9x09 Novicia A La Fuga - Complete Recap

Episode 113 - Novicia A La Fuga (Runaway Novice)

By Dr. Bekelauer
Picspam and additional snark by Piper

The episode starts with a recap, so we'll skip that.

At Paco’s, Mariano, DL, Paco, Pove, Felix the psychiatrist, and the novice are about to have dinner. The novice leaves to go to the bathroom and the others take the chance to comment on her “possession”. Felix says he doesn’t find anything funny about her. Paco, Pove, and Mariano argue that he’s wrong based on what they have witnessed in the lab. DL says he’s gonna take her back to her congregation, but Paco tells him she’s already a dead woman and it’s a matter of time. I thought so too.

LHDP Intro

The newbies are in their apartment smoking pot. Lis tells them that her mother “is shagging Aitor”.

Paco says that the novice represents the virtue of chastity and that they’re going to find her dead in one of the other three spots in the city that form a pentagram. That’s what I call optimism! DL is the only one who's calm, almost to the point of indifference, and Paco calls him on it. The novice, who looks possessed again, comes back from the bathroom and tells Paco that he can tell Satan himself. Then a 666.666.666 phone number starts calling them all.  Supposed to be creepy. I think it's just Movistar fucking up again.

Pepa, Aitor and Salgado are giving their statement about what happened in the house to a prosecutor in the interrogation room.

Salgado: This is the weapon used to shoot the victim. It’s a Walter P-22 (I thought she had a Magnum!?). This is Agent Pepa Miranda’s personal weapon. It was she who killed him.

Reyes is watching the scene from behind the mirror and phones Lis, who doesn’t pick up. Lis tells them all she has also shagged Aitor.

Salgado: Agent Carrasco and Agent Miranda were in the house. They had just bought food for breakfast in the bar downstairs so they invited me over. We didn’t hear a sound. The individual entered the house through the corridor, and he was carrying a weapon.

Flashback

Pepa: I’m not gonna let you take him.
Salgado: I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re in a position to negotiate.
Salgado: Carrasco threw himself at him and they wrestled.

Pepa: Did you know this guy was innocent? Did you?
Aitor: Pepa, lower your weapon!
Salgado: We told him to freeze, but he did not lower his weapon.

Aitor: Lower your weapon!
Salgado: And we couldn’t stop him from shooting.

Prosecutor: But the man, the man had a wound in his arm, a wound made with a Stanley (box-cutter) knife. How can you explain that?
Salgado: Carrasco wounded him with the Stanley knife. It was the only thing he could reach to try to stop him while they were wrestling. Then the suspect was gunned down in self-defence.
Prosecutor: Well, I think I have enough. Can you sign there, please? I will notify you when the routine hearing takes place.
Salgado: I’ll be right with you.

Pepa stands up, really pissed, about to storm out.

Salgado: Pepa, wait.
Pepa (because it sounds better in Spanish): Muerto el perro se acabó la rabia, right, sister-in-law?
Aitor: Pepa!
Pepa: What the fuck is she doing? She’s crazy, she’s a motherfucker, we don’t know what she’s up to!

At the newbies’, Goyo complains he doesn’t get laid, and Dani tells him it’s because he likes girls but never tries.  We try not to really care.

Oh Salgado! I really really liked you!

Pepa is hugging Aitor outside the interrogation room.

Pepa: At your orders, Chief Inspector. I don’t know whether to apologize or to say thanks. I was thinking of asking for a couple of days off, so I can decompress.
Reyes: I see, Deker has asked for the same. You two are planning to run away together, maybe?
Pepa: Deker is not my type. I prefer them with long hair, pouting lips and high heels.
Aitor: Hey Pepa, it's one thing helping you with your troubles with justice, but it's a different when you try to steal my girlfriend!
Pepa: I’m off cause I can’t stand you (in a sort of sweet tender way).

Lis is still in the flat and decides to talk to her mother, who, at that moment, starts flirting with Aitor at the precinct. They decide to have a quiet night with bubble bath and champagne.  Yeah, right.

At Paco’s, DL decides they’re gonna take turns to watch the novice sleep, they’re going to put up cameras and they’re going to ask the newbies to collaborate (but they have all been smoking pot!!). Felix stays – I think he likes being half a cop too much.

Lis arrives at the precinct and asks Reyes and Aitor to go to the bar because it's karaoke night. Mama / hija decide to “normalise” their relationship. Goyo wants to keep smoking pot. Mariano, Rita, and Curtis show up at the apartment to give the newbies instructions – but they’re all stoned so I don’t think they're getting anything. Mariano tells Rita and Curtis to sleep in his flat and replace them after four hours. They find out that the newbies have been smoking – so they have a joint as well. Hello LHdP druggies!

At the bar, Lis is singing “Puede” by the Spanish group El Sueño de Morfeo. She’s annoying as hell even when she sings. She cajoles Reyes to go on stage and sing with her. You can already sense the hellish awkwardness growing.  Oh, and Lis can't sing.

At Paco’s, they are all watching the novice sleep - spying is more like it - via some nanny cam. They start seeing funny things and noises, and it seems as if the novice is farting or something – it’s not serious for me anymore. DL tells Povedilla to go to the room and investigate if it’s the almighty spirit of Satan who’s getting close to her or something else, like maybe some fabada Asturiana stew.

Outside Mariano's flat, Goyo and Amaia are talking pish and end up kissing. Goyo tells her, “What are we gonna do with Blackman?” and Amaia says they (she and Goyo) are not in a relationship and that he is the guy she will call to help her do the shopping or take her to the doctor. Poor boy.

Inside the flat, Rita and Curtis are smoking and flirting while Dani is stuck hiding in the kitchen, trying to clean up the stash (HAHA!). Curtis tell Rita that he can’t take the shag they had out of his head.

Povedilla enters the bedroom where the novice is sleeping but gets scared and drops his glasses. At that point, the lights go out again, and Paco goes and checks in the room.

Lis, Aitor, and Reyes are having tequila shots. Reyes seems quite affected by the alcohol at this point. She jokes about having missed a period. Seriously, this is like a conversation from hell. Aitor says it’s very weird and apologises to Lis – at least she's got that much more decency and honesty than Sara ever had with him.

When the light goes back on, Paco has kidnapped the novice and puts Pove in her place. Here’s when they say their vintage fuck-up sentence, “Esto es peregrino” (or “Esta idea es peregrina”). Peregrino means pilgrim, but also odd, in that what-a-mess-we’re-making sort of sense. Povedilla starts making noises – I swear he’s like the funniest thing ever!

Rita and Curtis start talking about oral sex – seriously? Curtis offers a “Friendly cunnilingus”. Gah! Goyo and Amaia are at Lizarran having a bite (at 4 in the morning??). Pepa is alone at one of the tables. Salgado walks in and drops the bloody microchip on the table.

Salgado: His name was Alfredo Nieto and he worked in the Falcon project, a secret program to develop nuclear weapons. A year ago, we found out he was killing the members of his own team. He was looking for that (hands Peps the bloody microchip), and he found it. He had it surgically implanted inside his arm so he could leave the country without it being detected. It contains the activation codes of two of the missiles he developed for the project, missiles that had disappeared six months ago from the place they were being kept. And Nieto was about to give this information to the Intelligence of Iran.
Pepa: Very well – he was one of the baddies, and I fucked up. Who are you going to send me to kill now to settle my debt with fucking CNI?

DL, Mariano, and Felix are still watching Povedilla The Fake Nun who's under the sheets making weird noises.  DL blows his cover (literally) and Mariano tells him that Paco has taken the novice.  At the 24/7 bar, Goyo tells Amaia to use him as second dish “until Blackman comes along”. Are you serious?  You want to be a fucking doormat?

Salgado hands Pepa a dossier. It’s the pictures of her and Aitor in Italy.

Salgado: These documents are the only proof linking you to El Gordo’s assassination. I’ve deleted all the copies, you can burn them if you want. I have accused you of Nieto’s assassination because that way your debt with the CNI is cleared. And you don’t owe me anything. We’re family.
Pepa: Thanks. But you’re not gonna be part of MY family in your fucking life

Well, as we have seen in the preview, her fucking life is gonna be over soon anyway!

Goyo gets a phone call from DL but hangs up; he leaves with Dani knowing they’re in trouble. Salgado stays at the table looking all dejected while browsing a top secret file called “Zebra”.

Action sequence: Paco is driving with the novice. DL scolds Povedilla and Mariano. Paco gets a crap in the leg and in the arm, he’s getting paralysed. DL tells them all to go to the precinct when the newbies storm in. DL tells them they’re out of the force when the Satanic plot is over.  To bad they make it until the last episode. Paco gets another cramp and gets completely paralysed. Embolism? Poison? Satan? Aye, Satan. The novice manages to stop the car by using the hand brake.

The wedding ring!  They have to show the wedding ring! 

The whole staff goes to wake Curtis and Rita up, but they’re... well, let’s say Curtis is working hard. Haha! Dani is still there and hears everything – there’s nothing worse than hearing your friends have sex, but if they’re your superiors... HAHA! They all storm in to find Curtis and Rita in action while Dani is trying to skip out. Dani tells DL that he's not a part of it, and he was only there to smoke pot.  Smooth.  Very smooth, jackass!

Pepa gets there to join the fun. Curtis, who's been muff diving, comes from behind the sofa... AND SPITS! Hahaha!!! DL’s face is UNBELIEVABLY FUNNY!

Pepa: Did I miss anything?
DL: Let me update you DOWN to the last detail. (The funny thing about DL’s remark is that in Spanish, “con pelos y señales” means “I’ll explain everything to you by showing you every hair and every mark”, which of course relates to Curtis’ hair spit. I guess by underlining DOWN, we sort of get that effect – because Curtis was going down on Rita)
Mariano: So everybody’s up then.

At the karaoke from hell, Reyes wants to keep singing, but she’s too drunk. She starts talking to Lis - who, she seems to have forgotten, IS HER DAUGHTER! - about Aitor and how funny it is that they had to fall in love with the same man. Lis says she’s not in love, but Reyes knows otherwise and tells her so.  Oh, Reyes, you are such a waste of womanhood!

DL, Felix, and Pepa are in a car to find Paco. Pepa is driving like a maniac (I love how this woman can do everything “like a crazy lesbian”. She’s my home girl!). Needless to say, Felix and DL are scared shitless.

Felix: We better drive carefully. These regional roads are a bit treacherous.
DL: Pepa, you’re driving at 130 mph, don’t know if you’re aware of that.
Pepa: How much time do I have left to find my brother, Don Lorenzo?

And DL shuts up. He knows he just better nod along after that!

Paco is completely paralysed and can’t even speak. The novice is scared shitless and a car stops just right behind theirs. Of course, it’s not help, it’s Satan, who takes the novice while Paco passes out.

DL: They can’t be that far away, we lost them 20 or 25 minutes ago. Pepa, do a U-turn.
Felix: Maybe they have gone to the lakes. There’s a small road to the right over there, I think...

Pepa turns left in proper rally fashion.  Meaning, she makes a very illegal huey.

Mariano, Povedilla, and Curtis are trying to track Paco down. Mariano orders them to keep an eye on any of the places in the city that correspond to the three corners of the pentagram. Curtis tries to talk to Povedilla, but Pove ignores him.

Random Salgado picture

Reyes, Aitor, and Lis get home. This is really not cool! Reyes gets sentimental with Lis. Reyes tells Aitor “I don’t understand how you could pick me instead of her”.  And then the song that accompanied Pepa and Silvia whilst looking at the stars - "I Will Survive" - starts playing in the background!  Bastards!!!   So let's just look at the screen cap of Pepa driving like a maniac again.

Curtis gets to talk to Pove to tell him that he knows he shouldn’t go out with his ex. Pove says the best line of the whole episode “Having an ex is not like having a title, that lasts forever”. He just warns Curtis that Rita might be vulnerable because her last love died in her arms. Then he says he is happy if they are happy, but when Curtis leaves, the look on his face does not really say "happy".

DL, Felix, and Pepa find Paco.

DL: Open your eyes.
Felix: Paco, it’s Felix Montejo, the psychiatrist.
DL: Listen to me.
Felix: Can you hear me? If you can, blink for me.
Paco: Yes.
DL: Finding you is a fucking miracle
Paco: He has been here, and he took her. In my face. I have to go find her.
DL: Calm down, please. I’m going to phone an ambulance and organise the search. (To Pepa) You’re in charge.
Pepa: You all right, bro?
Paco (trying to get up and leave the car): Yes.
Pepa: Paco, no. Paco! Paco! No!

Mariano (on the radio): Attention, Central speaking. Can you hear me, Don Lorenzo?
DL: Yes, Mariano. I have Paco, over.
Mariano: Unit 26, located in high security spot number two, has informed that there’s a group of youngsters gathering in the area.
Paco: That’s one of the corners of the star. He’s taking her there. He’s going to kill her there.
DL: Mariano, we’re 15 minutes away from that area. Take all the available units.
Mariano: Okay, Don Lorenzo. We’re on our way.
DL: Come on, Paco, I’m driving.
Paco: I drive.
DL: Are you sure?
Paco: Sure.

So they’re off to the place.

Awwww!  How sweet!

Reyes is mumbling in her sleep. Lis and Aitor are having what can only be called as early breakfast. Lis has some books about improbable loves on the kitchen table. Whatever. Lis tells Aitor in the sweetest but bitchiest kind of ways that she knows for a fact that they will end up together and that Reyes in only a chapter in Aitor’s life. Well, kiddo, wait til Sara comes along next week, and you’ll see how fucked up your life’s gonna be!!

Dani, Goyo, and Amaia are having a beer and dancing at the bar when Aitor shows up. Somehow it looks as if Amaia is also going to be interested in him.  Goyo and Dani finally realize that they are meant for each other and swear off women forever.  Nah, not really. At the house, we see how Reyes has her eyes open all along, so she has overheard everything that Lis has told Aitor.

It was you all along...

Paco, Pepa, Felix and DL get to the square.

Paco: I’m Inspector Miranda, what’s going on?
Agent: Five minutes ago we had like 20 more kids, these are the remaining ones. They said the webmaster of a Satanic website had sent them an email saying to meet here.
Paco: Thanks.
DL: You sure no one else get here, no vehicles? You didn’t notice any strange moves? Any Satanic elements, crosses, effects?
Agent: Nothing, sir. And the boys are leaving now, they’re harmless.

DL: Very well, thanks agent. False alarm, Paco. We have to go back to the precinct.
Paco: No, Don Lorenzo, it’s here. I know.
DL: Paco, for God’s sake, there’s nothing here, we have to find the novice before it’s too late. Come on!
Paco: We have to stay here. He has summoned them. He’s an exhibitionist and he’s going to take her here, I’m sure.
DL: Maybe this is all a strategy to prevent us from chasing him, to create a divertion. You said that’s what he does. Come on!
Paco: Don’t go behind him. Fuck’s sake, don’t be so cool and collected. I beg you, stay with me. Please.
DL: Let's go back to the precinct, come on.

He starts walking away, but Pepa stops him.

Pepa: Don Lorenzo, wait. I have to tell you something.
DL: We have two other places to check. We either find the novice or he kills her.
Pepa: I killed El Gordo!! I’m sorry. Paco, I killed him because I couldn’t live like that anymore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

DL looks incredulous.  Disappointed?  Proud?  Touched?  Constipated?  Not sure.  Paco snaps out of his shock and hugs Pepa.  Felix is wandering aimlessly.  I think.

Felix: Paco! Your car! I think it’s dripping blood!

And the novice is tied with her arms outstretched, like in a crucifix, underneath Paco’s car. Then a huge flash light is switched off and the image of an elephant appears on the ground. Batman?  Elephant Man?  I guess that’s the next clue.

NEXT WEEK!!

OMFG! Has everyone gone crazy!? Spoiler Warning: It seems that Salgado dies, killed by either Blackman or the CNI Jackass. Clusterfuck at the precinct! CNI Jackass and Mariano are all alone in the lab and not for chiki chiki, but he’s pointing at him with a gun with a silencer. Also, Paco is doing a mental trip where he finds Sara and Salgado, who tells him she’s dead. Salgado, not Sara.  Too bad, I know!

As for Pepa, Aitor says “I can crossdress”, probably to take Pepa out to a gay bar or something, and she says “You’d look so pretty”, mocking him. That sounds funny. However, I have the feeling they’re ALL going to die because they’re all dressed in white and that is a quite disturbing thought. We shall see.

Piper's Commentary:

You might be wondering about all the random screen caps of Salgado.  Because I really, really liked her before she had a lobotomy and threw herself (and her dignity) at Mariano.  And I think she has done her best with the shit of a script she's been handed.  She could really say a lot with her eyes - strength, vulnerability, anger, sadness, love - she could say them all wordlessly.  Yes, the actress Cristina Plazas has big eyes.  Big expressive eyes.  So she already has an advantage in the Eye Expressiveness Department.  But a big round of applause for Miss Plazas and her Marina nevertheless.

So satan runs a website, eh?  Does he have a Facebook page?  MySpace?  And he instigates flash mobs?  I wonder if his website reaches international flash mobbers, because we get those buggers a lot in Centre City, Philadelphia, so much so that the cops have already been involved. 

And the Elephant light flash?  Very Gotham!  Why an elephant?  Elephants are revered in the Eastern Culture.  The white ones are sacred in Thailand, a little racist maybe, for the green pachyderms.  Elephants have carried kings and warriors in the battlefield.  So why an elephant emblem?  There is nothing inherently bad in a elephant and its symbolism.  Except for the Republican Party elephant -that's one mean sucker.  Maybe it's an invitation to play chess.  Yes, chess.  Ajedres.  You see, chess originated from an ancient Persian board game called Shatranj.  And the piece corresponding to the modern chess piece of bishop was an elephant.  So it was simply an elaborate, overly dramatic way to ask Paco for a chess date.  Sometimes I wonder if satan is a flaming queen.  Haha! Flaming!  Got it?

I also wonder what Paco Tous and Juan Diego think about the crap they are being asked to do on a daily basis.  Especially Paco.  We've seen his eyeballs more than we could care in a lifetime - the writers probably think this is awesome acting.  I think of it as torture - to ask a well-respected actor to do stupid stunts.  Juan Diego is one shining star in this cesspool of mediocrity; he has managed to keep the essence of DL intact while the world around him falls.

This episode showcases the utter absurdity and uselessness of the newbies.  Like they're just there occupying space to annoy us.  They have no value added and I still don't know why they were brought to the show.  I really don't know what this show has become, but there are only 4 episodes left, and I'd stick around if only to see how they resolve this stupid experiment. 

So, FUCK YOU, Alex Tiny Penis Pina!!!