PepSilogy 4x12

LHDP 4x12
Vivir Tapando (To Live Covered)

By Drs. Pied Piper and Bekelauer

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post. As usual, the screencaps do not correspond to the narratives.  They're purely for aesthetic purposes.)

Felix does the intro monologue. He speaks about his professional record as a psychiatrist. He doesn’t remember most of the patients, but he does have an affection for los hombres de Paco. He learned in med school that you should not throw stones if you live in a glass house.  I didn't go to med school but I learned that too.  Maybe in kindergarten?

Lucas gets home to his flat in shambles (Translator's note: Like Hiroshima after the bomb, as my mother would say). Alison is there to welcome him, he points his gun at her. But she has the upper hand since she has Carlota. She phones Salazar (Translator's comment: The “He’s not a happy bunny” line kills me”) and through a video phone (really high tech for San Antonio!) Lucas sees Carlota crying, kidnapped. Alison tells him he’s got to cooperate with them and not to tell anyone.

(Silvia has a nipple ring!  On the outide!)

Aitor is looking for Carlota and Lucas tries to get rid of him, Aitor gets superbratty and insists on talking to her. Alison tells Lucas that the Kaiser wants him alive as an inside informant. She then asks him to get her a detonator (for what?) and then get all the info that the police has about the Kaiser gang– Lucas tells her that CNI (Spain Intelligence) has all that info and he doesn't have access. She says “How much you do love your sister?” and kisses Lucas and tells him “You’re gonna have to be nicer, even if it’s not out of love” – she is a horndog! (Piper's comment: Just like our Translator.  I guess it takes a horndog to know one. Hehe.)

Next day, they’re all having breakfast and Lucas downplays the cabin shootout.  He tella Paco that he was just in the middle of a gang war and that he was not attacked by Salazar’s men. Paco scolds Mariano cause he’s eating too much. DL leaves to scold the Interpol about the gang war he didn’t know about. Sara gives Lucas a toastie with “I love you” written in jam on it because they're still secret lovers? Yeah, right. Lola asks Paco if they can open the bar because it was closed down by the police during the DDR bomb fiasco. Paco says yes, because otherwise they can’t make it (Translator's snarky Spanish insight: This leaves me wondering – is Paco working free of charge for the police? They live in a suburban neighbourhood, they have two incomes, and they have very few expenses because they live modestly – so where does all the money go?).

At the precinct, Rita and Pove are with Sabinita when DL comes and tells her “Oh, she’s so healthy and so big, she is exactly like you” which offends Rita because it implies that she's fat. Pove goes to DL's office to give him an Interpol dossier stained with Sabinita’s puke (so lovely!) and they get to discuss why Pove does not live with Rita. DL decides to babysit Sabina and gives them the day off. Quique, seeing a chance to get a day off, asks him as well, but he is told to spend his day off on DL’s santos cojones. Lucas and Sara meet up in the bathroom. She scolds him for not telling her that he was in the cabin getting shot. DL walks to Curtis’ desk.  He's regaling Pepa with stories.

Curtis: If you have any doubts, ask Uncle Curtis. In this precinct there’s nothing going on that we, the people, don’t know about.
DL: Wow! So, Miranda, watching how your colleagues work, huh? Did you come here to work or to watch?
Pepa: I was just...
DL: Do you want me to get you a little rocking chair? Or a couple of beers? What do you think?
Pepa: I was waiting for you to get me a partner to patrol with, Don Lorenzo.
DL: A partner...

Montoya: Don Lorenzo, if you want I can go with her and show her the procedure and... well, I volunteer to be her partner.
DL: Volunteer when you’re asked, you goose. Take an unmarked car immediately. Go to the warehouse where Olmedo was found. I want that surveillance car there, record any kind of movement. You understood?
Pepa: The warehouse?
DL: Yes, the warehouse.
Pepa: But the warning neon lights exploded the other day, courtesy of us.
DL: So?
Pepa: So even an idiot would know that police has been there.
DL: Even an idiot...? I don’t care, young lady, I don’t care! That’s your mission.

All the while, Silvia is watching this exchange, knowing full well it's going to hell just like the family dinner.  Also, the little dangling ring on her boob is beginning to bother her.  Not really.

Pepa: Don Lorenzo? Is that a mission or are you fucking me over?
DL: Excuse me?
Pepa: Is it a mission or you just want to fuck me over?
DL: Are you the Captain here? Answer... Are you the Captain and I have not been told?
Pepa: No, sir.
DL: So then do as you’re ordered. I have far too many problems to... How did you say?
Pepa: Fuck me over.
DL: Fuck you over. [Turns around, sees Silvia] Oh, hi honey! How you doing?

All along, the precinct is listening, with jaws dropped, to this exchange (except for Lucas and Sara because they're doing the chiki-chiki in the bathroom) and now they all know how much of a badass Pepa is.

Silvia: Papa? So if you’re not trying to screw her over, seeing that Pepa is going to need a partner, I am going with her, that all right?

It's DL's turn to keep his mouth hanging while Silvia glances quickly at Pepa who smiles all knowingly.  And now we know what the little trinket thing hanging from her boob is - it's a special love amulet from Pepa to be worn only on the left boob and contains special herbs and spices that act like catnip.  She gave it to Silvia under pretense that it's got a microphone in it for their next undercover gig.

Lucas receives a call from Alison and he then goes to DL’s office and tries to get the Kaiser case files but they’ve changed the password for security. At last - something was done RIGHT in this dysfunctional comisaria!  DL’s catches him and tells him he’s out of the case and of course Lucas goes ballistic. He barges into the room where Smith is talking to Paco and Mariano. He yells at Smith and tells him he’s not getting off of the case. Then Paco’s line KILLS the Translator... or maybe it’s the way he says it: “Si esta gente solo hablan inglés y nosotros no pasamos del We are the champions” Translation: “These guys only speak English, and we don’t go any further than singing We Are The Champions”. Mariano sees an envelope from Lucas that reads “Paco and Mariano” so he grabs it and leaves.

Aitor and Sara practice taking fingerprints on a poor, funny looking man. Aitor is worried and asks about Carlota, but Sara knows nothing. He also tells her that he knows about her and Lucas although she denies it. They get very superbratty and start getting their faces all dirty with ink. The poor, funny looking man has no lines but he doesn’t need them - the jackasses in front of him make him look like royalty.

In the lab, Paco and Mariano are using a heat gun to open Lucas' envelope. The letter says he’s sorry if they ever get to read it, because he’d be dead, and that that was the only chance he had. Of course they interpret that he wants to go kamikaze in front of Salazar and kill them all for his own personal cool satisfaction. So they decide to distract him with a different case.  I just hate it when strangers (i.e., anyone not Silvia or Pepa) do anything at the lab.  I guess I'd be hating the new Forensics person this new season.

Pepa and Silvia are in an unmarked truck (very lesbionic!) surveilling.

Silvia: Here tonight... I think we’re not going to see a damn thing.
Pepa: Not even the stars... That’s what I like the least about Madrid, Silvia. You can’t see a damn star in the sky.
Silvia: But there are stars, huh? It’s just that these streets are too bright. But if we were in a dark alley, we would be able to see them. I can spot Ursa Major. [Pepa laughs at Silvia's adorable geekiness] What?
Pepa: Nothing... Do you want me to start the wave? [She means an audience wave.  Loaded silence.  Then a car passes by]. Write down: 8125 CMJ, grey Peugeot. You got it?
Silvia: Yes.

Aitor is looking for Carlota and leaves another message for her.  He's now really pissed because he thinks she is avoiding him.  Yes, it's all about you, isn't it?  Fortunately, the scenes cut back to PepSi.  Yay!  Since nothing is going on and the air is getting really hot, Silvia turns the radio on and a song plays which obviously unnerves her and amuses Pepa to no end.  I'm guessing it's one of the songs at Sara's communion party, maybe even the one they danced to.  Silvia's apprehension was so palpable she couldn't even sit still.

Silvia: Did you know that you were my first kiss? [Pepa laughs] 
Pepa: No.
Silvia: Yes.
Pepa: I don’t believe you. They say one never forgets the first kiss, no?
Silvia: Well, I remember it more because of the racket it provoked than for the kiss itself!
Pepa: You do, don’t you? [Fakes being offended that Silvia remembers the kiss less than the mess it provoked]

Silvia: No, but you know... I mean...
Pepa: Yeah, I know, it was silly, I know.
Silvia: No, but we were just kids.
Pepa: I know.
Silvia: We were only 18.
Pepa: I knoooow, Silvia, I know. If we kissed now it would be completely different. We’re not kids anymore... and it wouldn’t be the first time! I know, I agree with you, it was just a silly thing.

Anyone with half a brain knows by now that these 2 would end up together.  No ifs or buts about it.  They shamelessly flirt in the car, and the amazing thing is, it comes very naturally to them.  Like the last 8 years never happened.  That must have been one spectacular kiss. Overwhelmed by the moment, they both look outside and smile to themselves.  We squeal like little girls again.

Lucas is in the locker room and finds a bottle of sand in his locker and a romantic letter in the style of a telegram. Whatever.  Aitor and Mariano walk in and ask about Carlota and he says that she’s in Argentina. Both Aitor and Mariano are shocked by the news and Aitor gets a bit worked up and starts yelling. Oh, shut up, Emo Boy!  Aitor leaves in a huff and Paco comes in and tries to distracts Lucas with a new case about a gang who steals luxury cars in San Antonio. Lucas tells him to talk to the hand and that if he really wants to help, he needs the password to access the Kaiser dossier. Lucas leaves and texts Smith and tells him he’s got information on the Kaiser. Mariano and Paco find the detonator in his locker which reinforces their suspicion about his harakiri intentions – so they agree that Lucas would be safer in jail. And how do they get him there? Drug charges! They ask Curtis to get a gram of cocaine from the stocks in the precinct.

DL is at home and royally sucking at baby sitting Sabinica so he phones Paco for back-up. At Los Cachis, Lola has prepared a romantic gourmet  dinner for Rita and Povedilla. If this were an undercover gig, Rita is perfectly dressed as a hooker. She tells Pove that she’s only wearing three pieces of clothing, and two of them are her tights – cheeky horndog! Pove’s reaction is “So I won’t take off your coat because bad coughs in spring are terrible”.

Back at the lesbionic undercover surveillance truck, Pepa and Silvia are still basking in the afterglow of flirting when a car pulls up next to them and starts talking nonsense. 

Guy: Hey, you. Hottie! You, hottie! Fuck, if you’re that sexy on the outside, I can just imagine how yummy you are on the inside! [Translator's note: Not the nicest of things to say to a woman. He uses the fruit comparison. Literally “If you look that yummy and you’re only green, how yummy would you be when you are ripe”. My guess is “If you are this sexy all dressed, you sure are a hot bitch when you’re naked”. Word by word.]
Pepa: Get lost.
Guy: Look, brunette, you’re getting me all hard. [Translator's comment: “Palote perdido” is one of the most vulgar expressions ever. Palote means big and hard stick. Beke pukes]
Silvia: Tss, tss, get lost.

Guy: Oy, oy, what’s wrong, brunette? What’s wrong? What happened to my little pussy? Is my little pussy sad? Huh?
Pepa: I’m not going to say it again.
Guy: What’s wrong? What’s wrong with you?
Pepa: Go away.
Guy: What’s wrong, brunette, you're going to spank me or something? Let me make it easy for you.
[Starts mooning them. Wrong move, douchebag!]
Silvia: What are you doing? What the hell are you doing?

Pepa: Police! Get the fuck out of the car, you too and put your hands in the air. Come on! For what do you want me to press charges against you, eh? Sexual harassment? Vandalism?
Guy: I’m sorry, fuck!
Pepa: I’m gonna blow up your brains!! [Translator's note: “Reventar” is just “to blow up”, even “to break”... But when you “reventar” somebody, it’s pretty much to kick their asses big time]
Silvia: Pepa, what are you doing? Leave him, Pepa!
Guy: I’m sorry, fuck! Fuck, I’m sorry! Get this thing off me, fuck...
Silvia: Leave him!!

Pepa: Get the hell out of here... NOW. And next time you want to talk to a chick through the car window... [make sure you use] “excuse me” and “please”.
Guy: Okay, okay, okay.
Pepa: Eh? How?
Guy: Excuse me and please.
Pepa: Get the hell out of here now!! Go! [Translator's note: She uses “humo!!”, which means “smoke”... It’s another ‘nice’ way of sending somebody off] You two!! Start the car!!
Driver: I’ve told you a million times, fuck, you always messing around!!!

Silvia: Pepa...? What the hell are you doing? Who do you think you are? Dirty Harry?
Pepa: You need to teach this scum a lesson.
Silvia: Oh, yeah, while we're on an active investigation? When we’re undercover? Maybe my father is right and you’re just a lunatic! [Translator's note: “No tener dos dedos de frente”, literally “To have a forehead shorter than "the length of two fingers". Very idiomatic Spanish. It means not to be too intelligent, and it’s mostly used with people that do things without thinking first. The "two finger" thing indicates that one’s forehead is “short” therefore there is less capacity for your brain, so then that means smaller brains. And Silvia uses the typical gesture for the expression, tapping her forehead with two fingers]

Lucas prepares everything to fake Carlota’s departure – suitcase, passport and tickets. Mariano and Paco arrive at Paco’s but Mariano notices that Lucas is in the house. They see that DL still having trouble babysitting Sabina. Curtis and Quique arrive with the cocaine... but a WHOLE kilogram of it. A gram, Curtis, they asked you for A GRAM!  That's a lot of cocaine!  Paco goes all “Paco”.  To hide this from DL, Mariano puts the drugs down his pants but of course the bag breaks and he starts spreading the coke... And when they try to hide the drugs in Sara’s room, the package falls on their faces? Lucas gets out of the house with Carlota’s suitcase and Aitor sees him.  Piper's snark: OK, this really is not funny.  You don't mess around with coke and make a joke out of.  It is a serious problem, people are dying everyday because of it, and to make light of it is simply irresponsible. So shame on you, LHDP writers!

In the house, the Pacos are having trouble staying calm because they are now all stoned. Sabinita keeps crying. Paco and Mariano argue and Paco tells him that he needs to hold the baby because she is missing a woman’s breast. Of course Mariano goes ballistic because this is about him being fat. They think Sabinita misses Rita’s smell so Mariano puts on a blouse that used to belong to Mama Concha. Sara gets home and Paco tells her to control Lucas because their plan failed. This scene is RIDICULOUS and the Translator finds it very funny.  Because fat people and cross dressers are a riot. *Sarcasm*  Piper thinks it is ABSOLUTELY sophomoric. 

Lots of various scenes and story arcs that we don't really care about but we're telling you anyway because we need more narratives so we can spread PepSi screencaps all over.  At Los Cachis, Rita and Pove are having dinner, and Rita gets... horny! Pove is having trouble keeping up with Rita’s boobs peeking from her outfit.  At the loft, Lucas is getting ready to go see Mr Smith. Sara gets there and talks to him through the window but Lucas is hiding. He lets her in and asks her just to hold him.  Barf alert!  Pove and Rita are getting frisky but Pove can’t focus because he keeps getting flashes of being raped in jail – he pushes Rita and yells at her and she thinks he does not want her anymore because she has changed physically after she gave birth.  Dr. Felix talks about empty people and drugs, and he says that Paco’s men are not like that.  Sara tries to get info from Lucas on what he's up to, but couldn't. Smith texts Lucas to arrange their meeting.

Next day, at the precinct, Paco tells Mariano over the phone that he’s not a drug addict, he just has a day-after-cocaine-hangover. He enters his office and finds Pove waiting for him for some advice. At the same time, Rita is talking to DL about “white marriages” [i.e., When you don’t have sex.  For lesbian couples, it happens about 3 months after they move in together]. Rita thinks Pove touched himself before the date – so she automatically thinks he doesn’t want her because she’s fat. Pove tells Paco that he wants her but that he’s traumatized over the incident in jail. Paco asks Felix for help. They decide that Pove needs to face his trauma to get over it. Lucas goes to a building's observation deck somewhere in Madrid to meet Mr. Smith.

At Los Cachis, Pepa is sitting at the counter drinking beer.  What is it with these cops and their alcohol and drugs?  Sheesh! Julian walks in at the same time as Silvia who sits right next to Pepa on the counter.

Silvia: Hi!
Julián: Hi!
Jimmy: Hi Julián! You bringing me good “material”?
Julián: A first class leg of ham, Jimmy – the kind that makes you lick even your knuckles!
Jimmy: Cool, so shall we have a beer and we try some?
Julián: Of course.

Pepa: I’m sorry about last night’s scene.
Montoya: Hey, Lola, don’t charge them for whatever they’re having. And, I want a coffee.

Montoya walks over and in one of my favorite scenes ever, Silvia turns around to give him The Look and he quickly retreats because he knows what that look means. You don't mess with the pelirroja.

Silvia: It’s just, hija, that with your magnum and your hot blood... you’d be a perfect match for Lucas!
Lola: Don’t give her ideas, don’t mess the family even more, or we’ll end up being on a La noche temática TV special!! [La Noche Temática is a reality TV show]
Silvia: Well, it wasn’t my night either [Translator's note: “No estar fina” is to “Not have your day”, more or less], we could say. Plus that was not a mission or anything.

Montoya is not easily discouraged and tries again to flirt with Pepa. This time, Silvia just sweetly tells him to get lost.

Montoya: Eh, Lola, if they want anything more... I’ll pay for it. Okay? Hey, listen, that... Do you want to grab a bite or...?
Silvia: No, Gonzalo, can we have a moment alone?
Pepa: It’s not the stakeout, Silvia. It’s just that I know that in two days everyone is gonna have a grudge against me like your father does.

And since this is Spain, it is also socially acceptable to join in on any aconversation, so Lola participates.

Lola: Well, a grudge-grudge... I think the whole thing is just tepid. Well, I’d say it’s cold.
Pepa: It’s cold turning into freezing cold [Translator's note: Glacier-like, literally]. And no... I don’t find... No, I don’t have a reason to stay here.
Silvia: You don’t? Well I have one. Yes! The other night, when I went to bed...
Pepa: What...?

Silvia: ...And I remembered the guy with his butt naked... I couldn’t stop laughing, and I’m not a laughing person... And also, I have to show you something tonight.
Silvia then looks at Pepa adoringly, like a little kitty cat.
Pepa: Shall we get out of here?
Silvia: Okay.
Pepa: Eh, wait, I’m going to the toilet.
Silvia: Okay...

And of course, we have to leave it to Lola to call Silvia on her blatant flirting display.

Lola: Hey, sister, what are you doing? You're like El Risitas... [Translator's note: A popular Spanish TV character famous for his contagious laughter] You’re not flirting with Pepa, are you?
Silvia: Ay, Lola, don’t be absurd.

Bwahaha! Silvia, you are so busted on your crush!

Paco tells Pove that he doesn’t really have to face Monzó (the formerly dead homie). Pove says that if you don’t ride the bike after you’ve fallen off and scratched your arms, you’ll never be able to enjoy riding a bike again. Very sentimental scene. Pove comes into the interrogation room and observes Monzó through the glass and has some flashbacks. He does a monologue, pretending to talk to him – how he remembers him, how he thinks he (Pove) has always been a small person just too easy to be screwed over by a fucker like Monzó. But no, “I am a police officer and it takes more than a simple stupid bastard to screw my life over, because I have a million reasons to pee on my pants laughing every day, to hug, to get emotional... to be happy. Everything you will never have. Whose life’s screwed over? I pity you, I pitied having to shoot you... Pove switches the microphone on and tells him, "I’m happy you’re still alive”.

Lucas meets Mr. Smith at the observation deck. He tries to apologize and tells him that he is the only one who could capture the Kaiser, but he needs the password.  They fight but he Smith wouldn't give it away.

Pove tries to talk to Rita but she rambles that if having a “white marriage” is what Pove wants, then let it be it. He grabs her and takes her away. Quique tells Curtis that he thinks Pove is going to propose to Rita, so they listen in.  Hay, Dios mio!  Absolutely no privacy in this stupid TV show!

Silvia and Pepa are lying on the hood of their lesbionic truck, looking at the stars. The not-Gloria Gaynor song "I Will Survive" plays in the background.

Silvia: Thousands of stars. You only need to know where to look.
Pepa: Yes. The truth is that this place is... perfect. It’s so weird, there are no working streetlamps! It’s like... as if somebody had been throwing rocks to break them all! [Laughter] I used to do this in Seville. I would go to the airport and lie at the end of the runway. Planes fly by 5 meters away from you and you can fell how they... suck you in. And the smell of kerosene, the air, the atmosphere... the sound. I love that feeling.
Silvia: Pepa, you have to show me all those things.
Pepa: How to be a badass?
Silvia: Yeah, that too.

And since Pepa is a real badass and feeling extremely lucky that night because she has just wished on a million stars, she accidentally on purpose brushes Silvia's hand with hers. Silvia pulls away and Pepa looks away to mope. We giggle because we know Silvia is just trying hard to get. Then Silvia turns to Pepa and tells her that she'd like her to stay in San Antonio.  Then they both smile to themselves.  The game is so on.

Paco thanks Felix for what he has done for them and tells him to go home but Felix is still high on police emotions and wants to stay so he can get involved in more action. Pove and Rita talk in the police car, while Curtis, Quique, and eventually the whole precinct are listening in. WTF?!!  Pove’s speech is really emotional, and he tells her that he loves her and that he’s not a hero for the police but for her. Paco tells them to switch the radio off, but when Curtis is about to, Pove says “Honey, they raped me in that prison”. Everyone hears this confession and their faces look like the moment you heard Princess Diana had died. (I was in Washington DC with my parents and we were at the hotel and they were asleep but I was watching SNL and then they broke the news... Ah, never mind!)

Lucas tells Smith that Salazar has his sister and he needs the password. The Kaiser phones him and tells him his sister is in the blue van. He leaves Smith alone – a bad idea since you almost strangled him earlier. At the precinct,  Pove comes back inside and everybody is looking at him. Paco tells him they overheard everything and apologizes. Everyone hugs and congratulates Pove. Dr. Felix resumes his narration with “The people I’ve treated normally live covering their problems so they can get a few night’s sleep, but they really are all alone”.

At the viewpoint, Lucas goes down and tries to look for the blue van when something crashes against the ground with a loud thump – Mr Smith. He gets a text message saying “We warned you”.  We see that the building cameras have recorded everything, including Lucas choking Smith – but it is edited so we don't really know who threw the poor chump out to his death.

Watch PepSi clip in HD.

Piper's Commentary
How on earth did Dr. Felix get to do the monologue?  He's not even a regular cast member!  Silvia, on the other hand, despite the fact that she's been on the show from the beginning, did not do the monologue until just before she died.  So not fair.  Little things like this can tell us why, in the end, Marian Aguilera chose not to return to the show, and who can blame her?  When you put the little things together (e.g., screen time), you get one big reason for quitting.  So again, fuck you Alex Tiny Penis Pina. 

And I know LHDP is supposed to be a black dramedy, but the methods by which the writers choose to show humor are sometimes totally irresponsible.  I have a very big problem with drugs, legal or otherwise.  Not when real people have died because of drugs, like Enrique Urquijo, who as you may have gathered by now, I'm totally crushing on.  It's lazy and totally stupid they way the show goes for the lowest common denominator to get a few laughs.

And Pepa... we have had tender and romantic Pepa so it only makes sense that we solidify badass Pepa.  In parallel to badass Lucas.  Lucas has the printed, grungy T-shirts, Pepa has the grungy vests.  Neither of which could escape Silvia's badass radar. (Badassdar?)