9x07 LHdP 66.6: The Rip-off - "You Use Me Up"

Amazingly, there were no rip-offs in this episode. At least not any blatantly obvious ones. Sure, Aitor's heightened observational skills and the scenes in the bathroom with Aitor and Pepa are kind of a rip-off, but they've been used in countless other crime/spy-based films/shows that it would be unfair to chastise ATPP™ and Co. for doing the same. The same thing goes for the whole "mother birthed two sons but only knew about one and the second one turns out to be evil" storyline. Given the lack of rip-offs in this ep., you might be wondering, What's the point of this lecture, K? Well, while there were no rip-offs, there were a few themes and analogies in this lecture that I thought were poignant and perhaps by examining them, we can get a better understanding of what the hell is going on with this season.

Ep. 111: Conexión y agua bendita (Connections and holy water)


Theme: Connections
Background: By definition, a connection is a relationship or association, whether it be between words, ideas, objects or individuals. It is a link that bonds one thing to another in some way.

LHdP use: Connections were the recurring theme of this episode, as one could probably gather from the episode's title. We were introduced to it from the very start of the episode, with the little history lesson on Alexander Bell's invention of the telephone and how it revolutionized the way that people connect with each other. Since then, technology, like the Internet, has allowed us to make those connections faster and more immediate.

Throughout the episode, various connections were shown whenever an hombre "saw" another even if they were miles apart: Paco and Mariano, Pepa and Aitor, Reyes and Lis, Amaia and Blackman, Paco and Salgado, and yes, even Pepa and Silvia. We also saw connections through the interactions in this episode: Damián Sr. and Damián Jr., Reyes and Aitor, Pepa and Deker.

Analysis: There were three major types of connections in this episode: friends, lovers, and family.

Let's start with family. Despite her actions to the contrary, Reyes seems to really love her daughter Lis. And perhaps that's why she finds herself in such turmoil - she doesn't want to hurt Lis, but she can't help the way she feels for Aitor. And as she told Don Lorenzo, it's not easy to separate that link, because the link between family is one of the strongest connections we have. We saw a more twisted version of this between Damián Sr. and Damián Jr. It's unclear whether Damián Jr. knew his dad was about to die, but maybe he "sensed" it through their connection to each other. Regardless, he was there to get his father's dying instructions and, perhaps, fulfill his destiny of continuing his father's work.

Moving on to friends, the one thing I have to credit ATPP™ for in this episode (aside from utilizing the CNI plot more) is that he remembered how important Paco and Mariano's friendship is in this series. It's one of the foundations of the show, so when Paco asks Mariano to believe him and distribute communion at the precinct, Mariano does. And as much as some people might not like the Pepa-Aitor friendship, I personally enjoy their relationship in this context. As Pepa pointed out (and Aitor echoed in this episode), she's a "fucking crazy girl" and he's a "fucking crazy guy". They have a lot of similar personality traits, so it made sense in S8 when Aitor confided in Pepa about his relationship with Sara, and it makes sense now that they're working together to take down the CNI. The other two "friend connections" in this episode, IMO, came from Aitor-Reyes and Pepa-Deker. While Aitor-Reyes are technically lovers, this episode showed them in a capacity greater than that. For once. Reyes doesn't blink an eye when Aitor reveals that Pepa killed El Gordo. Rather, she figures out that the CNI are now involved in the situation and readily offers her help. Granted, her motivations in doing so might have to do with the fact that she loves/cares for Aitor, but at that moment, she's acting like his friend, not his lover. As for Pepa and Deker, again, technically they did sleep together, so that at least makes them friends with benefits. However, putting aside all of the arguments about whether their hookup was right/wrong, Deker was someone Pepa could trust/rely on when it came to helping her and Aitor out with the CNI. And I think one of the reasons why Pepa and Deker do have a connection with each other is that they both know a lot about pain and have been living with it for quite some time. The only difference is Deker has finally decided to try and move on from that pain, while Pepa is still stuck.

And that brings me to lovers. Dispite ATPP™'s claim that he wanted more action instead of romance because he "spent many cartridges on the love stories", there are a lot of love connections this season. Amaia is still pining away for Blackman even though he hasn't even been mentioned since Ep. 108, and I suppose we're supposed to ascertain how strong her "love connection" to him is by the fact that it brings her to tears. We can also ascertain Goyo's love for Amaia from the fact that he's willing to hang around her despite the fact that he knows she literally can't think about anyone but Blackman.

Paco and Salgado are another love connection in this episode and when the CNI agent asks her why she cares so much about the situation with Pepa and Aitor, it's clear: Paco. She genuinely loves him and, knowing how much of a family guy Paco is, she knows that her actions could be disastrous for her relationship. So Salgado faces a battle of her own: fulfilling her duties as a CNI commander vs. her love for Paco. The third love connection in this episode is PepSi. We first see it when Pepa spots Silvia's lab coat and uses it to cover herself. The way she holds it - so tight, yet so gentle at the same time - you can see how much she's trying to hold on to the memory of her wife. In that moment, you could feel the presence of their love even though Silvia wasn't there. I think it's a nice juxtaposition to her schtooping scene with Deker. Again, putting aside all other arguments, one thing that I found in it was the presence of Pepa's loss. The way she looks up - with tears in her eyes - it's like she's trying to find that connection to Silvia again, but she can't. And I think that's where a part of her pain comes from: the fear of losing her connection to Silvia.

Analogy: The Pink Panther
Background: The Pink Panther is a comedy film series that follows a bumbling French detective. However, despite the name of the film, the detective is not the Pink Panther. The Pink Panther is actually a pink diamond - the largest in the world, which also happens to have a flaw. If one looks closely, they can see a tiny discoloration in the stone that resembles a leaping pink panther. The film is known widely for "The Pink Panther Theme" written by Henry Mancini and the cartoonish Pink Panther that appeared during the credits.

LHdP use: While being held in the "white room" of the CNI, Aitor receives several calls from Reyes. His name for her in his mobile is "Pink Panther".

Analysis: I think the choice to use "Pink Panther" as a codename for Reyes is a fitting one. Reyes is beautiful, much like the Pink Panther diamond, and at times she seems to be perfect. However, she also has a flaw like the diamond. Actually, she has two flaws. The first, I've already talked about: her feelings for Aitor which have affected her relationship with Lis. The second is the fact that she lets her relationships with men define her instead of defining them. Reyes is a beautiful, competent cop - this episode proved that. We even see some of the reasonableness that Montoya once brought into the show when Reyes points out the dangers in taking down the CNI. But all it took were some smiles and kisses from Aitor and she was back to do his bidding. Granted, love can blind us sometimes, but Reyes always seems to lose her brain whenever Aitor smiles at her and it tends to have a negative effect on her ability to be an efficient cop (and mother). Honestly, if Pepa (and Deker) never showed up, they would've been screwed.

Analogy: The Petrine Cross and the earthquake following the death of Christ
*Thanks to Dr. Piper for the history lesson on this one

Background: The Petrine Cross (or the Cross of St. Peter) refers to the cross that Peter was crucified on. Prior to his death, Peter requested to be placed upside down, because he felt that he was unworthy to be crucified in the same upright manner as Jesus Christ. There are two general associations with the Petrine Cross today. Many Catholics view it as a symbol of humility and unworthiness in comparison of their lives to Christ. Others view the inverted symbol as representation of Satanic and anti-religious attitudes.

Background: According to the Bible, Jesus cried out just before he died. Shortly afterwards, the curtains in the temple were torn in two and there was an earthquake. A Roman centurion who witnessed Jesus' death proclaimed that he must truly be the son of God after witnessing the events following his death.

LHdP use: Just before the hombres get ready to take communion, we see Damián Sr. gasp and an earthquake occurs, which is felt throughout the precinct (and beyond). As a result, the cross hanging in the shooting gallery fell and ended up hanging upside down, resembling the Petrine Cross. Also during this time, Damián Sr. passed away. I think. It was hard to tell when I saw it and I don't feel like re-watching the episode to find out if I'm right.

Analysis: I'm not going to analyze this one too much because this storyline bores and annoys me, but I think this was ATPP™ and Co.'s scene of the week to remind us that the "66.6" storyline is still present. If Damián Sr. (and Jr.) are Satan (and the devil's son) then perhaps the earthquake and resulting Petrine Cross was a way to show that Satan really does exist, much like how the earthquake made the Roman centurion believe that Christ was the son of God. And whereas Christ's death was the first step in His Ascension to joining his Father in Heaven, maybe the death of Damián Sr. (if he really did die) was a descension of sorts from father to son - perhaps a sign that Satan really is on earth and Damián Jr. can carry out his father's wishes.

Analogy: Miranda rights
Background: Miranda rights came about as a result of the U.S. Supreme Court case Miranda v. Arizona (1966). In that case, the Court overturned the defendant's (Miranda's) conviction, because his confession was obtained in violation of his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination as well as his Sixth Amendment right to counsel. In their decision, the Court held that a person under custodial interrogation must be made aware of their right to remain silent and their right to have an attorney present during questioning. They also clarified what must occur when those rights are invoked. As a result of this case, law enforcement officers now read suspects their "Miranda rights" once that suspect is under custodial interrogation (which doesn't necessarily occur or have to occur when you're simply under arrest).

LHdP use: In one of the final scenes of the episode, Pepa, Reyes, Deker, and Aitor have arrested three CNI agents. Reyes and Aitor then proceed to read them their Miranda rights while they are being handcuffed.

Analysis: I suppose it's more ironic if Pepa et. al. were reading the CNI agents their Miranda rights, and while many view Miranda rights as an impediment to police investigations, I view them as a symbol of proper protocol - a "clean" investigation if you will.

This whole bit in the episode made me laugh because (a) I can't recall the hombres ever reading a suspect their Miranda rights in the history of the show, (b) the fact that they did so just seems wrong/weird on some level given that this show is about anything but following proper police procedures, and (c) they were reading the rights to fellow law enforcement officers. That being said, I thought it was a nice, subtle way to really define the battle lines of this story to the viewers.

The CNI are the "bad guys" here - they authorize sanctioned hits and will use illegal means to achieve them. The hombres might not be the brightest group of cops in Spain, but they are clearly "the good guys" - the ones who may fuck up a lot, but never really cross the line between what is right and what is wrong. And so, when Reyes and Aitor are giving the CNI agents their Miranda rights, it's their way of saying "Here in San Antonio, we do things by the book." Of course, that doesn't explain the illegal search that led to their tryst with El Gordo, but I never said ATPP™ & Co. were great at being consistent.

I leave you all with a tip: if you ever find yourselves under arrest and being questioned by the police, after the cops read you your Miranda rights and ask whether you understand them, say "Yes" and the following four words: "I want an attorney." Not "I don't want to talk to you" but "I want an attorney." At that moment, those four words will be your strongest ally. I know, you're probably thinking that saying it might make you look guilty for whatever it is that you've been arrested for. But would you prefer to just look guilty or actually end up being convicted for something stupid you might have said during questioning? Personally, I'd choose the former.

If you happened to spot an obvious rip-off that I missed, feel free to point it out to me and I'll add it to the lecture.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Use Me" by Bill Withers

9x07 Conexiones y agua bendita - Complete Recap

Episode 111 - Conexiones y Agua Bendita (Connections and Holy Water)
By Dr. Bekelauer
Additional comments and snark by Piper

Voice off: In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone and with it, the possibility of connecting great distances. From that moment on, man has always tried to make that connection more immediate. Paris, London, Hong Kong... they come closer in fractions of a second, thanks to fiber optics. Internet, videocalls... they allow us to be simultaneously connected with anyone any place in the world through invisible cables, in the same way that stars are connected by imaginary lines... (cue in the voice of various characters interspersed with various scenes)

Pepa: ...creating constellations. But above all, there are - travelling through time and space - umbilical cords that tie us to the people we love...
Deker: ...like silver ropes that belong only to the kingdom of extrasensory...
Reyes: ...that make something stir inside of us when others suffer, or when they are happy, like a palpitation or a shiver down your spine...
Aitor: ...and that make us do marvellous things. Or terrible things. Simply because we are connected.

We’re back to Paco being given a hickey by Satan (let’s call him Satan, because who the hell is he anyway?) – right before kissing time, Satan tells Paco he’s too early. We thought so too.  Some twelve hours before, Satan walks into a geriatric residence ran by nuns to see his father, whose name is also Damián (let’s remember, he was the guy who paid for all the bills in the school).

LHDP Intro

We see Paco et al ready to leave for the secret mission (from last episode). At his house, Mariano is having breakfast when Pepa knocks at the door.

Pepa: Morning!
Mariano: What happened?
Pepa: I... fell down the stairs.
Mariano: How did you fall down the stairs?
Pepa: Yeah, is Aitor in? (Piper's reaction: HAHAHA!)
Mariano: Yeah, he must be in there. He must be running a little late, we finished a bit late last night in the precinct, we had a riot.
Pepa: Paco left early this morning.

Mariano’s phone rings. Paco insists on making everybody take communion. The wind blows open a window and all the copied pages from Father Sistiaga’s notebook fly. Mariano picks up the one showing Kashber, Satan’s father. On a multi-action, we see Damián's father lying on a hospital bed. Mariano is having a mental connection. He tells Paco he trusts him.

Pepa: Mariano, Aitor is not here, and his bed is made.
Mariano: He’s not here. Sure he’s not here? Maybe he’s at the precinct. We have to go too, Pepa. I need to tell you something important.

So Pepa is having a mental connection, and Aitor is being interrogated in a white room in a very Matrix-style by the big CNI pimps. But remember, despite the Matrix decor, Aitor is NOT the Chosen One.

CNI Jackass: Where were you on the 24th December, 2009, from 10pm?
Aitor: I had a date. But I cancelled it because I felt sick. So I went to bed early.
CNI Jackass: So then how is it possible that you rented a car in Chamartín Station at 12.30? You better answer, otherwise I can assure you, you won’t get out of here in quite a while.
Salgado: Let’s cut the formalities. (She takes out the surveillance pictures. Then they play a recording of his conversation with Pepa at the storage room.  Aitor realizes that either he or Pepa or both have been wired unknowingly.)
“They have ordered me to kill a man, in two hours and a half. And if not, they’re taking both of us? [Aitor] Who the fuck is blackmailing you, Pepa? [Pepa] The CNI, I’m sorry. They played with me. They let me kill El Gordo, I did the dirty job for them and now they have by the balls”.
Salgado: You’re trapped, Aitor.

Deker is in the lab brushing his teeth while comparing and contrasting giant fingerprint films. DL walks in asking for Father Sistiaga’s body – the cannibal made him drink liquid nitrogen to freeze his lungs to death. Sarcasm: And since his lungs are now frozen, it's so much easier to slip a mobile phone through his skin without leaving any bruises. Yeah, that's it. Deker has just solved the mystery of the fingerprints... Then Reyes walks in and he tells them all that there are two of them – Two Cannibals, Amadeo and Damián Jr. Since I want to look all pro, the exact name is monozygotic twins, aka as identical. Interestingly enough, I solved this mystery on the first episode. (Piper nodding her head: Yes, you are awesomely awesome.)

 Back at the Matrix, Aitor's interrogation continues. 

Salgado: It’s very praiseworthy what you’ve done to agent Miranda, but it’s not enough. Do you think that a broken arm can erase the charges we have against her?
Aitor: No. But maybe I can, killing that man. I will do it.
CNI Jackass: Understood. The subject is planning on leaving Spain in the next 48 hours, so we have no time. Male, white, 38 years old. You don’t need to know anything else. We’ll tell you how and when. You’ll go, execute him and you will be free. Make sure to finish off the job.
Aitor: You mean to kill him?
CNI Jackass: I mean that if you don’t do it, the El Gordo incident will still be in your expedient and in Miranda’s. So this is your only chance.
Aitor: I want to sign a confession. Right now.

So Deker has it – DNA codes are identical. Amadeo killed himself in the precinct, but Damián Jr. has been walking around killing people. A high case of situs inversus in monozygotic twins – I have no idea what it is, but Chilean boy says so and I believe him. But the mother didn't say anything about having twins – so DL asks them to bring the mother to the precinct. 

At the Matrix, Aitor is about to sign his confession. There must be a misprint because they refer to Pepa as Josefa Miranda, and that isn't right, even if Pepa is traditionally a nickname for both Maria José and Josefa. Let’s not change the names please.

Salgado: You’re ruining your life, Aitor. Tell me, tell me why you have changed your mind. It is not even true, Pepa is guilty but you’re just her accomplice. Tell me what you’re trying to pull here. Aitor, this is not a videogame. Here you don’t skip a level and you start again. Tell me, tell me why the fuck have you changed your mind!
CNI Jackass: Don’t worry, Commander. The boy is confused. The day after tomorrow we’ll send this declaration to the Italian Anti-mafia Prosecutor, and they will send a commission. From that moment onwards, he will be under the laws of both countries. Agent Miranda and yourself will be judged by an international court, and you’ll be convicted. Which means you have 24 hours to change your mind. If you do, call this number.
Aitor: Thanks, agent, but I don’t change my mind about things. (His phone rings; caller ID is "Pink Panther")
Salgado: Pink Panther again? Curious nickname for Inspector Sanchez-Bilbao. She's been so insistent so we had to track her calls, you understand that. Say hello for me.

Damián Jr. is visiting Damián Sr. who tells him that his mother is “attending somebody else’s prayers”.  Don't know what that means.

At the precinct, Reyes phones Lis and leaves her a message saying she’s the most important thing in her life (yeah, right!). DL is interrogating the Holy Mother again, shows her a video of the Cannibal. At the same time, Damian Jr performs a homemade Ouija on his living father to find out what to do with the Holy Mother. Damian Sr’s reply is “Mátala” (Kill her) – pretty obvious, huh? Deker plays the wanker and when Holy Mother says she only had one kid, he interrupts her to say they have the DNA of them both. He becomes so pricky that DL asks him to leave the other room. So he storms in and when DL asks him what the hell he is doing, Deker goes “I am abandoning the other room”. Translator finds this funny.  Discussion gets very heated up and Holy Mother ends up confessing she was raped at age 18 but she only had one kid.  Really.

Paco, et.al. arrive at the school. Amaia is completely gone thinking of Blackman. Urgent meeting.

Mariano: Probably the worst is still to come, this is why I’m asking you to organize this small express mass.

Curtis: Mariano, here at the precinct?

Mariano: It’s a Code Red, Curtis. Anyone who has been involved in the Cannibal case is in danger.

Pepa: Mariano, where is Paco?

Mariano: Paco has taken communion, now it’s our turn. Rita, holy water. Goyo, a crucifix and an altar. Amaia, holy cup and hosts.

Rita: Who’s gonna officiate the mass?
Mariano: Curtis, get me a priest, a bishop, a chaplain, whoever... And we pay him with the precinct budget.
Aitor: Good morning.
Mariano: What’s wrong with you?
Aitor: Today is a super motherfucking day. Come with me.
Pepa: What’s happening, Aitor? What are you doing?

Aitor drags Pepa to the restroom and writes on the mirror. “We have microphones. They have interrogated me. We have 48 hours”.

Paco phones Mariano. Everybody has to take communion willingly.  Because he thinks has already saved the brats from everlasting damnation - he has given them communion. Piper still has doubts about the "validity" of this gesture.

Reyes is scolding Deker for taking it too far with the Holy Mother, who has been left alone in the interrogation room with a video of her Satanic son killing himself (seriously?). Reyes tells Deker he knows nothing about being a father or loving someone. “Since you don’t know what loving or grieving is, you don’t understand that that woman is not lying but suffering”. DL tells her not to mix the personal with the professional. Reyes asks him if he could separate those when his daughter (Silvia!) worked with him – there’s a special link, a kid is always carried in a parent's heart with a rope that cannot be torn, not even by death. Reyes says “it’s all about affection in this precinct”. And the Holy Mother keeps watching the video until she starts crying blood. Yeah, typical.

What happens when you use red, not-waterproof mascara

Aitor is still writing on the bathroom mirrow.  Salgado is still listening from the Matrix Headquarter.  Scenes from both places.

“Do you trust Deker?”
“What’s going on?”
Salgado: I told you. I told you that trying to manipulate Miranda was a crazy idea. But now with Carrasco, we’re totally out.
CNI Jackass: Easy, Commander, we have them in our hands and they will do what we say.
Salgado: No!
“We’re gonna blow up the CNI”
Salgado: We don’t have them. They know too much. And do you know what’s gonna happen? Now they’re gonna start running faster than us, like with Lucas Fernández.
Pepa: You and me? It’s a crazy idea, a fucking crazy idea. What are we gonna do?
Aitor: You’re not gonna do anything.
Pepa: Aitor, I can’t let you do it.
Salgado: You also thought you had Lucas and now he’s one of the best agents of the international division.
Aitor: You’re not gonna do anything. Anything. When the moment comes, you’ll know. It’s a favour from a fucking crazy girl to a fucking crazy boy.
Salgado: Miranda and Carrasco have the same DNA as Fernández. And this time there’s two of them!
CNI Jackass: And why do you care about it so much this time?

Because Salgado has a Paco connection.

At the precinct, Goyo, Rita and Curtis show up with a crucifix, holy cup and guitar. Very LHDP-stupid. DL tells the precinct the news about the twins. Aitor tells Pepa to go to Deker to find the microphones. Aitor tells Reyes he needs to talk to her. Deker storms in the lab to see Pepa trying to tear her arm cast. She is HARDCORE. And she starts stripping off – yeah! Then she sees Silvia’s lab coat and wears it. Very tender moment. Deker is half aroused, half fascinated. She types on his laptop.

“Help me, there could be microphones and GPS trackers in these clothes. Can you please find them?”

She kisses him on the cheek and leaves.

Mariano gets a Paco connection. He convinces DL to let them hold a mass in the precinct and pray for Paco. Amaia has lost the Holy Mother - she took her to hospital and now there’s no explanation for her disappearance. DL tells them to go to mass.

Aitor and Reyes are at Lizarrán. Aitor tells her he needs help, to get the address of the dude he has to kill. He doesn’t want to go into detail. She says “Something has happened with Pepa Miranda”. Then he tells her that they killed El Gordo. “So you have the CNI chasing you” – Reyes is not only hot but total ace for guessing correctly.

Amaia tells Goyo she’s dying because she feels empty without Blackman. Poor boy.

Reyes finds the address. I said she is a total ace.

At the precinct, Curtis is struggling to find a priest while the gang is fashioning a chapel in the shooting gallery. Curtis and Rita talk about embarrassment. Still don’t know if those two are gonna end up together.

The birth certificate of the twins says only one was born, so Mariano asks Goyo to find the OB-gynecologist who signed it. Curtis didn't find a priest - he has only found a Mexican Evangelist pastor. Seriously?  So mass begins with songs and stuff – not really Catholic huh? Deker walks in and sits next to Pepa, and gives her a report.

Deker: You had a nice technological arsenal in your clothes.

Pepa goes to make a photocopy, but the copier is not working so she starts kicking it. Classy.  Deker follows her.

Deker: If you need anything, you know where my lab is. I’ll try to have a thicker lab coat.
Pepa: Deker, you’re not gonna ask me who’s spying on me?
Deker: It’s not plugged (referring to the copier).

The Mexican pastor is "consecrating" the hosts when an earthquake occurs. Everything starts shaking and that pushes Pepa to Deker. The cross falls on the priest leaving him unconscious. Pepa and Deker are hugging.

Deker: It was just a shake. A little earthquake, a 4.5 in Richter magnitude scale. Can I ask you something? Would you sleep with me some time?

And they start kissing. Too bad they’re next room and the whole precinct gets to see it. Very LHDP.

The earthquake made a mess of the shooting gallery - unconsecrated hosts are scattered on the ground, wine spill all over, and the biggie: the cross is now upside down.  A quick lesson for non-Catholics: The upside down cross is normally associated with St. Peter who elected to be crucified upside down because he didn't think he was worthy enough to die in the same way as Jesus.  In the 1960's, it became associated with the satanic church founded by Anton LaVey - they started using the inverted cross as an upfront to Christianity.  Which still fails, because the upside down cross reminds us of St. Peter's humility. 

The Petrine Cross

And yeah, this is the part you don’t want to watch. My comment is: If you do manage to watch it, note that Pepa is so completely not in there mentally. She keeps looking up and crying. Thinking of Silvia much? I think so. Face it, we’ve all been there. Maybe not with a boy, but we have. (Piper's comment: Pardon the Translator for projecting again. Hahaha!)

The song on the background keeps saying “You teach me that you can love what doesn’t exist”.

Reyes and Aitor are talking at the bar. Reyes says that the guy’s phone has been tapped for eleven years and they can’t just burst the CNI. But Aitor kisses her and convinces her. So much for the strong woman. Hahaha.

Pepa and Deker are lying in bed smoking.

Deker: I know why you're doing this.
Pepa: Did what?
Deker: Sleeping with me. You think I’m the only island in this place. An island you can stop by and hide for a while... Because everything will remain the same tomorrow, huh?
Pepa: An island to hug.
Deker: An island in which you were looking for water, for affection. Because affection is like water. Necessary to live. But be careful, because sometimes islands stop being islands. An earthquake like the one before occurs, and they become peninsulas, and then continents.
Pepa: I’m a lesbian, Deker, I’m not gonna come for water to your island again.
Deker: If that was a valid answer, the most important story of your life would have never happened. Because she was heterosexual. And I think I am too.
Pepa: Are you going to try to seduce me?
Deker: A little bit.

Because Goyo is superhuman and can defy the basic laws of physics, he was able to find the OB-Gyn on the same day and brought him to the precinct without any incident, where he is interrogated by DL.  Doctor guy doesn’t want to talk at the beginning. At the school, Paco finds the Holy Mother hanging, dressed as a nun (from last episode).  Although she looks suspiciously like a hologram.

Pepa's phone rings - it is Aitor in need for back up. He is already in the building of his intended target and storms in the guy’s apartment. Reyes is downstairs in the car.

Aitor: On your knees to the floor, come on!
Guy: Please don’t kill me.
Aitor: Come on!
Guy: Please, please don’t kill me.

Aitor puts on the silencer to his gun.

Aitor: I have no option. It’s either you or me.

He shoots a pillow.

At the precinct, Mariano is getting the truth out of the doctor. Apparently, Satan’s father aka Damián Sr. raped the Holy Mother and then paid the doctor so he could take one of the babies. Despite the doctor's resistance, Damián Sr. managed to convince him with his evil tricks. Namely, money.

The CNI unit arrives at the flat.  Reyes is holding a little video thingy so she can follow what they're doing.

Reyes: Here they are. It’s three subjects, two of them are going up.
Aitor: Why do I have to kill you? Tell me!!
Guy: I’m a Nuclear Engineer. In 1995 I was selected to participate in a secret mission to develop atomic weapons in Spain, with three other physicians.
Reyes: They’re going up Stairs C. First floor.
Guy: The Falcon project.
Aitor: What the fuck are you telling me?
Guy: I swear! In 1998 we got out first results, a missile with a 600km range and a 140 megaton nuclear head.
Aitor: And what happened?
Guy: If the project comes to light, the UN and the Nuclear Council would hunt us down. Nobody talks about the three nuclear heads that Spain hides somewhere in Tarragona since 1998.
Reyes: They’re in floor three, just one from aim. I repeat, just one from aim.
Guy: Since November, everything has changed. Three of those scientists have died in strange circumstances. I am the fourth.
Reyes: They’re in floor four. They’re coming to the apartment. I repeat, they’re coming to the apartment.
Guy: You wanted to know why they want to kill me? For something they already have, my silence.
Reyes: They’re going in. In five, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Aitor: Lie down. For me.
Reyes: They’re in, Aitor.

Agent one: Freeze, to the floor. Drop your weapons. Lower your weapons now.
Aitor: Go and shoot and we all die here.
Reyes (to CNI Jackass, who's still on the ground floor): Freeze, Police!
CNI Jackass: I am a Colonel of the CNI.
Agent one: Lower your weapons.
CNI Jackass: I have priority of action, Amadeus code.
Reyes: Your hands on the car.
Pepa (Yeah that’s my top agent!): Freeze! Police!
Deker (grabbing CNIJ from behind): You’re not listening to what the Inspector says?

(He came with Pepa and stayed on the ground with Reyes)

Pepa: Drop your guns and on your knees. Now!!!
Agent one: This is a mistake, we are CNI agents.
CNI Jackass: I am a CNI agent, you’re getting into trouble.
Pepa: Hands on your head, or I’ll blow your brains up.
Deker: I really wanted to do this again. You were right.
Reyes: About what exactly?
Deker: About affection. Five years ago my wife and two kids died in a car accident and I survived. It’s about time to come out of the hole. Thanks.
Reyes & Aitor: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. You have the right to not declare against yourselves or not declare yourselves guilty. You are under arrest.

It’s apropos how it is called the Miranda Warning. Yussss!!! Salgado, who is still listening in at the Matrix, at this point wants to kill herself.

The doctor says that Damián Sr. was present when Holy Mother went into labor and after the kids were born he searched them looking for a birthmark, a mark one of them had on his shoulder. Damián Sr. has the same mark on his wrist - three half moons.

Next week!

Pepa and Aitor against the world. Funny how they are protecting the nuclear geek but as it seems, Pepa knocked him out with the back of her magnum. And a bit of a creepy line from Aitor to her saying, “Maybe you’re going back to the closet?”. I’m hoping this is only a joke.

Piper's commentary:
I think it was KC who said that ATPP® should have focused on the CNI case instead of this 66.6 thing.  And I agree - it's much more interesting. 

So we have illegal nuclear reactors, a murdered army psychologist, a guy who thinks he's satan, and Paco who's losing his mind.  Unless the show has turned into a paranormal thriller and we were not informed, I say there should still be some logical explanations to everything.  And now we have it: ATOMIC / NUCLEAR REACTORS which can produce radiation waste (from unstable particles, a by product of the fusion itself). That shit is deadly and can cause unimaginable reactions, inluding genetic mutations.  Maybe it is still connected to the degraded uranium soup from last season, since uranium is required to produce nuclear energy.  Interesting that Salgado appeared right around the time of Bravante.  She wasn't really after El Gordo, she's only protecting the CNI's secret!  And the 4 dead? Maybe the CNI placed them under witness protection!  Because as long as ATPP® is around, they aren't safe.

What about Damian Sr. and Jr.?  Well, Senior probably was one of the nuclear scientists.  Because while he too had the "mark", which means he should have been the chosen one, there he was, dying under a cross in a Catholic hospice with proper nuns to take care of him!  And why does he want Junior to kill his Mama?  That, I don't have any conjectures yet, but whatever the reason(s) is/are, I'm sure it's connected to the nuclear reactor clusterfuck.

The precinct mass was utterly pathetic.  A communion host, by itself, will not save anyone, unless they've led a righteous life.  Shows like this are giving us Catholics a bad rap.  The Mexican pastor was a funny turn, but any 3rd grader Catholic child can tell you that only ordained priests can say mass and consecrate the Eucharist!  Even if there wasn't an earthquake, the wafers would still be only wafers and the wine still wine even after the pastor "consecrated" them (not the actual Body and Blood of Christ).

Which brings me to the earthquake.  I know they needed to have something dramatic happen to bring about all the scenes that they showed: cannibal mama drama at the school, Peker in a hug, and the cross turning upside down (please see earlier explanation of its significance).  But really?  After the devastating earthquakes in Haiti and Chile?  I think it was just the writers being lazy LHDP writers, to use a poetic earthquake to bring about whatever, despite its seeming insensitivity and apathy.

I have nothing to say about the Peker hookup.  I'll leave that to my passionate lecturers and their passionate disapproval of this storyline.  But I feel bad for the actor Benjamín Vicuña, because he moved all the way to Spain for this gig, and it wouldn't even last a whole year.  Okay, not so bad because he gets to do sexy time with Laura Sanchez. 

And Reyes, despite being an excellent cop, is still defined by her relationship with Aitor (and several barf-worthy moments).  But her support for him and Pepa in nailing the CNI was awesome and redolent of the comisaria's basic DNA - that of being there for each other, in spite and because of who and what they are.

Silvialogy 2x02

LHDP 2x02

Before Deker, before Damian, before ATPP® lost his 2 remaining brain cells...

Remember when LHDP was sweet and funny?  And remember when Silvia, with all her quirks and insecurities, lit up our computer screens and TVs?  This is one of those episodes, and it's nice to be reminded why we are still here, keeping the faith. 

This lecture only focuses on the Silvia scenes because we really don't care what was happening to the rest of the episode. 

At Los Cachis (yes, that place, which was once the hub of the show and not run over by shameless product tie-ins and extremely annoying newbies), Silvia was looking at a bridal magazine and planning her wedding to Marquez.

Silvia: I’m telling you it’s easier to coordinate a mission with the Blue Beret, the GEOs [SWAT] and the Guardia Civil than to organize my wedding. So much stress!
Lola: But I said that I was helping you, that I’m really excited about it. Look at this bouquet, for example. It’s so beautiful.
Rita: Yeah but look at that one.

Over at one of the tables, Quique and Curtis are talking to Pove about his sex life and his lack of expertise.  

Quique: And you, Povedilla? When are you gonna walk down the aisle with your girlfriend from Palencia?
Povedilla: We’re not in a hurry, we’ve been going out for only seven years (Translator's juvenile reaction: LOL!!!)
Curtis: But, well, at least she already let you try her? (I know it sounds creepy, but Curtis’ line is too)
Povedilla: That is a personal, intimate thing, and I don’t like to talk about it.
Quique: So the answer is no.
Curtis: So, til your wedding day, nothing at all, right? She didn’t even let you touch her a boob, Povedilla (The tetilla-Povedilla rhyme makes it funnier)

Povedilla: She did let me touch her breasts. And we have indeed had sexual intercourse. Of course, safe and very caring sexual intercourse. And respectful.
Curtis: So with all due respects, how is she in bed?
Quique: Is she the kind that yells the hell out of her so they can hear her even in the cathedral (of Palencia)?
Povedilla: She’s more discreet. Rather silent.
Quique: Of course, given she’s from Palencia, she enjoys but on the inside (Again, not much sense from Quique either), doesn’t she?
Curtis: Uy, uy, uy, uy… I think you don’t satisfy her. When a woman is silent, what does she do? She breathes through her nose. And if she breathes thru her nose, she’s not having any pleasure. She’s not having an orgasm. And I'm not the only one saying this, it’s scientifically proven!

Lucas walk in and looks at what Silvia is reading before he sits with the Junk Patrol.

Lucas: Hi!
Curtis: Let’s ask the master!
Lucas (to Lola): I think a thistle bouquet would make her look gorgeous. (Thistles have negative connotations – plus it’s a colloquial synonym for an ugly person, “un cardo”)
Curtis: Lucas.
Lucas: What?
Curtis: Come sit down here. Our friend Povedilla has a big sex problem. It turns out his girlfriend has silent orgasms and he doesn’t know if they are orgasms or just tiny pleasure, or she's only getting tickled.

Povedilla: I don’t consider it to be a huge problem. Just a tiny doubt, that’s it.
Lucas: I think that, silent or not, one knows when a chick is enjoying it. Because one knows, I think.
Curtis: Well, yeah, but there are some that fake so artistically that they could be the next Lola Flores!
Lucas: I don’t know what to tell you, Curtis. Let’s see, if that had ever happened to me, if it ever happened to me, I think I would have noticed it, man!

Silvia overhears this and has to have a dig at Lucas.

Silvia: He says he would have noticed it! Poor you!
Lucas: Poor me? One knows when a chick is enjoying, you know, you can feel it, you know when she’s faking it. Fuck, you have her right there on your face, she’s breathing on you.

Silvia starts moaning and faking orgasm.

Silvia: Does that sound familiar?

Of course we know this is a homage to Meg Ryan's orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally and ATPP® has been shamelessly ripping off other shows even before Season 9.  But this is a justifiable rip-off and par for the course for Silvia. 

Also, Lola's face is priceless.

We miss you, Lola!!!!!!

Silvia is at the lab listening to her voicemail - it's Marquez counting the seconds to their wedding.  *Barf*  Lucas and Mariano walk in.

Silvia: What are you doing here?
Lucas: Nothing.
Mariano: I was already leaving.
Lucas: Nothing, just here.
Silvia: Well, the kids are coming now, I’m going to show them around.
Lucas: Really?
Silvia: May I?
Lucas: Sure, this is your place. You’re gonna show them around. What else are you gonna show them? How to fake orgasms, maybe?

Silvia: I guess it’s not nice, no? For a machito ibérico… to know that a woman he’s been with faked her orgasms.
Lucas: Well, if it was true… But well, you don’t think I bought it, do you?
Silvia: No, not at all… Aw, you’re so cute when you have doubts about yourself!
Lucas: You’re so cute some times as well, you know? How was it, wait, a couple of days ago? “If we die, I want you to know that I love you”…
Silvia: And you bought that one? Nothing, things that are said in the heat of the moment.
Lucas: You sure?
Silvia: We were about to die.
Mariano (ushering in Silvia's tour group): They’re here

Later that night, the Familia is at Lola's and Paco's, along with Lucas and Mariano. Lucas is still miffed that he was not the sex machine that he thought he was.

Paco: For God’s sake, what do you want? For me to be complimenting all women in the force?
Lola: No, but something nice: “How beautiful you look today”, “You look good on a uniform”…
Silvia: Hi!
Lola: Hi everyone. You heard? She's getting married again!
Don Lorenzo: Let’s see if you’re luckier with this wedding, daughter, because you have such a history…
Silvia: Dad, I would have to marry Pocholo for it to be worse!! (Pocholo is a famous weird dude in Spanish TV, always high on hard drugs, aggressive and with a very particular way of doing things – he’s very controversial just the way he is, but furthermore, he’s quite rich and he’s General Franco’s grandson. A character!)
Lucas: Don’t let anyone fool you, Don Lorenzo. Some things are not the way they seem.
Don Lorenzo: Excuse me?
Silvia: Don’t listen to him.
Lucas: Don’t try to pretend, Silvia. One begins faking orgasms and ends up faking weddings, christenings and funerals. Hummm, this looks so yummy…
Don Lorenzo: Of course, daughter, you had to marry the scum of the brigade.

Wisely, Silvia and DL ignore Lucas being an ass. It doesn't mean Silvia is not miffed or anything.

Nice 'tache, DL!!!

Paco and Lucas are at Los Cachis talking about something we absolutely do not care about.  Silvia comes in and approaches them.  Told you, she's still very pissed.

Lucas: Well, now all we have to do is find a way for them not to find out that the tapes are missing.
Paco: Watch out.
Lucas: What? What happens?
Silvia: And you, why the hell did you have to bring up the fake-orgasms thing in front of my father? Such a fucking big mouth you have!
Lucas: Let’s see, Silvia, what’s bothering you really? The fact that your father finds out that you fake orgasms, or the fact that you are faking your wedding?
Silvia: You’re such an idiot! You idiot!
Lucas (ironically): Guapa!

Later on, Lucas is all mopey and teary-eyed about something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Silvia. But Silvia sees him and of course, she's all caring.

Silvia: Lucas, are you all right?
Lucas: Yes, I’m fine.
Silvia: What’s wrong?
Lucas: Nothing. I’m leaving, I’m moving out. Nothing, just my stuff.
Silvia: Hey, I didn’t know you felt like that. Pff, I’m so sorry I have been so harsh with you these days. 

Lucas: And I’m sorry you married the worst man. And that you had to fake orgasms.
Silvia: Well, I didn’t fake them all.
Lucas: You didn’t? I think I can figure out which ones you faked.
Silvia: You do?
Lucas: Yep, I think I know which ones.
Silvia: Okay, let’s see if you get them right.
Lucas: In Cádiz? For example, in that tiny hotel? On the window sill, with the lighthouse in the view… and we tore the curtains all yelling?
Silvia: No, maybe I didn’t fake that one.
Lucas: You didn’t’? And… on the plane? With the turbulence, in the toilet of the plane, where we also broke the thingy for the napkins, that stuff?
Silvia: Neither that one. 

Lucas: No that one?
Silvia: And neither the one at Marta’s party.
Lucas: Not that one?.
Silvia: Not that one.
Lucas: On top of all the coats, with that mobile phone ringing.
Silvia: You were wearing the green shirt I gave you, remember?
Lucas: Yes.
Silvia: That day you told me you loved me.
Lucas: That day I asked you to marry me.

And they kissed, and of course, after talking about the best fucks they've ever had, they want to relive it.  So they end up in bed.  Wow, Silvia and Lucas are members of the Mile High Club!!!

Piper's commentary:
Yes, ATPP® fucked up the show, we just don't know yet how much.  And just when we are on the verge of taking a plane to Spain (oooh, that rhymes!) to personally kick his cojones, this is one of the episodes that can make us put the passport back into the dresser.

If you ever need to get a glimpse of the depth of Silvia and Lucas' love for each other, just watch this one. And I'm not talking about romantic love; they really DID love and care for each other in their own way.  They just couldn't be together.  Some people are really better off as friends and it doesn't discount their love any less.  So when Lucas showed up at the wedding from hell, we understand why. 

Licas came home not only because his adulterous wife needed to be slapped repeatedly, but because he really wanted to be there for Silvia.  He really wanted to see her happy, and he really was happy for her.  When Lucas walked in, the first word he uttered was "Pelirroja", and I don't know about you, but for me, that was a magical moment.  Because these 2, whose relationship was DOA even before the show began, have come a long way.  Lucas came home to see Silvia, finally happy, finally free from the past.  (Yeah, yeah, too bad she died shortly after)

So enjoy the quirkiness that was LHDP, drool at the loveliness that was Silvia.  If you feel like throwing a soda can at your computer screen after watching the clusterfuck the show has become, watch this episode, watch a few earlier episodes.  You might just fall in love all over again.

9x06 LHdP 66.6: The Rip-off - "I Think I'd Better Run, Run, Run"

Ep. 110: Una noche espeluznante (A bloodcurdling night)

I need to preface this lecture by saying that as much fun as it sounded to watch 3 white kids being stalked in the forest, I never saw The Blair Witch Project or any of the other rip-offs in this lecture. In fact, I rarely watch horror films at all. Why? First of all, horror films make me laugh due to their predictability. Don't get me wrong, there are creepy moments for sure, but those are usually outweighed by the fact that I get a kick out of watching the characters stumble into the most obvious death traps. Secondly, I can't watch it in a theatre full of people who are screaming their heads off - while it adds to the hilarity somewhat, it's also annoying. Finally, by the time I am ready to watch the film, none of my friends want to watch it because they've already been scarred for life. My point is, since I've never seen these films, you'll have to forgive me if my summaries are a bit off.

Rip-off: The Blair Witch Project
Summary: Three student filmmakers travel to the Black Hills of Maryland to film a documentary about a local legend known as the Blair Witch. During their investigation, they go missing and are never found. However, the footage from their journey is discovered a year after their disappearance and is the only record of what happened to them in the woods. The film is notorious for its documentary style of filming, which gives the viewer a first-person perspective of the events as they unfold.


LHdP spin: Paco, Pove, Dani and Lis travel to the countryside to investigate the origins behind Amadeo's transformation from a young boy to Satan incarnate. They bring a video camera to record their investigation. Throughout this episode, viewers get a first-person perspective of the events through the documentary style of filming used.

Epic fail: I am going to keep saying this until it sinks into Alex Pina's head: LHdP is not a sci-fi/fantasy/horror show! If you're going to do a horror film rip-off (a) your show better be a horror/thriller show and (b) someone better die. Neither one of those things happened in this episode. It also makes no sense as to why Paco decided to bring a video camera to film the whole experience, given that this was a "secret mission" off the books. By filming their experience in case he's right, he's basically confessing to engaging in an unauthorized assignment. Remember what happened the last time he did that? He ended up starting a war with the Italian mafia and Silvia got shot and died on her wedding day. All of that aside, it just made no sense. They're cops, not filmmakers. They're investigating, not making a documentary. The use of the video camera was absolutely pointless except to create a scarier environment for an episode that doesn't belong on this show to begin with.

Rip-off: The Omen
Summary: When an American diplomat's son is born stillborn, he secretly adopts a newborn whose mother died in childbirth. He and his wife raise the child - Damien - as their own. Over the years, numerous accidents occur that seem to be connected to Damien. The diplomat discovers that Damien is actually the offspring of Satan and destined to become the Antichrist. He spends the remainder of the film coming to grips with this news as well as trying to prevent Damien from fulfilling his dark destiny. One notable part of the film is the use of Rottweilers, which attack the protagonist and are later used to protect Damien.

LHdP spin: Throughout this episode, Pove keeps seeing a Rottweiler who "haunts" him. Also, Paco discovers footage which shows a young Amadeo being forced to kill a small animal by a mysterious person who is filming everything. Towards the end of the episode, we learn that the mysterious filmmaker is Damián, Amadeo's twin brother.

Epic fail: Despite the literal rip-off in the choice of Damián's name, this rip-off isn't a complete failure when you take in context of the "66.6" storyline. Given that Amadeo seems to be Satan incarnate, finding out his origins seems to be the logical choice in learning how to defeat him. Paco learned that Damián helped mold Amadeo into the person he was and that perhaps Damián is his real enemy. It also explains some of the other mysteries, like how the cameras in the precinct got messed up, how Amadeo's body disappeared, and how Amadeo appeared on the street camera after his death. It wasn't really Amadeo, but Damián. Probably. That being said, this rip-off still fails because, again, the whole storyline is a failure in my opinion. Also, their use of the Rottweiler was pointless other than to drive in the point that Pove is a fearful guy who needs to overcome those fears. But this is something that we already knew. It's been an established part of Pove's character from Day 1. We didn't need a seemingly imaginary dog to tell us this, so the inclusion of the Rottweiler was completely pointless.

Rip-off: La Monja (The Nun)
Summary: Sister Ursula is an insane nun, who terrorizes students at her school. During one attack, she is killed by several students in self-defense, and her body is dumped into a nearby lake that has been blessed with holy water by the priests. Years later, Sister Ursula's spirit is released, and she seeks revenge on the students who killed her.

LHdP spin: Amadeo's mother told Paco there was a fire at Amadeo's school and he was the only survivor. When Paco arrives at the school, he meets the groundskeeper who confirms this story. The groundskeeper adds that one of the nuns had locked all of the children into a room. When the fire started, she couldn't find the key to release the students, and they all died. As a result, the nun hung herself. Paco later sees a dead nun who hung herself but believes it to be another figment of his imagination. He sees the dead nun again, and this time she looks like Amadeo's mother. This causes Paco to remember his prior conversation with Amadeo's mother at the precinct, and makes him realize that he should not have left Lis and Dani (the kids) alone.

Epic fail: Granted, I'm nitpicking here again. The nun hasn't come back to terrorize anyone, and we're not even sure if the image of Amadeo's mom is real or a figment from the crazy section of Paco's brain. Nevertheless, I found no point to her appearance. Sure, her appearance made Paco realize that he shouldn't have left Lis and Dani alone, but I realized that on my own without the help a dead nun. How? It's called common sense. So, like everything else in this episode, the use of Amadeo's mother as a nun was pointless.

Feel free to add any other rip-offs you may have spotted, as well as your thoughts in agreement or dissent.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Run Run Run" by Phoenix