"Fear and Love"

In answering the question of whether it is better for a leader to be loved than feared or feared than loved, Machiavelli said, "One should wish to be both, but because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with." Pepa isn't a leader in the traditional sense. She doesn't hand out the assignments or lead the undercover missions. After all, the show is called Los Hombres de Paco, not Los Hombres de Pepa (and for the record, Antena 3, it's not called Los Hombres de Aitor either). Nevertheless, I would still argue that Pepa is a leader, and a great one at that, because she has mastered the ability to be both feared and loved.

As I discussed in a prior lecture, Pepa has a charm - "the Pepa effect" (or "Pepaforce" as Dr. P cleverly calls it) - which draws people to her. Her smile can dismantle almost anyone - just ask Montoya, Curtis or Silvia. She's warm and friendly and it seems like you could have a blast hanging out with her. That's why it was so easy for Lola, Rita and Silvia to agree to go to Rocio's bachelorette party with Pepa. She's also the fun, crazy aunt who will suggest that Sara go to the shooting range to take her mind off of the fact that she's an adulterous Superbrat and makes jokes about how Sara takes infidelity seriously because she got "married" in Silvia's wedding dress.


But Pepa also has a temper that rivals Don Lorenzo's, which makes others fear her, because no one wants to be on the receiving end of an angry Pepa. Curtis received a shocked and upset look from Pepa when he accidentally grabbed her ass as she was walking up the stairs - he got a tumble down the stairs for that little incident. Aitor witnessed Pepa's wrath firsthand when she dunked his head into the toilet after he insulted Sara. And even Paco knows better than to mess with his little sister. Her stern look to him after she found out that Silvia was conducting autopsies on their wedding day made him rethink his decision to stop her as she went to talk to Silvia.

Unfortunately, we haven't been able to see many examples of this balance of fear and love in Pepa's professional career, because Pepa doesn't go on many assignments. Although I suppose that pursuing Silvia and getting paid while making out/having sex with her does take up a lot of Pepa's time. However, one clear example of this balance occurs in Ep. 68. Curtis is put in charge of the undercover assignment at "Flashdance" so that Paco can try and bail out Lucas' Interpol-investigated ass. Rita fails to book a job as a dancer at the club, and neither Curtis nor Silvia is supportive of Sara's idea to go undercover, so they think they're screwed. That is until Pepa emerges as the leader with her own plan, which Curtis and Silvia both agree to. Arguably, they supported this plan because they probably thought, "Pepa stripping? Hells yeah I'm in!" However, if you watch Pepa carefully in that scene, you'll see a perfect example of her ability to blend fear with love. She doesn't ask Curtis for his permission, she tells him that Sara will go undercover, but in a manner that gains his respect and acquiescence. Her reasons are simple: she loves her brother and wants to protect him. Her rationale is solid: Sara is the only person amongst them who can pass as a minor. And, she has a plan: she'll go undercover as well to ensure Sara's safety. Her facial expressions start off firm - firm enough to command obeyance, but not enough to frighten or distance Curtis - and it softens as she explains her plan, conveying determination, assurance, and confidence all at the same time.

In an instant, Pepa's face can change from one with a million-watt smile into one with an ice cold stare. Her warm personality makes you want to follow her, and her caring and loyal attitude makes you trust and respect her. At the same time, her fiery temper makes you afraid to let her down, partially because you don't want to disappoint her and partially because you don't want to see her temper escalate. Like "the Pepa effect" and her gun prowess, Pepa has perfected the ability to balance fear with love, knowing just how much of each to convey and when to do so, and because of this, she will make an excellent leader amongst the hombres in S9 in their quest to take down El Gordo.

kalike

*The title for this lecture is based on the song "Fear and Love" by Morcheeba.

BMF'S FOOD COLUMN!

The Cabin Seduction menu......
Proof (photographic evidence) that this menu works.

There are some things in life that are worth cooking. This is one of those meals. I don't need to point out the obvious that this meal was designed by Pepa for seduction purposes and by golly it worked!! It is what I like to call the GSCIB (get Silvia Castro in bed) meal. Believe me when I say that if all I had to do was prepare some prawns and ham to see that woman naked, I would get the best god dam tiger prawns and Jabugo ham money could buy and sprint over to Casa de Silvia to personally deliver them! I thought I would give you a little background info on Jabugo ham because there obviously is not a recipe to follow, you just open a pack and I hope to high heaven that everyone is capable of doing that!

 What are the main characteristics of Jabugo ham??

• The optimum weight for an Iberian pork ham which has been cured in the drying room and cellar for between 18 and 30 months is 5.5 and 8 kilos ( approximately the amount of weight I put on over the festive period)
• The ham must have the typical V-shaped cut of the Spanish mountains, with the serrated pelvic bone.
• The fat must be greyish-yellow with a soft consistency.
• There must be a brand of origin, by which the origin and breeding of the animal can be identified.(I like to think of this as a meat tattoo!)

I could give you plenty of recipes using this fine ham, but Pepa just served it with wine and prawns and ended up in bed with the best looking woman in the world…so if that’s good enough for Silvia, its good enough for me!!

I will however give you a recipe for a wonderful Spanish prawn dish where simplicity is the key. The name is highly original….Spanish baked prawns.

Ingredients

300g raw king prawns , peeled and butterflied

a small handful of parsley , chopped

a large pinch of chilli flakes

2 tbsp olive oil

2 garlic cloves ,

thinly sliced 2 tbsp dry sherry

Method

Heat the oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7.

Divide the prawns, garlic, chilli, sherry and olive oil between 2 small ovenproof dishes. Cook for 6-8 minutes until pink and sizzling.

Sprinkle with the parsley and serve with crusty bread.

Now, I would suggest serving a dry fino sherry or a crisp manzanilla to go with these dishes. You may end up getting rat assed, especially if the woman you are in love with decides to tell you she has been with 40 women, but hey, life is for living!

Silvialogy 4x09

LHDP 4x09

By Dr. Pied Piper
(with translations and smart ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer)

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post)

It is raining in Madrid and the Miranda family is at the comisaria's locker room.  Paco and Lola are livid, worried, and talking Sara out of being a cop after the prior episode's mission gone bad (when Curtis smoked them out of the van).  They eventually capitulate and let Sara pursue her cop ambition. One of the toilets flushes - Aitor is taking a dump. Awkward scene when he comes out with toilet paper hanging out of this pants and sees Paco, Lola, and Sara. 

At the briefing room, Mariano is plotting on a map where Povedilla possibly is. Power goes out because of the storm. Quique is holding a parrot which was confiscated at Barajas along with other exotic animals.  Silvia walks in wearing my navy blue Catholic grade school uniform.

Silvia: Both the truck and the car have fake license plates, but we know the brand and model.
Montoya: Plus, with this rain and the state of the roads, they could not have gone further than 100 miles.
Mariano: If you want I can draw with the marker all the places they could have gone to.
Don Lorenzo: Mariano, do you want me to tell you what you’re gonna draw on me? Eh, should I tell you? You’re gonna draw with a big fuck-off marker. And do you want me to tell you where…
Silvia: Dad!!
Don Lorenzo: Sorry, Silvia, tell me. Please call all petrol stations, the DGT [Translator's Note: Department of Transportation], to the control points in all the motorways around, please. Let’s see, Mariano...

DL is bitching at Paco for the Curtis-induced smoked mission, when Interpol guys come in to bitch some more on DL. I guess shit flows upwards at San Antonio.  There are more luggage containing exotic animals - you know this is for maximum comedic effect.  A dripping Lucas walks in and is honestly surprised to find that Pove is not there yet.  DL summons him to the briefing room.

Lucas: No… I don’t know where Povedilla is. I have no idea. I know he is alive, because I handled that, but I don’t know where.
Don Lorenzo: If you handled that, why is he not here with you?
Lucas: I had to abandon him in a forest. We had to pretend his death. He started running and I shot him from behind.
Don Lorenzo: You are crazy. Absolutely crazy.
Lucas: Don Lorenzo, if I hadn’t shot him, they would have shot him, and they were not gonna miss.
Don Lorenzo: You’re not Dirty Harry, Fernández. There are police regulations that you cannot just ignore [Translator's note: Line in Spanish is “saltarse a la torera”, literally “to jump (skip) like Matadores do”]…
Lucas: What do those rules say when a bunch of mad bastards force you to kill a colleague? What do they say? Nothing, right? They don’t say a fucking thing!! And you should know that, with all the bloody medals you have. You know where Povedilla’d be with your rules? Dead.
Don Lorenzo: Don’t piss me off [Translator's note: In Spanish, “no me toques los cojones”, literally means “Don’t touch my balls” – this time they aren't holy, though!], Fernández, don’t piss me off. Or I’ll take disciplinary action against you… with a dossier longer [Translator's note: Literally means “with more pages”] than The Da Vinci Code. What do you want? You want me to take you off the case? [Translator's note: Not sure that’s the right expression!] You want me to?

Paco: You cannot take Lucas off the case, Captain. Let me out, or Mariano, or everyone. But Lucas is giving it all [Translator's note: Literally “leaving his skin”] in the street, and he’s got balls to do things that neither you nor me would ever do.
Don Lorenzo: What are you trying to say, Miranda?
Paco: Don Lorenzo, Lucas is right. You control all of us from a chair as if we were pieces of a chess set: a bishop, a rook, a pawn… But life is not a bloody chessboard, and this man has the balls to do whatever it takes, and I’m with him.
Mariano: And me.
Curtis: I’m with him too, Don Lorenzo.
Rita: And me, Don Lorenzo, I am with Lucas too.
Quique: And me.
Aitor: I’m also with him.
Don Lorenzo: Very well. I see that in my absence you have developed a beautiful sense of solidarity, so we are all a bit too nervous, and we’re all going home. Everybody’s out of the case, now.
Paco: What?
Don Lorenzo: I said you’re all out of the case. You too, Lucas. I don’t want you to go to the safe house, I don’t want you to pick up Salazar’s phone calls, I don’t want you to do anything at all. Is that clear? You understood?
Lucas: Fuck!

Piper's Snark:  Seriously, how many times do they have to do this "I'll turn my badge in" exercise (with requisite dramatic music)?  What is this?  A union?  Whatever happened to chain of command?  Insubordination?  I know they have each others' back, but seriously, this is getting a tad too dramatic.

[Povedilla walks in with the most hilarious old man costume]

Rita: Where are you going, dressed like that?
Povedilla: Where am I going, dressed like this? Don Lorenzo, I took two buses, a short distance train, the subway and then I went home to dress up like this, undercover. Don Lorenzo, you have to give me a new identity. And you have to give me a safer flat, if you have one in La Moraleja [Translator's note: A posh neighbourhood in Madrid] then that will be great, and a bodyguard, no, two bodyguards, two… Don Lorenzo, they have tried to kill me – have they not, Lucas? Tell him yourself. How could you abandon me in that forest, so far away…

Curtis, et.al., check the luggage with exotic animals and they find out that one of them is empty. The rest contains awesome pets like turtles and iguanas. The precinct is still without power. Sivia is checking Pove in the lab while DL interrogates him.

Povedilla: They let me in the truck. It was full of screens, numbers, letters… Maps, there were tones of maps.
Don Lorenzo: Maps? Maps of what?
Povedilla: Don Lorenzo, maps of… like… maps…
Silvia: Dad, stop it, his tension is going up.
Don Lorenzo: I’m sorry, daughter… But you didn’t pay attention to details? Any details, I don’t know… Post-its, bills, a detail!!
Povedilla: A detail, a detail, Don Lorenzo… It smelled like air freshener. They had sprayed it [Translator's note: Literally “It smelled like fru fru” which is not even a word]

Don Lorenzo: Fuck, Povedilla!!
Povedilla: Fuck, Don Lorenzo! I was surrounded by assassins! Do you think I was in a state to pay attention to details, evidences or post-its? Well, no, no, I wasn’t. I was gonna die…! Because when I handed them the virus, I saw in their faces that they wanted to kill me… That they wanted to…
Silvia: Papa, Papa!!... His heartbeat is speeding up!!
Don Lorenzo: Calm down, daughter, please… Did you give them the virus?
Povedilla: Yes, I gave them the virus.
Don Lorenzo: And what happened?
Povedilla: Let me see, I gave them the virus, and they phoned the Kaiser.
Don Lorenzo: And what happened? What, what… what did they say to him? What did they talk about?

Povedilla: Well, I don’t know, Don Lorenzo, I don’t know. How do you want me to hear what they talked about? No, I couldn’t…
Don Lorenzo: The number… Did you pay attention to the number?
Povedilla: Don Lorenzo, no, no, I did not pay attention to the number… How could I? I only saw that they were calling the Kaiser and po-po-pi-po… and that’s it.
Silvia: Wait. Repeat that. The melody, repeat it.
Povedilla: Popipopipopapapapapi.
Don Lorenzo: Are you sure?
Povedilla: Popipopipopapapapapi. Since I was a kid, I’ve always had a gift for music.
Silvia: That’s it. We got it.

Like my older brother who used to bring stray cats and stray friends to my parents' house, Paco brings Lucas and Mariano to his house to feed them.  Sara is in the living room studying. Lola brings out tapas - are those jamon iberico? Piper starts drooling.

And in one of the weirdest scenes ever in the history of TV, Paco tries to reconcile his 18-year old daughter and his 36-year old partner.  Mariano and Lola even help.  WTF?

Silvia is at the lab trying to decipher Kaiser's phone number using Pove's tonality from memory.

Silvia and Pove: Popipopi…
Povedilla: The first four are perfect, okay? Let’s see the next ones…
Silvia: Okay, let’s see, look… 91. It’s a number from Madrid. 51… Go ahead.
Povedilla: Okay. Papipopi… pooooo [Translator's comment: this scene cracks me up! It’s hilarious!] Ooooo… let’s see, half a semitone higher… pooooo… No. Let’s see. And what if instead of B Flat we try G sharp? Papipopi…
Don Lorenzo: For the love of God, Povedilla, for the love of God, we’ve been two fucking hours and a half with the fucking Casiotone [Translator's reaction: muahahahahhaahahhahahahahhahahha!], cojones!!! We sound like kids from Colegio de San Ildefonso [Translator's note: It’s a very posh school in Madrid. The students of a certain age range, I think 10-14, are the ones to extract and “sing” the winning numbers in Christmas lottery, which is a very traditional lottery ceremony], for the love of God…! Were you not specially gifted for music?

Povedilla: I am, I am…
Don Lorenzo: Good, then find the fucking note!!!
Povedilla: I would find the note if you were not interrupting us every now and then, because it’s very difficult to work this way, because you interrupt us and I get distracted, I get confused… and I lose it, I lose it. And I can’t do it this way… I…
Silvia: Let’s see. Papipopi…
Povedilla: Poooo… No, no, no… Papipopipopopopopi… That’s it very well…
Don Lorenzo: Is that it? Are you sure?
Povedilla: Yes, that’s it, papipopipopopopopi… [Translator's comment: I think Pove is changing the melody every time!! Haha!!]

Rita: Don Lorenzo, just a tiny thing. I understood what you said, what you said before but, where shall we put all the stuff?
Don Lorenzo: Rita, I don’t know, in the shooting gallery, in the common areas, in my office, wherever you want. But please, let us do our job. For the love of God.
Rita: Okay.
Don Lorenzo: Okay.
Montoya: Okay, let’s see. Reparaciones Sancho could not have subscribed to the line 4 months ago because the company disappeared two years ago. So it’s impossible.
Don Lorenzo: Perfect, print all the information for me. Go home, boys.
Montoya: But, what are you gonna do? I’ll stay with you…
Don Lorenzo: No, this is something I have to solve by myself. Let’s go.
Montoya: Okay.
Don Lorenzo: Go home.

Other stories: Curtis and company bore a hole into one of the boxes and see a snake inside.  Now the wooden crate has a hole and they tape it to keep the snake in.  They transport all the luggage and boxes via the elevator when the power goes out again and they get stuck. You know what happens next: the snake escapes, it slips into Pove's pants and bites him, and Curtis asks Quique to suck the wound to get the venom out.  The elevator door opens, Silvia and Rita see Quique bending over Pove like he's giving him head.  Funny.  If you are 12 years old. (Sarcasm)
 

At Paco's house, Lucas tries to talk to Sara but she's still playing hard to get. Paco is still playing cupid. Blah blah blah. I'm not really paying attention.

DL and Montoya, undercover as homeless guys, survey the address associated with the phone number. Mariano sees them accidentally but doesn't know what's going on. He tells Paco and Lucas and they act all weird when DL comes home (it's really Paco's house).  Montoya, still undercover, remains at the site; someone is watching him from a car. Back at the comisaria, snake is still at large and Curtis is trying to trap it with a mouse.  Paco, Mariano, and Lucas are now convinced that DL needs professional help.  This is reiterated when they see DL's office full of worn boxes and stuff - which were actually moved there by Rita and Aitor because the station's storage room was rained in.  The snake is now on a ledge and Curtis tries to shoot it with a tranquilizer gun but ends up hitting DL's neck instead. The Pacos bring an unconscious DL to the house.  Spanish comedy of errors as they keep DL in the bathroom while Lola asks them what's going on. Montoya sends a text message looking for DL but since he's snoring in Paco's bathtub, no one answers.  And in case you're wondering how DL wakes up, the Paco's drop the radio on the bathtub thereby giving him an electric shock. Aitor YouTubes himself and shows it to Carlota. 

Since he is bloodied, tranquilized, and electrocuted, DL asks Mariano and Paco to meet Montoya at the warehouse where they all look around for Olmedo.  We see someone getting off from a car, gun drawn, ready to confront the Pacos.

Mariano: Maybe there’s something more…
Pepa: Freeze!! I swear to my mother that if any of you move, I’ll kill you!! Throw away the gun. Now, fuck it, now!! [gun shot] Everyone, to the floor. I’m a cop!!
Paco: Calm down, we’re colleagues. I’m Inspector Miranda, from the San Antonio precinct.
Pepa: Fuck… Paco?
Paco: Pepa… Lower your gun, Montoya, lower it. She’s my sister. What the hell are you doing here?
Pepa: I’m coming all the way from Seville. I’ve been following Julio Olmedo, aka El Sevillano.
Mariano: Fuck…
Paco: You are…
Pepa: …like you, Paco. A cop.
Mariano: Fuck… Paco!! Come see this!!
Montoya: Fuck… But this is Julio Olmedo.

Watch clip in HD

LITTLE CABIN IN THE WOODS

There are two kinds of people in the world: one who likes surprises and is thrilled by the unexpected and other person who finds comfort in a controlled situation. We all know where Pepa and Silvia fit in.

This episode is significant for a number of reasons. First, Pepa and Silvia have their first fight, they act like they are a couple, we see their first and only bed scene (and two women are actually in bed and touching on TV-hello!) and Silvia comes out to her father. Where to begin?

For this lecture, I am focusing on the events that take place at the "Pepa Hideaway". Pepa has made up a story about the Kaiser as she has to get Silvia to the cabin for their romantic rendevouz. Pepa has arranged a lunch and a hopeful liason in a twin bed. This is an unusual cabin, as its walls and furniture kind of change throughout the show, but who really cares? Silvia believes that she is going to catch the Kaiser and clear Sara.

Their argument demonstrates how different these two women are. Pepa calls Silvia rigid and Silvia agrees, stating that someone has to be the responsible one. Pepa knows how stressed Silvia is and believes she needs a break--she reminds her that it is their two month anniversary and what better way to celebrate it than with this surprise? Pepa and Silvia are two sides of a coin--each side is different, but together they make something that is unique and perfect.

When Silvia demands the car keys, Pepa pretends to throw them in the bushes. She knows that she can't let Silvia leave and this impulsive act delays Silvia's exit and naturally, it really pisses Silvia off.

Silvia has been searching for quite awhile and she is hot, sweaty and has sticks in her hair--but she is still adorable. Pepa apologizes and asks for forgiveness and begs her to eat lunch. Silvia is angry, but she is also hungry and thirsty, and that is why she agrees to sit down with Pepa.

The next scene is one of my favorite PepSi moments. I smile when I see Silvia so calm and happy--because she has eaten and is still drinking the wine. The beast in Silvia has been tamed. Pepa asks her how many lovers she has had and Silvia tells her about the five men she has slept with. Pepa then shares her numbers: twelve/thirteen men and about forty women. Silvia's reaction is beyond funny. She blinks her eyes and gulps her wine as she tries to be so nonchalant and cool.

Pepa is her first female lover, but she realizes that she is Pepa's 41st. She admits that it makes her feel insecure. Pepa, in a very tender moment, tells Silvia the difference between Silvia and the other women is that she is now in love...it is like "the first time". And Silvia agrees and admits that it is her like her first time too. The shared look of silence is loud and clear--they are with whom they want to be with.

The following scene is one more reason that LHDP is a TV rule breaker. We hear the PepSi theme song, Soul Ghost, and there they are naked under the luckiest sheets in all of Spain. It's not necessary to detail all of the moments in this scene, as if I was a sports commentator. But I do want to make a few observations:

• the focus on their hands is not an accident, as this is the scene that began all the camera shots of their intertwined hands in many future episodes
  

• the magnificent back of Laura Sanchez cannot be ignored. Her back is like an atlas that I wish my hands could travel
  

• the biggest impression of this scene is the way they constantly look at each other. Their eyes never leave each other, their looks are intense and very intimate
  

• LHDP is making a statement with this scene: this is about two women who love each other...this is a love scene and not a sex scene ( I know how hot it is, I know)

At the end of this scene, Pepa and Silvia are laughing. Why? My guess (and hope) is that they had multiple and loud orgasms that even surprised them... and maybe even some creatures in the bushes too.

Here is my take on the appearance of Don Lorenzo and feel free to disagree with me. I think that DL and Jose Luis, after seeing the women in bed together, went back to the car and waited. Could have DL have heard the women and believed that they were done and were ready for story time? Did DL believe that it was safe to come back to the cabin and confront his daughter? I do not believe he saw anything more than the women laughing and rolling around--nothing more.

He made his presence known by picking up the chair and that startles the women. Silvia dives under the sheets and peeks her head out when her father says "Silvia". She sits up, as Pepa is already up and looking like a scared little girl. Silvia sees this and pauses, and then puts her arm around Pepa. She looks down and then raises her eyes to her father and her gaze never falters. He knows what she is saying without speaking a word: "this is who I love, this is who I want and this is who I am prepared to fight for."

When DL starts talking about Silvia's mother throwing out appliance manuals, Silvia thinks her father has lost his mind. It is only after he talks about the important things in life not having manuals that Silvia sees where her father is going.

DL eloquently admits that he is a hard man, he is turning 60 and he is looking at life differently now. During this monologue, Silvia faces her father and Pepa (still nervous) keeps checking on Silvia.

 DL wishes the best for both of them. Silvia blinks in gratitude and Pepa smiles while her eyes fill up.

During this entire speech, Silvia never takes her arm away from Pepa. At the end his speech, when Silvia realizes that her father is not angry and is actually accepting her and Pepa, her hand begins to dance on Pepa's shoulder. Her hand shows us the relief and joy that Silvia feels. As DL leaves, Silvia looks at Pepa, they smile and Silvia leans into her woman.

This scene between the two women and Don Lorenzo was essential to this show. In previous lectures, I have discussed why it was important for Silvia to make the first moves. The show needed to tell the audience that their "beloved straight Silvia" wanted Pepa and that she was not forced into this relationship. But the show also needed to have its biggest star and patriarch endorse this couple. The Spanish viewers needed to know that Don Lorenzo was okay with this. What a powerful message this was to the audience--not only was Silvia okay with this big change in her life, but so was her sister, brother in law and her father.

We can appreciate many milestones in this episode, and once again, be profoundly grateful for these wonderful characters and actors.

To see two women in love...to see them kiss and touch each other....to see them fight and make love....to see them never lose sight of each other...that makes us fortunate viewers, indeed.

Dr. Booker

Booker Bonus: I just want to comment on the actors and the filming of the bed scene. First, I wonder how many out takes there were and where are they now? It is obvious that Laura and Marian were looking out for each other. Both were aware of the sheets and what was covered (there was one little mishap) and not covered. But the simple act of Silvia sitting up and Pepa/Laura helping her with the sheet, was it the actor or the character? No matter what, it looked natural.

Finally, the crew had quite a challenge with Marian's hair--if it fell around her, we would miss her face, and that just could not be. So Laura helped her out quite a bit. Imagine this scene with Marian's new hair cut--Laura's hands would be free for other things.

Silvialogy 4x08

LHDP 4x07

By Dr. Pied Piper
(with translations and smart ass comments by Dr. Bekelauer)

(If you want to watch the episode without downloading it, the link is at the end of the post)

Sara is doing the opening monologue and she updates us on a lot of the characters: Paco and Lola are very happy, Mariano is back to normal, Aitor is pining for Carlota, Pove is doting on Sabinica, Montoya has finished rehab, and she's started police training.

The episode opens with the newbies at the shooting gallery. DL, who happens to be there, does an impromptu Q&A then displays his Pepa-like target shooting precision. Sara gets to shoot and she does relatively okay, to the chagrin of Paco who's watching the excited recruits. Paco asks Curtis for a favor to bring Sarita into one of their ops and try to dissuade her from her police ambitions. Aitor and Carlota are on their way to coupledom.

At the comisaria, DL is giving the briefing on the El Kaiser case.

Lucas: I know nothing! I know absolutely nothing! I’ve been an infiltrator for six months and I still know nothing! Salazar does not trust me! He hasn’t even taken me to the truck again! Nothing! I’m the fucking delivery boy!! Nothing else.
Paco: Calm down, fuck, Lucas. Maybe in between deliveries some information slips out…
Lucas: What fucking information!! Let’s see… This morning I had to take a box to a square. What fucking information am I supposed to get from that, bollocks!!
Paco: Calm down, dude.
Aitor: Why don’t we go and arrest them already?
Lucas: Exactly!

Aitor: Fuck, Salazar killed a man and broke out of prison. Do we have enough reasons to prosecute him? [Translator's note: “empapelar” is a colloquial expression meaning to prosecute/arrest. It literally means “to fill with papers” or “to wrap”]

Don Lorenzo: We have to wait, for the time being.
Lucas: [getting really worked up] Wait? Wait for what? For what? For the moment I get shot when they find out I’m a cop? Or for the moment I have to shoot a colleague?
Mariano: Lucas is right, Don Lorenzo, what the hell are we waiting for? There is no messing with that people [Translator's note: The literal phrase in Spanish is “they don’t walk about with little ladies” – I always found that hilarious as hell!] They shoot you first and ask questions later.
Silvia: It’s an unnecessary risk. We have to end this now!!
Aitor: Listen to me, Don Lorenzo, can you not see it? Can you not see that they are laughing at our fucking faces?
Don Lorenzo: Let’s see, how the hell [Translator's note: Literally, cojones] the intern tells the Captain how to run a precinct? Sit down. Well, gentlemen, listen to me. Salazar is not our objective.
Lucas: How?
Mariano: What?

Don Lorenzo: He is not the one in charge. There’s another name, some Kaiser person. The Interpol has been after him for over 5 years. They think he’s about to manage to produce fake Euros impossible to detect. (Piper's sarcasm: Impossible to detect?  Not unless they take control of the mint!  Either that or the EU needs to improve the quality of its currency!  So "impossible to detect" is simply an impossible proposition)
Lucas: You knew about that?
Paco: Me? No… I…
Don Lorenzo: If the Kaiser manages to produce this sort of Euro notes and puts billions of fake Euros in the market (Piper's snark: And how would they do that without tipping suspicions?) do you know what that would mean? There would be too much money, prices would sky rocket, and the Euro would lose all its value. All stock markets would sink, people would not be able to buy a bread stick for less than 50 Euros, shops would close down, one by one. There would be general riots, demonstrations, half of the European governments would fall, people would not be able to eat, the chaos would be unleashed [Translator's comment: It paints quite a picture and it’s not too far from reality! Tsk!] That’s why we can’t arrest them now, Salazar is not our objective. Our objective is to keep an eye on the Kaiser. The IT unit has already prepared the virus…

Povedilla: [picking up the phone] I’m not available [Translator's reaction: literally “I can’t right now”], I’m on a meeting.

Don Lorenzo: The virus has a mechanism that only gets activated when is run twice, understood? When they contact Povedilla…
Povedilla: Fuck, fuck, fuck, they called me…
Don Lorenzo: What the cojones is wrong with you, Povedilla?
Povedilla: It’s… I think… I think they have contacted me, Don Lorenzo.
Don Lorenzo: When did they contact you?
Povedilla: Right now.
Don Lorenzo: And what did they say?
Povedilla: I don’t know cause I hung up on him [Translator's reaction: huahuahuahuahua!!!]
Paco: How the cojones did you hung up, Povedilla?
Povedilla: Well, because the Captain was speaking and he was giving an important explanation and I was not just gonna start talking with… [phone rings]. Unknown number, calling…
Paco:  Pick up, pick up!!
Povedilla: Can I not speak privately? Maybe they hear the background precinct mumble…
Don Lorenzo: Shuuuut uuuup!!! Cojones!!! Pick up, Povedilla.

Povedilla: Hi, good morning, the super hacker speaking.
Kaiser: Do you have the virus?
Povedilla: Of course, of course I have it, and I have it perfect.
Kaiser: Plaza Dos de Mayo, one PM. You’ll receive further instructions.
Lucas: What, for fuck’s sake, what?
Povedilla: They said Plaza Dos de Mayo. One PM.
Don Lorenzo: Paco, Paco… We need to organize the mission. Mariano […]
Lucas: Excuse me, excuse me, Don Lorenzo. The box I delivered this morning… I delivered it to Plaza Dos de Mayo.
Don Lorenzo: What was in the box?
Lucas: I have no fucking clue.
Mariano: Fuck’s sake, man!

A little side note: Plaza Dos de Mayo is in the Fuencarral district in Madrid, not too far from where MA lives / used to live.

Povedilla shows up at the appointed time and place while Paco and Mariano, undercover as street cleaners, shadow him.  El Kaiser calls Pove, tells him to pick up a box in a corner of the square, and directs him to wear whatever is inside.  It's a dinosaur with a big red tongue costume, which looks surprisingly like my dog's Halloween costume from 2 years ago. Pove puts it on. Dumb and Dumber are in the surveillance van watching and laughing their asses off.

At Cachis, Lola is deep in reverie thinking about the newest cop wannabe in her life.

Julián: Good morning, Lola. Where do you want me to leave this?
Lola: Over there, Julián.
Julían: I brought you sobrasada ibérica [Translator's tip: It’s some sort of paté – too difficult to explain. Since it’s Ibérica I guess it contains ham]. Really mouth-watering [Translator's pervy note: Expression in Spanish means literally “to lick your fingers afterwards”… think whatever you please HAHA].
Lola: Thanks, see you later.

Silvia: Hi!... Attention, please, all units – a Castro with problems behind the bar. What’s the matter, little sister?
Lola: Everything’s the matter, Silvia. The matter is that I can’t take Sara off my head. She’s a nutter and when she starts patrolling the streets she’s gonna be on the front line and without a vest.
Silvia: Lola, but it’s what she decided, isn’t it? What do you want?
Lola: Well, I want to sleep at night, you know? Sara is cut from the same cloth as Lucas, but she is not Lucas, Silvia.

Sara gallops into Cachis holding her target sheet to show off to her mother.

Sara: So, do I have a good aim or what? What do you think?
Lola: Well, very bad! Let’s see, where do you have to aim to? To vital organs: head, chest and heart. But, what do they teach you in the police academy?
Sara: You are right, sir. It won’t happen again, sir. Next time, they won’t escape alive, sir.
Silvia: Try to talk to her. You can’t just be fake-laughing all day and encouraging her. If you don’t want her to be a policewoman, tell her.

Rest of the episode: Pove changes into the dinousaur with big red tongue costume while Quique and Curtis are laughing like dumb 12-year olds.  And then a whole crowd of people wearing the same outfit spill into the square and they lose Pove, who is met and led away by Filet Mignon.  Paco leaves Pepa a voice mail.

Sara is still trying to rebound from Lucas by flirting again with Aitor, but for once, he's smart and says that they should just start again as friends because he's now in like with Carlota. Montoya shows DL the file of Julio Olmedo who was an associate of Salazar.  Dumb and Dumber bring Sara into the surveillance van (per Paco's request), and they then leave her alone. ALONE!!!??  She sees a shadow and acts on her police instinct and draws a gun - at her MOTHER???!! Lola brings her some Burger King.  Sweet mother-daughter talk.  When Dumb and Dumber come back, they tell Sara horror stories of their surveillance missions, hoping to discourage her from pursuing a career in the force.  Knowing these two, we can probably safely assume that there are more horror stories than good ones. When the horror storytelling tactic doesn't work, they go to the lab and make Sara work on a corpse.  After initial hesitation, Sara's cop DNA kicks in and she starts flirting with the corpse. (Piper's sarcasm: How can anyone just go into the lab and dissect the cadaver without Silvia's permission?)

Allison Morris calls Lucas to meet up.  Paco and Mariano, as his backups, trail him on his way to the rendezvouz place, so he requests the last sacrament to prepare to meet his Maker.  Not really, but I would if I were he since my probability of ending up dead is pretty high when Paco and Mariano are involved. Salazar and company meet up with Lucas and they ride on fully blinged Kaiser lorry where they ask Pove to deploy the virus.  And then Allison's phone rings, she looks and tells Salazar "It's El Kaiser", dials a number, gives it to Salazar who talks to El Kaiser (!?) who instructs them to kill Pove as soon as the virus is uploaded.  Piper's confused: How can Allison be El Kaiser when she's right there while Salazar talks to the Boss?  Doesn't make sense!  In this episode, the speculation (from the Spanish board) that Pepa was El Kaiser seems to make sense.

Paco calls for backup and the worst backup group in the history of backup groups answers the call: Quique, Curtis, Aitor, Sara, and Rita. While waiting for directives from Paco, they manage to smoke themselves out of the surveillance van because Curtis accidentally pulls the pin from one of the smoke bombs.  Filet Mignon is about to shoot Pove on the head when they notice Paco's backup team scurrying to get out out of their vehicle.  Shootout ensues.  Lucas shoots Dumb and Dumber but aims for their bullet proof vests, and the Kaiser gang manages to escape.  Suffering from smoke inhalation of their own making, the Pacos go back to the comisaria with their tails between their legs.  Paco takes the brunt for the failed mission.  I would have fired Curtis (and his 'do) right there and then.

Lucas is tasked by Allison to kill Pove, so he counts to ten while Pove runs before he shoots him.  Allison wants to make sure Pove is dead and is about to pump more bullets into his skull when Lucas kisses her guerilla-style so she can be a lover and not a fighter.  At the precinct, Sara is doing the ending monologue and I don't really care what the fuck she's saying but it seems she's going to stick it out and become a cop.

Watch clip in HD

Piper's commentary:
If you ever have any doubt about how bad this show really is, search no further - this one ranks high up there. Its lame attempts at humor were simply pathetic, infuriating, and plain stupid (e.g., Curtis pulling the pin on the smoke grenade by mistake, Quique pretending to be a corpse to scare Sara.  Pove the one funny exception).  The El Kaiser threat to the economy is just so far-fetched and unrealistic.  How can a gang operating out of a tricked out truck while producing fake Euros wreck havoc on a macro scale? It is just not possible.  Market forces and economic laws are self-correcting and will not permit fake currencies to throw it off-balance.  Sure, there would be repercussions, probably a slight inflation, but definitely not to the point of widespread riots and unstable trading markets!  Case in point: how can you move large amounts of fake currencies without tipping anyone?  You cannot even launder those fake currencies because banks authenticate all hard currencies coming in.  Heck, even real money acquired illegally are not easily laundered! I know that TV shows claim artistic liberty, but this one was simply dumb. 

The bumbling cop routine is not funny anymore - not when lives are at stake. And the biggest travesty of all: SILVIA ONLY HAS FOUR LINES! Fuck you, Alex Tiny Penis Pina!!!