Silvialogy 2x02

LHDP 2x02

Before Deker, before Damian, before ATPP® lost his 2 remaining brain cells...

Remember when LHDP was sweet and funny?  And remember when Silvia, with all her quirks and insecurities, lit up our computer screens and TVs?  This is one of those episodes, and it's nice to be reminded why we are still here, keeping the faith. 

This lecture only focuses on the Silvia scenes because we really don't care what was happening to the rest of the episode. 

At Los Cachis (yes, that place, which was once the hub of the show and not run over by shameless product tie-ins and extremely annoying newbies), Silvia was looking at a bridal magazine and planning her wedding to Marquez.

Silvia: I’m telling you it’s easier to coordinate a mission with the Blue Beret, the GEOs [SWAT] and the Guardia Civil than to organize my wedding. So much stress!
Lola: But I said that I was helping you, that I’m really excited about it. Look at this bouquet, for example. It’s so beautiful.
Rita: Yeah but look at that one.

Over at one of the tables, Quique and Curtis are talking to Pove about his sex life and his lack of expertise.  

Quique: And you, Povedilla? When are you gonna walk down the aisle with your girlfriend from Palencia?
Povedilla: We’re not in a hurry, we’ve been going out for only seven years (Translator's juvenile reaction: LOL!!!)
Curtis: But, well, at least she already let you try her? (I know it sounds creepy, but Curtis’ line is too)
Povedilla: That is a personal, intimate thing, and I don’t like to talk about it.
Quique: So the answer is no.
Curtis: So, til your wedding day, nothing at all, right? She didn’t even let you touch her a boob, Povedilla (The tetilla-Povedilla rhyme makes it funnier)

Povedilla: She did let me touch her breasts. And we have indeed had sexual intercourse. Of course, safe and very caring sexual intercourse. And respectful.
Curtis: So with all due respects, how is she in bed?
Quique: Is she the kind that yells the hell out of her so they can hear her even in the cathedral (of Palencia)?
Povedilla: She’s more discreet. Rather silent.
Quique: Of course, given she’s from Palencia, she enjoys but on the inside (Again, not much sense from Quique either), doesn’t she?
Curtis: Uy, uy, uy, uy… I think you don’t satisfy her. When a woman is silent, what does she do? She breathes through her nose. And if she breathes thru her nose, she’s not having any pleasure. She’s not having an orgasm. And I'm not the only one saying this, it’s scientifically proven!

Lucas walk in and looks at what Silvia is reading before he sits with the Junk Patrol.

Lucas: Hi!
Curtis: Let’s ask the master!
Lucas (to Lola): I think a thistle bouquet would make her look gorgeous. (Thistles have negative connotations – plus it’s a colloquial synonym for an ugly person, “un cardo”)
Curtis: Lucas.
Lucas: What?
Curtis: Come sit down here. Our friend Povedilla has a big sex problem. It turns out his girlfriend has silent orgasms and he doesn’t know if they are orgasms or just tiny pleasure, or she's only getting tickled.

Povedilla: I don’t consider it to be a huge problem. Just a tiny doubt, that’s it.
Lucas: I think that, silent or not, one knows when a chick is enjoying it. Because one knows, I think.
Curtis: Well, yeah, but there are some that fake so artistically that they could be the next Lola Flores!
Lucas: I don’t know what to tell you, Curtis. Let’s see, if that had ever happened to me, if it ever happened to me, I think I would have noticed it, man!

Silvia overhears this and has to have a dig at Lucas.

Silvia: He says he would have noticed it! Poor you!
Lucas: Poor me? One knows when a chick is enjoying, you know, you can feel it, you know when she’s faking it. Fuck, you have her right there on your face, she’s breathing on you.

Silvia starts moaning and faking orgasm.

Silvia: Does that sound familiar?

Of course we know this is a homage to Meg Ryan's orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally and ATPP® has been shamelessly ripping off other shows even before Season 9.  But this is a justifiable rip-off and par for the course for Silvia. 

Also, Lola's face is priceless.

We miss you, Lola!!!!!!

Silvia is at the lab listening to her voicemail - it's Marquez counting the seconds to their wedding.  *Barf*  Lucas and Mariano walk in.

Silvia: What are you doing here?
Lucas: Nothing.
Mariano: I was already leaving.
Lucas: Nothing, just here.
Silvia: Well, the kids are coming now, I’m going to show them around.
Lucas: Really?
Silvia: May I?
Lucas: Sure, this is your place. You’re gonna show them around. What else are you gonna show them? How to fake orgasms, maybe?

Silvia: I guess it’s not nice, no? For a machito ibérico… to know that a woman he’s been with faked her orgasms.
Lucas: Well, if it was true… But well, you don’t think I bought it, do you?
Silvia: No, not at all… Aw, you’re so cute when you have doubts about yourself!
Lucas: You’re so cute some times as well, you know? How was it, wait, a couple of days ago? “If we die, I want you to know that I love you”…
Silvia: And you bought that one? Nothing, things that are said in the heat of the moment.
Lucas: You sure?
Silvia: We were about to die.
Mariano (ushering in Silvia's tour group): They’re here

Later that night, the Familia is at Lola's and Paco's, along with Lucas and Mariano. Lucas is still miffed that he was not the sex machine that he thought he was.

Paco: For God’s sake, what do you want? For me to be complimenting all women in the force?
Lola: No, but something nice: “How beautiful you look today”, “You look good on a uniform”…
Silvia: Hi!
Lola: Hi everyone. You heard? She's getting married again!
Don Lorenzo: Let’s see if you’re luckier with this wedding, daughter, because you have such a history…
Silvia: Dad, I would have to marry Pocholo for it to be worse!! (Pocholo is a famous weird dude in Spanish TV, always high on hard drugs, aggressive and with a very particular way of doing things – he’s very controversial just the way he is, but furthermore, he’s quite rich and he’s General Franco’s grandson. A character!)
Lucas: Don’t let anyone fool you, Don Lorenzo. Some things are not the way they seem.
Don Lorenzo: Excuse me?
Silvia: Don’t listen to him.
Lucas: Don’t try to pretend, Silvia. One begins faking orgasms and ends up faking weddings, christenings and funerals. Hummm, this looks so yummy…
Don Lorenzo: Of course, daughter, you had to marry the scum of the brigade.

Wisely, Silvia and DL ignore Lucas being an ass. It doesn't mean Silvia is not miffed or anything.

Nice 'tache, DL!!!

Paco and Lucas are at Los Cachis talking about something we absolutely do not care about.  Silvia comes in and approaches them.  Told you, she's still very pissed.

Lucas: Well, now all we have to do is find a way for them not to find out that the tapes are missing.
Paco: Watch out.
Lucas: What? What happens?
Silvia: And you, why the hell did you have to bring up the fake-orgasms thing in front of my father? Such a fucking big mouth you have!
Lucas: Let’s see, Silvia, what’s bothering you really? The fact that your father finds out that you fake orgasms, or the fact that you are faking your wedding?
Silvia: You’re such an idiot! You idiot!
Lucas (ironically): Guapa!

Later on, Lucas is all mopey and teary-eyed about something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Silvia. But Silvia sees him and of course, she's all caring.

Silvia: Lucas, are you all right?
Lucas: Yes, I’m fine.
Silvia: What’s wrong?
Lucas: Nothing. I’m leaving, I’m moving out. Nothing, just my stuff.
Silvia: Hey, I didn’t know you felt like that. Pff, I’m so sorry I have been so harsh with you these days. 

Lucas: And I’m sorry you married the worst man. And that you had to fake orgasms.
Silvia: Well, I didn’t fake them all.
Lucas: You didn’t? I think I can figure out which ones you faked.
Silvia: You do?
Lucas: Yep, I think I know which ones.
Silvia: Okay, let’s see if you get them right.
Lucas: In Cádiz? For example, in that tiny hotel? On the window sill, with the lighthouse in the view… and we tore the curtains all yelling?
Silvia: No, maybe I didn’t fake that one.
Lucas: You didn’t’? And… on the plane? With the turbulence, in the toilet of the plane, where we also broke the thingy for the napkins, that stuff?
Silvia: Neither that one. 

Lucas: No that one?
Silvia: And neither the one at Marta’s party.
Lucas: Not that one?.
Silvia: Not that one.
Lucas: On top of all the coats, with that mobile phone ringing.
Silvia: You were wearing the green shirt I gave you, remember?
Lucas: Yes.
Silvia: That day you told me you loved me.
Lucas: That day I asked you to marry me.

And they kissed, and of course, after talking about the best fucks they've ever had, they want to relive it.  So they end up in bed.  Wow, Silvia and Lucas are members of the Mile High Club!!!

Piper's commentary:
Yes, ATPP® fucked up the show, we just don't know yet how much.  And just when we are on the verge of taking a plane to Spain (oooh, that rhymes!) to personally kick his cojones, this is one of the episodes that can make us put the passport back into the dresser.

If you ever need to get a glimpse of the depth of Silvia and Lucas' love for each other, just watch this one. And I'm not talking about romantic love; they really DID love and care for each other in their own way.  They just couldn't be together.  Some people are really better off as friends and it doesn't discount their love any less.  So when Lucas showed up at the wedding from hell, we understand why. 

Licas came home not only because his adulterous wife needed to be slapped repeatedly, but because he really wanted to be there for Silvia.  He really wanted to see her happy, and he really was happy for her.  When Lucas walked in, the first word he uttered was "Pelirroja", and I don't know about you, but for me, that was a magical moment.  Because these 2, whose relationship was DOA even before the show began, have come a long way.  Lucas came home to see Silvia, finally happy, finally free from the past.  (Yeah, yeah, too bad she died shortly after)

So enjoy the quirkiness that was LHDP, drool at the loveliness that was Silvia.  If you feel like throwing a soda can at your computer screen after watching the clusterfuck the show has become, watch this episode, watch a few earlier episodes.  You might just fall in love all over again.