Heterosexual men and women have never had to face this moment: the decision to tell someone that they are....straight.
For gays and lesbians it is a defining moment. Whether you do it in person, online, by telephone, or in a long rambling letter, it is one of the most memorable moments in your life.
It is usually a terrifying time and the fear is justified. Many times, this "confession" is not welcome news by family and friends. Many times, young people and adults are turned away by the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally. And there are times when they are embraced and supported.
I truly wish we lived in a world where every person who ever came out would have a Lola or a Jose Luis to talk to. Silvia Castro was a very fortunate woman.
There are two scenes that are basically confessionals for Silvia.
At this point in the Pepa and Silvia story line we have never heard Silvia talk about her feelings concerning Pepa. Each week we saw Pepa discreetly flirting and we hoped that Silvia would respond. But Silvia never verbalized her feelings, as I don't think she knew how...the scientist in her was still sorting out these clues:
- Why did Silvia get flustered when Pepa got near her?
- Why did she smile and laugh so much when Pepa was around?
- Why did it bother her to see other women giving Pepa attention?
- Why can't Silvia stop looking at Pepa? Why did she agree to go undercover? Why did she pretend to need dance lessons? And why did she almost pass out after dancing with Pepa?
Lola, who became a hero to anyone who ever had a doubt about speaking the truth, was honest and loving. "We can't choose whom we fall in love with. And if we let them go, we may regret it all our life." Corks were popping from Madrid, Amsterdam, Bangkok, and too many American states to mention.
This scene reminds us of what life should be. That someone can sit across from a loved one at a kitchen table, and tell them about whom they love. And know that when they are done, they will still be loved.
The second confessional is part of the funny and poignant scene between Jose Luis and Silvia. With Lola out of town and Jose Luis being the only one who knows about Pepa (Silvia doesn't know that her father is eavesdropping, and just wait until she finds out he is also a lookieloo). Towards the end of this scene, Silvia talks about what Pepa gives to her. She says that she loves the smell of her hair, how she holds her and when she is with Pepa she is where she is supposed to be.
She then confesses to Jose Luis that fear has always paralyzed her. This is a powerful moment because we know that Jose Luis has been raped and when he tells her that he knows about fear, we believe him. Silvia believes him. And he urges her to get past the fear and be with Pepa.
Scenes like these are rare in television. Here are two characters just talking and they are stripped bare. The characters only have their emotions and their words. These scenes were important for us to see the development of the character of Silvia. The wide audience needed to hear Silvia say that she loved a woman and why. The Jose Luis scene was really the launch of PepSi--the following week we had the famous hangar episode.
And here is my confession: I have always thought that there was a scene missing from this season. There should have been a scene where Silvia comes to Pepa, after talking to Jose Luis, and says "I am yours. You are what I want." To me, it is a big gap in their growth as a couple. What would a Dr. Booker lecture be without a comment about Marian's beauty? She is stunningly gorgeous in the scene with Jose Luis, just stunning.
Finally, to all of you PepSi fans who have not told your story, I want you to know that you are safe at PepSiU. If you are thinking you are gay or you know you are gay, I hope you have someone in your life who loves you because you are you, with no rules or conditions. Choose someone who will not only accept your secret, but someone who will bake a cake in honor of your announcement. Sharing a secret about who you are is reason enough to celebrate. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You do not need to be embarrassed. You need to be embraced for who you are. One of the most powerful things the Internet does is give people from all over the world a place to be who they are, without restrictions. If no one in your daily life knows about you, at least you can be at home here. If you are not ready to make an announcement, you know that there is fun to be had here. Pepa and Silvia brought us all together and we are not going anywhere.
7 comments:
WOW VERY well said! These confessions of Silvia's were VERY poignant as they sealed the truth that she was SO afraid. The truth, Pepa was what she had been looking for all along.
Wow. This certainly was a different direction, but, as with all your previous lectures, it was done so eloquently. And it was a fantastic way to bridge the show with an important RL issue. Well done Dr. Booker!
If I had to rank some of my favorite non-PepSi scenes, the two that you mentioned would definitely be included. I still believe Pove was the perfect choice for Silvia to talk to, because out of the entire cast, he is the only one who can really empathize with the fear that Silvia is feeling. And Lola, well, Lola is just great period. I really miss her.
Anywho, great lecture, as usual.
Booker my love that was an excellent lecture, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I agree with you, Silvia looks absolutely incredible in the scene with pove! I am loving my position at the front of the lecture theatre by the way..there are a lot less distractions and I feel I am learning a lot more x
Confessions are cathartic, or at least, that's what they're supposed to be. The Catholic Church has an entire formula one has to have a good confession. For me, it's the humility in admitting the darkest, ugliest, part of me. It is a humbling experience - confessions are.
Silvia's confessions are not merely some sort of "girl talk" - it is the admission of something that a few days ago, she wouldn't even admit to herself. Whether to Lola, or Jose Luis, or even to Silvia - confessions always carry the risk that maybe, you won't be forgiven and accepted. But the "L" word gave her the strength, the "L" word gave her the humility. And really, confession itself is its own penance (at least, that's how I feel).
Silvia was duly and rightfully absolved.
Dr. Booker
I've never thought of posting a comment although I love coming back to Pepsi University. But after reading your words (the green coulour), I cried.
I would like to say THANK YOU.
(from Thailand)
Agree and Marian played off Carlos Santos beautifully, two great actors. However, remember Jose Luis was reluctant to talk, like a guy, he doesn't feel confortable talking to a woman and his supirior too! He talks orders of D.L.
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