifth donor happens to be the TEDAX guy, Deker is not the intended victim.

Deker: Do you want me to give you a hand? You don’t look great.
TEDAX: Liquid nitrogen makes the countdown clock go slower... but under this heat... Do you have kids?
Deker: If the question is if I have someone waiting for me at home, the answer is “no”. So don’t be too worried.

Pepa and Paco are sitting together, doing some Miranda family bonding.

Pepa: Are you not even going to ask me why I lied to you?
Paco: Would it make a difference? Plus I knew you were lying to me. Your eyes told me. I saw you grow up.
Pepa: I’m not going to say I’m sorry, I don’t even need you to understand me.
Paco: We have the same blood, the same fucking DNA. Would you understand me if I told you that I want to marry the woman who sent you to kill? Because I love her, because I love her in a way I had not loved anyone in a long time. Would you understand that?
Pepa: More than you think. And if necessary, I’ll take you down the aisle. I will sing Salve Rociera for you. Beause you’re never going to stop being my brother. Because I lost you once, and from now on, you and I are going to walk hand in hand, like when we were kids, in La Higuerita.

Piper's awesome memory for totally inconsequential information: Mariano was also humming Salve Rociera, a traditional Sevillana song, at Lucas' fake funeral.

 Bomb guy interrupts the Miranda moment.

TEDAX: Inspector?
Paco: Yeah?
TEDAX: Send your men away and get everybody out of here.
Paco: Are you going to let him die?
TEDAX: No, but we have less than ten minutes and I have never seen something so complicated.

Lis goes to the locker room and sees Povedilla naked. She tells him that she is quitting the police force because she can’t deal with the situation. In the lab, Reyes tells Aitor that he can’t treat her and Lis that way and that they can’t be together like that. Povedilla tells her that he has asked Rita to marry him, but he knows that is ridiculous.  Lis tells him about trying to steal her mother’s boyfriend. Aitor says he’s tired of hurting people and it’s all too much and he can’t deal with it anymore. Pove says that things end and the best thing is to deal with it and move on.

The TEDAX guy is going to play, like Deker told him.

TEDAX: We only have one chance, so say all the prayers you know.
Paco: Good luck.
Pepa: Deker, my brother is getting married. So hurry up cause we’re going to a wedding.
Deker: That’s great news, say congratulations from me.
Pepa: You have to say it yourself. I have a dress but I have no one to go with. So if you don’t mind...
Deker: It’ll be a pleasure, gorgeous. Maybe you’ll have to bring me there in a Tupperware.

Uncle Fester is at the interrogation room; he still doesn’t want to talk. Dani plays bad cop and points a gun at him until the guy confesses. Apparently some guy with a severe case of strabismus (yeah, I had to look it up too) passed the information to him, but he does not know either Junior or Senior personally.  That doesn't make a lot of sense. 

At the residence where they keep Senior, a nun is reading the Bible to him when a middle age man with a cross pin on his jacket walks in and starts talking to Damián Sr. He tells him that he has now completed his penitence, and that he can finally stand up and walk – looks like a miracle, but it is rather clear that Senior has been faking his condition for eight years. We also see that the squinting strabismus guy is the church guy.

Rita is at Lizarrán on the phone with her mom when Pove walks in. Pove explains that he wants her to marry Curtis, but that he is scared of being left alone and stuck in time. Rita says that she and Curtis are always going to be with him, because she loves them both.

The TEDAX guy is still trying to deactivate the bomb.

TEDAX: What’s your name?
Deker: Deker. They call me Deker.
TEDAX: What do you think?
Deker: Six cables go in, six cables go out, they’re all different. I think two of them connect to the detonator, two cut the connection and two are fake.
TEDAX: Bravo. Any favourite colours?
Deker: No, but I hate red. I’m with it all day. I pass by a strip club and all I can think about is work.
TEDAX: So kick the ball and go long, right

Pepa stands up and tries to go to Deker, but Paco stops her.

Paco: Let’s go.
Deker: No, wait. Paco?
Paco: Tell me, Deker.
Deker: Listen, how is it possible for that motherfucker to cover me in explosives all by himself? He is not working alone, this is coming from above, yeah. Maybe it’s ten, a hundred, 200, 500, I don’t know! But he’s not working alone, that’s the key, you hear? It’s impossible for that guy to also be an expert in explosives, it’s not possible!
Paco: Of course, fuck’s sake! That would explain it all! There are more people!
TEDAX: We have no time, I got to cut!

At the newbies apartment, Goyo walks in with Dani and Blackman explains what has happened because of course he has felt it – enough with the superhero powers! Amaia reproaches him, Blackman feels all guilty.  And we don't really care.

TEDAX: I go ahead.
Salgado: Come on.
TEDAX guy cuts the red cable, but nothing happens.
TEDAX: It’s still counting down, I’m going to cut another one.
Deker tries to get the pliers.
Deker: Give me the pliers! Give me the pliers!
TEDAX: Deker!
Deker: You’re stupid! Leave me alone! It’s two lives we’re risking.
TEDAX: This is my life.

The smile that can move mountains...

The countdown goes to zero and the detonator goes to “error”.

TEDAX: The detonator has failed!
Paco: It didn’t explode!
TEDAX: It failed!
Paco: Well done!
Salgado phones DL.
DL: Hello?
Salgado: Don Lorenzo, Deker is safe. The bomb was a bait.
DL: Thanks.
TEDAX: Go and hug the blonde. After I throw this stuff away, I’ll invite you to another (blonde), but in a cold jar.  (He means beer of course)

Paco phones Aitor.

Paco: Aitor, can you please tell the precinct that Deker is safe?
Aitor: Hey, hey, Paco, listen. There is something that doesn’t fit. He chooses his victims, remember? Deker can’t be it, he wasn’t in the line.
Paco: What fucking line you’re talking about?
Aitor: The line of people who donated blood in Guadarrama. They’re all dead, but you and him.
Paco: He who?
Aitor: I am sending you the picture of his face, he is a cop. He might be there with you, Paco.
The sprinklers go off, and they all get soaked with water... or maybe it’s not water.
Pepa: Oh shit!
Paco: Fuck’s sake, turn them off!
Deker: This is not water, huh? What do they use to irrigate here? It seems like... acetate. Right?

Paco gets the picture of the TEDAX guy on his phone but it’s too late. The man has touched a circuit in the detonator causing a spark, and he has been set on fire. Paco starts running towards flaming guy but Deker tackles him.  Flashback again of Junior: Towers burn, Inspector. Towers fall.

Blackman leaves Amaia, because he can’t stop being a superhero. Rita and Curtis are kissing in the pub. Reyes is depressed. The TEDAX guy is dead. Aitor sees Lis having a shower. The band plays Bipolar. Povedilla, Rita, Curtis, and Reyes end up having a drink. Blackman flies away from Amaia.

That's it?  This episode stinks!

Next Week!

The end of times. The proper end of times. Don’t you worry, nobody dies. And we’re left with the show’s main theme: Drugging and infiltrating.

Piper's commentary:

Let's pretend we do not know what happened at the series finale and take this episode per se.  What were the writers trying to do, what did they want us to believe, what story were they trying to tell? How stoned were they whilst writing?  And just how much do we really NOT care?

First, Pepa, who always seems to use her affection to save someone from the brink of death.  There's Curtis, and we all know what happened there (at least we got some really hot PepSi makeup sex), then Aitor, whom she asked to walk her down the aisle, and now Deker.  (I'm excluding Silvia because they were truly in love.)  While said with good intentions, Pepa's professions of love were not only untrue, they were almost cruel. 

Second, we have Paco and his bi-polar feelings for Salgado:  "I hate you.  Marry me.  No, I hate you.  But I still want you to marry me."  Dude!  She blackmailed your sister and your friend!  She only gave up her CNI buddies when she knew she had no other choice.  And she's a murderer!!!  Salgado is no Lola, that's for sure. 

Third, the writers are still forcing the Amaia-Blackman House of Gothic Love.  Nothing there, so leave it.  Did they leave it?  Ah, they did, but not before we almost slapped our computer screens in hope that Amaia would somehow feel our disgust.

Fourth, the Aitor Triangle.  If there's one reason we should all be glad that the series is finally over, it's that the Bermuda Triangle vanishes with it. 

And lastly, the Satan arc.  The whole storyline doesn't make any fucking sense.  At all!  Uncle Fester was totally inconsequential, although he did look gory.  The Strabimus guy happens to be a Roman Catholic prelate, so is the Church involved in all this?  What's the significance of Father Whatshisname asking Senior to "stand up"?  Now they're ripping off the Gospel?

And the sick man answered, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is dis­turbed; so while I am still on my way, another steps down before me". Jesus then said to him, "Stand up, take your mat and walk". And at once the man was healed, and he took up his mat and walked. 
- From John

No, there really is no significance, they just want us to think that there is. 

And Junior's followers?  The hamburglars roaming around the hospital from last episode, the bomb experts?  Nope, nada.  And the elephant bat signal?  Please let me know if its significance was ever explained.  What about Junior having the power to appear even in Paco's dreams?  And the sketches from Padre Sistiaga's notebook depicting Senior?  And where did Amadeo's body go?  And the hanging nun?  Was she just a figment of Paco's imagination?

Stick around, all those questions and more will be answered in the series finale.  ATPP will tie all the loose ends neatly, and hand the package to us with a red bow on top.  Just wait.  You'd be pleasantly surprised.

Oh, who am I kidding?  The finale sucked.