PepSilogy 4x14

LHDP 4x14

El Método Yamasuki  (The Yamasuki method)

By Drs. Pied Piper and Bekelauer

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post. The screencaps are purely blog candy and may or may not correspond to the narrative)

Los Cachis: Pove walks into Los Cachis with voice recorder in hand. He is saying nice things which he will play back when Sabinita is asleep to teach her good values - he calls this the Yamasuki method. (Piper's note: I don't think there really is a "Yamasuki method". Suzuki, maybe, but it is used to teach music to kids.  Basically, this Yamasuki thing refers to bombarding subliminal messages intended to be heard while a person is asleep.  Whatever.)

DL and DeGaulle are also at Los Cachis, talking.  Interpol guy asks that DL fire either Paco or Mariano for the screw up from prior episode. Lola and Povedilla overhear this conversation and are shocked. Aitor walks in on his cell and is leaving Lucas a message, threatening him with announcing the truth about Carlota’s disappearance, i.e., that she really did not disappear. At the Kaiser rig, Alison and Salazar hear his message because they have tapped Lucas' phone.  They look him up in their super duper database and decide to "take care of him."

Paco and Mariano are having breakfast and talking about what happened in the last episode. They know that they'd be blamed and and laughed at for everything and do not feel like showing up at the comisaria. So when Paco sees Lola coming in, they both pretend to be sick. Lola tells them that DL is looking rather perturbed after chatting with DeGaulle so they assume that the Interpol wants to fire the Captain. DL comes in to do #2 and Lola thinks he’s sick as well but he’s yelling “I just want to back one out! Do you need to interrogate me before I shit in this house??”

Lucas is in the Kaiser rig talking to Alison about counter-infiltrator stuff. Alison is all over him (in a flirty / dirty way) and he sees Aitor's picture and dossier up on the computer screens (yes, screens, because there are a lot) and he knows that he's entered the Kaiser radar . They are kissing when Salazar comes in all nervous because the last robbery didn't seem to have gone so well.  At home, Paco and Mariano talk to DL but he doesn’t want to say anything to them. Montoya calls him to say that Salazar has robbed another paper factory. He leaves.  Dumb and Dumber begin to suspect that something is up because of DL's demeanor, so they decide to talk to DeGaulle.

In the truck, Arrieta comes in with an injured Filet Mignon. They argue because they cannot take him to a hospital, but Arrieta ends the discussion by shooting Filet Mignon and killing him. Salazar gets really mad, but Lucas convinces him he must not shoot Arrieta yet. At the comisaria's frisking garage, DeGaulle walks to his car when QuiCurtis assault him with sleeping gas and put him in the trunk of their patrol car, but so smoothly that when they close the back door, DeGaulle’s artificial leg falls off. Povedilla sees them and scolds them, yelling that the Yamasuki method does not work like that, and pulled his gun and pointed it at them. Curtis bitch slaps him.

At Mariano’s flat, Mariano is shaving Paco’s chest so they can tape a hidden microphone on it. Lucas comes in and asks them what they’re doing and tries to explain his on-going bad behaviour, but Paco stops him and while they’re arguing, Lucas asks them to tell him their plan. They want to make up a conversation by making DL say some random words which they then intend to edit together into a sentence or so; they then phone up DeGaulle and pretend to be DL. Lucas likes that.

Pepa is at Los Cachis talking on her cell phone when Silvia walks in.

Pepa: I still have to see her organizing a hen party in the capital city because, well, you know, I don’t buy it. She knows nothing, nothing at all...
Silvia (to Pepa): Hello!
Pepa (ignoring her): ...You shut your mouth!
Julián: Good morning, Lola!
Lola: Hey, good morning.
Julián: How’s the family?
Lola: Fine – Paco’s a bit ill, but fine. (Bien, Paco un poco pachucho, pero bien)
Julián: That’s too bad. Give him some of my tapas, you know they are the best cure for everything.
Lola: Okay, leave them just there.

Silvia sits on the counter to mope because she was ignored, and of course, Lola calls her on it.

Lola (to Silvia): Did anything happen to you, sister?
Silvia: No, I was just thinking of something...

Rita walks in and sits next to Silvia.

Rita: Morning...! Hey Pepa!
Silvia (still moping): Hi Rita!
Rita: Hi chiquitas... Can I have...
Pepa: Ten o’clock then? Cool, I’ll see you in a bit, gorgeous. Kisses. Ciao, ciao.

Pepa walks to the counter and Silvia immediately perks up, kinda like my dog when I say "Treat!"

Silvia: Hi Pepa!
Pepa: Hola guapas... Do you have any plans for tonight?
Silvia (a little too eagerly): Well me... nope, nothing. Pajamas, slippers, couch and TV.
Rita: Well since it’s Joselu’s (Povedilla) turn to look after the baby, I think I’m gonna spend the night sewing this little woolen salmon jacket for her.
Pepa: What about you, Lola?
Lola: Nothing, I gotta finish my quinces for painting class. We’re studying still life.

Silvia: Why? Do you have a better plan or... [Translator's snark: Are you just bragging about having one, badass? Sorry, I just felt like finishing that sentence]
Pepa: Well yeah... Hen party for a friend who’s coming from Seville. Heavy partying. So you quit your baby, you quit your quinces, and you quit your slippers, and I want to see you pure dead gorgeous tonight. And we'll burn down Madrid! We’re sooo partying!

At the comisaria, Lucas goes to pee and Sara chases him and teases him [Translator's annoyance: Seriously?]. Sara agrees to keep an eye on the Pacos so as not to let them investigate the Kaiser then they start kissing and we start hurling. Aitor walks into the locker room and shows her Carlota’s passport, you know, the one he found while breaking and entering, not to mention trespassing into Mariano and Lucas' place!  At Pove's flat, The JP tries the Yamasuki method on DeGaulle while trying to repair his artificial leg (Pove was backing up the car @ the frisking garage and rolled over the prosthetic). Montoya arrives and sees what they’re doing – I wonder how he can still be surprised by what these morons do!

At the precinct, Paco is talking to DL trying to get him to say the words... absolutely ridiculous scene. DL gets a phone call and kicks him out of his office. Paco takes off his microphone, Sara witnesses it and goes to report to Lucas. She also tells him about Aitor and Lucas connects cables in his head and thinks the brat is in danger. Paco chases DL again. It becomes more and more ridiculous. Paco finishes it with “Mariano, de esta te corto los cojones” [“Mariano, after this one, I’m going to cut off your cojones”]... and I hope he means it.

Lucas runs off to save Aitor. At the flat, Montoya agrees with changing DeGaulle’s prosthetics – I feel sorry for him having to put up with the Junk Patrol. Aitor is walking down this big square somewhere in Madrid when Arrieta arrives with a big fuck-off AK-47. But Lucas is there to save his  ass. At the precinct, DL is still conversing with Paco. Sara arrives at the big square, runs to where the action is, and points a gun to Arrieta’s head. Lucas runs back and points a gun at Sara’s head. Arrieta goes free, and Sara is in shock [Translator's sarcasm: You think??!!!]

It is now evening and the girls are getting ready to go the bachelorette party.

Silvia: Passion red, it’s prettier... (Piper's note: Or Pussy red, as it rightly is)
Lola: And I say, this dress, it maybe looks a little too tight, what do you think?
Silvia: You look gorgeous.
Rita: You look precious. Sweet Madonna, do we not look sexy enough to burn Madrid down?
Lola: We do, we do.

Rita: Well, now we only need the cherry on top of the cake, huh? Because a hen party is not a hen party without its fundamental complements. Hihihi. Take that.
Lola: Ehm, but these are, are, are, are penises.
Rita: Yes, they are penises. And I wanted them with foreskin and the store dude goes and tells me they’re out of stock, you don’t know how much that annoyed me! Take it.
Silvia: No, not for me. I’m not going out wearing these.
Lola: The thing is they look really real, but I don’t know, wearing these in our heads, me, you know, they know me in the neighbourhood.

Rita: Geez, why be ashamed? I spent some money and time buying them and I was really looking forward to wearing them. But you know, the store guy told me, you know what he told me? That it goes with everything, and he is right, it’s true, they go with everything. Take that, wee lady. See. You look beautiful. Gorgeous.

The door bell rings and in comes Pepa in formal evening wear.  Nah, not really, but she's sporting what I could only describe as a pompadour, which, incidentally, deflates slowly as the evening wears on.  Also, she's wearing one of the gayest shirts ever to grace the universe.

Pepa: Hello!
Lola: Hello!
Rita: Hey, Pepa, hello!

Silvia: Hi Pepa
Pepa: You all look so gorgeous!
Rita: Party, party, party, party... So? How do we look?
Pepa: You’re undoubtedly going to be the most original of the party.
Rita: Take that, honey, for you.

Paco and Mariano are at Confecciones Puri surveillance van splicing together the recording of DL's words. The end product sounds really weird. At Pove’s, DeGaulle is still unconscious and still has no leg because it was pancaked. His phone rings - it's Paco and Mariano. The Junk Patrol and Montoya don’t know whether to pick up or not. Lucas argues on the phone with Salazar and then with Sara. She’s pissed off because of the gun pointing incident. They argue about how to get Aitor to stop chasing Carlota. He gets a text from Salazar – he will be able to see Carlota.

Pepa's pompadour

The girls have invaded Madrid and are now at the party.

Rita: Oy, oy, oy, oy... Ticket and free drink! That’s so cool!
Pepa: I told you that we were gonna have fun tonight [de puta madre]. Let’s see... Lorena! What’s up, gorgeous? What?
Silvia: Is this a lesbian bar?
Pepa: Oops, I forgot to tell you that little detail. I didn’t say anything because you look so cute with those penises in your head. So, Rita? How you doing?

Rita: Great, really happy.
Pepa: You had your drink already?
Rita: No, I’m just about to.
Rocío: Pepa?
Pepa: Hey, Rocío, honey!
Rocío: Hi! Finally! I thought you weren’t coming.
Pepa: Yeah, look, they are Silvia, her sister Lola and Rita, a colleague. This is Rocío, my friend, the poor devil who’s getting married.
Rita: Congratulations!

Aw, Silvia, jealous much?

Rocío: Thanks. Well then, nice to meet you. Well, I’m just around, okay? Enjoy the party.
Pepa: I’ll have a drink with you in a bit, pretty lady!
Rita: Your friend must a bit tipsy, because when she kissed me, she kissed me in the middle, I think she didn’t have a very good aim.
Lola: No, no... this is a lesbian bar.
Rita: What?
Lola: This is a bar for homosexual women, Rita.

Rita: Ooh, that’s true! It’s true, Lola, it’s true. Huh, look! Look them over there at the back too, mother of God! But what is this?
Lola: Rita, Rita, Rita... Girl, don’t you point with your finger, that’s really impolite! And take these off your head, or you might offend them.
Rita: I just go in and thought that the boys were upstairs. Mother of God... Well, you know, one new thing to see in life. Right, Lola? I had never been in a place like this. Let’s show them how the heterosexual women from San Antonio dance, come on! Come on, let’s go dance, let’s go dance!

Pepa is so amused at this whole exchange, Silvia is mortified, and Piper just fell in love with Rita.

Pepa: Let’s go dance!
Rita: The night is long!
Pepa: Let’s burn Madrid down! You dancing, redhead?
Silvia: Later.

Silvia is left standing and looking really lost and dorky with her red coat and big purse.  At the flat, Povedilla picks up DeGaulle’s phone and he speaks to the “machine”, the conversation is a clusterfuck. Paco and Mariano find out that they are going to be sacked. Faces are a poem. (Piper's note: Translator loves using this phrase - must be a Spanish expression)

Back at the club - music and dance moves are both Sevillanas.  Translator's comment:  Okay, the intro to this scene and my first thoughts about it were “WHAT THE FUCK?”... Obviously Pepa is supposed to know how to dance the Sevillana but Silvia?  I find it really surrealistic to Flamenco dance in a disco, but well, let’s give Silvia time to be jealous of the girl who is touching Pepa.  Piper's comment to Translator's comment:  I thought they teach all school girls in Spain to dance the Sevillana?

Silvia smiles when Pepa winked at her. 

Pon bonita tu carreta y engalana tu caballo
Que hay que salir de fiesta y vamos a acompañarlo…

Silvia, look at your dance partner, not at Pepa!

Silvia is totally throwing daggers at Pepa all throughout the dance and after.  Of course Pepa picks up on this and totally starts flirting shamelessly with her cute partner.

Rita: Thanks, thanks, I’m back to my friends. Lola, come here, come here, Lola, she put her leg between my legs and she put her face right next to mine, mother of God! I’m going to tell you something, okay I’m back with Joselu [Povedilla], but if I wasn’t, tipsy as I am and with the bikini wax done, I could do something crazy!
Lola: Yeah, she was totally hitting on you. [Literally “She had put on the full beam on you”]
Rita: See?!
Silvia: Are you listening to what you’re saying? Stop talking nonsense!

Rita: Hey, I’m going to tell you something, eh? I swear I never thought about it, ever, you know, I really... these things, you never think of them, you never consider them, but seeing them so closely, they’re really nice, they’re really cute, they’re good people... If I get distracted, they lead me down the garden path and... have a shag! [Lights dim] Oops, the fuses blew!
Rocio: Girls, abandon the dance floor, please. The show is about to start. Please fasten your seatbelts.

Pepa whistles to get their attention and to lead them to the sitting area.  Silvia drags her feet, almost stomping, because she's still jealous from Pepa's flirtation not directed at her.

Yes, Pepa has a pit stain on the gayest shirt ever

Rita: Look, a magician! In the hen parties at XXX? [Translator's note: I really cannot understand the town she mentions! I have looked up all towns in the Murcia region but I can’t decipher it!] they always hired a magician.
Lola: I think this one is going to make her clothes disappear.

Rita: And those boobs have to be real, look how pointy they are. She’s coming, she’s coming... Give me five euros, I have no money, give me five euros, I’m gonna put them there... Clang-clang. They [the stripper’s butt cheeks] were tight and firm like soccer balls... and no stretch marks. Oh she’s coming again.

Silvia looking all miserable

Stripper makes her way to Lola who immediately comments on how cold she must be.  Very Piper response.  Then stripper woman sways her way to a politely mortified Silvia.  No takers.  Sorry, hija, your hips probably lie.

Lola: Oh honey, please, you have goose bumps, go tell them to switch off the air conditioning, honey.
Silvia: No, thanks.

Stripper makes her way to Pepa, who gamely unhooks her bra (under the eagle eyes of a sulky Silvia, who hasn't stopped watching Pepa).  As a reward, stripper woman gives Pepa a lapdance, to La Pelirroja's consternation, who suddenly stands up and announces that she's leaving.

Silvia: I’m off.
Rita: No...
Silvia: Yeah, I have to wake up early tomorrow.
Lola: But come on, why? We’re having such a good time, we’re having such a ball [Literally “We’re having a booby time”, pasarlo teta is an idiom for having a good time. Never better said.]
Silvia: No, I got a headache.
Lola: But, Silvia...

Pepa looks disappointed as Silvia huffs away.  But why waste a good lapdance, eh?

DeGaulle wakes up at the frisking garage all fucked.  He tries to get out of the car but he falls because he has a pirate wooden peg instead of his proper prosthetic leg.  Lucas goes to the rig and asks for his sister but Alison beats him up instead.  BWAHAHA!

Paco and Mariano are very well dressed in the briefing room, waiting to be condemned and fired. Paco gets very sentimental and Mariano says he’s not going to leave him alone. He says that all his illusions have gone with the passage of time, like running the 1500m in high school, dating Elena, the prettiest girl in his school, or going to uni to study Philosophy and Humanities. Real cheesy.  At the truck, Lucas sees Carlota and has only 5 minutes to help her and solve the Aitor thing.  Back at the precinct: Mariano also gets very sentimental and proud of Paco. He’s not leaving. Everyone walks in the briefing room.  Carlota calls Aitor.

Pepa walks in and sits behind Silvia, who is still visibly upset from the prior evening.

Pepa: Good morning.
Montoya: Hi Pepa!
Pepa: Good morning. What happened last night, redhead? You just left without saying goodbye? [Literally “You left French style”]
Silvia: It was just that the shots made me sick. I had to go.
Pepa: You sure it was that? You didn’t feel uncomfortable in that sort of pub?
Silvia: I didn’t mind the kind of bar it was. I couldn’t care less [Literally “My blood pressure didn’t go down”]

The briefing starts and Paco starts with a speech about handing the badge. Don Lorenzo supports them and hands his badge instead. Then everybody starts handing in their badges. Amazing face by Silvia. And we all cry. Povedilla has no badge so he says “I got no badge, so I made a coupon... or if you prefer an IOU”. 

Piper's rant: Okay, really now, how many times have they pulled this shit on this show? We get it, you guys are solid and have each other's back. But the badge is greater than your sorry asses. It is about the law and it is about defending the people you have promised to protect. And whenever these cops hand in their badges, they are collectively flipping the bird on the law that they are supposed to uphold!  You guys took an oath to serve and protect!  You don't treat your badge like it's a pair of sunglasses!

Carlota and Aitor talk and she breaks his heart. Alison walks in knowing that they have made contact with the outside world, but it’s just the evidence that Salazar wanted. Lots of hugs and kisses.  The End.

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Piper's commentary:
I am going to miss Silvia so much.  Her jealousy was adorable, her infatuation for Pepa was palpable, her facial expressions were priceless.  And I don't think anyone else could have brought this out of Silvia than Pepa.  There was a playfulness between them that was almost innocent and childlike.  Pepa was the antagonist and Silvia was just about ready in her life to be antagonized.  And Rita - she's simply awesome.  Like a hick from Hickstown who unwittingly ventured into Gaylandia - she was simply de-puta-madre in her openness.  The rest of the Pacos were simply annoying in this episode.  They should have cut their entire story arcs and spent more time on the lap dance.